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February 28, 2003

Woman beats her kids with dildo
Pottstown Mercury | Submitted by: JON BLAST
"A 35 year old West Pottsgrove woman displayed an artificial penis, in a sexual nature, to three juveniles, chased them and hit one child on the head with it, according to court documents... Linda Schultz, of the 400 block of Glasgow Street, must answer to multiple charges of corruption of minors, open lewdness and harassment in connection with incidents that occurred in June, according to documents filed Thursday in Montgomery County Court."

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Virginia celebrates Black History Month
Cavalier Daily News | Submitted by: heptapod
"Shortly before 2 a.m. this morning, Daisy Lundy, Student Council presidential candidate and second-year College student, was assaulted in Poe Alley, directly behind the West side of the Lawn. Multiple sources who were present when Lundy spoke to the police, confirmed this morning that Lundy told police the assailant said, "no one wants a nigger to be president."

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Damn Americans... I hate those bastards
Canadian Broadcasting | Submitted by: Crooky
"MP Carolyn Parrish was speaking to reporters about Canada's diplomatic initiative on Iraq. At the end of her comments, after most of the cameras were turned off, Parrish said, "Damn Americans, I hate those bastards." Then she "retracts" her statement: "My comments do not reflect my personal opinion of the American people and they certainly do not reflect the views of the government of Canada." What exactly do they reflect, lady?

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David Hasselhoff almost killed in motorcycle accident
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: HELL
Folks, we almost lost a treasure: "David Hasselhoff and his wife suffered broken bones when the actor lost control of the motorcycle they were riding and hit a sidewalk curb, police said... The crash threw Hasselhoff against a light pole, while his wife, actress Pamela Bach, fell onto the shoulder of the road. Police said both were wearing helmets."

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Boy forced to pay OWN child support
Des Moines Register | Submitted by: BJ the Duck
The Department of Human Services earlier this month went after the wages of Keith Nitzschke, Rylan's father, to recover more than $2,000 in unpaid support. The state also took money from two bank accounts in Nitzschke's name... Rylan had hoped to buy a PlayStation 2 video console. "I heard they thought it was part of my dad's money and they ended up taking it. It sucked."

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All hail the New American Century
Guardian | Submitted by: Viv Savage
More details unearthed by the 'twitchy, anti-war conspiracy talkers': "An outfit exists on 17th Street in Washington, DC, called the Project for the New American Century, explicitly committed to US mastery of the globe for the coming age. Its acolytes speak of "full spectrum dominance", meaning American invincibility in every field of warfare - land, sea, air and space - and a world in which no two nations' relationship with each other will be more important than their relationship with the US. There will be no place on earth, or the heavens for that matter, where Washington's writ does not run supreme."

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You betta buy dis mothafuckin Sports Illustrated
St. Augustine Record | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"A door-to-door magazine salesman snapped on Saturday afternoon and started cursing people who declined to subscribe... While the residents completed their police paperwork, Thompson bashed his head repeatedly against the cage inside the patrol car and kicked the floor."

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Skinheads still a tough audience
News 24 South Africa | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"A cameraman was attacked after the comic wound up one of the mob by admiring the racists' look, and asking if they used moisturiser... Producer Dan Mazer told the New York Times: "I can't remember what the trigger question was, but all of a sudden the guy we were interviewing exploded."

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Fake tears NOT a miracle, says church
News Corporation | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"A weeping statue of the Virgin Mary was not a miracle, Perth's Catholic Archbishop said... But Archbishop Barry Hickey refused to call the Thai-made fibreglass statue a fake because he said mystery still surrounded the reason for its tears, which have been found to be a mixture of rose oil and vegetable oil."

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Pubic Hair meets stiff upper lip
NZoom | Submitted by: Phaedra
Follow-up on an earlier story: "A Gucci advertisement featuring a woman with her pubic hair cropped in the shape of a letter "G" got the go-ahead from Britain's tough advertising watchdog on Wednesday. Sixteen outraged members of the public had complained to the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) that the Italian fashion house's advert was indecent." Yay team!

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Breast feeder kicked out of Parliament
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Ross
"Former Olympic skier Kirstie Marshall caused a stir in the Victorian Parliament yesterday, breastfeeding her new baby in the chamber then missing her first question time... She left the chamber after being approached by the Sergeant-at-Arms. "And as she hasn't been elected to Parliament - and I thought that being inside me that was kind of part of it, she's not an individually-elected member." Parasitic members of Parliament? Does that include tapeworms as well as unborn babies?

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Family of electrocuted thief gets $75,000
Chicago Sun-Times | Submitted by: UncleGum
"The family of a convicted burglar who was electrocuted in 1997 when he tried to break in to a bar in Aurora after-hours and triggered a homemade booby trap has been awarded a $75,000 jury verdict to be paid by the owners of the bar and the property... Jurors weren't allowed to be told that Harris was drunk and on cocaine, nor that he had served time in prison for two burglary convictions."

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US sells out Kurds. Again.
Washington Post | Submitted by: Turkish Penis
"The United States has promised to prevent Kurds from imposing a federation-style government in postwar Iraq that would ensure their continued autonomy and agreed to allow Turkish troops to enter northern Iraq and observe the disarmament of Kurdish militias once fighting has stopped, Turkish officials said today."

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Tattoo Offensive: Why don't you try telling him?
News Corporation | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"US heavyweight boxer Mike Tyson and rock star Robbie Williams have attracted the ire of a group of New Zealand academics angry at the way they have used Maori tattoo designs... [Three Maori ivory-tower inhabitants] jointly objected, saying they were particularly concerned people were "misappropriating" Ta Moko or traditional Maori tattoo."

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Dell Dude talks of life, pot, and a lesson learned
New York Sun | Submitted by: HawaiianAtheist
Now if we can only get rid of those stupid interns... "After a whirlwind two years playing Steven, the annoying kid on the Dell commercials who says things like "Dig it" and "Dude, yer gettiní a Dell," inspiring a handful of creepy fan sites and helping Dellís sales surge, he was suddenly out of work. On February 9, he was arrested on charges of buying less than two ounces of marijuana. The arrest prompted Dell to cancel the actorís contract, which was valued somewhere in the vicinity of $500,000. The down-to-earth NYU acting student says itís the best thing thatís happened to him." Dell could have turned this to their advantage, instead they fire the guy.

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Nepotism uncovered in ant colonies
Wire Services | Submitted by: Razor
Not all ants live up to their image as egalitarian hard workers: some are even guilty of nepotism, Finnish researchers said on Wednesday... Worker ants in the species favored their own relatives when caring for eggs and larvae, which researchers said implied they capitalized on their ability to discriminate."

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Model rockets may be grounded
Space.com | Submitted by: Razor
"A provision deep within the regulations of the new Homeland Security Act is threatening to shut down the popular hobby of model rocketry because the propellant used to make the rocketís solid fueled motors is now classified as explosive material... "Because if manufacturers like Estes canít get rocket motors delivered to stores, the hobby is completely dead," Van Milligan said." And actually, killing off the model rocket hobby is not really in the interests of national security.

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No Crest White Strips in this neighborhood
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: phyldo
"In my generation, it was a high-end car, women in mink coats, and in earlier generations you're talking zoot suits and slicked-down hair," Turner said. "I think gold jewelry and gold teeth fall into this pattern of wanting to say to the world that you've gotten somewhere, you've gotten over, you're ahead. It's also a visible sign of a street affection, a street bond."

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State Farm won't replace car in event of nuke
KMBC-TV 9 Kansas City | Submitted by: Ted
"The nation's largest auto insurer is telling its 40 million auto policyholders that nuclear explosions and radioactive fallout won't be covered as normal road hazards." Do the Insurance companies know something we don't know?

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Japanese bullet train driver nods off
BBC | Submitted by: Zed
"An inquiry has been launched into what is sure to be seen as at least an embarrassment, given the Japanese railway system's reputation for safety and punctuality... The 33 year old driver, who has not been named, said he had no memory of what had happened."

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