Submit an article...rotten.com | amateur porn | famous nudes | about 
Feedback


These are the archive pages, for the current pages please visit Rotten News.

If you like this page, hate it, or would like to suggest changes or links, news@rotten.com is listening. This page is experimental and somewhat different from what we usually offer, so please do send your feedback. While there is a lot of WTC news, it isn't intended as a WTC page, "normal programming" will probably resume shortly.



Archive

Monday, December 31, 2001

Analysis of an al Qaeda computer
Wall Street Journal | Submitted by: Soylent
A reporter from the Wall Street Journal stumbled across a computer for sale in the Kabul marketplace, which he purchased for $1100. It had been looted from an al Qaeda house, and contained much useful data documenting the workings of the Company, but also incredible mundanity such as: people not getting paid, terrorist cells with big mouths, communications difficulties, etc.

Read article...

Fart detection device available
Japan Today | Submitted by: Sweet P
Men in white lab coats have done it again: "The fart detector, which sells for 200,000 yen, measures about the size of two boxes of facial tissue. It interfaces with the patient by means of a vinyl tube that is secured to the patient's inner thigh. Any, er, activity is duly recorded."

Read article...

Mystery man to be deported
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | Submitted by: Soylent
"When agents asked why he had come to the United States, he at first said he was afraid to say "too much." He later said he was from Sudan and had been sent to observe what was happening in New York. He wouldn't say who sent him or why. He also said he was a computer programmer but refused to name his employer."

Read article...

Did psychic predict 9-11 attack, to the day?
Boston Phoenix | Submitted by: Soylent
"In June 2000, Lynne Palmer, a 69-year-old Las Vegas resident, published her Astrological Almanac for 2001 (Star Bright Publishers). On page 95 of the book, buried among advice on the best days to go to the movies and worst days to lend people money, Palmer had written, in an odd combination of the obvious and the prophetic: Avoid terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001." [Yes, if enough psychics predict enough things, some of them will end up being true. I am not even sure what the credibility of the "Boston Phoenix" is, or whether that book was actually published in June. But it should be noted that Pluto and Saturn were aligned that day, and perhaps the terrorists knew this!]

Read article...

$1.8M stashed in old pickup
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: Soylent
Palm reading is perhaps more lucrative than any of us realized. The town of Plantation is seeking possession of $1.8M that was found in an old pickup, seized in a drug raid in which 161 grams of cocaine was also taken. Of course, the money has no connection with the cocaine: "That money is not what you think -- it is my mother's life savings for the children when we die." Our crystal ball doesn't seem to agree with that assessment-- it's mostly tens and twenties.

Read article...

Hot sauce plant destroyed in blaze
Associated Press | Submitted by: Jopydevil
This company won't have to worry about its next marketing slogan, having your hot sauce factory destroyed in this manner is just good business.

Read article...

Sunday, December 30, 2001

Gnome Liberation Front crushed
Rochester News Democrat | Submitted by: Bionic-Badger
"Garden gnomes were snatched from the lawns of about six homes in the village last summer. Liberation Front members left behind mysterious calling cards. Later, 24 stolen ceramic, plastic and concrete figurines were found posed in various spots around a local baseball field as if they were playing baseball."

Read article... and This article...

The Fastest Gynaecologist in the South East
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
A story that has so much to offer. A "disgraced gynecologist" who is accused of botching countless operations, perhaps faking his death from pancreatic cancer. Spotted in Kent, lately he's been overheard in Mayfair. [Cue Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon.] Rodney Ledward "styled himself 'the fastest gynaecologist in the South East' after performing seven hysterectomies in one morning." Perhaps true, but Ledward never had to compete with the master, Dr. Mengele.

Read article...

Korean bill to legalize dogmeat
Korea Herald | Submitted by: John
Dog meat update! The FIFA soccer federation has been criticizing the delicious Korean practice of dogmeat cuisine. In response, this: "The 20 legislators, headed by Rep. Kim Hong-shin of the opposition Grand National Party (GNP), said the proposed legislation would include dogs in the category of edible livestock. They said they aimed to pass the bill in February."

Read article...

Euro banknotes to have radio chips
EE Times | Submitted by: Soylent
"The European Central Bank is working with technology partners on a hush-hush project to embed radio frequency identification tags into the very fibers of euro bank notes by 2005, EE Times has learned. Intended to foil counterfeiters, the project is developing as Europe prepares for a massive changeover to the euro, and would create an instant mass market for RFID chips, which have long sought profitable application."

Read article...

Saturday, December 29, 2001

The Camouflage Mahal
Reuters | Submitted by: Lish
"We had covered the Taj Mahal with green cloth in 1971 when war broke out with Pakistan. We must keep ourselves in readiness for such an eventuality. Having prepared the blue-print, we are now in the process of carrying out the desired drill." —Chief Archaeologist K.K. Mohammad, on war footing.

Read article...

Free Burial to any DUI
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Vanillin Dip
Funeral homes in Georgia, Tennessee, Alabama and South Carolina have a New Years solution for the elderly whose pensions are insufficient and who have lost their will to live — free funerals for those who die drinking and driving. Ultimately, the free funeral offer is intended to dissuade New Year's revelers who drink their way to merriment from leaving the party as if it were Jay Gatsby's.

Read article...

The Sexchart
Wired | Submitted by: Crank
It's a wonder that the Sex Chart hasn't been sued out of existence. A rather embarrassing blister on cyberspace, it documents liaisons between people in a vaguely defined "Internet Scene", which rather unfortunately includes some of the Rotten Staff. "It's a great way to check who has diseases— you can kind of choose somebody based on who they've been with."

Read article...

Pornography of Terror
Boston Phoenix | Submitted by: Grace Petro
"The project to which he refers is I Like to Watch, a four-minute music video that intersperses news footage of the World Trade Center disaster with explicit pornographic images (mainly "money shots") and clips from sporting events. The film, says the Reverend, 'is a vicious satire. It expresses a real outrage that I have personally. It reflects my contempt for and frustration with the profound ugliness of the modern industrial world."

Read article... and This article...

Friday, December 28, 2001

Egypt demands McDonald's mummies
The Scotsman | Submitted by: Soylent
In the 19th century thousands of mummies were exported from Egypt during an "Egyptian Revival" fad. Two of them ended up in an amateur museum at Bolehall Manor in England, and when that museum closed they were buried in the foundations of a building that was later turned into a McDonald's franchise. Egypt now wants them back, but does the franchise regard them as a potential source of their "mystery meat"?

Read article...

Hair fetisher on the loose
NBC4 TV | Submitted by: Linda Goodwin
"Police say four Hispanic females, ages 12 to 45, have been attacked since December 18th. All were sitting near or walking along major streets when they were grabbed from behind by a man who cut their hair with a large knife or scissors."

Read article...

Gravediggers behaving badly, part II
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: Jen
"A regional manager for Service Corporation International killed himself west of Boca Raton Wednesday night, police said — a week after the company was accused of desecrating graves, misleading consumers and mishandling burials at two South Florida Jewish cemeteries it owns."

Read article...

Shoe bomber used web to procure explosive?
This Is London | Submitted by: Soylent
This article certainly starts out juicy: "Disturbing details emerged today of how "shoe bomber" Richard Reid used the internet to buy a lethal explosive known by Middle East terrorists as Mother of Satan." Unfortunately, no where does it really tell us what the "disturbing details" are, and furthermore seems to contradict itself by stating that the explosives were purchased during a physical, non-virtual trip to Amsterdam. It's almost as if the two reporters made up the opening sentence.

Read article...

Man taped his relatives in the nude
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel | Submitted by: Soylent
"A Milwaukee man accused of secretly filming visiting relatives in the nude while they showered and stayed in a guest bedroom of his home has become the first person charged under the state's new video voyeurism law."

Read article...

Samurai sword attack in Sturgeon Bay
Green Bay Press-Gazette | Submitted by: Ryano
"A Christmas Eve argument over the politics of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks ended with a Sturgeon Bay man fatally skewering his friend with a 38-inch samurai sword, Door County District Attorney Tim Funnell said."

Read article...

The ass-crack as fashion statement
Detroit Free Press | Submitted by: Soylent
This just confirms what everyone has known all along: showing a bit of ass crack can be sexy, at least when it comes to nubile young women. Plumbers and other repair personnel should remain suspendered: "With all the training I've had, and all the experience, I never thought I'd have to do booty checks," said Don Krueger, principal at Milwaukee's South Division High School.

Read article...

Thursday, December 27, 2001

Ghost plane wreck found
Associated Press | Submitted by: dj pie
"Authorities Thursday morning found the wreckage of a small plane that broke from its moorings at a rural Sonoma County airstrip and took off without a pilot." Police: "He was working on the engine, I guess, and it got away from him."

Read article...

You have until February to destroy your food
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | Submitted by: dj pie
There are trace amounts of hempseed oil in various foods. No big deal, not enough to have any effect. But the War on Drugs sees this as a threat, and it must be banned! It's your patriotic duty to destroy that food: "If you wish to err on the side of caution, you may freely dispose of the product. As stated in the rules that DEA published on Oct. 9, 2001, anyone who has purchased a food or beverage product that contains THC has 120 days (until Feb. 6, 2002) to dispose of the product without penalty under federal law." What foods might be affected? Beer, cheese, coffee, corn chips, energy drink, flour, ice cream, snack bars, salad oil, soda, and veggie burgers! [Just in case you thought DEA chief Director Asa Hutchinson wasn't a total fuckhead.]

Read article...

Drunken hand hacking party
New York Post | Submitted by: Tank Girl
"Long Island doctors last night reattached the hand of a man who was attacked by his machete-wielding brother-in-law after a holiday party turned ugly, officials said."

Read article...

Ethnic Secret Service agent barred from flight
Reuters | Submitted by: Ann Onyous
Will racial profiling have the side effect of endangering the President? "An armed Arab-American Secret Service agent heading to Texas to protect President Bush was barred from an American Airlines flight Tuesday after the pilot questioned his paperwork, the airline said Thursday."

Read article...

Wednesday, December 26, 2001

Army harvested victim blood
Baltimore Sun | Submitted by: Soylent
"In an attempt to make America's biological arsenal more lethal during the Cold War, the Army collected anthrax from the bodies or blood of workers at Fort Detrick who were accidentally infected with the bacteria, veterans of the biowarfare program say."

Read article...

Where are Albert de Salvo's organs?
Boston Globe | Submitted by: Soylent
The Boston Strangler, Albert de Salva, was exhumed recently yet mysteriously many of his internal organs are missing. Have you seen Albert's heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, or spleen? Notify the Massachusetts Attorney General. Oddly, exhumations of his victims indicate that De Salvo may not even be the person who murdered them.

Read article...

Hindus did not always ban beef-eating
Lingua Franca | Submitted by: Soylent
"He argues that the current iconic status of the cow would have made little sense to the ancestors of present-day Hindus. The widespread assumption that beef eating was foreign to the subcontinent until it was introduced by Muslim invaders in the twelfth century is incorrect, insists Jha; not only were the ancient Hindus of the Vedic Age no strangers to the pleasures of beef, but the now prohibited meat once had an important position in the hierarchy of offerings made to Hindu gods."

Read article...

Osama bin Laden dead of lung cancer?
Pakistan Observer | Submitted by: Ludi
On Christmas Day the Pakistan Observer reported Osama bin Laden's earlier death and burial, but the link was broken until today: "Much dreaded Osama bin Ladin, the man on the top of the US list of most wanted men, had a peaceful natural death in mid-December in the vicinity of famous Tora Bora mountains, a Taliban leader who attended funeral of the Al-Qaeda leader confided to Pakistan Observer."

Read article...

Bubble wrap prison break
New York Post | Submitted by: Soylent
"A convicted rapist staged a brazen Christmas Eve prison break by covering himself in bubble wrap and hiding in a delivery truck, authorities said."

Read article...

Tuesday, December 25, 2001

Christmas rage spreading
Reuters | Submitted by: Soylent
Two ladies enter. One lady leave: "In the turkey incident, two unidentified women were said to have tussled over the last turkey in a supermarket in the town of Barry, with, inevitably, only one emerging victorious."

Read article...

Stealing artist's work: Priceless
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: Soylent
Mastercard sent rotten.com cease & desist letters last year demanding that we remove our "Priceless" parodies, citing violation of trademark. But Mastercard felt it was OK to steal the creative ideas of two Minneapolis guys and use them in a massive nationwide advertising campaign without any compensation or recognition whatsoever. Priceless.

Read article...

Marsupial incineration ends badly
Daytona Beach News-Journal | Submitted by: Soylent
"Fire Lieutenant Larry Morgan said the man told fire rescue workers he killed the opossum, which had been coming onto the couple's property on Berkshire Road, then followed a neighbor's advice to burn the carcass. The man said that as he fed the flames with gasoline, he tripped, fell backward and splashed gas on his girlfriend's right leg, which caught fire."

Read article...

India sniffing all internet email
Times of India | Submitted by: Soylent
India intends to expand their email sniffing to include any people sending emails which repeatedly use words from a list provided by their Intelligence Bureau. Of course, now that this has been made public, the real bad guys will be expected to shift to encrypted email, or off-country email sites which use an encrypted connection. Of course, this is a reaction to a terrorist attack (on their Parliament), but it's on the same order as the U.S. leaking that we are listening to Osama bin Laden's satellite phone transmissions: the usage patterns change when we tell them we're listening.

Read article...

Swastikas carved on face in chatroom attack
Associated Press | Submitted by: Gweeds
Internet chat room attack: "The girl was sexually assaulted, robbed and had swastikas carved into her cheek and forehead with a knife, police said. She was treated and released early Friday from a nearby hospital, Sgt. Tom Little said."

Read article...

English world language
Economist | Submitted by: Soylent
"Some 380m people speak it as their first language and perhaps two-thirds as many again as their second. A billion are learning it, about a third of the world's population are in some sense exposed to it and by 2050, it is predicted, half the world will be more or less proficient in it."

Read article...

Monday, December 24, 2001

Home surgery on dog lands man in deep shit
Miami Herald | Submitted by: Soylent
A bit of makeshift home surgery on Jose Noel Rugama's chihuahau, Elvis, has landed him in jail. Oddly, the surgery was successful and skilled, almost as if he'd done it before. It's almost as if he shouldn't be in jail at all, except for the minor matter of a manslaughter warrant issued eight years ago.

Read article...

The best birthday gift ever
Japan Today | Submitted by: anonymous
"Many Western scholars speculate that the timing of the executions of General Hideki Tojo and six other war criminals was a twisted birthday present given by General Douglas MacArthur to the 15-year-old Prince Akihito, who was destined to become the emperor of Japan."

Read article...

Homeless Jesus stalks Highway 1
Free Lance-Star | Submitted by: Soylent
From the "New and Innovative Ways to be Homeless" department, we find a man often mistaken for Jesus, barefoot and clad in robe, meandering the highways and byways of the east coast. It turns out Jesus is really mild-mannered Carl J. Joseph from Ohio. And now you know His secret identity.

Read article...

Tracking sex offenders with satellite
Los Angeles Times | Submitted by: Soylent
"Orange County is taking what some civil libertarians consider troubling steps to keep tabs on released sex offenders, giving them periodic lie detector tests and, starting next year, requiring some to wear wristbands linked to satellite tracking systems."

Read article...

Complexity, randomness, and terrorism
Princeton | Submitted by: Gweeds
"The following material shows the behavior of the Global Consciousness Project's network of 37 REG devices called "eggs" placed around the world as they responded during various periods of time surrounding September 11. These eggs generate random data continuously and send it for archiving and analysis to a dedicated server in Princeton, New Jersey, USA. We analyse the data to determine whether the normally random array of values shows structure correlated with global events."

Read article...

How Al Qaeda took Afghanistan
Washington Post | Submitted by: Soylent
Great account of how Al Qaeda hijacked the nation of Afghanistan. "Youngsters nabbed the scrawny street dogs that clustered around the village butcher shop. They later watched in amazement as trainees strapped explosives around the abdomens of the dogs, shooed them off at a fast trot and —watching their wristwatches— counted down the seconds until the bombs exploded, shouting in unison, "Allahu akbar!"

Read article...

Sunday, December 23, 2001

The case for a tax deductible hooker
BBC | Submitted by: Afsy
"Robbie Swan from the Eros Foundation, an umbrella organisation representing the Australian sex industry, said firms should not be criticised for offering these sorts of inducements to workers. "It's an extremely popular way of paying bonuses," he said. "Even politicians have been known to take friends to a brothel."

Read article...

Santa's crime spree continues
The San Diego Channel | Submitted by: Rabid Koala
"A former San Diego police officer who wore a red Santa Claus hat and white beard when he robbed a Mission Valley bank branch was in custody Friday but the loot from the heist was unaccounted for, police said.... [A bank] guard told police he chased the thief, who ditched the beard and Santa hat as he ran, to an area near Highway 163 and Friars Road before losing sight of him."

Read article...

More on Israeli spying
Pravda | Submitted by: Mongo
This is a bizarre and somewhat paranoid follow-up to a Fox reporter's story we posted a week ago on Amdocs, regarding Israeli spying on America. An Israeli embassy official is quoted that Israel does not spy on the U.S. (despite criminal convictions to the contrary!), and allegations are made that an army of art students with forged visa papers have been descending on key federal buildings and the homes of key federal officials. [Sometimes, I really wonder about Pravda.]

Read article...

Toilet baby
Edmonton Sun | Submitted by: sahaidak
"Cari Birch, 21, went into premature labour Friday morning. "I felt my water was going to break so I got on the toilet," she told The Sun. "And when I looked in the toilet, there he was."

Read article...

Kevin Mitnick to lose ham license?
The Register | Submitted by: Soylent
Kevin Mitnick at one time was the most wanted computer hacker fugitive in the world, and eventually was railroaded into jail for crimes that should have garnered only a slap on the wrist. From an FCC memo: "Mr. Mitnick's criminal background raises a substantial and material question of fact as to whether he possesses the requisite character qualifications to be and remain a commission licensee. Given his propensity to engage in criminal activities, particularly those involving fraud, we have serious reservations about Mr. Mitnick's ability to comply with our rules and regulations in the future."

Read article...

For the stinky mujahadin
Times of India | Submitted by: Kade
If you've had to live in the mountains of Afghanistan under the duress of American bombing, Northern Alliance attacks, and, dare we say it, dust mites, you probably have body odor something fierce. The Times of India is reporting that a number of concerns are marketing Osama merchandise of various kinds, including Osama Cologne. [No word on whether franchise royalties are being paid to al Qaida, we suspect not.]

Read article...

Saturday, December 22, 2001

Man bites dog
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: Tank Girl
"He was trying to kill my dog," said Deputy Frank Maio, who named the black dog for Star Wars' Darth Vader more than four years ago. "I've dealt with some hinky characters in my career, but this man had a mission and his mission was to kill my dog. He had totally lost it."

Read article...

Salvation Army fights Moscow
BBC | Submitted by: Gweeds
The Salvation Army, a paramilitary organization based in London, is appealing a decision by a Moscow court that it is indeed a paramilitary organization and therefore not eligible to retain a Russian office. One can only hope that the Russian government treat Scientology, a paramilitary organization based in Hollywood, with the same respect.

Read article...

Do bad guys have nukes in the US?
UPI | Submitted by: Soylent
"Peter Probst, formerly of the Pentagon's Office of Assistant Secretary of Defense for Special Operations and Low Intensity Conflict, did not know of the Pakistani report, but said that there is "a great fear" within the Bush administration of a spectacular, follow-on strike by bin Laden aimed at decapitating the U.S. government, using either a finished nuke or a radiological device -- a core of conventional explosive wrapped inside nuclear waste such as iodine 131."

Read article...

The Queen is Old
The Scotsman | Submitted by: Soylent
"The first thing you have to say is it is classic Freud, he’s made no concessions to the fact that he’s painting the Queen, so there’s no flattery, no smoothing over the effects of time."

Read article...

Friday, December 21, 2001

Everybody must get stoned
Boston Globe | Submitted by: Soylent
"Blame the revival on a generation of baby boomers working in film and television today who came of age during the pot smoking era of the 1960s and 1970s. Add to that teens and 20-somethings who are creating what the Department of Justice ominously calls 'the New Marijuana Epidemic' by making ganja their drug of choice. Combine these two generations with an ongoing public push to legalize marijuana and suddenly, it seems like we've jumped into a time machine and gotten off in the 1970s, the heyday of Cheech & Chong."

Read article...

A fifteen year old boy's dying wish
London Telegraph | Submitted by: Macki
"A 15 year-old boy is terminally ill with cancer. He knows he doesn't have very long to live, and he has a dying wish. It is not to go to Disneyland or to meet his favourite actor, rock or sports star but it is this: he wants to make love to a woman."

Read article...

Limo makes poor getaway vehicle
Winnipeg Sun | Submitted by: Reverend Shawn
"The 15-year-old crooks — a boy and a girl — broke into a suite at 512 Balmoral St. just after 2 p.m. yesterday. After stealing a number of items, including a credit card, they came up with the brilliant idea of escaping the scene in a shiny limousine."

Read article...

The art of Propaganda
Weekly Standard | Submitted by: Soylent
"Churning out these materials involves a 17-step process from conception to dissemination. Themes are not only thoroughly researched and vetted among the 4th PSYOP Group's 1,200 soldiers and 35 civilian analysts, but the final product has to be approved by the U.S. Central Command chief. While PSYOPers say they are part ad men, part ethnographers, Army doctrine requires that they also be everything from Strunk & White imitators ("the propaganda writer must be brief, summarizing the theme by using short, forceful words") to Mary Kay consultants ("Colors may be used to harmonize with the moods of the illustrations....Red may be used to suggest violence, blue or green for peaceful scenes, and black or white for death")."

Read article...

God of Garbage must face his demons
IOL | Submitted by: Don
A sanitation manager in Japan, where there are strict laws about separating different types of rubbish, has been arrested after he allegedly threatened a bar owner at knifepoint because he refused to follow the rules. They call him the "God of Garbage" on account of his extreme fanaticism. [Another poor hobby choice.]

Read article...

Girl threatens suicide because not circumcised
Africa Online | Submitted by: Africa Online
"A schoolgirl whose parents stopped her from being circumcised allegedly took a rope and threatened to hang herself outside her home. The girl's father then sought help from their neighbours and took her to the local police station where she was put under arrest."

Read article...

Windows XP security fucked
Washington Post | Submitted by: Soylent
"In a security bulletin issued to customers yesterday, Microsoft said the "serious vulnerability" could allow hackers to commandeer all the computers in a neighborhood or company in a single attack. The Redmond, Wash., company urged customers to update their systems with a patch available on its Web site." [Why does anyone even use Microsoft software?]

Read article...

Thursday, December 20, 2001

New Zealand accidentally outlaws alcohol
One News | Submitted by: dangle
What happens when you rush through legislation too quickly [Think of the Patriot Act]...? You pass dumb laws! New Zealand has managed to accidentally outlaw even the transportation of alcohol, including trucks carrying booze to liquor stores. And silly rules of order in their Parliament require unanimous consent to repeal the stupidity.

Read article...

Koreans defend dogmeat practice
Football 365 | Submitted by: anonymous
Who among us can deny that dogmeat is one of the tastiest delights that Mother Earth has to offer? Certainly not the South Koreans, among whom roam 3 million aficionados of the canine culinary arts. The World Cup, co-hosted by South Korea, considers this bad publicity and has pressured the Koreans to end this delicious practice.

Read article...

Hollywood hates your computer
Cryptome | Submitted by: Soylent
"Perhaps the most likely scenario is this: at some near-future date — perhaps as early as 2010 — individuals may no longer be able to do the kinds of things they routinely do with their digital tools in 2001. They may no longer be able, for example, to move music or video files around easily from one of their computers to another (even if the other is just a few feet away in the same house), or to personal digital assistants. Their music collections, reduced to MP3s, may be moveable to a limited extent unless their digital hardware doesn't allow it. The digital videos they shot in 1999 may be unplayable on their desktop and laptop computers — or even on other devices — in 2009."

Read article...

Gravediggers behaving badly
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: Jen
"Cemetery workers allegedly unearthed and moved bodies buried in the Menorah Gardens Jewish cemetery in Palm Beach County — tossing some into the woods, burying others on top of each other or end-to-end instead of side-by-side... workers allegedly buried some remains in the wrong places, sometimes encroaching on neighboring plots. In order to use those plots later on, workers could make room only by destroying vaults buried there in the earlier funerals."

Read article...

Government falsification? Say it ain't so
Washington Times | Submitted by: Soylent
The federal government wants to wall off two national forests in the state of Washington to the public, so what does it do, it plants false evidence of an endangered species, the Canadian lynx. [Aren't they supposed to be in Canada, anyway?] "DNA testing of two of the samples matched that of a lynx living inside an animal preserve. The third DNA sample matched that of an escaped pet lynx being held in a federal office until its owner retrieved it, federal officials said."

Read article...

Scientists create supernova
Vancouver Sun | Submitted by: Soylent
The expression "creating a supernova" may be hyperbole supplied by the Canadian press, but this is indeed a major step forward for alchemy: Scientists in British Columbia have transmogrified Sodium-22 into Magnesium-22! How exactly this brings us closer to converting lead into gold is anyone's guess, but it helps us understand the big bang, blah blah blah, something mumble purpose of humanity mumble mumble.

Read article...

The wit and wisdom of Muhammad Ali
Washington Post | Submitted by: Soylent
You can decide who tells funnier jokes, Muhammad Ali (first link) or the Internet (second link). We'll have to side with the champ here.

Read article... and This article...

Wednesday, December 19, 2001

Sex Pistols to taint Jubilee
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
The Sex Pistols--what's left of them--have been asked to regroup to spoil the Queen's celebration of her 50th year on the throne with a repeat of their original anti-royal anthem, "God Save the Queen". Don't know how they'll fare sans Sid Vicious (who suicided 20 years ago), but at least they now know how to play their instruments.

Read article...

Santa menace continues, in Brazil now
Reuters | Submitted by: Rabid Koala
"The unidentified Santa was handing out candy to motorists stopped at a traffic light when he yanked the draw strings on his bag of sweets, pulled a revolver from his belt and fired at a woman who was entering her car parked nearby, said a spokesman at the Sao Paulo police department."

Read article...

Amber waves of penis: Yanked
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: Soylent
"The faculty unanimously decided to distribute [X]press Magazine, a student publication, after department Chairman John Burks last week yanked copies of the latest issue from news racks around campus because of a cover shot he called "a field of waving penises." [And what, pray tell, is wrong with such a field?]

Read article...

Attacks of 9-11 an excuse for gun registration?
CNS | Submitted by: Soylent
Senators Charles Schumer and Edward Kennedy are using the terrorist attacks of 9-11 as an excuse to introduce a bill that is a de-facto registration of firearms. Never mind that the terrorists that day used nothing more complicated than fists and boxcutters, and that gun registration has never been demonstrated to have any negative effect on crime whatsoever. It would be, however, one more intrusion of government on the lives of ordinary people.

Read article...

Final solution looms for Japanese crows
Associated Press | Submitted by: Ginna
Municipal workers in Tokyo intend to gas 7000 feral crows that have been menacing the city. "The aggressive crows are as adept at picking off prairie dogs at the city zoo as they are at ripping open garbage bags and littering the Japanese capital's streets with rotten food."

Read article...

Tuesday, December 18, 2001

Al Qaeda infiltrated Microsoft XP
Newsbytes | Submitted by: Soylent
This is a preposterous story, included here for its humor value: "During interrogation, Afroze, 25, also claimed that a member or members of Osama bin Laden's Al Qaeda network, posing as computer programmers, were able to gain employment at Microsoft and attempted to plant "trojans, trapdoors, and bugs in Windows XP," according to Ravi Visvesvaraya Prasad, a New Delhi information systems and telecommunication consultant."

Read article...

Commuters greeted with slaughter footage
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"Finnish commuters on the rail line to Helsinki got a shock Monday when images of animals being slaughtered were shown repeatedly on the train's television screens. 'It was completely absurd and appalling,' said a startled Hanna Huuskonen, who had been travelling from the southern town of Tampere when what turned out to be the conductor's home video was accidentally displayed to passengers." [Conductor's home video?!?]

Read article...

Fecal chicken fuel proposed
CNN | Submitted by: Phat Max
"If it were to catch on, a blend that's 65 percent diesel and 35 percent liquid [chicken faece] waste would reduce the nation's dependence on foreign oil and solve a nagging environmental problem for the poultry industry."

Read article...

Saudi Princess arrested for beating servant
myCFnow | Submitted by: anonymous
The niece of King Fahd of Saudi Arabia, one Princess Buniah al-Saud, is in the Orange County Jail for the beating of her servant Memet Ismiyati. The Princess claimed diplomatic immunity, but that has been stripped because of her sketchy INS status. "The princess would yell at me, and say she's 'Al-Saud,' and I was under her feet, that she can do anything to me here. She said, 'I can kill you and nothing would happen to me.'" Except, like, the whole jail thing.

Read article...

Scary Christmas
Salt Lake Tribune | Submitted by: Nada
Santa just gets more frightening every year.

Read article...

Monday, December 17, 2001

FBI wants access to pilfered virus data
ROTTEN.COM exclusive | Submitted by: Soylent
The FBI is asking for access to a massive database that contains the private communications and passwords of the victims of the Badtrans Internet worm. Badtrans spreads through security flaws in Microsoft mail software and transmits everything the victim types. Since November 24, the worm has violated the privacy of millions of Internet users, and now the FBI wants to take part in the spying.

Read article...

Going the extra mile
Akron Beacon Journal | Submitted by: Jim Adkins
"When the robber wasn't satisfied with the $20 bill in the man's wallet and demanded more money, the victim agreed to drive him to his affluent parents' home in Twinsburg Township. Once there, the robber made off with several times the meager amount in his target's wallet."

Read article...

Alberta governor on drunken rampage
The Edmonton Journal | Submitted by: Dobar Yebach
The premier of Alberta (equivalent to a state governor) caused a ruckus with a surprise midnight visit to a downtown homeless shelter. The rather intoxicated premier yelled and cursed at the homeless telling them to get jobs and threw some money at them before leaving. [Did he think he was at a strip bar?]

Read article... and This article...

Reading hard disks in the WTC rubble
Reuters | Submitted by: Soylent
Computer forensics experts are trying to track the $100M of suspicious money transfers right before the 9-11 attacks occurred: "Using a pioneering laser scanning technology to find data on damaged computer hard drives and main frames found in the rubble of the World Trade Center and other nearby collapsed buildings, Convar has recovered information from 32 computers that support assumptions of dirty doomsday dealings."

Read article...

67 dead cats found in refrigerator
South Florida Sun Sentinel | Submitted by: Tank Girl
"They also discovered litter boxes overflowing with feces and 31 dead kittens and 36 dead cats in a refrigerator and freezer. Some were wrapped in bags. "It was foul, believe me," said Cooper City Police Capt. Marvin E. Stoner Jr."

Read article...

Dead plastic surgeons tell no tails
Associated Press | Submitted by: Soylent
Mexican drug traffickers have developed a nasty habit of killing their plastic surgeons after major overhauls. In particular, seven of them have been whacked for this reason, plus a eighth where the felon in question objected to the quality of his liposuction.

Read article...

Sunday, December 16, 2001

Don't buy stamps without flags
The Progressive | Submitted by: Humanoid
In today's hyperpatriotic climate, don't make the mistake of trying to buy postage stamps that don't have flags on them. It just might make you the subject of an investigation, which is what happened when Daniel Muller and Andrew Mandell asked for such stamps in early November. "No one said anything to us for about twenty minutes, and then two cops came in and asked for our IDs. They asked if we had any outstanding warrants. They ran a check on us. They asked us why we had asked for stamps without American flags on them."

Read article...

Target London
Observer | Submitted by: Soylent
"It appears to be a record of meetings between al-Qaeda's master bomb-maker and an English-speaking activist in which he is guided through each step in building a bomb. In places the author has revisited his notes, adding information in a small, neat hand, often underlined, suggesting he has tried some of the procedures in the camp, had problems and been talked through his mistakes."

Read article...

McDonald's Bombed in Xian
Reuters | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
The McDonald's in Xi'an China was devastated by a suicide bomber, injuring 30 others. The explosion comes on the heels of a series of strange detonations throughout that area of China, which do not seem to be the work of concerted terrorists but rather a trendy and perverse way to exact revenge. The second link is a close-up of "forlorn Ronald McDonald sitting in debris-strewn eatery after the explosion."

Read article... and This article...

Porcupine feces attack on postal facility
Grand Rapids Press | Submitted by: Mlaah
"The next day, Beal said he took two buckets of [porcupine] fecal matter-- which he had gathered in the woods -- to the post office and threw one at several employees. He then left, returned about 30 seconds later and splattered more muck from a second bucket on mail and another employee."

Read article...

Saturday, December 15, 2001

Taliban Body Market
Dallas Morning News | Submitted by: Scarecrow
"He and his comrades discovered they could earn even more money by selling the bodies of Taliban fighters to their comrades or families... The price a body would fetch depended on the nationality of the dead soldier and the condition of his corpse... "I didn't sell any Arabs, just some Pakistanis and Afghans," he said. "But my friends sold Arabs. I sold six Pakistanis, and also I sold some Afghans from Kandahar and Helmand, and one from Khost."

Read article...

Burglars caught on webcam
Austin American-Statesman | Submitted by: Tank Girl
"The pair made what could prove to be a major slip-up when they wandered into an Avenue F home on Nov. 20. The two men tripped Dan Littlejohn's motion-activated Web camera, and the computer recorded the entire escapade on a Zip disk." Why didn't they take the computer?

Read article...

Inmate smuggles pot in Bible
Associated Press | Submitted by: Soylent
A man fooled his mother into smuggling marijuana and rolling papers into jail by asking her to deliver a large print Bible. Guards were tipped off because they were reading his mail.

Read article...

Are Israelis tapping our phones
Foxnews | Submitted by: Soylent
An Israeli company, Amdocs, provides the equipment that the FBI uses to tap our telephones. But both the financing of that company by the Israeli government, and the forces that are stopping investigations into the mechanisms of the actual equipment itself are rather suspicious and intriguing. "A 1999 F.C.C. document indicates several government agencies expressed deep concerns that too many unauthorized non-law enforcement personnel can access the wiretap system. And the FBI's own nondescript office in Chantilly, Virginia that actually oversees the CALEA wiretapping program, is among the most agitated about the threat." Powerful interests are at work here.

Read article...

Bin Laden's Voice
Washington Times | Submitted by: Macki
"The officials say the voice has been positively matched to known recordings of bin Laden. The intelligence represents the best proof that America's most wanted man has been, and remains, in the cave complexes in the Tora Bora region of the White Mountains in eastern Afghanistan."

Read article...

Friday, December 14, 2001

Pee inspectors crack down in Swaziland
BBC | Submitted by: Fuxillius
A crackdown on public urination that has begun in the eastern Swaziland town of Siteki has outraged residents who claim their public toilets are entirely too fetid to use. "We've built scores of public toilets, but men still insist on just whipping it out and urinating on our pavements - even in the centre of town. The place is beginning to smell like a urinal, and it's costing us business."

Read article...

There can be only one
Washington Post | Submitted by: Pete
"At least one was involved in a self-described coven and dabbled in self mutilation and drinking blood, those who know him said. The trio's curiosities turned deadly Saturday when they carried out 'a planned assassination' using a two-foot sword, a prosecutor said."

Read article...

Cheney-Lieberman blacklist threatens campuses
San Jose Mercury | Submitted by: Slunk
A group founded by the Vice President's wife, Lynne Cheney, and the influential Senator Joseph Lieberman has created a blacklist documenting campus speech activities that they find un-American. "The report documents 117 campus incidents as 'evidence' of anti Americanism. More than 40 professors are named, including the president of Wesleyan University, who suggested in an open letter that 'disparities and injustices' in American society and the world can lead to hatred and violence."

Read article...

Diarrhea incident has man in dutch
IOL | Submitted by: Don
"A Dutchman has been arrested in Ghana after being caught with his trousers down defecating into a drinking water bucket used by his workers, said police in the West African country. Workers had complained that van Roussum regularly defecated into their water buckets." [This story, while short, has so much to offer.]

Read article...

Pierced tongue leads to brain infection
Fox News | Submitted by: missKaren
Piercing one's tongue has always been somewhat questionable, and unless you are a specialist in giving oral sex it really isn't recommended. And now it turns out you can get a brain infection, thus discovered a young New Haven, CT woman recently. "The bacteria that caused the abscess in this patient were those typically found in persons' mouths." But a little brain surgery fixed her up right good.

Read article...

Japanese man claims he invented Segway
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: Ryano
A Japanese man, Kazuo Yamafuji, claims to have invented a scooter in the 1980's which is 'identical in principle' to Dean Kamen's Segway which was demonstrated on Good Morning America one week ago. The Segway involves many different patents and inventions, and this claim is only conflicting with one or two of them, which will not invalidate the other patents. Yamafuji's patents are only valid in Japan, but may demonstrate prior art that invalidates portions of Kamen's, if the claims here are true.

Read article...

Bush invokes executive privilege
Associated Press | Submitted by: Macki
For the first time, President George W Bush has invoked executive privilege to prevent documents from landing into the hands of dangerous U.S. Congressmen. Bush claims release of these papers would be "contrary to the national interest", so one would presume these have to do with terrorism. This is not the case; the documents have to do with a Clinton fund-raising investigation, murder investigations in Boston from more than ten years ago, and snitches to the Justice Department. The move is part of a concerted effort by the administration to keep potentially embarrassing documents out of public hands, by throttling FOIA requests by the public as well as requests from customary Congressional oversight committees.

Read article...

Thursday, December 13, 2001

Kamikaze camel warning issued
BBC | Submitted by: waifer
The latest weapon of mass destruction is rather wiley, plus it can survive in the desert for weeks on its own: "The Afghan mujahideen fighters would strap dynamite to a camel and send it towards a Russian base. Then, as the animal wandered near troops or equipment, they would set it off with a remote detonator, to deadly effect."

Read article...

Officer leaves gun in school bathroom
Canadian Broadcasting | Submitted by: Midge Luv
The ideal of a gun-free school environment was dealt a blow last week when an officer abandoned his revolver in an elementary school bathroom, only to be discovered by students moments later. And much to the embarassment of the police administration, they were unaware of the incident until stories started appearing in the local press.

Read article...

My name is Dunlop. Dunlop-Tire.
Toronto Star | Submitted by: Keen Machine
"Companies have spent millions of dollars to name hockey arenas, football stadiums and baseball parks. We thought, why not name Dunlop people as well? After all, they're already halfway to being Dunlop-Tire," said Jane Wilcox, head of public relations for Dunlop, which is owned by North American giant Goodyear Tire and Rubber Co., but a small player in the tire market.

Read article...

Bin Laden videotape released
The Pentagon | Submitted by: Macki
A videotape that shows Osama bin Laden taking credit for the attacks on 9-11 has been released by the U.S. Defense Department. Bin Laden expresses surprise at the effectiveness of the attack, and reveals that not all individuals involved knew that they were going to die. The attacks were much more successful than anticipated, with total collapse of the WTC buildings unexpected.

Read article...

Winona Ryder arrested for shoplifting
Reuters | Submitted by: Tank Girl
"Oscar-nominated actress Winona Ryder, who specializes in portraying troubled young women, was arrested on Wednesday night at a posh Beverly Hills department store for allegedly shoplifting $5,000 worth of clothing, police said on Thursday."

Read article...

Wednesday, December 12, 2001

Area 51 guards on strike
Associated Press | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
Complaining of low pay and compulsory overtime since the September 11 attacks, scores of highly classified rent-a-cops went on the picket line. After three months of failed negotiations with EG&G Technical Services Inc., more than 70 security guards went on strike early Monday at the company's offices in Las Vegas and at various "remote test locations." EG&G supplies private security officers for the Department of Defense, apparently including the secret facility known as Area 51 in Groom Lake, Nevada.

Read article...

Amputation fad growing
Atlantic Monthly | Submitted by: Useless
"Smith had amputated the legs of two patients at their request, and he was planning to carry out a third amputation when the trust that runs his hospital stopped him. These patients were not physically sick. Their legs did not need to be amputated for any medical reason. Nor were they incompetent, according to the psychiatrists who examined them. They simply wanted to have their legs cut off." [Similar to arguing a right to suicide, one can argue a right to self-modification, even the extreme.]

Read article...

Tune embryos at designer baby clinic
BBC | Submitted by: Brian Thompson
Does your baby need a kidney? Now, a clinic in London may soon be able to filter out your unwanted embryos in favor of one that is able to provide a donor kidney. Since only a percentage of siblings are capable of organs that aren't rejected, this process weeds out the embryos which the immune system of your existing [slightly irregular] baby would reject.

Read article...

Merry Christmas from your local death squad
Reuters | Submitted by: eoinmonkey
A an outlawed Columbian Paramilitary organisation, or "Death Squad" in common parlance, has joined the ranks of pathetic Office bosses everywhere and sent an Electronic Greetings card to its employees, wishing them a happy slaughtering season. One question; If all these guys are Columbian, why is their angel a little BLOND girl?

Read article...

Bulgarian news topless, bottomless
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Ross
Bulgarian news programming has taken a turn for the worst, or perhaps for the better. "We carefully selected the girls so that they are intelligent and not vulgar. We rejected any candidates with experience in striptease bars. [Note: Those are the best ones.] We want to show average Bulgarian girls, and not sex bombs." But at what price credibility?

Read article...

Hamas suicide school for kids
New York Post | Submitted by: Soylent
Is the waiting list for your local preschool too long? Perhaps you can consider sending your child to an alternative institution: "He and other kids - as young as 4 and no older than 8 - are fitted with fake explosives as they are taught how to become suicidal terrorists by members of the Palestinian terror group Hamas."

Read article...

The probable 9-11 mastermind
Insight | Submitted by: Angry Dan
"He has blown up U.S. embassies and car-bombed a U.S. military barracks. He has hijacked U.S. commercial airliners and murdered Americans. He has kidnapped and tortured a top CIA officer and vowed through terror to drive the United States from his country. Do you know who he is? If you guessed Osama bin Laden, you're wrong. The correct answer is Imad Fayez Mugniyeh."

Read article...

Tuesday, December 11, 2001

Inmate goes for beer run
Associated Press | Submitted by: rbw
"When state troopers arrived at the minimum security prison, only a few hundred yards from the St. Johnsbury state police barracks, they found Delude with a 24-pack of beer and a carton of cigarettes back inside the fence, said Correctional Service Director Dick Turner."

Read article...

FDA clears Ecstasy for clinical trials
Wired | Submitted by: Macki
For the first time since its prohibition, the FDA has approved a human study to scientifically determine the usefulness of MDMA as a therapy aide. MDMA is not patented, thus support for its approval has had to come from grass-roots organizations like the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS), instead of pharmaceutical cartels. "Twelve will receive 125 milligrams of MDMA on two occasions, and eight will get a placebo. Neither the patients nor Dr. Mithoefer will know who got what." How anyone could not know whether or not they're on E is a mystery indeed.

Read article...

Do we have a National Emergency Surplus?
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: Pants
"Bill Clinton signed no less than 14 national-emergency proclamations. He signed one each to deal with the threats to America from Angola, Yugoslavia, Iran, Colombia (because of drugs), Sudan and Sierra Leone. The one he signed on July 4, 1999, is interesting: It dealt with the threat of the Taliban in Afghanistan."

Read article...

Monday, December 10, 2001

Bin Laden to suicide on TV
Mirror | Submitted by: DirkDarkholer
"Osama bin Laden plans a TV suicide that will trigger attacks on landmarks in London, Paris and the US. His estranged wife Sabiha said last night he would order his elder sons to shoot him rather than be captured. 'That will be the signal for a new wave of terror. The targets this time would be the Capitol building in Washington, Big Ben in London and the Eiffel Tower in Paris.'"

Read article...

Utah Porn Czar calls for more nudity
Salt Lake City Tribune | Submitted by: Soylent
"An indecency statute that has been on the books at least 12 years is too broad in its restrictions, Houston says, and could be used to prosecute exhibits of Michelangelo's classic nude David sculpture or even displays of bare-breasted women in National Geographic Magazine." Can't Utah find a porn czar that's hot, instead of that ugly old troll? Talk about missing your target audience.

Read article...

QVC stalking
Associated Press | Submitted by: Macki
Everyone needs a hobby, but Phillip Young chose a rather droll one. He stalks hosts of QVC the Quality Value Channel. The insipid cable network presents viewers an array of uninteresting merchandise showcased by uninteresting personalities. After being arrested for QVC stalking three years ago, he's now been re-arrested. D'oh.

Read article...

Cremation gone wrong
Singapore Straits-Times | Submitted by: Soylent
"The family of a woman who died of cancer were aghast to find her body left half-cremated in the burner when they returned to collect her ashes. The machine had broken down on the day of cremation, but the family of T. Erishama had not been informed."

Read article...

Government knew about using planes as weapons
Agence France Presse | Submitted by: Soylent
Again about being asleep at the wheel: "Western secret services knew as far back as 1995 that suspected terror mastermind Osama bin Laden planned to attack civilian sites using commercial passenger planes, German newspaper Die Welt said Friday." [Nothing was ever done about this intelligence information, and no steps were taken to beef up the security of internal American airspace.]

Read article...

Sunday, December 9, 2001

Gay orang-utans
BBC | Submitted by: FunkGM
"A scientist has observed homosexual behaviour in wild orang-utans for the first time, adding the great apes to the long list of animals that take part in same sex relationships." [Also answering the long standing question, how cruisy are the jungles of Sumatra?]

Read article...

South Africans raping infants to cure HIV
Reuters | Submitted by: deadite
Sometimes the news can just be astonishing: "The rape is the latest in a growing number of infant-rapes, fuelled by a myth that sex with a virgin will cure a man of HIV/AIDS, the illness which affects one in nine of the country's population."

Read article...

Blitzen shot, killed
Pittsburgh Live | Submitted by: Jamie the Pumpkin King
Blitzen, a reindeer that escaped from a holiday display on Friday, was shot and killed after it was mistaken for a whitetail deer. A companion deer, Donner, was however captured and saved.

Read article...

Saturday, December 8, 2001

More on that Ashcroft thing
Yahoo | Submitted by: Soylent
Lots of people sent rotten.com email bitching at us for our criticism of U.S. Attorney General Ashcroft, who stated that supporting constitutional rights was implicit support for terrorism. Ashcroft has repeatedly said that lack of government power is in large part responsible for the terrorist attacks on American soil, and he has pushed through as many sweeping new powers as he possibly can (the misnamed "Patriot Act"). When in fact it is the government being asleep at the wheel and the misdirection of its energies to idiotic crusades such as the drug war, instead of paying attention to things that really matter, foreign and military policy. Richard Reeves here has a thoughtful OpEd on the subject.

Read article...

Inept Burglary Award
Detroit Free Press | Submitted by: Soylent
A man stole $6000 from his employer, and then locked himself in his truck, pretending that he'd been trapped for six days. Unfortunately, he was spotted by a witness, and in reality the man's car had been in the parking lot for only six minutes. Also unexplained is the lack of six days worth of urine and feces from the trunk.

Read article...

Lost city found off Cuban coast. NOT
BBC | Submitted by: sweet P
"A team of explorers working off the western coast of Cuba say they have discovered what they think are the ruins of a submerged city built thousands of years ago." [Editor's note: A number of people have been submitting this story. Regardless of what reliable source you found the story, it's bogus. The granite blocks are a rock formation, entirely cleaved by natural forces. Please note the lack of actual facts in the story. It's sad to see agencies such as BBC and Reuters fooled by this bullshit.]

Read article...

Germany wants to put time limits on porn
Financial Times Deutschland | Submitted by: Soylent
Germany thinks it can control the Internet, so now it's considering requiring that porn sites restrict their hours to 11pm to 6am. Exactly how they will coerce sites operating outside Germany is not explained, hence the term "imbecility" that some have used to describe this proposal. Of course this is the same German body, a branch of the Family Ministry, that concerns "Youth Endangering Writings", that wants to ban rotten.com... [Article in German, sorry]

Read article...

X Ray of retractor left in patient
Reuters | Submitted by: Soylent
After surgery at the University of Washington, a 13 inch retractor was left in the body of Donald Church. Now, you can violate his privacy by looking at this X-Ray, which clearly show his naughty bits. Of course, he received a $97,000 settlement for this indignity, so don't feel too guilty. But who do you sue for having a small penis?

Read article...

Friday, December 7, 2001

Man self amputates penis in religious frenzy
Manila Times | Submitted by: Crippen
A badly misinformed man in the Philippines, apparently after reading Matthew 18:8's admonishion, "If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away." Sadly, this man has removed his own penis in order to secure his entry into heaven. Unfortunately, he was not aware of Deuteronomy 23:1, "He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD." Oopsie.

Read article...

Nukes running amok
Christian Science Monitor | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
A fascinating article about the availability of Highly Enriched Uranium and trying to keep it away from terrorist organizations. "In the early 1990s, Aum actively recruited adherents from Russia's nuclear design facilities, as well as student physicists from Moscow State University. It purchased property in Australia from which it planned to mine natural uranium for enrichment - an arduous task beyond the resources of most nations. In 1993, Aum representatives sought a meeting with then-Russian Energy Minister Viktor Mikhailov for the express purpose of discussing the purchase of a nuclear warhead. (The meeting was denied.)"

Read article...

Ashcroft: Supporting constitution aids terrorism
Washington Post | Submitted by: Chet Desmond
"To those who pit Americans against immigrants, citizens against non-citizens, to those who scare peace-loving people with phantoms of lost liberty, my message is this: Your tactics only aid terrorists for they erode our national unity and diminish our resolve," Ashcroft told the Senate Judiciary Committee. How did this idiot ever get confirmed as Attorney General?

Read article...

Japan broke U.S. WWII codes
Los Angeles Times | Submitted by: Soylent
Everyone knows the United States had broken the Japanese military codes and effectively used them as a weapon against them. But now it's been discovered that Japan had been listening to our diplomatic codes before they even brought the U.S. into the war: "While researching secret codes used prior to the attack on Pearl Harbor 60 years ago, the young Japanese American professor stumbled upon a document, declassified by the CIA about five years ago, that proved that Tokyo had succeeded in breaking the U.S. and British diplomatic codes."

Read article...

Thursday, December 6, 2001

Deep heat broomstick sodomy
Hawkes Bay Today | Submitted by: Stile
They sure know how to do their violent forced sodomy, down under: "The victim of a broomstick sex attack screamed and struggled as the stick coated with Deep Heat was driven into his anus." For those who aren't familiar with it, Deep Heat is one of the worst substances you want up your bum. A broomstick is probably another thing you don't want up you. Seven youths have been charged for the birthday party incident.

Read article...

Two penises lost
Africa Online | Submitted by: Africa Online
One death has resulted and two young boys have lost their penises this week in botched circumcision surgery at Mdantsane in South Africa. Both female and male circumcision is practiced in certain areas of Africa, for cultural reasons. "The bad thing is that those two boys will survive without their male organs. It is a sad and painful thing." Yes. It is.

Read article...

Columbine diaries posted
Westword | Submitted by: Max
Westword has posted portions of the writings of Eric Harris, one of the two Columbine shooters. "If by some wierd as shit luck my and V survive and escape we will move to some island somewhere or maybe mexico, new zelend or some exotic place where americans cant get us. if there isnt such a place, then we will hijack a hell of a lot of bombs and crash a plane into NYC with us inside iring away as we go down."

Read article... and This article...

Reports of their deaths exaggerated
New York Times Service | Submitted by: Scarecrow
"Heard belongs to one of the more peculiar subsets created by the aftermath of Sept. 11, people who found their way onto one or another of the lists of dead but who are in fact alive. Many were distant from the towers when they crumbled. Others narrowly eluded death. For logical or illogical reasons, however, their names got swept up among the many who did die in the ruins of that day."

Read article...

Wanking as art form
Reuters | Submitted by: Leviathan
All this time you were wiping it away with tissues. Israel Mora, however, found a creative outlet for his msturbatory abilities... performance art. "Level 7", his latest work, consists of seven glass vials of semen to be put on display at the Banff Center in Calgary, Canada. Mora fancies himself an artist! Our verdict: Wanker.

Read article...

Public Safety Announcement
Sun | Submitted by: Max
Attention. Do not photocopy your ass. "Safety experts say there is a risk of the copier glass breaking and the machinery causing injury." Instead, presumably you should photocopy your face, your breasts, your cat or other housepets to fulfill this desire.

Read article...

New prime number record
BBC | Submitted by: Soylent
The distributed GIMPS project has located what is now the largest known prime number, a Mersenne prime which is two to the power of 13,466,917 minus one. Location and verification of primality took 13,000 computing years and was spread over the computers of 130,000 volunteers running GIMPS software. This four million digit number is both an exercise in massively parallel naval gazing, and a demonstration of the power of distributed computing.

Read article...

Gun restrictions losing support
Christian Science Monitor | Submitted by: Soylent
After the 9-11 attacks, more people are coming to the realization that they should be exercising their constitutional right to keep and bear arms: "The Second Amendment takes on increased relevance for many in shaky times. Following the Los Angeles riots of 1992, for example, there was a rush to southern California gun stores. Handgun sales in the state jumped from 329,000 in 1991 to 382,000 in 1992 and to 433,000 in 1993."

Read article...

Wednesday, December 5, 2001

Man throws semen at shoppers
Youngstown Vindicator | Submitted by: DanJ
A man armed with semen-filled 35mm film canisters threw semen on at least six women at a local shopping mall and Home Depot and Kmart. The attacks were caught on videotape surveillance between August 4 and November 21. If test results for HIV and other communicable diseases come back positive, the man could be charged with a felony; if not, a misdemeanor. According to a local police chief, "Some of the women are very angry."

Read article...

Pants down, but still armed and ready
News Channel 5 | Submitted by: crazyguy
The good news is that Tennessee park ranger Anthony Griffin was able to shoot a man who tried to pull him out of his car, in an attempted carjacking. The bad news is that Griffin was partially out of uniform, had just dropped off a prostitute, and is now on administrative leave.

Read article...

Human parts for sale
All Africa | Submitted by: useless
"Why all the hues and cries about the discovery of human skulls in possession of a man? It is no news that human parts are being sold in Lagos markets. The business has been on for over 20 years. Why all these hullabaloo about the arrest of somebody with human heads?"

Read article...

The Fighting Sioux
National Post | Submitted by: sweet P
The University North Dakota Fighting Sioux hockey team is under fire from Native American groups ("prairie niggers") over their team name. A large donation by Ralph Engelstad is contingent on the team keeping the moniker. "Mr. Engelstad's past fuels the determination of the anti-name crusaders. In addition to Hitler birthday parties, Mr. Engelstad's casino also once held a secret shrine to the Nazis, according to a 1989 investigation by the Nevada Gaming Commission. The room had flags and cars that once belonged to Hitler as well as matching paintings of Mr. Engelstad and Hitler in uniform. A caption said: To Ralph, from Adolf, 1938."

Read article...

SonicBlue claiming digital VCR patents
The Register | Submitted by: Soylent
The company that markets the ReplayTV device is claiming patents on the obvious invention of the computer-as-VCR. These are similar patents to those owned by TiVo, which are equally bogus. Alarmingly, in recent years the patent office has been granting numerous software and technological patents not based on the implementation of devices, but on the ideas the devices represent. This is a fundamental misinterpretation of what patents are supposed to be about. What results are patent claims that stop any instantiation of the idea, and not the actual invention itself. Yes, the circuit and design used should be patentable. But not the idea.

Read article...

Journal wants to un-publish article
Observer | Submitted by: Soylent
An article published by a scientific journal comes to the conclusion that the genetics of Jews and Palestinians are virtually indistinguishable. The journal accepted, and published the article. Now it wants to take it back, after complaints about its political slant. "The article has been removed from Human Immunology's website, while letters have been written to libraries and universities throughout the world asking them to ignore or 'preferably to physically remove the relevant pages'. Arnaiz-Villena has been sacked from the journal's editorial board."

Read article...

U.S. to annex Canada
Canadian Broadcasting | Submitted by: Trashcan Man
Canada is surrendering control over who enters their territory to the United States, under an agreement signed this week. The U.S. will be able to deny entry to people or groups of people (such as entire nations) to its northern neighbor, in exchange for economic cooperation. "If there's an embargo against that country, Canada will have to share in that embargo. We will have no distinct foreign policy." Suckers walk, money talks.

Read article...

Tuesday, December 4, 2001

Mutant mouse scrotum leads to stem cell discovery
Los Angeles Times | Submitted by: LadyC
Tumors in the "129" strain of white laboratory mice have led to a lot of the wonderful recent discoveries involving stem cell growth. Stems cells are cells that can grow into any of the various body cell types. "Mouse and man came together when Dr. Stevens noticed a huge swelling on the animal's scrotum." [All the best discoveries start like that!] "You would cut them and little bones would crunch... you would see cartilage, and little black areas where the melanocytes were. There were twitching muscle cells. There were areas full of skin and hair."

Read article...

He peed on my house, so I stabbed him
San Francisco Examiner | Submitted by: dj pie
"A San Francisco prosecutor was on the right end of a knife, but perhaps the wrong side of the law recently. A grand jury this week will decide if he faces charges for stabbing a man with a Christmas gift from his mother. Police said Deputy District Attorney Floyd Andrews, 45, fought with Martin Stanley, 37, when Andrews found Stanley and another man Nov. 9 urinating on the garage door of his San Rafael home."

Read article...

Secret Service handling Super Bowl security
Associated Press | Submitted by: Soylent
The Secret Service will be handling security for the Superbowl, which is rather unusual since the charter of the organization covers counterfeiting (the original mission), and protecting elected officials. More recently, the Service has been branching out to combat school shootings, and also the vague area of "electronic crimes".

Read article... and This article...

Attention span worse than we thought
Boston Globe | Submitted by: Ryano
"According to the ratings, when MTV runs videos - entire videos, not the bits and pieces it has been running in recent years - the station loses viewers. The MTV audience, the insider explained, can't sit through a whole video anymore." Yikes!

Read article...

Jack Valenti hates your rights
San Jose Mercury | Submitted by: Macki
Several days ago a series of court rulings upheld insidious provisions in the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, which actually prevent consumer fair use access to materials which they are rightly entitled to. Copyright law was intended to balance the rights of authors with those of the public, by freeing their works after a limited time. The DMCA, on the other hand, makes it illegal to circumvent any technology that is used to protect media, even when the content is public domain.

Read article... and This article...

Company claims hyperlinking them is illegal
KPMG | Submitted by: Soylent
"Douchebag is obligated to protect its reputation and trademarks and Douchebag reserves the right to request removal of any link to our website... The following web link activities are explicitly prohibited by Douchebag and may present trademark and copyright infringement issues: Links that involve unauthorized use of our logo; Framing, inline links or metatags; Hyperlinks or a form of link that disguises the URL and bypass the homepage."

Read article...

Bin Laden's Dirty Bomb
Washington Post | Submitted by: Soylent
Intelligence sources are now more concerned that Bin Laden may have enough radioactive material to create a radiological weapon, or dirty nuclear bomb. Such bombs do not undergo nuclear reactions themselves, but spread radioactive dust and debris over a large area. And a lower level concern is that they are on the road to assembling a fissile bomb. A truly worrying report from the Washington Post.

Read article...

Monday, December 3, 2001

The "It" machine
Time (No Balls) | Submitted by: Sketchcow
Southpark recently parodied the "It" machine as a unicycle type contraption with dildonic attachments. We have learned this not to be the case. What it appears to be, and this has actually been public knowledge for quite a few months from filings in the USPTO, is a gyroscope balanced scooter. It is called Segway, It cost $100M to develop, and It is expected to sell $1B in record time. Or perhaps It will be a big let-down.

Read article...

Teacher fired for telling truth about Santa
Daily Telegraph | Submitted by: void
A first grade teacher in Australia has been fired and is now undergoing counselling (re-education) after she told her pupils there was no Santa Claus. [Note to readers: There is no Santa Claus.] "The spokesman said children who have questions about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny [Also not real] and the Tooth Fairy [very definitely real] should ask their parents."

Read article...

Alarming news about earwigs
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Ross
News that may be somewhat alarming to men: earwigs have two penises. That is not the alarming part actually. It's that they have two penises because one of the penises often snaps off during intercourse. [I hate it when that happens.]

Read article...

Longest duck penis found
Australia Broadcasting | Submitted by: rebrane
And more penis news! The longest duck penis ever encountered has been documented and photographed, in a species of Argentine lake duck (Oxyura vittata) located by University of Alaska scientist Kevin McCracken. They also speculate that "the drake's penis has a brush-like tip, which they say the males probably use to scrub the sperm of previous mates from the female’s oviduct." Yum!

Read article...

Pot covered by insurance company
Associated Press | Submitted by: Soylent
"A man who says he uses marijuana for medicinal purposes received $5,525 from his insurance company after arguing that the backyard crop police ripped up was covered by his homeowner's policy."

Read article...

U.S. planning Iraqi overthrow
Observer | Submitted by: Soylent
"America intends to depose Saddam Hussein by giving armed support to Iraqi opposition forces across the country, The Observer has learnt. President George W. Bush has ordered the CIA and his senior military commanders to draw up detailed plans for a military operation that could begin within months."

Read article...

Sunday, December 2, 2001

Monorail joyride at Newark Airport
Bergen Record | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
An utter lack of security allowed a passenger to take control of a Newark Int'l Airport monorail. After flipping open an unlocked control panel, Robert Mathews piloted the AirTrain between the Parking Lot E and Rail Link stations. Upon arrest, Mathews was asked if he belonged to any terrorist organizations. At which point he should have shouted "FREE THE MONORAILS!"

Read article...

Chess dweeb Bobby Fischer applauds 9-11 attacks
London Telegraph | Submitted by: Tweety Fish
"This is all wonderful news. It is time to finish off the US once and for all. I was happy and could not believe what was happening. All the crimes the US has committed in the world. This just shows, what goes around comes around, even to the US... I applaud the act. The US and Israel have been slaughtering the Palestinians for years. Now it is coming back at the US."

Read article...

Ashcroft possessed by spirit of J. Edgar Hoover
New York Times | Submitted by: RottenFreak
Okay, we've created secret military tribunals where defendants don't have the right to an appeal (or to even choose their own lawyers), we've interned-- no, scratch that, we've detained for questioning -- God knows how many people without filing a charge, we've got the ability to listen in on lawyer-client conversations, and it's now okay to sweep people's e-mail for anything we find interesting. Happy yet? Hell no! Let's make it easier to spy on Americans! Didn't we already decide that was a bad idea? Nixon anyone?

Read article... and This article...

Soccer player in genital biting scandal
Bloomberg News | Submitted by: Soylent
"Gallardo, 21, was filmed with his head between the legs of Jose Antonio Reyes, who had just netted in Sunday's 4-0 home win over Real Valladolid. Spain's soccer federation is investigating whether he broke rules concerning sporting decorum."

Read article...

DC Cops getting automatic tickets
Washington Times | Submitted by: Soylent
When a DC cop gets a ticket for speeding or running a red light sent to him by the automatic camera system, he has to pay the fine. Even if the ticket occurred during emergency business, unless they go through great efforts of justifying their actions. So a lot of cops are now waiting at red lights, and not speeding, even when emergency beckons. But the real question is, why does the American public put up with surveillance ticketing?

Read article...

Names of 93 terrorist related detainees
Cryptome | Submitted by: Soylent
"This a list of the 93 identified detainees charged by the US government in connection with the terrorism investigation. Another 11 persons also charged have not been publicly identified. The 104 are among some 548 persons apprehended and detained; the other 444 detained have not been identified. All persons listed are presumed innocent until convicted in a court of law. Military tribunal is not a court of law."

Read article...

French Hack School
BBC | Submitted by: Soylent
"This is Zi Hackademy, France's newly-opened school for computer hackers. Inside, in a cramped classroom, rows of would-be cyber pirates learn the not-so-ancient art of computer hacking."

Read article...

Saturday, December 1, 2001

Suicide can be fun
Daily Record | Submitted by: Soylent
Nothing is unusual about a man suiciding in front of a train, except in this case, a very drunk Jonathan Gundry "stuck his tongue out and put his thumbs in his ears", and then let the train splatter him. He was 38. [Jonathan earns 15 points for style, but suffers a 50 point penalty for inconveniencing commuters. Too bad.]

Read article...

Satan banned from Inglis
St. Petersburg Times | Submitted by: sahaidak
"Be it known from this day forward that Satan, ruler of darkness, giver of evil, destroyer of what is good and just, is not now, nor ever again will be, a part of this town of Inglis. Satan is hereby declared powerless, no longer ruling over, nor influencing, our citizens." [In unrelated news, rotten.com will be relocating its web servers to the sleepy Florida town of Inglis.]

Read article...

$50K to whack a journalist
Guardian | Submitted by: Soylent
Osama has $25M on his head, George W Bush $50M on his. And now, the Taliban is offering $50,000 to anyone able to kill a Western journalist in Afghanistan. Many news agencies are already pulling out of the country, among them the BBC. Northern Afghanistan isn't really controlled by the Northern Alliance anyway, it's pretty much under authority of bandits.

Read article...

Video of police beating
Sky News | Submitted by: Soylent
Police in Australia were filmed beating a suspect with a rather long wooden plank. Whether or not it was a deserved beating (police claim that it's perfectly acceptable: "I cannot see the problem"), the fact that film of it is available has generated a lot of controversy. [Story accompanied by the video]

Read article...

Did sheriff kill sheriff-elect?
Fox News | Submitted by: Soylent
"Sidney Dorsey, erstwhile sheriff of DeKalb County, is one of three men accused of killing Derwin Brown days before Brown was to assume office. Brown, 46, had defeated Dorsey in a bitter runoff in August after promising to clean up a department that for years had been dogged by corruption."

Read article...

Priceless Leonardo destroyed by restorers
The Art Newspaper | Submitted by: Soylent
"In an article in Italian newspaper Corriere della Sera, Professor Pedretti expressed his amazement that restorers had not carried out tests before submerging the picture, particularly given the delicate nature of the vegetable inks Leonardo had used. He cited two other recent cases where damage has been done to Leonardo drawings by botched cleaning efforts."

Read article...

Greek Canary Heist
Kathimerini | Submitted by: Soylent
Twenty-six canaries were stolen at the Northern Greek Canary Show in Thessaloniki, while they were waiting overnight to be judged the following day. Devious competitor at work?

Read article...

Archive for November 2001..


 Copyright 2001 Soylent Communicationsrotten.com | amateur porn | famous nudes | about