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March 27, 2003

US forces dropping gold into the mud
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Look before u leap
"A particular point of concern for the US command is the huge overuse of precision-guided munitions and cruise missiles. Already the supply of heavy cruise missiles like the "Tomahawk" has been reduced by a third and, at the current rate of use, in three weeks the US will be left only with the untouchable strategic supply of these missiles. A similar situation exists with other types of precision-guided munitions. "The rate of their use is incompatible with the obtained results. We are literally dropping gold into the mud!" said Gen. Richard Mayers during a meeting at Pentagon yesterday morning."

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Teacher skins coyote in class, suspended
Wire Services | Submitted by: Razor
"A teacher who found a coyote on the road and skinned it in front of his students, potentially exposing them to rabies, was suspended without pay while two students underwent rabies vaccinations." The teacher, who fancied himself a taxidermists, decided to give students an impromptu lesson.

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Man killed in washing machine mishap
WHDH-TV 7 Boston | Submitted by: optional
"A worker at a uniform rental company was killed Tuesday after getting his head caught in an industrial washing machine, the company's owner said... "We have no idea yet why it rotated. We don't know if somebody switched it on. We don't know why the safety mechanism didn't work... This is not something that should have happened."

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Drug dealers go on strike in Copenhagen
Wire Services | Submitted by: Hans Krule
Christiana has an interesting history, a colony founded by counterculture enthusiast squatters in 1971, a little bit of anarchy within Copenhagen. It has turned out to be the city's most popular tourist attraction, but now there are proposals to bulldoze in favor of urban renewal What kind of urban renewal involves bulldozing your top tourist attractions, we wonder. Anyway, the drug dealers don't like this one bit

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Cannon fodder worth $1.49M
Canoe | Submitted by: Tim Howard
Checking out with a BOOM: "A jury has awarded $1.49 million to the family of a woman killed when a man set off an 80 year old cannon to celebrate Independence Day. Clara Smith, 63, was killed in 1999 by shrapnel from an antique cannon fired from a neighbor's yard several lots away. She was hit in the head with a 2-pound piece of metal, playing host to her own party guests." Ruins the mood of the festivities, doesn't it?

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Handyman gets 90 days in jail for stabbing a pig
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: optional
A Palm Beach County jury convicted a handyman on Tuesday of repeatedly stabbing a potbellied pig, rejecting his defense that a neighbor had framed him for the crime......an obviously intoxicated Deason shrugged off the attack, commenting, "We wanted pork chops," and "Yeah, I cut the pig. So what?" If this man got 90 days for animal cruelty, are they going to give the slaughter house workers the death penalty?

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Brighton man not too bright
The Intelligencer | Submitted by: Tim Howard
Suicide or stipidity? You make the call: "A Brighton man died Monday afternoon after driving his vehicle into a burning house. Brighton Fire Chief Harry Tackaberry said he has never witnessed such a bizarre incident in his 37 years with the fire department "where someone drives into a burning house, I presume, on purpose." "We were just pulling the hoses off the trucks when someone in a GMC Tracker drove right into the front entrance of the house," Tackaberry said." Bit of a waste of vehicle.

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The Parallax View
Washington Post | Submitted by: Monkeynavigated
"The well-documented war covers all the messiness, the whole war, whether it is well fought or not. By necessity, it produces ambiguous photographs. Photographs that some will read as images of humiliation and capture, others will read as soldiers working efficiently and cautiously in a hostile environment."

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Differing TV images feed Arab, US views
Boston Globe | Submitted by: dianalily
"The Arab world sees pictures of bloodied bodies of young children. They watch scenes crowded with corpses, including gruesome images of dead American soldiers. Americans see almost none of that. Their view of the war in Iraq, through television and print, is dominated by long-distance photos of bombs going off in Baghdad and intimate battlefield scenes conveyed by reporters who are traveling with US and British soldiers." Only because it's the kind of reality TV Americans prefer.

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DUI coordinator charged with DUI
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: Alter Ego
"A DUI coordinator in a Georgia court has resigned after being charged with drunken driving, officials said. Police said Brian P. Harrell, 24, was arrested Friday in Athens after being stopped about 1:30 a.m. while driving without his headlights on."

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End times are near (not again)
RTE Ireland | Submitted by: Vomit
The Indians and Pakastanis are making noises about slinging nuke missiles at each other again. What we have here is failure to communicate: "The launch took Indian military analysts by surprise as such an exercise was not expected during the Iraq war. Meanwhile, Pakistan test-fired a short-range missile coinciding with the Indian missile test, a foreign ministry spokesman said."

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Dowsing for Terrorists
Tri-Valley Herald | Submitted by: f00f
"One thing someone suggested is that if this works, could you identify a potential terrorist while he's in the airport?" Frank said. "Maybe the same technique could be used to find a dangerous bag among thousands in an airport. Who knows? Don't shoot the messenger, if you're not comfortable with the message." "I think it's got its merits... In fact, our government is using it. It's been using it for years. They just don't make a big deal out of it, because it's not scientifically provable."

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Put woman in will, get killed
Ft. Worth Star-Telegram | Submitted by: AnnePage
"A former retirement center nurse killed one of her suitors the day after he changed his will to include her as a beneficiary, a prosecutor told jurors as her murder trial began. Rowena Ledbetter, 70, who has been married seven times, is charged in the April 21 poisoning death of Herman "Mutt" Wilson, an 85-year-old widower and former Waco police lieutenant. Prosecutors said Ledbetter, who secretly married another widower in February 2002 while her relationship with Wilson continued, also manipulated Wilson into buying her a luxury car and jewelry." See, you DON'T have to be young to be a bitch.

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Mugabe: Let me be a Hitler tenfold
Daily Telegraph | Submitted by: f00f
At the state funeral of one of his cabinet ministers, Mr Mugabe said: "I am still the Hitler of the time. This Hitler has only one objective, justice for his own people, sovereignty for his people, recognition of the independence of his people, and their right to their resources. "If that is Hitler, then let me be a Hitler tenfold. Ten times, that is what we stand for."

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McCarthyism resurgent
Guardian | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"He was carrying an American flag and yelling support for the troops in a delayed St Patrick's Day parade over the weekend when he saw one woman carrying a sign saying: "No blood for oil". "She was wearing black and she was an older lady," says Bill. "And then our sheriff saw her and she didn't have a permit. So they put her in the back of the truck car and hauled her away."

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Middle school mafia
Cleveland Plain Dealer | Submitted by: Idle Hands
"The 'boss' of the Nordonia Middle School 'mafia' was an elaborate dreamer. He researched the mob on the Internet and in the library, attracted about a dozen followers and extracted $100 in entry fees to his group. His plans were even bigger than his actions. He envisioned getting rich quickly off prostitution, computer hacking, robbery, theft or candy sales. Police said a note written by the boss suggests he was eager to be in charge of a working organization: 'We need to take over the school quick. I want to be the guy that everybody knows. I have a plan to beat the system and make lots of money.'"

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Shit, now I can't palm cards with my red suit
NC Buy | Submitted by: HawaiianAtheist
Women: Don't wear anything red into Casinos. Not even Red Undergarments. Trust us. Those cameras that try to catch cheats may also be looking at your naughty bits: "He says he didn't believe security cameras were capable of such X-ray-vision until he viewed a piece of casino videotape which clearly showed a female blackjack dealer's derriere through her pants."

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US considering use of chemical weapons in Iraq
NewsMax | Submitted by: Vomit
Okay, so they're non lethal chemical weapons (like the "non lethal" stuff that killed 120 people in Moscow) but they're still banned under international conventions that the US seem to have a very flexiable interpretation of. Incidently some of the first chemical weapons were supposed to be "non lethal" in the sense that they imposed the burden on the enemy of dealing with lots of sick soldiers. Nevertheless they killed a lot of them anyway. Someone remind us what this war is about again?

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Saddam once received Key to Detroit
Wire Services | Submitted by: Raven Eyed Bacchante
Saddam, reppin' up in Detroit: "Saddam's bond with Detroit started in 1979, when the Rev. Jacob Yasso of Chaldean Sacred Heart congratulated Saddam on his presidency. In return, Yasso said, his church received $250,000. 'He was very kind person, very generous, very cooperative with the West. Lately, what's happened, I don't know,' Yasso, 70, said Wednesday. 'Money and power changed the person.' Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick did not immediately return a phone message seeking comment."

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Depends on what your definition of IS is, part II
New York Post | Submitted by: Marla Jones
"But on the second day of his trial, Manhattan federal judge Robert Patterson dismissed the charges that Dewansingh threatened to use a weapon of mass destruction. He said Dewansingh, 32, had not threatened "to use" anthrax because the note merely stated that the substance "is" in the ABC store."

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You've got to hand it to them Neanderthals
BBC | Submitted by: Phatlor
"Computer reconstructions of fossilised bones show their hands had almost the same manual dexterity as ours. Far from being "butter fingered", they would have been adept at using implements such as axes and knives... The finding is important because it casts doubt on the idea that Neanderthals died out because of a physical inability to use stone tools."

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Little old lady shoots intruder, spares countertops
Go Upstate | Submitted by: Yosha
A 64 year old woman targetted an intruder by watching for his shadow underneath the crack of a door. She used a .357 Magnum, saying "I would have used a shotgun, but I had just had new countertops done and I didn't want to tear up the kitchen"... She waited until she saw a shadow, then shot through the door, hitting Huitt in the leg. She then heard Huitt cry out, so she guessed she had shot him. Keeping the door closed, she then called 911 and told them what had happened."

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Dedication and dependability of the USPS
WOKR-TV 13 Rochester | Submitted by: Captain Prozac
"Marine Staff Sergeant Billy Pinkerton wrote a letter to his parents on the cardboard back of one of food rations. Since he had no stamp, he wrote "free" in the upper right hand corner of the card, and it made it back to his parents in Marion, NY, this week. The Pinkertons originally thought the card was junk mail and almost threw it out before reading it."

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Torturers... unwanted?
Salon | Submitted by: Captain Prozac
"Foreigners who have tortured and abused people overseas should not be allowed into the United States, according to a bipartisan bill introduced Wednesday in the Senate. Rep. Mark Foley, R-Fla., and Rep. Gary Ackerman, D-N.Y., are introducing a companion bill in the House. "We cannot allow torturers and killers in other countries to enjoy freedom in America," Foley said. But don't worry, American born and trained torturers will still be hailed as heroes."

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