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September 24, 2003

Republicans sucking Sun Myung Moon's insane dick
Salon | Submitted by: Amytown USA
"Last December, at his three-day God and World Peace event, the Rev. Sun Myung Moon drew a notable slate of political figures, from Sen. Richard Lugar, R-Ind., to Rep. Danny Davis, D-Ill., and, perhaps most notably, James Towey, director of the White House Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives, who offered some respectful opening remarks to Moon's Unification Church faithful. Moon followed, and called for all religions to come together in support of the Bush plan for faith-based initiatives. ... Moon will succeed, he says, by purifying our sex-corrupted culture, and that includes cleaning up gays ('dung-eating dogs,' as he calls them) and American women ('a line of prostitutes'). Jews had better repent, too. (Moon claims that the Holocaust was payback for the crucifixion of Christ: 'Through the principle of indemnity, Hitler killed 6 million Jews.') His solution is a world theocracy that will enforce proper sexual habits in order to bring about heaven on earth."

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CIA paid Muslims to pose as religious leaders
New Zealand Herald | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"The United States CIA paid mullahs and created fake Islamic religious leaders to preach a moderate message and counter anti-American sentiment in the Arab world after the September 11 attacks, it was claimed yesterday. ... 'In Islam, as in many other religions, anyone can call himself a religious leader,' Kessler writes. 'So, besides paying mullahs, the CIA created fake mullahs -- recruited agents who would proclaim themselves clerics and take a more moderate position about non-believers.' A CIA source is quoted as saying: 'We are taking over radio stations and supporting clerics. It's back to propaganda. We are creating moderate Muslims.' Kessler says the CIA also paid for mullahs to issue fatwas, or religious edicts, urging Iraqis not to resist American forces."

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Man castrates self for no good reason
East African Standard | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Neighbours told the police that Mumbo had been accusing his wife Penina of unfaithfulness and so he severed his genitalia 'to give her a free hand to go after other men.' He said he loved her so much, he could make the sacrifice. ... 'I found myself disgusted with the penis and decided to cut it off. I went into the kitchen, took a knife, undressed and just chopped it off. The knife was too sharp and before I realised what I had done, it was too late.' Blood was already gushing out of the gaping hole in his crotch. Amid sharp pangs of pain, he burst out screaming."

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Youths chopped up, beheaded
sunstar.com.ph | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Police recovered Tuesday the chopped bodies of three militant youth leaders and a motorcycle driver in a banana plantation along Crossing Blanco in the town of Compostela in Compostela Valley. One of the victims, Marjorie Reynoso, 18, was allegedly beheaded. A worker of the banana plantation found the severed head of Reynoso, a chairperson of the Sangguniang Kabataan (SK), near the grave where the other victims were buried. Relatives and friends of the victims have accused the military intelligence group of being behind Friday's abduction of the three youth leaders and the driver of the motorcycle they were on."

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La Migra shut down by virus
infoworld.com | Submitted by: Gambrinus
"The U.S. Department of State struggled Tuesday to quell an outbreak of the W32.Welchia Internet worm on the department's computer systems. ... The worm infestation slowed e-mail systems at the massive federal agency and prompted technical staff to suspend network links between Washington, D.C., foreign embassies, and consular offices for nine hours to halt the worm's spread. That move disrupted the [system] which is used to check the names of visa applicants against a database containing the names of millions of people who are ineligible to receive a U.S. visa."

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Haitians riot over death of cannibal Robin Hood
CNN | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Police fired tear gas at crowds who burned tires and blocked streets on Tuesday to protest the killing of Amiot Metayer, a prison escapee whose bullet-riddled body was found on a sidestreet. Metayer, 39, a longtime supporter of President Jean-Bertrand Aristide and leader of the so-called 'Cannibal Army,' was found Monday night. He was shot once in each eye and once through the heart, said Daniel Jean-Charles, the central government's representative. Some viewed Metayer as a hoodlum, whose gang allegedly terrorized government opponents and rivals. But others viewed him as a Robin Hood of sorts, who lavished slumdwellers with gifts."

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Cops find letters written in blood
Hindustan Times | Submitted by: HardWarePimp
"Police stumbled upon 300 love letters hidden in a well while probing the escape of four girls from a remand home in Patna. Patna Police recovered the letters -- a dozen among them written in blood -- at the Gaighat remand home. ... 'Most of the letters had been sent by boys who did not mention their names and gave some symbols instead.'"

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Belgium drops war crimes trial against Bush
News Corporation | Submitted by: HardWarePimp
"A Belgian court has thrown out a case against US President George W. Bush for war crimes in Iraq... A clerk says the appeals court in Brussels also dismissed cases against Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon and Israeli General Amos Yaron."

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Time for another invasion
CNN | Submitted by: Gambrinus
"President Bush has the lowest approval rating of his presidency and is running about even with five Democratic challengers led by newly announced candidate Wesley Clark, according to a CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll released Monday. Fifty percent of 1,003 people questioned for the poll approved of Bush's job performance -- down from 59 percent in August and 71 percent in April -- the president's lowest rating since he came to office in January 2001. ... In May, soon after Bush announced that major combat operations had ended in Iraq, 41 percent of Americans said they thought the war was over. But now only one in 10 feel that way. In the new poll, 50 percent of respondents said going to war in Iraq was worthwhile, with 48 percent saying the military effort was not."

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Let the 'trouser snake' jokes ensue
CNN | Submitted by: Gambrinus
"A Swedish man has allegedly tried to smuggle eight dangerous snakes into Australia by strapping them to his legs, according to customs officials. ... He was searched by customs officers who discovered the reptiles in packages strapped to his calves. ... The snakes -- which included four deadly king cobras -- were handed over to the Australian Quarantine and Inspection Service. The other snake species were not revealed."

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Woman shot with pen
The Advertiser (Adelaide) | Submitted by: the killchoir project
"A woman picked up what she thought was a pen from the floor of a Canberra nightclub and accidentally shot her friend, police said yesterday. The pen was a cleverly disguised gun, banned in Australia but is advertised on overseas websites. The victim was hit in the chest with a projectile which had to be surgically removed, police said."

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Iraq's 'imminent threat' seeming less imminent
Reuters | Submitted by: Gambrinus
"An initial report from former U.N. weapons inspector David Kay, who has been leading the hunt for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, will 'reach no firm conclusions,' a CIA spokesman said on Wednesday. ... 'I'm unaware of any major surprises,' one Democratic congressional aide said. ... The United States justified the war on Iraq largely by saying Baghdad posed a threat due to its weapons of mass destruction, but none have been found since the March invasion."

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Gulf War vets plagued by Lou Gehrig's disease
Houston Chronicle | Submitted by: Gambrinus
"A pair of studies published Thursday appear to solidify a link between military service in the Gulf War and an increased occurrence of Lou Gehrig's Disease. ... ALS is a rare disease, affecting about 30,000 Americans, most of them much older than men of military age. The disease is almost always fatal, killing most within two to five years of diagnosis."

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Little girl extracted from drug den
Merced Sun-Star | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"A 4-year-old girl locked in a filthy trailer while her parents reportedly smoked dope was turned over to Merced County Child Protective Services over the weekend. ... Inside the shed deputies found a plastic bag containing methamphetamine and narcotic paraphernalia. A quantity of meth was found on Gregory, said Warnke. Warnke said the inside of the trailer where the child was locked was deplorable and reeked of feces. The girl was crusted with filth, the sergeant said."

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FBI hid moles inside strip club
San Diego Union-Tribune | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Within days of the FBI raids at Michael Galardi's strip clubs, defense teams went looking for a mole. ... They found that the clubs' director of security, Tony Montagna, and his wife, Donna, had sequential Social Security numbers -- an indication that false names were created by authorities to conceal the couple's true identities. Another worrisome sign: Before 1997, there was no public record of the couple. ... Even after the indictments, a handful of Montagna's friends at the clubs were bewildered. But some were not confused at all. Said one Cheetahs employee, 'Everybody thinks he's horrible.'" [Suggestion to H.R. directors: start looking for sequential SSNs in your employee records.]

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Crazy mom strangles daughter
click2houston.com | Submitted by: sonofstile
"A 9-year-old southeast Houston girl was allegedly strangled to death by her mother late Monday night in her father's apartment, officials told News2Houston. The girl's father said his wife has a history of mental problems, but said her actions never involved the child until recently."

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Another victory for Kudzu
Florida Today | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"His discovery is one of three Kudzu sightings this summer in north Brevard. The Asian plant grows up to a foot a day, blocking light to all plants and trees it drapes. In Port St. John, the vine even clogs out Brazilian pepper trees, Florida's most notorious plant invader. ... in Florida, the vine is among the most feared invasive plants. ... 'The best way would be to come in and nuke it and sacrifice all of the vegetation on the corner of the lot,' Kozusko said."

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Woman steals costumes, sex toy
pub.tv2.no | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
"A 22-year-old woman begged the store manager not report the theft of a prison costume and dildo because she said she had just been released from jail. ... She had taken a sexy prison costume, a nurse costume and a dildo of the grand total of $600. ... 'She urgently asked us not to report the theft. She said she had just been released from jail, so it is a little ironic that she stole a prison costume,' the store manager said." [Sexy prison costume?]

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Ice cube enemas a strict no-no
News Corporation | Submitted by: poorjon
"Drug and medical experts have issued a warning following evidence that would-be first aiders have been using ice cube 'enemas' to revive people from drug overdoses. Experts say putting ice cubes up the rectums of unconscious people has no physiological benefit and can even lead to seizures and stroke. ... 'An overdose in a club is embarrassing enough for the person involved... The sight of the incapacitated person with their pants around their ankles having people inserting ice cubes is beyond humiliating and potentially dangerous.'"

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