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April 01, 2003

Three boozehounds close NY bridge, dollar down
AZ Central | Submitted by: Tim Howard
But we were DOUBLE DARED to do it: "Three men climbed on a New York bridge in a drunken prank on Friday, shutting the bridge, sparking an anti-terrorism response and sending the dollar down in morning trading, officials said. Police said they arrested three men in their 30s, who were caught by a police officer in the morning rush-hour after they were spotted climbing the cables of the Williamsburg Bridge that links Manhattan and Brooklyn across the East River."

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Genetically modified banquet for insect pests
Independent | Submitted by: cineguy
"Genetically modified crops specially engineered to kill pests in fact nourish them, startling new research has revealed. Scientists at Imperial College London and the Universidad Simon Rodrigues in Caracas, Venezuela suggest that pests can actually use the poison as a food and that the crops, rather than automatically controlling them, can actually help them to thrive..." Another triumph for the Monsanto World Order!

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The Curious Coalition
Wire Services | Submitted by: jo666py
US propaganda machine creates "monster"...the secret bloc of nations that support the war but "wish to remain anonymous" is an especially nice touch. "It's become a logistical nightmare. We've created a monster that demands constant attention for consistency's sake."

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Headless body treated as a homicide!
Pacifica Tribune | Submitted by: Tim Howard
Savvy sleuthing officers: "The San Mateo County Sheriffs Office is treating Sundays gruesome discovery of a headless body as a homicide. The body was discovered by a man and his friends who had parked their vehicle along the coastline to admire the ocean view. It was wrapped in a garbage bag, and was approximately 30 feet from the highway in the Devils Slide area of the coast, North of Gray Whale Cove. The victim is a Hispanic male, approximately 33 years of age. Pending notification of family members, the victims name is being withheld. It appears that he resided in San Francisco, Oakland and San Bruno." Probably at the same time.

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All in the family: Mick's son dating Keith's daughter
Sun | Submitted by: Tim Howard
Too Rolling Stoned? "The son of notorious Rolling Stones womaniser Mick Jagger is dating the daughter of the bandís guitarist Keith Richards. James Jagger, 17, fell for Alexandra Richards, 16, after the pair flirted outrageously on a photo shoot. Protective dad-of-four Keith, 59, is said to be "concerned" about the relationship." You're a great roll model Keith, you zoned-out heroin space cadet.

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Doc WHO ID'ed SARS virus dies of SARS
News Corporation | Submitted by: Tim Howard
Dr. WHO? "A WORLD Health Organisation (WHO) official who identified the outbreak of a killer respiratory illness, Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome, died of the disease today, the WHO said. "Dr Carlo Urbani, an expert on communicable diseases, died today of Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS)," the Geneva-based UN health agency said in a statement."

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Box of bones sent to idiot FL congresswoman
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Phatlor
Vive la France! "A Florida congresswoman who proposed exhuming the remains of American veterans buried in France and Belgium and shipping them home has received a package of bones in the mail. Rep. Ginny Brown-Waite, R-Fla., was not in the office Friday when her staff noticed a peculiar odor coming from a bulging, 8 1/2-by-11-inch envelope postmarked from Germany." Mmmm, repatriated Americans.

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The blast that time forgot
Wire Services | Submitted by: Tim Howard
Proof that smoking kills: "Half a century before Timothy McVeigh used ammonium nitrate to blow up a U.S. federal building in Oklahoma City, the same substance nearly wiped a place called Texas City off the map. The explosion, believed to have been caused by an errant cigarette, was the worst U.S. industrial accident ever. It killed as many as 800 people and injured some 5,000, yet today is all but forgotten: mostly, says the author of a new book on the subject, because no one wanted to remember. In a blast so ferocious it knocked aircraft from the skies and rattled buildings hundreds of miles away, the French freighter Grandcamp, loaded with ammonium nitrate, exploded on April 16, 1947, while docked at Texas City on Galveston Bay 40 miles south of Houston."

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Enraged victim jumps on thief's ute
News Corporation | Submitted by: wingnut
"A simple theft turned into a nightmare for the thief in Sydney yesterday when a woman climbed onto the back of his getaway ute, banging on the roof to make him return her purse and a cash box... The thief has been described as in his mid-30s with a wrinkled face and teeth either missing or blackened." Why don't more people jump on my "getaway ute"?

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Fingergun gesture: Now a hatecrime!
KATU-TV 2 Portland | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"A man has been charged with a hate crime for gesturing at a woman wearing a turban... Cohen said he was merely giving a "what's up" gesture, Police Chief Thad Buchanan said, but the woman felt her appearance precipitated the attack. "Obviously, she was terrified," he said."

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Civil rights and "Black To The Future"
Newsday | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"The men said in a civil rights lawsuit that the float, titled "Black to the Future: 2098," was a parody designed to entertain and should be protected by the First Amendment. They want their jobs back. Then-Mayor Rudolph Giuliani declared that the men would be fired soon after the parade in a Queens neighborhood. He testified he was worried the men's racial insensitivity would lead to riots."

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Judges who can understand Constitution not wanted
AZ Central | Submitted by: f00f
"Arizona Chief Justice Charles Jones fired Marc Victor, a Mesa defense attorney, saying Victor "expressly declared his inability to be impartial in the application of the law and the disposition of cases before him." But Victor, a marijuana legalization activist, said he recused himself only on drug cases, not all cases. "I thought it was the honest, up-front thing to do," said Victor, who brought a six-page proposed "minute entry" with him to Maricopa County Superior Court, outlining why he believes drug laws violate the U.S. and Arizona constitutions."

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Johnnie Cochran sued for not suing
Chicago Sun-Times | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"I called Johnnie Cochran because of his reputation," Burrows said Thursday. "I wanted to do something about what had happened to me. I don't feel I was treated fairly. I don't believe they took the time or interest in the case that they should have. When you create mistakes, you have to pay for them." [You also pay for them when you make mistakes. First mistake, calling someone like Johnnie Cochran.]

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