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May 05, 2003

White House concedes no WMD in Iraq
Glasgow Sunday Herald | Submitted by: JRS
"The Bush administration has admitted that Saddam Hussein probably had no weapons of mass destruction. Senior officials in the Bush administration have admitted that they would be 'amazed' if weapons of mass destruction (WMD) were found in Iraq. According to administration sources, Saddam shut down and destroyed large parts of his WMD programmes before the invasion of Iraq." Somebody's got some 'splaining to do.

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Human shields beginning to smell the coffee
Wire Services | Submitted by: Bstar
"Young Western activists living with Palestinians to act as 'human shields' against Israeli raids are debating how to minimize their risk of dying after suffering a sudden rash of casualties." Evidently they must have believed that their mere presence would be enough to deter Israel's military operations. Not very bright.

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Deathcow unleashed by psilocybin
palmbeachpost.com | Submitted by: optional
"A motorcyclist died early Monday when he hit one of about a dozen cows that wandered onto Interstate 95 near the Hobe Sound interchange... The cow was also killed in the crash. Investigators will try to determine who cut the fence. There has been a problem in Martin County and other rural areas in recent years with people cutting fences on cattle grazing land to get access to psychedelic mushrooms that grow around the cow manure."

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Indians getting high off scorpion stings
News Corporation | Submitted by: Johnny Cage
"The trendy and the elite in India's wealthy western state of Gujarat, bored with mundane drugs, are turning to the sting of a scorpion to get their kicks... After the customer pays a fee of 150 to 200 rupees (about $A5-7) the scorpion is produced and placed on the body of the thrill-seeker, who is then viciously stung. Users say after the initial pain the venom produces an illusionary, floating feeling." In the words of one arachnid pusher: "You should try it at least once ... a lifetime experience."

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The world's most primitive car bomb
ABC TV affiliates | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Authorities believe a man who died in a fiery explosion in the town square filled his car with open buckets of gasoline and drove toward the workplace of his wife, who was trying to divorce him... The car contained at least six buckets filled with gasoline." If they have to identify your spouse using dental records less than 24 hours after you serve the divorce papers, you just know it was never going to be an amicable separation.

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Drunken bastard killed over cabfare
Newsday | Submitted by: Tim Howard
Drunken asshole tries to stiff cab driver. "He started taunting him, saying, 'I'm not going to pay you, and there is nothing you can do about it.' He knew he wasn't going to call the cops on a $5 fare." Then driver smacks asshole with a tire iron, severs an artery, and the asshole bleeds to death. There's something poetic in that.

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Maine's cadaver glut
Lewiston Sun-Journal | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Eighty cadavers are waiting in refrigerated storage on campus at the University of New England in Biddeford. ... The school has had to get choosier so it doesn't run out of storage space. [They] stopped taking donors who are extremely obese -- bodies not considered ideal for anatomy studies. They already refused cadavers with HIV, tuberculosis and severe trauma at death."

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Iraqis tried to hand over Pvt. Jessica Lynch
Toronto Star | Submitted by: Sniffer
"'The Iraqi soldiers and commanders had left the hospital almost two days earlier,' Houssona said. 'The night they left, a few of the senior medical staff tried to give Jessica back. We carefully moved her out of intensive care and into an ambulance and began to drive to the Americans, who were just one kilometre away. But when the ambulance got within 300 metres, they began to shoot.'"

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Gang of transvestite robbers plaguing Manila
Independent Online | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"Philippines police on Monday warned taxi drivers in the capital against a gang of gay robbers who not only steal money but kisses from their victims as well. Police officer Anthony Cordova said taxi driver Rolando Estacio fell victim to three homosexual men who robbed him on Sunday at Manila's port area. Cordova said Estacio did not suspect his passengers, who hailed his taxi outside a shopping mall and asked to be brought to the port area, because 'they were all sweet and effeminate.'"

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Hiker's arm recovered, taken to funeral home
AZ Central | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"Thirteen park rangers lugged equipment into this southeastern Utah park and lifted an 800-pound boulder that had trapped a mountain climber until he amputated his arm with a pocketknife... The lower portion of Ralston's right arm was recovered Sunday and taken to a mortuary." Yes, but will there be an open casket at the viewing?

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Imbecile's rapist unidentifiable
Chicago Sun-Times | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"A mentally disabled woman in a group home is more than five months pregnant from a rape, but identification of her attacker has been hampered because she is unable to consent to a DNA test. The 22-year-old woman, who has no family, is too disabled to speak. She was abandoned as a child and has lived at the small home for 19 years. 'She cannot even say yes or no,' Detective Rick Salcedo said. 'She has the verbal communications skills of an infant.'"

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Openly gay police chief gets cheers, jeers
Sacramento Bee | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"He's a 5th-degree black belt, a registered Republican, a whiz with computers, a gadget geek and a big Tom Clancy fan. He dotes on his nieces and nephews. He admires Colin Powell and Abraham Lincoln. In his holster is a Walther PPK, James Bond's preferred pistol. And for the past six months, ever since he made a public announcement that angered some and inspired others in this small Bay Area city 50 miles northeast of San Francisco, Ron Forsythe has been the only openly gay police chief in the nation."

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Chicken farmers get grief counseling
Sacramento Bee | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"A state and federal task force has begun to offer grief therapy to poultry owners whose birds were killed in order to stave off the spread of Exotic Newcastle Disease. The task force is also providing stress counseling and sensitivity training to its field workers who deal with the deadly avian disease."

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Cosmonauts packing heat -- just in case
CNN | Submitted by: RedBeagle
"Eleven years before, two cosmonauts overshot their touchdown site by 2,000 miles and found themselves deep in a forest with hungry wolves. That's when Russian space officials decided to pack a sawed-off shotgun aboard every spacecraft."

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