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May 16, 2003

Capital punishment, Saddam-style
Wire Services | Submitted by: someantha
Footage "uncovered" by Reuters shows Iraqi prisoners getting blown up in the desert. Despite the fact that they were sentenced to death by hanging. Seems to me, death by explosive charge wouldn't be a bad way to go.

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Moldy breast implants
wftv.com | Submitted by: optional
When a woman started suffering chronic health problems and her nursing baby developed a bad mouth infection, the mother finally had her breast implants removed. Instead of being transparent, the saline implants were black. "They were full of dead organisms identified as Aspergillus niger and Aspergillus fumigatis. In other words, mold. There was also a strain of antibiotic-resistant bacteria." Yikes.

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The happiest, most naked photographer of all
WCMH-TV 4 Columbus | Submitted by: Idle Hands
"April Raymond was closing up shop at a hair salon in northwest Columbus when she and two friends were confronted by a man with a camera. She said the man was wearing a baseball cap, sneakers -- and nothing else. 'He was probably there two minutes,' Raymond said. 'He took pictures, endless pictures of us. He ran off and was laughing ... at us.'" With video and hilarious police sketch.

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Could be a banner election for Skull and Bones
Boston Herald | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
If Democratic Sen. John Kerry wins his party's nomination for President, it'll be the first time in history that both candidates are former members of Yale's secret society Skull and Bones. President George Bush is also a Bonesman. When asked about his membership in the club, the senator's people stonewall: "John Kerry has absolutely nothing to say on that subject. Sorry."

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Another energy company caught in Enronian scandal
Wichita Eagle | Submitted by: Incubus
"Westar Energy executives enrich themselves by misleading board members, used company jets for personal trips, quashed dissenters, investigated employees and a reporter, and tested employee loyalty by checking how they voted their personal stock at the company's annual meeting. All that is according to a 370-page investigative report that Westar's new management released Thursday." Their former auditor? Arthur Anderson.

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Zimbabwe's president lauded for national whitectomy
iAfrica | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"Jongela Nojozi Friday praised Zimbabwe's President Robert Mugabe for 'chasing whites' out of Zimbabwe. Singing Mugabe's praises in front of hundreds of students, parents and academics at a Fort Hare graduation ceremony, Nojozi described Mugabe as an African hero for his land policy. He smiled and nodded in acknowledgement as Nojozi, dressed in furs and skins and wielding a spear, called on him to 'please, please chase them from our land.'"

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Cop resigns over topless calisthenics
Associated Press | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"A city police officer resigned over allegations that he chose to punish a 16-year-old girl by making her perform jumping jacks while topless. ... The incident allegedly occurred April 29, when Shields found the girl and a 19-year-old male together in a parked car. The girl told investigators that Shields told her to perform five topless jumping jacks, which she did as he shone his flashlight on her."

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Raw vegetable diet implicated in baby's death
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"A 5-month-old was pronounced dead Thursday morning at Homestead Hospital after what police called a possible case of malnutrition. ... Police said the couple were 'raw foodists' -- subsisting on a diet of raw vegetables only." Good thinking, geniuses.

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Naked boater snagged by videotape
St. Petersburg Times | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Hoskins was on a boat just off the beach in the 600 block of Gulfview Boulevard on May 26, 2002, when he started blowing the boat's horn, then dropped his shorts to his ankles and started gyrating... When adults asked Hoskins to stop, he cursed and swiveled his hips even more... At one point, he swam to shore, dropped his shorts, put his hands behind his head and gyrated his hips." And then somebody had to grab a video camera and ruin everything. Goddamned electronic panopticon.

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Four bodies in South Korean cult's graveyard
JoongAng Daily | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Gyeonggi police and Seoul prosecutors uncovered four bodies in a remote area in northern Gyeonggi province yesterday and opened an investigation into what is suspected to be the beating death of at least one follower of a religious cult. ... The members arrested and taken to the police station denied that any physical abuse of group members had taken place. They claimed to have been administering medical treatment on the dead bodies to revive them with 'life water,' which they called a gift from the cult's leader." And now police are looking around for more bodies. We haven't heard the last from these guys.

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Will Canadians ban the Bible?
Yahoo! UK | Submitted by: Tobermory
"[The controversy] centres on a bill from gay Member of Parliament Svend Robinson that would make it a crime, punishable by up to two years in prison, to incite or promote hatred against homosexuals. But his attempt to end gay-bashing has brought warnings that pastors or imams could be thrown into jail for preaching homosexuality is evil and that their scriptures could be banned or confiscated." That's right -- there's nothing even close to the 1st Amendment in Canada.

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Lawyer suicides rather than stand trial
AZ Central | Submitted by: Tim Howard
A drunk driver in Arizona has shot himself rather than face trial for vehicular manslaughter. "Keith Alan Moore, 51, who was awaiting word on whether he would be charged with manslaughter in the death of Yong Kim, 18, apparently committed suicide Thursday afternoon at his Tempe home." Since the suicide victim was a lawyer, it might be safe to assume that the case was a slam-dunk for the prosecution.

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Virginity on the auction block
Hindustan Times | Submitted by: optional
"A Chilean student in need of tuition money will auction of her virginity. 'I have a gynaecological certificate that my hymen is intact,' said the 21-year-old." However, bidding starts at $990, but the article doesn’t say if that is for all night or just a very expensive quickie. eBay should capitalize on this as a student aid program.

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Semi squishes college boy
WGAL-TV 8 Lancaster | Submitted by: optional
"A Lebanon Valley College student was killed Friday morning when a tractor-trailer ran over him. ... Police said the two students stood on a platform between the cab and the trailer. One of the students jumped off when the truck was coming to a stop. Somehow he got caught and was run over by the rear tires. The truck was carrying a load of 21,000 pounds."

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Biting the hand and head and body that feeds you
BBC | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"A man whose body was found in his flat in south-west London had been attacked by his own dog... George Dinham, 45, was found dead on the floor of his flat in Wandle Way in Wandsworth on Friday. His brother discovered his body, which was covered in blood, when he returned from a night out. At first Scotland Yard's Serious Crime Directorate was called in to investigate whether Mr Dinham had been murdered. But now it is believed he was attacked by his four-year-old Staffordshire bull terrier while he was alone in the flat."

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Widower versus bureaucracy
Wire Services | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"John Walker could not believe it when bailiffs wrote to demand that his wife pay a series of parking fines. He wrote back to tell them his 44-year-old wife Zitta had died in January of breast cancer and had sold her car, a Peugeot 405, for scrap more than two years before." After a bunch of collections letters, Walker resorted to drastic action: "Carrying the urn containing his wife's ashes and her death certificate, he marched into the offices of York Council and laid them on the desk of a startled official."

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Toe sucking as criminal offense
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"In a trial that tests the definition of deviant behavior ... Trenton Veches is charged with 25 felony counts of lewd acts with minors. Almost all the charges stem from incidents in which the 32-year-old after-school program supervisor sucked the toes of two dozen boys ages 8 to 11."

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Man blames chickens for restaurant fire, takes it back
New York Newsday | Submitted by: Mr. Ramon
"'We were working, and all of a sudden a lot of the juices from the chicken fell, and then ... it was out of control,' said Gregory Stefanatos, who has owned the business for 18 years. 'I blame the chickens. I have no one else to blame.' But, he added: 'I cannot resent the chickens. I've earned my livelihood from them.'"

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Chalk up some more White House 'tang for JFK
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
A 60-year-old woman has recently admitted that when she was a teenager working as a White House intern, "I was involved in a sexual relationship with President Kennedy." And there appears to be solid documentation. "Newly declassified archives show that at the age of 19 Ms Beardsley was one of a harem of young girls hired by the White House press office, principally to be at the president's disposal. She was flown around the country on air force planes so that she was on hand for JFK on his travels." The young woman was hired to work in the press office, even though "Mimi had no skills. She couldn't type. She could answer the phone and she could handle messages and things but she was not really a great asset to us."

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