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March 23, 2003

Suitcases double as infantcases in China
ABC News | Submitted by: Tim Howard
Let's see; toothbrush, clean underwear, change of socks, baby, check. OK, let's travel. "Some of the infants were two or three to a suitcase. The nylon suitcases were stacked on the luggage rack, the back row of seats and along the sides of the bus. The babies appeared to have been drugged to keep them from crying and being found... They had been on the bus for four or five hours before they were found."

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ClearChannel sponsors pro-war rallies
Chicago Tribune | Submitted by: Mayhem303
"Clear Channel radio stations in Atlanta, Cleveland, San Antonio, Cincinnati and other cities have sponsored rallies attended by up to 20,000 people. The events have served as a loud rebuttal to the more numerous but generally smaller anti-war rallies... The sponsorship of large rallies by Clear Channel stations is unique among major media companies, which have confined their activities in the war debate to reporting and occasionally commenting on the news."

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Fast Food and Facism
Searchlight | Submitted by: Tobermory
When pizzas, the far right and the loony fringe of the Catholic Church collide: "(Domino Pizza founder Thomas) Monaghan enjoys a cosy working relationship with the blatantly fascist Tradition, Family & Property, a small but formidable transnational enterprise founded by the late Brazilian Plinio Correa de Oliveira. During the 1970s the TFP serviced the bloody coup mounted by Augosto Pinochet and the CIA in Chile and the Argentine military junta.

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US wants Security Council to help pick up the pieces
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Crow
"As the clock to war ticked down, the United States was already mapping plans for rebuilding Iraq, and quietly asking for the United Nations Security Council's help... "It is inappropriate for the aggressors to now act as if they are also the saviours," said one diplomat. "We still have a bad taste in our mouths and cannot swallow this new plan from them just yet."

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Tip for would-be Mafiosi: study in Sicily
BBC | Submitted by: Phatlor
"The FBI is reported to have discovered that aspiring Mafia mobsters in the United States have been going to great lengths to qualify as traditional "Men of Honour"... Italian reports say details have emerged in an FBI inquiry into mobsters opting to study abroad with families in Trapani and Castellamare, western Sicily."

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Internet rocket car costs father a foot
Courier-Mail | Submitted by: Hans Krule
Stupid headline, not so much a case of an "Internet" rocket car, as a "dumbass" rocket car: Jeff Barlow, manager of the nearby One Mile Pub, said Mr Cannon and his sons had "souped up" a balsawood toy car by using a pipe packed with sparkler dust to propel it, after finding instructions on the Internet... "I believe it did some sort of loop and came back and routed them, then just happened to explode when it was close to people."

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Bombing County Monaghan
The Register | Submitted by: Vomit
Why, then, can these flag-waving Irish Americans not unfurl their banner with pride? Well, the reason is that the said standard carries an outline map of Monaghan, which bears an uncanny resemblance to an outline map of Iraq. Terrifying... "It came as quite a surprise to us that Monaghan and Iraq had basically the same outline shape. We had been receiving some jeers and comments as we assembled for the parade in New York and we couldn't understand why. Until someone pointed out the similarity."

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White trash wallows in filth
Zwire | Submitted by: Penfold
"A mother of three who told police she is ''doing the best she can'' was charged with endangering children after police found her trailer in such filthy conditions that one investigating officer ''had to exit the trailer to vomit,'' according to a police report... Police found a clear sticky liquid on the floor with dead roaches in it and a bathtub full of Pine-Sol cleaner being used to give the children baths because the plumbing stopped working that day."

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Tornado magnets increasing
WOKR-TV 13 Rochester | Submitted by: Captain Prozac
Of the 55 people who died in tornadoes nationwide last year, 37 were in mobile homes... why are we not surprised? Scientific studies are under way to determine whether twisters are naturally drawn to plastic lawn flamingos and old, rusty cars on blocks. The article goes on that if you have a tornado choice between a trailer and an automobile, go with the automobile.

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Cops can't link burglar to break-in but use testimony
Canoe | Submitted by: hitzler
Burglar rams stolen SUV through storefront window. Burglar gets shot by storeowner while trying to steal $20,000 TV. Burglar goes to hospital with gunshot wounds, tells cops he was shot in a drive by. Stupid cops say not enough proof to charge burglar with break-in. Instead charge storeowner with shooting burglar and use burglars testimony who they could'nt link to the break-in. The moral of the story: Aim better.

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Weakest Link used to test why we discriminate
Seattle Times | Submitted by: I think I shit my pants
"Hispanics and older people face discrimination, but blacks and women do not: or at least not on one television game show, according to a University of Chicago economist who analyzed which contestants were voted off the "The Weakest Link" as a way of testing competing theories about why we discriminate." The Scientific Method is alive and well?

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Peaceniks invade Rumsfeld's land
Fox News | Submitted by: D.Rango
"War protesters trashed the grounds around a northern New Mexico home owned by Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, placing "No War" stickers and throwing children's clothes around the property." Rumsfeld seems to own six homes in New Mexico. One home and five decoys?

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Prison for female circumcision holidays
Guadian | Submitted by: Ryan
Extraterritoriality rears its head in UK: "Parents who take their daughters abroad to be circumcised could be sentenced to 14 years in prison, if proposed legislation becomes law. The home secretary, David Blunkett, today backed a private members bill making it illegal for girls to be taken abroad for "female genital mutilation", and increasing penalties from five to 14 years."

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Be a corporate whore AND like like a doofus!
ESPN | Submitted by: SpecialK
"On Friday, Dunkin' Donuts became the first U.S. company to tattoo its logo on the foreheads of people, and the first to bring them into a sporting arena... ""I kind of like temporary tattoos and I definitely like donuts. We're going to try to get on the Jumbotron." What a proud day for all Americans!

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FRIENDS beats out ENEMIES in Nielsen ratings
Washington Post | Submitted by: Rockpile
U.S. television networks, facing a bill of up to $20 million each per day to cover the Iraq war, found that "Friends" are more popular than enemies as a repeat episode of the top sitcom on Thursday night beat live war cover on ABC in the ratings... Goldman Sachs research estimated this week that the cost to the networks of continuous coverage of the war could be $5 million to $20 million per day, in a worst-case scenario, depending on the network."

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I survived harpoon in face
Sun | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"Paramedics cut away most of the 2ft spear at the scene. But the barbs pierced Matthew’s eye socket, cheek and jaw bones, and he had to wait fully conscious for 14 hours as surgeons worked out how to remove them without killing him... Medics refused to let mum Sally see Matthew at first, fearing the sight of the spear would make her collapse. Surgeons at John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford spent seven hours removing the prongs. They later had to operate again to remove Matthew’s injured eye." Includes killer pix of Xray and face after surgery.

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Girls and science don't mix
Newsday | Submitted by: Tim Howard
Hey, it's not rocket science, or is it? "Two 13-year-old girls suffered first and second-degree burns Thursday when the engine of an aerial rocket being exhibited at a science fair at St. Joseph School in Garden City ignited and went out of control, Nassau police said. Even though students were told not to bring the rocket engines to school, the engine of a 2-foot aerial rocket exploded, shooting orange and blue flames toward the auditorium ceiling, and burning the girls in their legs, Det. Raymond Kurz, of the Arson/Bomb Squad, said."

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SA: Microsoft security equals false advertising
itWeb | Submitted by: Tim Howard
Butterfly's wings clipped: "The Advertising Standards Authority of SA (ASA) has ordered that a Microsoft ad implying that its software will bring about the extinction of the hacker is to be pulled for being "unsubstantiated and misleading". An objection was lodged by freelance journalist Richard Clarke, in his personal capacity, who complained that the advert was untrue. He claimed Microsoft software is littered with vulnerabilities." DUH! We have a word for people who run Microsoft as platforms for production servers: fools.

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Advice for Liz Smart from convicted terrorist
CBS News | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"One of the few individuals who might know how Elizabeth Smart feels right now is Patty Hearst, who endured countless horrors at the hands of her kidnappers in 1974 before joining up with their political cause and robbing a San Francisco bank. Hearst's life with the abductors who called themselves the Symbionese Liberation Army finally ended with her arrest for the bank robbery, in which she had been photographed with a machine gun, causing many to wonder why she hadn't escaped her captors." Countless horrors? After she was busted the Hearst pumped her fist in 'Right On' fashion for salivating paparazzi.

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Texas celebrates belated 300th
CBS News | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"An apologetic killer Thursday became the 300th inmate put to death in Texas since the state resumed the death penalty 20 years ago... Keith Clay, 35, who gunned down a convenience store clerk during a 1994 robbery, prayed softly to himself as he was executed by injection. He was pronounced dead at 6:23 p.m."

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Canadians boo during US National Anthem
Boston Globe | Submitted by: Mayhem303
"Fans booed during the playing of the U.S. national anthem before the New York Islanders' 6-3 victory over the Montreal Canadiens on Thursday night. The sellout crowd of 21,273 at Bell Centre was asked to 'show your support and respect for two great nations' before the singing of the American and Canadian national anthems."

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Indonesia: grow vegetables to deter corruption
Canoe | Submitted by: anonymous
"Bogor Police Col. Anton Bachrul Alam said Friday he was encouraging officers to grow tomatoes, lettuce and flowers at home to supplement their often meagre income. "Their official wages are barely enough to live on. It's better than extorting people or taking bribes." A hydroponics expert will demonstrate proper techniques. We aren't sure about Indonesia, but all the hydroponics experts we know are total potheads.

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Granny a cereal hazmat offender
New York Post | Submitted by: ResQGrrl
"Betty Feir, 60, had no idea she was the subject of an FBI-NYPD counterterrorism investigation that forced the closing of a section of the ticket-counter area of American Airlines while haz-mat units decontaminated six security personnel and police dogs sniffed the strange white powder."

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