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March 13, 2003

Why does actor Don Johnson have $8 BILLION
Sky News | Submitted by: AnnePage
"Former Miami Vice star Don Johnson is being investigated on suspicion of being involved in an international money-laundering ring. The star of the cult '80s cop show was stopped by police as he drove into Germany from Switzerland with $8B of share certificates, cheques, credit notes and bonds crammed into a suitcase. The 53 year old was stopped at a roadblock near the Swiss border and questioned by officers."

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Mel Gibson's parents wear tinfoil hats
ABC TV affiliates | Submitted by: Hasamimasho
"The actor's father, Hutton Gibson, told The New York Times he flatly rejected that the terrorist group led by Usama bin Laden had any role in the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon Sept. 11... He and the actor's mother, Joye Gibson, also told The Times that the Holocaust was a fabrication manufactured to hide an arrangement between Adolf Hitler and "financiers" to move Jews out of Germany to the Middle East to fight Arabs."

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Antiwar protesters trash 9/11 memorial
Whittier Daily News | Submitted by: Rockpile
"Antiwar protesters burned and ripped up flags, flowers and patriotic signs at a Sept. 11 memorial that residents erected on a fence along Whittier Boulevard days after the terrorist attacks in 2001 and have maintained ever since."

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Two War-on-Drugs copters downed by gunfire
Newsday | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"The helicopters, manned by drug investigators and an official from the Federal Investigative Agency, had just lifted off to fumigate poppy plants Monday when they were hit by high-powered weapons fired by unidentified assailants, the Attorney General's office said in a news release."

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How NOT to smuggle drugs
Cincinnati Enquirer | Submitted by: buffaloBill
"The 24 bundles of marijuana, each the size of a large bed pillow, wouldn't all fit in the trunk, police said. Some were packed in the rear seat with a blanket over the top...Salinas was driving a 2002 red Ford Escort ZX2...going 78 mph in a 55 mph zone." The article then mentions another recent, and equally stupid, would-be smuggler: "An Ohio State Highway Patrol trooper stopped a Dodge Caravan on Interstate 74 in Hamilton County for following a car too closely and found 894 pounds of marijuana in plain view in the back." Dude!

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Indian Parliament screams for four hours
Wire Services | Submitted by: jo666py
Well now here's a real WTF: "Upset by a budget proposal to raise the price of fertilizer, lawmakers in India's lower house of parliament shouted their opposition for four hours on Tuesday. The tactic was so effective the finance minister withdrew the plan."

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Pentagon under influence of certifiable nuts
New York Times | Submitted by: Mr. Picky Pants
We could not make this shit up even if we tried: It appears that the crazy Fundamental Christians (like there are any other kind) are not staying in the insane asylums where they belong, but are being allowed to actively guide the U.S. military in the "War on Terror". The New York Times reports on its editorial page that the author of the "Bible Code II: The Countdown" actually was allowed to brief top pentagon officials on the hocus-pocus his book is based on in an attempt to find Osama Bin Laden. Tarot cards next?

Read article... and This article...

Diddle child, get 30 days
Dayton Daily News | Submitted by: Idle Hands
"A 68 year old Oregonia man was sentenced Wednesday to 30 days in the Warren County Jail for sexual conduct with an 8-year-old relative, after her parents complained about the plea bargain. "We not only desire, but require justice for our daughter," the girl's mother said. "This is a felony offender." After listening to the mother, Warren County Common Pleas Judge Neal Bronson issued maximum six-month sentences and $1,000 fines on each charge for Donald Perry, but suspended all but 30 days of his jail term." If he'd smoked pot during the diddling, how many years would have been added to the sentence?

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Mass monkey escape
New Orleans Times-Picayune | Submitted by: dogawful
Maybe not as exciting as "The Hot Zone" or as amusing as a Curious George in The Big Easy, but two dozen rhesus monkeys did manage to escape from the Regional Primate Center: "Students and staff at nearby Northlake Christian School reported seeing several monkeys in the trees Tuesday afternoon. But as nightfall approached, the monkeys had returned to the ground, an indication that they were probably getting hungry and were ready to eat, Tulane workers said."

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Texas set to celebrate its Big 300th
Newsday | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"In the 22 years since convicted killer Delma Banks arrived on death row in Texas, he's seen 299 prisoners taken away for execution. Barring a U.S. Supreme Court reprieve, he'll become No. 300... The former judges say problems with lawyers and witnesses in Banks' trial led to a wrongful conviction."

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Activities include nature hikes, campfires, etc.
Wire Services | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Saddam Hussein has opened a training camp for Arab volunteers willing to carry out suicide bombings against U.S. forces in case they invade Iraq, Arab media and Iraqi dissidents said Tuesday... scores of Arab volunteers have gone to a special camp run by the Iraqi intelligence service near the town of al-Khalis, 40 miles northeast of Baghdad."

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Leaving prison in style
Australian Broadcasting | Submitted by: Squeak, the Human Chew Toy
"A gang has used rocket launchers and heavy weapons to blow open the outer doors of a French prison and free their friend in a spectacular jailbreak... "What worries us is that the accomplices are not afraid to use weapons of war any more," a prison union official commented after a breakout earlier this month on Borgo, Corsica."

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Stones tour censored in China
CNN | Submitted by: Lydia
"The Chinese government has ordered the Rolling Stones to ax four of their best-known hits from their landmark mainland shows next month, a concert organizer has said Wednesday." Among the banned songs: Brown Sugar, Honky Tonk Woman, Beast of Burden, and Let's Spend the Night Together.

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California schools sell out America
Fox News | Submitted by: Boat6float
"Two school districts in California have encouraged families to adopt a "don't tell" policy with their children to avoid a federal law that requires schools to notify military recruiters about students reaching enlistment age... "We are complying with the law, but we are also making clear to our parents that... they have the opportunity to opt out of it, to choose not to have private information provided to the military."

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Use an accordian go to prison?
Cincinnati Enquirer | Submitted by: buffaloBill
"Village Council ruled Monday night that street performances by a 16-year-old accordion player do not disturb the peace." The complaints weren't so much about his music presence but the fact his music was "tacky." In any event the world is safe for democracy once again.

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