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March 24, 2003

Headless corpse lands on kids
Sun | Submitted by: Hans Krule
"Children playing in a housing estate subway screamed in horror when a headless corpse fell among them. A man in his 50s had jumped from a bridge 40ft above ó with a wire noose around his neck. He was decapitated and his body plunged to the ground." They found his head nearby.

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Young men charged in Devil worship cult
Daily Star | Submitted by: Number-6
"Police have arrested four young men on charges of belonging to a devil worshipping cult. The Internal Security Forces said in a statement Saturday that the young men had admitted to partaking in shameless feasts, in which they listened to blaring music and met girls, with whom they had sexual intercourse... The ISF said that the four, had tattoos in the shape of a well-known satanic symbol ≠ the Sigil of the Baphomet."

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Suspicious activity
Washington Post | Submitted by: Soylent
The woes of a Washington Post reporter. Is this country still free? "Let me see your ID," Spilde said. "Why?" I asked. Wrong response. "Call for backup," Spilde eventually told Ramirez as he seized my notebook and pen and began to search me. Was I being arrested, I asked before turning over my driver's license. Eight officers responded to the call for backup. One told me that, legally, I was not being arrested, just subject to "investigative detention."

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Genius hammers live ammo for scrap, 3 die
Wilmington Star-News | Submitted by: Orpyak
"A scrap metal dealer and two small girls were killed and five other people were wounded Saturday when a shell exploded as the man was handling it, police said. The man was hammering the ammunition shell in order to break it apart and sell the metal when it went off in his courtyard, said Malik Mohammed Iqbal, a police official in Gujranwala. The accident occurred in the nearby village of Santhla, along Pakistan's border with India, 75 miles northwest of Lahore."

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Study: Back pain linked to brain shrinkage
Wire Services | Submitted by: The Hip Priest
It is official. Pain destroys gray matter in the "thinking" parts of the brain. Back pain is only a mere example. The implication is that any sort of chronic pain causes our brains to disintegrate. Vicodin, anyone? "The changes in people with chronic pain... were particularly noticeable in parts of the gray matter that are known to be important in making "emotional assessments," including decision making and control of everyday social behavior."

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Forty-six years of swift justice
KNBC-TV 4 Los Angeles | Submitted by: Tim Howard
The OLD arm of the law. "A South Carolina man who faces charges of killing two El Segundo police officers in 1957 was behind bars Saturday in Los Angeles after being extradited, authorities said. Gerald F. Mason, 69, was scheduled to be arraigned Monday on two counts of murder, five counts of kidnapping, one count of rape and four counts of robbery. Police believe Mason also robbed four teenagers in a lover's lane, sexually assaulted one of them and stole another's car shortly before killing the police officers during a traffic stop. The Columbia, S.C., man was arrested in January after Charles Porter, 81, identified a 1956 photograph of him as the man he briefly saw with the murdered officers before they were shot." Way to finger that old coot, you old coot.

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Roman Catholic coverups in Boston revealed
Washington Times | Submitted by: Razor
"The charges have been sordid, the details shocking and the numbers higher than anyone expected. A Roman Catholic priest molested more than 130 children. Another pulled boys out of religious classes and raped them in a confessional. Another seduced girls studying to become nuns by telling them he was "the second coming of Christ." Still another fathered at least two children and later left the children's mother alone as she overdosed."

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Faux Jerry Lewis to France: You suck
KNBC-TV 4 Los Angeles | Submitted by: Tim Howard
Ramblings from a bloated, washed-up hack. "Jerry Lewis is considering legal action against a radio station whose disc jockey impersonated the comedian in a conversation with French President Jacques Chirac, his attorney said. A disc jockey for KROQ 106.7's "Kevin and Bean Show" called Chirac last week posing as Lewis and held a five-minute phone conversation with the French president in which the pair discussed the war in Iraq. "Understand one thing: France and I will always be friends with America, even if we have two different views of this problem." TAKE HIM!

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US sort of forgets about Afganistan aid
BBC | Submitted by: Mayhem303
This is rather indicative of what may happen to Iraq after the war. The US promised to rebuild Afghanistan, but President Bush omits that money ($300M) from the budget, for whatever reasons. "No satisfactory explanation" was forthcoming from the Administration. Congress has to add the money back.

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Vandal defaces Shaq souvenir, Shaq vows attaq
MSNBC | Submitted by: Razor
"The Lakers' Shaquille O'Neal left Sacramento with a spoiled souvenir of his 20,000th career point, someone scribbled an insulting expletive on the ball used when he reached the milestone... "This is one thing I wonít forget, and Iíll see you soon", O'Neal said."

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Viagra-Pops for kids
Observer | Submitted by: Rabid Koala
Limp dicks rejoice! A mixture of horny goat weed and alcohol coming to a club near you. Why, it may even make that fugly thing in the corner horny enough to do you: "Powerful blends of Chinese aphrodisiacs, vodka and passion fruit will create a 'generation of randy super beings', according to drinks manufacturers who expect the new tipples to rock the market the way alcopops did in the 1990s." Just Red Bull with different Qi?

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Terrorists will attack our... cows
WRAL-TV 5 Raleigh | Submitted by: Dusik
"What better way to strike horror and fear into the hearts of the people than to deprive them of a bountiful and safe food supply?" Yes, Terrorism against Beef. "Agriterrorism has been identified by those in the intelligence world as one of the key targets of the terrorists," said Tom McGinn of North Carolina's Department of Agriculture." With pictures of cow-infrastructure.

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Suspect bagged by trash
Miami Herald | Submitted by: PerPLEXed
"For the next 10 months, Detective Mike Crowley staked out Rodriguez's home near Carol City on sanitation pickup days, watching as he dumped garbage bags by the curb. Crowley tossed them into his unmarked car and drove back to the Kendall station, wearing a surgical mask. 'It smelled.' With gloves, he'd sift through the bags, leftover rice and beans, milk cartons, soda cans, etc... Crowley found a bag with 13 empty Presidente bottles, and two were a hit, with DNA matching the bottle at Salgueiro's and the glass at Karavas."

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Iraqwar over tobacco?
CBC | Submitted by: thogard@abnormal.com
Saddam Hussein's son controls Iraq's tobacco industry and the US produces 100 billion cigarettes but only sells 75 billion cigarettes and the rest just seem to dissapear and many of them find their way through Iraq and completely and other goverments aren't getting their due taxes. Does the fact that Iraq is now producing 3% of tobacco as the US does bothers some people? The taxes the US manages to collect on the production of tobacco just about any where in the world does buy an awful lot of tomahawk cruise missiles.

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I was a naive fool to be a human shield for Saddam
London Telegraph | Submitted by: anonymous
"Perhaps the most crushing thing we learned was that most ordinary Iraqis thought Saddam Hussein had paid us [the human shields] to come to protest in Iraq. Although we explained that this was categorically not the case, I don't think he believed us. Later he asked me: 'Really, how much did Saddam pay you to come?'"

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Good television is the first casualty of war
London Telegraph | Submitted by: wingnut
"Possessed of an impressive Buddha-like solidity, both Gen Horner's bearing and his behaviour suggest that he would not be unduly bothered if a Scud missile exploded inside his helmet.At one stage on Thursday night Chuck appeared to forget that he was retired and suddenly bellowed, "Resistance is fewtal [futile]", as if he himself were addressing the Iraqi hordes." Weapons of misinformation?

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Dead Cat closes bridge; Thought to be a bomb
Houston Chronicle | Submitted by: Janey G.
"What some feared was possible terrorist activity underneath the Fred Hartman Bridge on Friday turned out to be an animal burial at sea. A tugboat crew reported seeing someone place a suspicious box at one of the bridge supports late Friday morning, and during this time of war and color-coded alerts, authorities prepared for the worst." Does it surprise anyone that this happened in [Happy 300th!] Texas?

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F. Lee Bailey disbarred, but will defend himself
Orlando Sentinel | Submitted by: Razor
"America's best-known trial lawyer will stand trial Monday in federal court in Orlando on charges of keeping $2 million in swindled money as legal fees. F. Lee Baileysaid he's too poor to hire a lawyer so he will defend himself, despite being disbarred to practice law."

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Spermanent polygamy
AZ Central | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"Two women living with a Colorado City man charged with having unlawful sex with them when they were teenagers told investigators that they artificially inseminated themselves and never had sex with the man, according to investigative reports. Sisters Roberta Stubbs, 21, and Beth Stubbs, 20, who both became pregnant with Orson William Black Jr.'s children when they were teenagers, told investigators that Black separately showed them a medical encyclopedia with pictures that described how insemination was performed, according to transcripts of interviews with the Arizona Attorney General's Office." Orson, you party animal!

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Trippin' in Southern California
Sacramento Bee | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"San Bernardino County remains the hub for the country's methamphetamine production, despite a significant drop in production last year, according to a report released this month by a multi-agency task force in Southern California. "We've made some dramatic progress from the all-time high a few years ago, but we still have a huge problem that needs to be dealt with," said San Bernardino County Sheriff's Lt. Lee Hamblin." All-time high; you're a funny guy Lieutenant.

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Must Miss TV
Dayton Daily News | Submitted by: Idle Hands
"The third annual show, inspired by the book 'Crowns: Portraits of Women in Church Hats' by Michael Cunningham and Craig Marberry, took place in front of about 100 people at Books & Co. The show featured eight women modeling some of the elaborate designer hats they wear to Sunday church services...The hats were cocked to the front, side and back or perched boldly atop heads. 'Itís all in where you place the hat," Howard said. "Itís all in the drama, ladies.' Several women in the audience also wore hats."

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Provo moral police forces Provo's only nightclub to close
Salt Lake Tribune | Submitted by: Provo Sucks!
"Even though he felt targeted by the ordinance, Merena dug in his heels. He felt obligated to his investors, and dumped more money and time into meeting the city's "superfluous" new requirements. He says he started getting frequent visits from police and fire officials, and eventually was charged with nine criminal violations, charges Merena said were trumped up to harass him."

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Old Hague nurse convicted of serial murders
BBC | Submitted by: DamnFool-Idiot
"A Dutch nurse has been jailed for life for killing or attempting to kill a string of her patients. Lucy De Berk was originally charged with 13 murders, including that of a 91-year-old Chinese judge at the international war crimes tribunal in The Hague, and five attempted murders. "I took pleasure in my work," she said during the trial. "No-one told me once that I didn't do my work well. Never." Except for the helping to keep people alive part.

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Man with cardigan fetish bothers girls
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: sparu
"A 43-year-old man with a cardigan fetish has been trying to buy clothing from Christchurch schoolgirls. The students told police they had been frightened by his approaches. Thomas William Hodgson, a storeman, is now in custody awaiting sentence on a charge of intimidating the girls by watching or loitering near their school." This story has it all: cardigans, schoolgirls. Uh.

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