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March 07, 2003

Illegal bathtub cheese ring busted
WIXT | Submitted by: Penfold
"Several citations were issued during the weekend to people authorities said were making and selling illegal bathtub cheese and unprocessed milk. Sheriff's deputies and health officers responded after receiving complaints about a "Cheese Fiesta," said a sheriff's department spokesman." A speakeasy for cheese? A Cheeseeasy? Anyway the illustration is perfect.

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Surprise, the French are arming Iraq
Washington Times | Submitted by: Soylent
"An intelligence official said the illegal spare-parts pipeline was discovered in the past two weeks and that sensitive intelligence about the transfers indicates that the parts were smuggled to Iraq as recently as January... Other intelligence reports indicate that Iraq had succeeded in acquiring French weaponry illegally for years."

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Blair gets proof of WMD... checks receipt
Guardian | Submitted by: Hedgehog
A chemical plant which the US says is a key component in Iraq's chemical warfare arsenal was secretly built by Britain in 1985... Documents show British ministers knew at the time that the 14m plant, called Falluja 2, was likely to be used for mustard and nerve gas production... Senior officials recorded in writing that Saddam Hussein was actively gassing his opponents and that there was a "strong possibility" that the chlorine plant was intended by the Iraqis to make mustard gas."

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Mall of Death
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: Green6
"The manager of a toy store who died chasing a suspected shoplifter suffered a heart attack, according to the Gwinnett County Medical Examiner... On Monday, a woman fainted outside Gwinnett Place Mall and died after she witnessed her car being burglarized."

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The Day I met Saddam
BBC | Submitted by: Tobermory
Something to tell the kids: "What struck me was the incredible, eerie charisma of the man. Everybody, but everybody, felt drawn to him. Although I was very conscious of what he could do-- if he wanted to-- I was fascinated by him. You know the snake in the Jungle Book film? His voice has a similar effect, it doesn't go up and down but it isn't monotonous." Second link is Rotten's biography of Hussein.

Read article... and This article...

Legless marathoner still running LA Marathon
WRAL-TV 5 Raleigh | Submitted by: dusik
Holy shit. "Bob Wieland is still running the Los Angeles Marathon -- on his hands. The Vietnam veteran lost his legs in the war, but he's determined to finish the 26.2-mile race. Wieland swings along on his hands, lifting the weight of his body with his arms."

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Really REALLY fast porn downloads ahead
BBC | Submitted by: koush
"Scientists have set a new internet speed record by transferring 6.7 gigabytes of data across 6,800 miles, from Sunnyvale in the US to Amsterdam in Holland, in less than one minute... Les Cottrel, of Stanford Linear Accelerator Center (SLAC) Computer Services, said: "By exploring the edges of internet technologies' performance envelope, we will bring high-speed data transfer to practical everyday applications." (Read: pr0n)

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Dude, you've killed the Dell
The Smoking Gun | Submitted by: The Sweetness
Sotry covered earlier, now a mugshot. "Meet George Doughty. For some reason--and we're sure it was a fine one--the 48-year-old Colorado man fired four shots into his Dell laptop Sunday (3/2) morning. He whacked the defenseless machine in the Sportsman's Inn, a bar he owns, while a couple of patrons and a bartender looked on."

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Speedbumps cause grief for hearses
BBC | Submitted by: Formal De Heide
Can't a brother take his last ride in peace? "Speed humps are being lowered by an inch in Liverpool because funeral cars keep getting stuck on them. Funeral directors complained to the city council after some hearses were left stranded on the sleeping policemen... "We have had incidents where the limo has scraped every hump on the way to church."

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Osama just like Washington and Jefferson
NewsMax | Submitted by: Penfold
US Representative Marcy Kaptur made a brilliant and sensitive analogy comparing Osama bin Laden to the country's Founding Fathers: "Osama bin Laden and these non-nation-state fighters with religious purpose are very similar to those kind of atypical revolutionaries that helped to cast off the British crown." Of course, there is that slight difference that John Hancock never flew a fucking plane into a building and killed 3000 people.

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Meth junkie complains about looking like meth junkie
Peoria Journal-Star | Submitted by: Penfold
"Wood accepted a unique plea agreement in January that gave her probation in exchange for using her photographs in a campaign to curb methamphetamine use by showing the physical toll of the drug... Now, she says the startling before-and-after photos are causing humiliation for her and her family and wants prosecutors to stop distributing the fliers."

Read article... and This... and This...

Where's a tow truck when you need one?
Virginian-Pilot | Submitted by: Angela
"One of the military's largest transports was stuck on a runway atop the I-564 overpass today, awaiting a tow after landing about 1 a.m., unable to turn around at the west end of Chambers Field at the Norfolk Naval Station. The incident forced the closing of the field for most of the day to all but helicopter traffic and made for a dramatic sight to hundreds of motorists passing beneath it during the morning rush hour."

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Ceiling falls on chemistry class
Newsday | Submitted by: President Dr. Q. Oats
Writes the submitter: "I'm a 10A student that was in the back of the classroom when the ceiling fell on my class and I." ... "Melissa Hernandez heard a creaking sound and then it fell. Large chunks of plaster crashed through the drop ceiling and onto students reviewing for an advanced 10th-grade chemistry test at Sewanhaka High School in Floral Park."

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Hamster torturer gets 3 years probation
WNBC | Submitted by: Zed
"Prosecutors have agreed to probation for a man caught torturing a hamster he had just bought from a pet store last year... He was charged last October after a Watchung pet store employee saw him squeezing the hamster. Authorities say he also clipped the hamster's teeth so it wouldn't bite him."

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