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May 02, 2003

Climber amputates own arm with pocketknife
WEWS-TV 5 Cleveland | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"Aron Ralston, 27, was trapped in a remote canyon in Utah for six days [after] a 200-pound boulder fell on him, pinning his right arm. ... Ralston realized that his survival required drastic action and that no one was going to save him but himself." Somebody buy that man a beer.

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150 tons of rotting seafood and many, many rats
ABC TV affiliates | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
Jersey City has been forced to deal with an abandoned warehouse filled with 150 tons of rotting fish, lobster, and squid. There is also a VERY large colony of rats, which has been feeding on the bounty of the sea for the past three or four months. The city has spread 30 tons of rat poison, to no avail. The stench is so overpowering that city workers cannot enter the building without gas masks. One of those lucky few characterized the odor as "death, ten times over." With pictures and video.

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American GIs equipped with bondage gear
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: deathgiraffe
According to mailorder sex toy shops in San Francisco, overseas shipments to American servicemen skyrocketed during the military effort in Iraq. Although most of the items were presumably for masturbation, "Several orders were placed for ankle and wrist cuffs, Garcia said, and a few requests were made for what he called 'spankers.'" Sweet mother of God.

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Schoolteacher/pedophilic warlock arrested
Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: MeliKoritsi
A high school teacher in Minneapolis has been arrested for sex crimes, after a former student alleged that the man was into "black magic and sorcery." According to the affadavit, he and the teacher had participated in "a ritual in which his hair and semen were placed on a piece of parchment bearing an occult inscription." Police found an altar and a spellbook among the teacher's belongings. According to police: "this guy is a classic pedophilic sexual predator." Not counting the witchcraft, right?

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So long, Loyalty Day. See you next year.
whitehouse.gov | Submitted by: Simon
President Bush recently signed into law a bill designating May 1 as annual Loyalty Day. The proclamation announced: "This Loyalty Day, as we express allegiance to our Nation and its founding ideals, we resolve to ensure that the blessings of liberty endure and extend for generations to come." Perhaps the upcoming PATRIOT Act II legislation will improve this by including compulsory parades or other public demonstrations of loyalty.

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Georgians return to tradition of segregated proms
Wire Services | Submitted by: Jim Jones
"Last year they decided to have just one dance -- the first integrated prom in 31 years in the rural Georgia county 150 miles south of Atlanta. Until then, parents and students organized separate proms for whites and blacks after school officials stopped sponsoring dances, in part because they wanted to avoid problems arising from interracial dating." And what problems might those be?

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Taking the dog for a drag
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Tim Howard
Straight out of National Lampoon's Vacation: "Stunned pedestrians ran after the pickup, yelling at the driver to stop. At the end of an 8-foot chain hooked to the vehicle was an injured dog being dragged through the city's North End. Police arrested Roosevelt Rhodes, 66, after receiving numerous 911 calls. He told officers that he was angry with his 2-year-old Akita, Socks, because the dog had urinated in the cab of his pickup." That, plus its owner being a psycho.

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Hitman whacks mob Godfather for being gay
Sun | Submitted by: Tim Howard
Pushing up the daisies (in a nice floral arrangement no doubt). "A MAFIA hitman told a court how he killed his mob's Godfather because he was gay. Anthony Capo, of New York's DeCavalcantes family, feared they would be ridiculed if John D'Amato's secret was revealed. Capo - who likened his family to TV mobsters The Sopranos - said: "Nobody's gonna respect us if we have a gay homosexual boss sitting down discussing Cosa Nostra business."

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Lil'est trucker kills three
Corpus Christ Caller-Times | Submitted by: Holy Roller
"An 11-year-old girl was apparently the driver of a tractor-trailer rig loaded with automobile parts that crashed into a highway overpass guardrail, burst into flames and fell onto the road below, police said Thursday." This didn't happen to occur on Take Your Daughter to Work Day, did it?

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MCI wants a tax refund
networks.org | Submitted by: Tim Howard
After falsifying income statements in order to defraud Wall Street investors, MCI (formerly WorldCom) is seeking a hefty refund on the taxes it paid on nonexistent profits. And, believe it or not, they're succeeding: "MCI already has been refunded nearly $300 million by the U.S. Internal Revenue Service." That takes some balls.

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Murder defendant's excuse: blacks not human
iAfrica | Submitted by: Tim Howard
A South African man is attempting a variation of the old Dred Scott maneuver: "The white man who admitted he killed three black people on a bus in Pretoria three years ago, did not regard blacks as human beings, but had great respect for Osama bin Laden, the Pretoria High Court heard on Wednesday. He admitted in a statement read to the court that he had shot them, but said his actions were not wrongful as they were in keeping with a promise he had made to God." Good luck with that.

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Guantanamo's juvenile hall
workingforchange.com | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"At least three Camp Delta inmates are between the ages of 13 and 15, a practice in flagrant violation of, among many other things, the Geneva Convention (which the Bush Administration claims does not apply) and the Convention on the Rights of the Child, which, among the world's 197 countries, including its most notorious human rights abusers, only the U.S. and Somalia have not ratified."

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