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August 06, 2003

Woman gags on penis of unknown origin
Independent Online | Submitted by: Piet Piel
"The discovery of a piece of cooked penis in her stew was so traumatic for a hospital cleaner that she had to receive psychiatric help. She was completely turned off meat, becoming a vegetarian overnight. ... It was slippery and she could not cut it with a knife. She took it in her hand and placed it in her mouth, but the court heard that the 'meat' was so tough she could not bite through it. She took the offending morsel out of her mouth, inspected it with her colleagues, and they all concluded that it was a penis. ... Because it had been cooked, it could not be established whether the penis was from a human or an animal."

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Methamphetamine legally regarded a chemical weapon
cgi.citizen-times.com | Submitted by: Gerauchertes
"A Watauga County prosecutor is using a law intended to combat terrorism to fight the spread of methamphetamine laboratories in northwest North Carolina. District Attorney Jerry Wilson has charged Martin Dwayne Miller, 24, of Todd with two counts of manufacturing a nuclear or chemical weapon in connection with a methamphetamine arrest Friday. ... The law reads, in part, that the term nuclear, biological or chemical weapon of mass destruction applies to 'any substance that is designed or has the capability to cause death or serious injury and ... is or contains toxic or poisonous chemicals or their immediate precursors.'" [Practically every known substance is toxic in sufficient quantity. The next kid who bakes Ex-Lax brownies for school is going to wind up in Guantanamo Bay.]

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Pentagon building some safeguards into TIA system
Government Computer News | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"DARPA has awarded a $3.5 million contract to [Xerox PARC] to develop a 'privacy appliance.' It would act as a gateway to enforce privacy policies on databases accessed by TIA. In its report to Congress about TIA -- formerly called Total Information Awareness -- DARPA acknowledged that 'Americans rightfully are concerned that data collection and analysis activities by the intelligence community threaten their privacy.' The objective of privacy protection for TIA's Genisys database technology, described as an ultralarge, all-sources information repository, is to make the data collected anonymous." [Well, that's a little bit of good news.]

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Florida assembling their own national database
Washington Post | Submitted by: Adam Wilks
"Police in Florida are creating a counterterrorism database designed to give law enforcement agencies around the country a powerful new tool to analyze billions of records about both criminals and ordinary Americans. Organizers said the system, dubbed Matrix, enables investigators to find patterns and links among people and events faster than ever before, combining police records with commercially available collections of personal information about most American adults. It would let authorities, for instance, instantly find the name and address of every brown-haired owner of a red Ford pickup truck in a 20-mile radius of a suspicious event. ... At least 135 police agencies in the state have signed up for the Florida Department of Law Enforcement database service, which began operation more than a year ago. At least a dozen states -- including Pennsylvania, New York and Michigan -- said they want to add their records." [Who needs TIA when you can just roll your own?]

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Bill O'Reilly survives prayer vigil
World Net Daily | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Days after announcing his candidacy for California governor, self-described 'smut peddler' Larry Flynt staged a peculiar event to rally supporters -- a prayer vigil seeking the death of Fox News Channel's Bill O'Reilly. ... According to event spokesman and magazine editorial assistant Sean Carney, an 'overjoyed and ebullient' crowd of 50 - 65 people mostly under the age of 30 gathered at Cornerstone Plaza in Los Angeles this afternoon for the 'bash bigot O'Reilly ceremony.' ... Although Carney described the event as a 'spoof' he emphasizes it was a personal attack. 'We're not really asking for him to die. It is a spoof. But the ceremony was real and I think the sentiments are real,' he added."

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Governor Flynt sued for sex toys in dishwasher
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"HUSTLER magazine publisher and would-be California governor Larry Flynt has been sued for sexual harassment by a former employee who claims she found sex toys in the company dishwasher. ... Raymond, who was fired from her job a year ago, claims that Flynt fostered a hostile work environment. She said in the lawsuit she had found sex toys in the company dishwasher that were 'used on the prostitutes who visited his office.'"

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Ex-CIA man says Steven Seagal is full of shit
New York Post | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"The CIA mystery man who once claimed Steven Seagal asked him about 'whacking' someone may soon be dragged into federal court to help discredit the action star as a witness in a mob trial, the Post has learned. ... 'I don't think he's able to sort out fantasy from fact,' Saunders told filmmakers. 'I think he sees himself in roles he's played in movies, ranging from hard-nosed tough cop to guy who's saving mongooses in the woods of Oregon.' Saunders recalls that when he worked for Seagal, the Above the Law star badly wanted a permit to wear a concealed gun and carry a weapon on airplanes. ... 'He sort of implied he was a CIA operative,' Saunders recalled, looking amused. 'He used little words like "those of us familiar with the Company." We almost never said "the Company."'"

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School board member gets biblical on mayor's ass
St. Louis Today | Submitted by: Fozzie the Bear
"St. Louis School Board member Rochell Moore fired off a cryptic letter Tuesday to Mayor Francis Slay, saying he is 'cursed with a curse' of biblical proportions for interfering with the city school district. Moore -- who distributed her letter to area news media -- also accuses the mayor of participating in a conspiracy that she said landed her in a psychiatric unit last year. The letter consists almost entirely of a passage in Deuteronomy in which Moses spells out the calamities that would attend the Israelites if they strayed from God. ... Despite the letter's fiery darts, Moore said in an interview that she's not the one wishing ill upon the mayor: 'I didn't say it, God said it.'"

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Couple inherits 3 dead babies
CNN | Submitted by: Sara Edgar
"A couple looking through old trunks inherited from the woman's mother found what appeared to be the remains of three babies, authorities said. Michael and Kathleen Manning unlocked one of the trunks Monday and found the first baby after opening a bundle that had an unusual odor. They summoned authorities and the remains of a second infant were found inside a trunk stored within the first trunk. The Mannings found what appeared to be the remains of a third child in another inherited trunk on Tuesday."

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Bush disinterested in science-type folks
washingtonmonthly.com | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"The administration's stem-cell stand is just one of many examples, from climate change to abstinence-only sex-education programs, in which the White House has made policies that defy widely accepted scientific opinion. ... The mutual incomprehension and distrust between the Pentagon and the Clinton White House, especially in its early years, led to such debacles as Somalia and the clash over allowing gays to serve openly in the military. The Bush administration's dismissiveness toward scientists could also have serious consequences, from delaying vital new medical therapies to eroding America's general lead in science. The Clinton administration quickly felt the sting of the military's hostility and worked to repair the relationship. It's not clear, however, that the Bush administration cares to reach out to scientists -- or even knows it has a problem."

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Porn star running for governor
KNSD-TV 7 San Diego | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Promising to make lap dances tax deductible if elected, porn star Mary Carey Tuesday collected signatures outside Los Angeles City Hall in her bid for California's top political post. ... Carey said her platform includes taxing breast implants to generate revenue; hiring adult film stars to help negotiate better wholesale electricity prices; and creating a 'Porno for Pistols' program, where gun owners can to swap their weapons for X-rated films. 'If more guys had orgasms, they'd be less violent,' said Carey, who said she'd run as an Independent."

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Gay marriage threatens survival of the species
Advocate | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"In ruling out his support for gay marriage in Australia, Prime Minister John Howard said Tuesday that it does nothing to support 'survival of the species.' ... Howard told the Courier Mail that while he respects gays and lesbians, he feels that those calling for gay marriages to be recognized do not understand what marriage means. 'It's a bedrock institution,' he said. 'You're talking here about the survival of the species.' Howard said marriage is the vehicle for 'providing the most secure environment' for raising the next generation." [By that logic, we should grant marriage licenses only to couples intending to become parents.]

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Utahns ponder giving up blood atonement
tv.ksl.com | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Utah's Sentencing Commission just completed a study of Capital Punishment in Utah and, is looking into repealing the firing squad. Utah is the only state still providing that option."

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Sucks to be crazy and black in England
edp24.co.uk | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Members of the independent panel examining the death of David 'Rocky' Bennett at the Norvic Clinic, near Norwich, in October 1998, have concluded after months of evidence that mental health services are 'institutionally racist.' ... 'Black people are 40 per cent more likely to be turned away when they ask the NHS for help. We are dealing with an institution which has historically let down black people, which is racist to the core.' Inquiry chairman, Sir John Blofeld, said: 'Our research has shown black mental health patients are over-medicated and spend too much time in secure wards.' ... On the final day's evidence, Sadiq Khan, the lawyer for Dr Joanna Bennett, Mr Bennett's sister, told the inquiry: 'We believe there is a hierarchy among NHS patients, with young black men at the bottom. There is a stark difference in the treatment of a young black man and a middle-aged white man, with the same symptoms or condition.'"

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South Dakota governor repeals G. Gordon Liddy Day
argusleader.com | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Thursday is G. Gordon Liddy Day in South Dakota. Well, almost. Gov. Mike Rounds said Tuesday that the proclamation declaring a day for Liddy -- the infamous Watergate conspirator who once encouraged his national radio audience to shoot federal agents -- was issued in error." [Liddy's controversial 1994 quote was: "They've got a big target on there: 'ATF.' Don't shoot at that because they've got a vest on underneath that. Head shot, head shots."]

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Oozing mausoleum prompts lawsuit
katc.tv | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"A year-and-a-half after her husband was buried, she couldn't believe what she saw. 'I went to the rectory and said, "Something is wrong with the mausoleum," and they said, "Yes, bodily fluids are coming out of the tomb."'

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Son forced to drink vomit
WNBC-TV 4 New York | Submitted by: Jonah
"A 30-year-old man is under arrest, accused of making his 8-year-old son drink vomit. ... The boy told police he'd been made to do push-ups, squats and sit-ups for several hours. When he cried, he said his father put a sock in his mouth. The sock eventually made him choke. When the boy threw up, his father made him drink the vomit, police said."

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Dad allegedly burns son's tongue for lying
Ft. Worth Star-Telegram | Submitted by: Adam Wilks
"An 11-year-old Euless boy who lied to his father was punished by having his tongue burned with a fireplace lighter and being repeatedly slapped, police said today. The boy's tongue was blistered, and his face was slightly swollen from the punishment, police said. His 43-year-old father is accused of placing the lighter under his son's tongue and hitting him. According to the oldest boy, the younger boy was caught lying Sunday evening, enraging his father, police said. Police had no information on what he had lied about."

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World's worst father heading to prison
wlextv.com | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"A jury has convicted a man of killing and decapitating his wife in 1980 and recommended a sentence of life in prison. William Major's son and daughter testified that he sexually molested them. They welcomed his murder conviction in court on Monday. 'Goodbye, Dad. I hope you spend the rest of your life behind bars,' said his daughter, LaLana Bramble. 'You deserve it.'"

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Amityville Horror-style hoax under way in India
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Danzig
"In a scene straight out of a horror film, blood has been leaking out of the walls of an apartment in the western Indian city of Ahmedabad. Forensic experts have identified the 'red liquid' as human blood, shocking the apartment's 14 inhabitants, the Indian Express newspaper reported. ... Deputy Commissioner of Police Jeetenda Rajgor initially said: 'It appears as if someone has sprayed some red liquid.' Forensic scientists tested the liquid and confirmed it was human blood.'" [Sprayed, leaked... what's the difference?]

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Alleged cannibal killer forcibly medicated
The Age | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
"A man accused of killing three people and eating the flesh of one of them may be forcibly medicated to make him competent to stand trial, a US judge ruled today. ... Sappington, 24, is charged with killing two men and a teenage boy in April 2001. Police have testified that when he was arrested, Sappington claimed he had heard voices telling him to eat flesh and drink blood."

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United Nations allegedly poisoning the atmosphere
tv.ksl.com | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"A small southern Utah community has gained international notoriety from its campaign to become a United-Nations-Free Zone. Now, the LaVerkin city councilman who started that campaign has published a book revealing a truly astounding belief about the U.N. ... He thinks the U.N. is conducting a campaign of mass murder by spraying poison into the atmosphere. Is LaVerkin's chief anti-UN crusader onto something? Or is he seeing boogeymen under the bed? ... 'The elitists have said we need to eliminate 350,000 people a day until we get back to the 1.5 billion, and that's what the Earth can sustain.'"

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Illinois bans back-alley tongue splittings
Wire Services | Submitted by: g i r l
"Illinoisans who want to look a little more reptilian will have to go through medical personnel or face jail time. Gov. Rod Blagojevich on Wednesday signed into law a measure that restricts the practice of tongue-splitting. ... The legislation would bar anyone but doctors and dentists from performing the procedure."

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Couple accused of being incestuous dog killers
WVTM-TV 13 Birmingham | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"A married couple who officials say are father and daughter and who have been charged with incest have pleaded not guilty to animal cruelty. Carrol Eugene Ferdinandsen, 53, and Alice Faye Ferdinandsen, 30, were charged after authorities discovered two dead dogs outside the couple's mobile home. In the home, two living but emaciated dogs and a dead cockatiel inside a birdcage were also found."

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Powerball winner recovers burgled $545,000
CNN | Submitted by: Jim Jones
"A Powerball winner who has donated more than $3 million of his record winnings to churches was drinking at a strip club when $545,000 was stolen from his sport utility vehicle, police said Tuesday. ... Someone broke the driver's side window and took a briefcase containing $245,000 in cash and three $100,000 cashier's checks belonging to Whittaker, who hit Powerball's richest jackpot on Christmas Day, police said. The briefcase, cash and checks were found behind a nearby trash bin. ... A compact disc player and several CDs stolen from a vehicle belonging to club owners were recovered along with the briefcase."

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Ebola vaccine in the works
Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Federal scientists have developed a fast-acting, single-shot Ebola vaccine that makes monkeys immune to the lethal virus six times faster than an earlier version. If the same approach works in humans, it could control or prevent outbreaks of the rare, but horrific infection, which causes high fever, severe pain and bleeding from the eyes as blood vessels collapse. ... Scientists not connected with the experiment said if the vaccine works in other primates, it probably will work in humans."

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Bound and begging for rape
Aftenposten | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"Bergen police moved out immediately on Thursday night after getting a call that a lifeless man was lying in Nordnes Park with his hands tied behind his back. ... The man was lying on ground on his stomach when police arrived, and had a cap pulled down over his face. 'I want to be raped,' he told police after being untied. Police found a sack full of porn magazines and films by the man's side. After a brief investigation the patrolmen concluded that the 29-year-old 'victim' had probably tied himself up."

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Haiti officially recognizes voodoo
Boston Globe | Submitted by: dianalily
"It is not only the rapture of the spirit world that energizes Adely. He is excited by the recent government decree giving the centuries-old practice of voodoo the status of an officially recognized religion. Voodoo priests -- houngans -- like him soon will be authorized to perform any civil service a Roman Catholic priest can, officiating at births, marriages and funerals. ... While traditional religions such as Catholicism and Protestant denominations are prevalent through most of the Haitian population, about half of Haiti's 8.1 million people also practice voodoo, according to the CIA World Factbook."

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UK olympic athlete almost dismissed for large boobs
gq-magazine.co.uk | Submitted by: optional
"London Triathlon winner Jodie Swallow was almost kicked out of a World Cup event because her breasts are too big. The runner is being forced to change her running jersey because her breasts stretch out the sponsor's logo."

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Pakistani city bans kite flying
Taipei Times | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Some argue that kite flying is un-Islamic because the aerial battles often involve gambling. Others say it's too dangerous and blame kites for numerous injuries and even deaths. ... Every year, newspapers report gruesome stories about fingers being sliced off or people getting electrocuted because their strings became tangled with power lines. ... 'The use of fire crackers, music and dance on such occasions are un-Islamic,' wrote Khawaja Mohammed Afzal, the city's legal adviser, in a brief to the Lahore courts. Officials have said that anyone caught violating the ban will get three to 10 years in prison."

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Child welfare workers told to stonewall
This Is London | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Staff at the Child Support Agency have been instructed to cover up a failing computer system and even conceal the loss of key case notes from parents. Amid the chaos, employees have been handed a list of 'do's and dont's' which stipulates that if a case vanishes from the computer, the parent should not be informed. At the top of the list of instructions is the warning to staff 'not to blame ministers or the Government.'"

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Raelians helping out Monsanto
BayArea.com | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"The Raelian movement, which believes life on Earth was created by clones of extraterrestrials, recently called on the Brazilian government to lift its ban on genetically modified crops. ... 'The Brazilian Raelian Movement congratulates Monsanto, which has been demonized by anti-GMO fanatics and dogmatics, for its lobbying campaign favoring a new agriculture based on the most recent scientific discoveries,' the group said in a news release last week."

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