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February 24, 2003

Serbian guard dogs shot for not barking
Wire Services | Submitted by: jo666py
Remember the National Lampoon cover "Buy This Magazine or We'll Shoot This Dog"? "Guards at a prison in northern Serbia shot and killed two watch dogs that failed to alert them to the escape of five inmates, a newspaper reported Saturday. The two dogs failed to bark when five inmates dug a channel underneath a prison wall and escaped earlier this month, the Gradjanski List daily reported."

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Sentence: 124 years for Max Factor rapist, er, HEIR
Sacramento Bee | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"A judge sentenced fugitive cosmetics heir Andrew Luster to 124 years in prison for drugging and raping three women at his oceanfront home in Ventura County. On Tuesday, Superior Court Judge Ken Riley also ordered Luster, 39, the great grandson of makeup legend Max Factor, to pay $1 million in restitution. Luster was convicted in absentia last month on 86 counts including rape, sodomy, drug and weapons possession and poisoning. He vanished Jan. 3 during a two-week recess in his trial."

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Googleopoly
BBC | Submitted by: Tobermory
Paranoia and Megalomania, a perfect pair: "Google is a privately-owned US company that has a policy of collecting as much information as possible about everyone who uses its search tool... This means that Google builds up a detailed profile of your search terms over many years. Google probably knew when you last thought you were pregnant, what diseases your children have had, and who your divorce lawyer is. It refuses to say why it wants this information or to admit whether it makes it available to the US Government for tracking purposes." Which means asking it to search for 'manboy donkey sex' or 'how to blow things up' is perhaps not a good idea.

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Newton set 2060 for end of world
London Telegraph | Submitted by: UncleGum
"Sir Isaac Newton, Britain's greatest scientist, predicted the date of the end of the world, and it is only 57 years away. His theories about Armageddon have been unearthed by academics from little known handwritten manuscripts in a library in Jerusalem." He may not be far of, but the date he predicts is singularity, which is the point at which manmade computers overtake the power of the human brain. Rendering humanity irrelevant.

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Catholic priest canned after placing naked ad
The Smoking Gun | Submitted by: gris
"Francis T. Gera, 64, was removed Thursday (2/20) from his post as pastor of Holy Dormition Byzantine Catholic Church in Ormond Beach, Florida. Gera was relieved of his duties when church brass learned of his posting on the Silverfox Pictures Archive web site, which describes itself as, "your one-stop repository for pictures of older men."

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Chinese study how to clean up chewing gum
Miami Herald | Submitted by: Razor
"The Ministry of Science and Technology is involved. Eight Chinese research institutions want a piece of the project. It's even part of a code-named project: "863 program"... All to tackle a problem that has been bedeviling the Chinese government for many months now: how to clean up little blobs of discarded chewing gum from public places like Beijing's Tiananmen Square."

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AOL now now includes 35M free CC #'s
The Inquirer | Submitted by: Squeak, the Human Chew Toy
"Claims of being the biggest ISP, the most customisable service, the easiest to use, offering the best features, etc, are all common themes of AOL advertising, ending with the company's slogan: "So easy to use, no wonder its #1." OL can now add another accomplishment to its list: "Biggest security disaster in ISP history"... hackers have compromised security at AOL to such a degree that the personal information of all 35 million subscribers may be compromised."

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Can't leave you guys alone for 20 minutes
Daily Ardmoreite | Submitted by: anonymous
"He said he and his wife had left the residence. When they left, everything was fine. But when they returned about 20 minutes later, they found their son's (identified as Doyle Christie) head laying on the front porch," Burkhart said. "Then, Keith opened the front door. He was covered in blood, and he had a machete."

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Pro snowboarder killed sliding on staircase
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"A professional snowboarder from the United States is dead after an accident at his hotel in Japan. Police say Jeffrey Anderson of California was sliding down a spiral staircase early Saturday when he lost his balance and fell about 50 feet." Splat.

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Cop kills sunbather
KMGH-TV 7 Denver | Submitted by: Deb
"A 27 year old French tourist is dead and her 26-year-old sister is in critical condition after being run over by a Miami Beach police officer's sports utility vehicle... Stephanie Tunc died and Sandrine Tunc suffered serious injuries in the incident, which occurred around 1 p.m. Saturday. . The officer, George Varon, was driving a marked Ford Explorer on the crowded beach shores. He was searching for two robbery suspects and apparently did not see the sunbathing sisters."

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Police crack down on snow-boobies
KNXV | Submitted by: Deb
"A woman in northeastern Ohio may have done too thorough a job with her snowman, or snow-woman, to be exact. Crystal Lynn says police in the town of Kent told her she had to remove the breasts from her snow woman, after someone complained."

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Taxpayers billed for rape
Cleveland Plain Dealer | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"A minority outreach program billed taxpayers for each hour that paroled murderer Manuel Arias worked at a homeless shelter, even on the day a woman says he raped her there... A 23 year old client of the Haven Center said Arias handcuffed her to a desk in a private office for three hours Jan. 23 and molested her."

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Rapper convicts himself in song
Augusta Chronicle | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Richmond County investigators were looking for evidence to connect the rapper to a summertime shooting that put an unintended target in a coma. Officers searched his home and found what they needed lying on his couch: freshly written rap lyrics boasting of the crime... "This is written while he thinks he's getting away with it," said Charlie Weigle, one of the assistant district attorneys who successfully prosecuted Mr. Holmes and co-defendant Jeffery Foat."

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New effort battles human trafficking
Washington Times | Submitted by: One Eyed Jack
"From 700,000 to 4 million women and children are trafficked annually into places such as Jamaica, Saudi Arabia, France and the United States for prostitution and labor, according to the United Nations. This year, there are fresh efforts being put into the fight against this $7 billion business."

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Ninjacripple
News Corporation | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"A paralysed north Queensland man has overcome his disability to become a brown belt in the ancient Japanese martial art of Ninjitsu... After trying other forms of martial arts, he took up Ninjitsu two years ago and is now one step away from a black belt."

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Bondage beginners shouldn't beat about the bush
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"S&M is all about discipline. The mental is more important than the physical and sex is not what links a couple. If both are only interested in sex, what goes on is simply a lay. If you're a masochist, you should be prepared to do anything for your mistress, even die," the dominatrix says. "S&M can involve some pretty harrowing things, like bondage, exhibitionism or scatology, as well as painful stuff like whipping and dripping hot candle wax. You can go even harder by slashing the skin, piercing the genitals or choking. One mistake could prove fatal."

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Bush cited report that doesn't exist
Newsday | Submitted by: PineNuts
"There was only one problem with President George W. Bush's claim Thursday that the nation's top economists forecast substantial economic growth if Congress passed the president's tax cut: The forecast with that conclusion doesn't exist... "It sounded like the Blue Chip Economic Forecast had endorsed the president's plan. That's simply not the case."

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Iranian women burn to death in protest
London Telegraph | Submitted by: UncleGum
Massively parallel self immolation: "Five young Iranian women from villages near the southern city of Shiraz burnt themselves to death last week because their families refused to let them go out to work... The five, aged between 14 and 23, died in hospital after setting themselves alight."

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Is the middle finger losing its fuck-you badness?
Wire Services | Submitted by: Cudaman Dan
"Flashing the middle finger was the ultimate insult when Kremp was growing up, or at least, with its vulgar, sexual connotation, a very naughty thing to do. These days, "the bird" is flying everywhere, and, in many instances, losing its taboo status, especially among the younger set."

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