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March 31, 2003

Dolphins go AWOL in Iraq-War
Times | Submitted by: anonymous
"Takoma, the Atlantic bottle-nosed dolphin, had been in Iraq for 48 hours when he went missing on his first operation to snoop out mines. His handler, Petty Officer Taylor Whitaker, had proudly showed off Takoma’s skills and told how the 22-year-old dolphin was among the most pampered creatures in the American military."

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From grandma's house to the slammer
Seattle Times | Submitted by: Incubus
"I'm a mother. My first thought was to get this baby out of this situation. Get her to a safe area," van-pool driver Marlene Wilson said yesterday. After a company dispatcher assured her that taking the girl to a safe place would be appropriate, Wilson said she drove the child to the little girl's grandmother's house nearby in the South Seattle suburb of Renton. Instead of getting praise from her managers at ATC Vancom, Wilson was placed on paid administrative leave Tuesday, the day after the incident, which the King County Sheriff's Office is investigating as an attempted abduction."

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Shock and awe tactics employed on home soil
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: wingnut
"As Iraqi civilians and American, British and Iraqi soldiers perish in the Gulf, this war is fast claiming another casualty: democracy in the United States. Under Big Brother monikers like the Patriot Act and Operation Liberty Shield the state has stepped up the scope of its surveillance and the tapping of American citizens. Under a proposed new bill, the Government could withhold the identity of anyone detained in connection with a terrorism investigation and their names would be exempt from the US Freedom of Information Act."

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Drunken snowboarder goes bowling for children
KOIN-TV 6 Portland | Submitted by: Orpyak
"Twenty year old Michael Wolff of Killeen, Texas, is accused of child abuse and reckless endangerment. He's also charged with possession of alcohol by a minor. Authorities say Wolff collided with a group of 5- to 7-year-old children taking beginning ski lessons at Sunlight Mountain Resort near Glenwood Springs. The March 15 accident left one child with a broken leg, another with a bruised arm and a third with minor injuries."

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Use firewall, go to jail
Freedom To Tinker | Submitted by: Digital Fascist
"Here is one example of the far-reaching harmful effects of these bills. Both bills would flatly ban the possession, sale, or use of technologies that "conceal from a communication service provider... the existence or place of origin or destination of any communication". Your ISP is a communication service provider, so anything that concealed the origin or destination of any communication from your ISP would be illegal, with no exceptions."

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Shop smasher in underwear frenzy
Sun | Submitted by: JOPY
"A yob [British for young troublemaker] who loves smashing shop fronts in his Y-fronts [British for sexy underpants] is facing jail for breaking 43 windows in one night, a court heard yesterday. Andrew Roxberry, 30, was naked apart from black underpants when he rampaged with a shovel, causing UKP 75,000 worth of damage. He first threw a wine bottle at the window of a Phones 4 U shop, then picked up a workman’s shovel and attacked another 23 stores. An astonished CCTV operator watched his spree just after midnight on a cold night."

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Woman pulls gun against would-be bandit
Zwire | Submitted by: JOPY - 666
"The man opened the driver's door of her 1991 Oldsmobile Cutlass. With his hand in his right pocket, he pressed an object to her jaw that she believed was a gun. The culprit ordered her to give him money, but she had other thoughts. Clutching $6 in one hand, she began struggling with him as he again demanded her money. Determined not to become a robbery statistic, the woman reached with her other hand to the passenger seat for her 9 mm handgun, grabbed the pistol and pointed it at his face. "If you're going to shoot me then do it, 'cause I'm definitely going to kill you."

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Ban a yellow ribbon round that old oak tree
ABC TV affiliates | Submitted by: Razor
"Fieldsboro residents can forget about putting yellow ribbons and war memorials on public property. The Burlington County town's council has banned the practice, fearing it would open the door for potentially offensive displays."

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Man busted for selling gold teeth
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: Alter Ego
"For the second time in as many months, the state Department of Health and the Broward Sheriff's Office arrested a flea market vendor for making and selling gold teeth. "Some people have missing teeth. I offer very inexpensive prices. Some people have been without teeth for 20-25 years. I don't do anything illegal or unsanitary. I only do clean, technical work."

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Doofus uses knife as tool with predictable results
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | Submitted by: Tim Howard
Cutting edge Darwin-level stupidity: "Alicia Neal said she warned her husband not to use a butcher knife to tighten the screws in their granddaughter's crib. An Allen wrench was needed. Thinking John Neal Sr. had heeded her advice, she said, she went to the basement to do laundry. "The next thing I heard was him running down the steps and hollering, 'Call the paramedics! I fell on the knife!'" Alicia Neal said yesterday. "My son ran and got the phone and called the paramedics. I took a towel and put it up to his throat and applied pressure. The last thing he said was, 'Tell everybody I love them.'"

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