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April 23, 2003

Raelians cashing in on clone craze
Boston Globe | Submitted by: Bela Okmyx
Evidently somebody is handing over $200,000 a pop to have themselves cloned, because Clonaid is raking in the bucks. This despite the fact that the company has two employees, no board of directors, and no fixed address. A Clonaid spokesperson recently announced plans to invent an artifical womb, which they dubbed the Babytron. Their rationale? "The next step in reproductive cloning is certainly to get rid of the womb of the woman." Sounds pretty ambitious... maybe this project will require the full-time efforts of both staffers.

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Black Dahlia murder finally solved?
Guardian | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
A former LAPD homicide detective has researched the 1947 Black Dahlia murder case and concludes that the killer was none other than his own dad. Steve Hodel began investigating the crime after looking through his dead father's personal effects and recognized photos of the Black Dahlia victim. It turns out Dad was a sadistic freak who fucked his own 14-year-old daughter. You think you know somebody.

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Breastfeeding mother -- or terrorist?
canada.com | Submitted by: prettynwitty
Let's say you're on an international flight and some foreigner (okay, a Canadian) does something to make you uncomfortable. As an American, you have the right -- nay, the duty -- to complain repeatedly until the offender faces possible legal charges under antiterrorism statutes. Doesn't matter if the person is only nursing her baby. If just one American is made to feel unpleasant on a long flight, then the terrorists have won.

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Cops suspended for farting in woman's face
Orange County Register | Submitted by: Col. Klink
Four police officers in Fullerton, CA were suspended with pay after responding to a reported suicide attempt. They came upon the scene of an unconscious woman lying in bed. One of the cops aimed his ass at her face, said "this ought to wake her up," and farted. When that had no effect, another officer pretended to lick her. It would have been nothing more than harmless fun, except she wasn't actually unconscious. Oops.

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Fagbeater not homophobic
Philadelphia Inquirer | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
After dropping his pants and screaming obscenities at them, Devin Scott Angus beat the fuck out of three gay men at last year's PrideFest in Tampa, FL. One of his victims suffered a skull fracture. During sentencing this week, Angus conveyed complete ignorance of his own motivation: "I don't know why I did it... I don't hate homosexuals." [He doesn't know why? We think it's safe to assume the reason involved alcohol.] His punishment: two years of house arrest.

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United Nations against naming things "Nigger"
News Corporation | Submitted by: Tim Howard
Australian rugby player Edward Stanley Brown was known as a fastidious dresser. In fact, his teammates gave him a nickname based on his favorite brand of shoe polish. And so, E.S. "Nigger" Brown was named after "Nigger Brown" polish. Not very unusual for the 1920s. But it wasn't until the 1960s that the town of Toowoomba decided to name an athletic field grandstand after him. Recently a U.N. committee ruled that the giant sign ("ES NIGGER BROWN STAND") ought to be removed. This after the complainant had exhausted his options under the Australian legal system.

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1000+ year prison sentence overturned
Canoe | Submitted by: Tim Howard
The Supreme Court of West Virginia has thrown out a 1,140-year sentence for a child molestor convicted of 152 counts against a 7-year-old girl. The court ruled that the prison time should not have been stacked on consecutively. [As if it matters -- this guy won't even last six months in prison.]

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Let's play Whoresville!
Guardian | Submitted by: mayhem
The Committee for Prostitutes' Civil Rights has devised a boardgame focusing on the travails and career options of your typical Italian streetwalker. According to the game's creator: "The idea is to give people an idea of what prostitutes are up against in this country." When Milton Bradley brings it to America, maybe they'll call it The Game of "The Life."

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Peyote disallowed for pre-schooler
Salt Lake Tribune | Submitted by: Jamie
Jonathan Fowler, a Native American living in Michigan, is suing for the right to administer peyote to his 4-year-old son. The family court ruled against him despite the testimony of a Harvard Medical School instructor, who claimed that he could not "fathom a way that it would harm that child." The court decided that mescaline was too heavy for a toddler. Next stop: appellate court.

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Freedom fries come to Iraq
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: jheisel
Kuwaiti fast food franchisees have opened new Pizza Hut and Burger King restaurants on Iraqi soil. The operations are being run out of mobile trailers, parked inside a British military base. And how are they being received? According to one soldier: "I would prefer we got decent showers and toilets sorted out first."

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Baghdad looters snag biological agents
ABC News | Submitted by: Tim Howard
When looters broke into the Central Public Health Laboratory and stole a bunch of refrigerators, they also made off with dangerous viral strains of cholera, black fever, HIV, polio, and hepatitis. According to Rasa Al-Alaq, a chemist who worked at the facility: "The viruses that are lost, we have no idea where they went." On top of that, escaped laboratory animals are now roaming the area.

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