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February 23, 2003

World loses country
BBC | Submitted by: Penfold
Nauru, an isolated speck in the southwest Pacific with a population of 12,000, lost all contact with the world three weeks ago when its telecommunications network collapsed... Nauru's telephone system collapsed on 8 January amid political chaos, and since then the island has only been contactable when ships equipped with satellite telephones made stops there... "No one is even sure who the country's president is any more." Anymore? Who knew who the president was before?

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Osama spotted driving a yellow truck on HWY395
Victorville Daily Press | Submitted by: JOPY - 666
"The Saudi international terrorist drives a yellow semi-truck and trailer out on Highway 395, at least that's according to one High Desert motorist's report to the California Highway Patrol... "When he called in to report the incident, he told dispatch what had happened and that the driver of the truck looked like Osama bin Laden," Scranton said... The agency dispatched Officer Dave Williams out to the highway... He quickly confirmed that the trucker, who in fact wore a beard, a turban and was of Middle Eastern descent, was not the fugitive."

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Last wild born California Condor offed by poacher
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: bloomingdales
"The last female California condor to be born in the wild and to remain living in the wild has been shot to death by a poacher, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service said Thursday... The carcass of Adult Condor 8, as she was known, was discovered Feb. 13 in a remote area of Kern County, north of Los Angeles."

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Thieves fool gullible couple
Edmonton Journal | Submitted by: Gorg
"A north Edmonton couple's home was robbed after they were lured to police headquarters by a man claiming to be a constable who had to meet with them. The man called the couple's home twice Wednesday night and identified himself as Const. Wanks... The caller knew the male victim's name, the make of his vehicle and licence plate number." (Constable Wanks? They deserved to be robbed.)

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The man-eating fly factory
Wire Services | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Tucked away in southern Mexico's jungly Chiapas state, scientists work around the clock using radiation and powdered blood to produce one of the area's most cutting-edge exports, man-eating flies." The factory breeds sterile insects, which are then released to the wild to mate with otherwise fertile flies.

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A plan to behead Mormon president
Deseret News | Submitted by: Jackass Mormon
"About noon Wednesday, a posting to an Internet news group under the screen name prosecutors say is registered to Morrison stated: "Of course, our efforts to bring the cowardly, insane, Satanic filth at the head of the LDS Church to justice is continuing on schedule also... Let's see, conference is when?" Aldo: "So I have been thinking how I am going to kill Gordon Hinckley. (I pray that he does not die before I get the privilege of killing him)," adding he plans to behead the 92-year-old church leader."

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Nigger makes people queasy
Virginian-Pilot | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Black, white and Asian, the college students and teachers spent a few minutes comparing how queasy they felt... Then they pinpointed the source of their discomfort. It was the title of a book that they had read to prepare for a guest speaker at Old Dominion University on Thursday... The book is Nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy, a Harvard Law School professor."

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Nobel Peace Prize a bad joke
Guardian | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"But then, this is nothing new for the Nobel peace prize. After all, Adolf Hitler was in the running in 1938. Yes, that's 1938, not 1933: after the persecution of the Jews had been established under the Nuremberg laws. This was also the same year in which Gandhi was nominated, although the committee agreed that he didn't deserve recognition. Alfred Nobel, incidentally, also invented dynamite."

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Witches stoned to death by kooky villagers
Wire Services | Submitted by: C-Dog
There has been an outbreak of the Ebola virus in the northern districts of Congo (Yes, like the movie), and instead of blaming contaminated monkey meat, they blamed some local school teachers and killed them in the mob fashion once popular in New England. "People continue to believe that the Ebola disease is a spell that has been cast on them by witches, and four teachers accused of being the cause of the disease have been beaten and stoned to death," said a local official."

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Sore loser murders milk
Lincoln Journal Star | Submitted by: Irmo
This short story illustrates that low IQ and petty crime shouldn't mix: "Once outside, Frields tripped and fell, smashing most of the [recently stolen] beer bottles... He got up and ran for home... but on the way he encountered three people in an alley who were walking home from the store. One of them, a 14 year old boy, was carrying a plastic gallon jug of milk... Frields yanked the milk from the boy's hands and stabbed it several times, police said, bleeding milk onto the alley."

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Fire crews save naked man cuffed to toilet
Wichita Eagle | Submitted by: Mitch B.
"The motel manager and firefighters rescued a Wichita man in his mid-50s after someone set a mattress on fire and handcuffed him to a toilet, Fire Marshal Ed Bricknell said... After the man yelled for help, the manager extinguished the mattress, and firefighters cut off the metal handcuffs to free the man."

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Thailand sponsors slapping to enhance breast size
Independent | Submitted by: JON BLAST
"Dozens of bra-less Thai women are on a government-backed course of breast slapping to enhance the size of their bust, and their self-esteem. One hundred vied for 40 places on the first course... The Health Ministry offers the classes as a substitute for silicone implant surgery, increasingly common among slender Thais. The government seems to consider the beauty of Thai women a vital natural resource to be better developed."

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Russian fat cat creams the rest
BBC | Submitted by: Vonster Monster
Holy Shit! "Katy, a five year old Siamese from the town of Asbest in the Ural mountains, weighs in at 23 kilograms (50 pounds), slightly more than the average six year old boy. Her average food consumption: 1.3 frankfurters per minute." Can she compete with Tubcat?

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