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February 19, 2003

But a fucking CHEESE WEDGE on your head is okay?
MSNBC | Submitted by: MissCandi
"Oppenheim came back with the blue shirt design, a concept that left some residents and officials decidedly unimpressed and troubled that the work insults Milwaukee's blue collar history... Walker doesn't want the sculpture anywhere near Milwaukee County public land. He believes it will overwhelm the parking garage and clash with the rest of the airport's design." That shirt simply does not go with that garage!

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Mike Tyson still crazy
Toronto Star | Submitted by: PCM2
This time he's gone off and gotten a tattoo on one side of his face. A big one, apparently, though there are no pictures yet. His handlers sound pretty fed up, they reckon he's off his meds again: "The tat is being described as an "African tribal scroll" shaped like the numeral 3, extending from above the eyebrow to the jaw line."

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Police seek Eminem lookalike in NJ bank robberies
Entertainment Tonight | Submitted by: Tank's Grrl
"The FBI and the New Jersey state police are asking the public for help in finding an Eminem look-alike who has robbed 10 banks in the state since October 2002... "He's the most prolific in the shortest amount of time we've had in recent memory," FBI Special Agent Stephen Siegel told the Bergen County, New Jersey Record."

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It's a fish-eat-fish world
CNN | Submitted by: D.Rango
Another reason to grill a juicy steak tonight: "Fish farms are a mounting threat to depleted world stocks because more and more wild fish are being fed to their caged cousins, the WWF conservation group said... Without reform, it said the fast-growing industry could be consuming all the world's fish oil and half of its fishmeal by 2010... Four kilos of wild caught fish are needed to produce one kilo of farmed fish."

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Wild pigs threaten Somali peace talks
BBC | Submitted by: jo666py
"Warlord Mawlid Maane is extremely unhappy at the change of venue... threatening to go home. He was charged last month for assaulting a professor at the talks but he denied that other delegates would be pleased to see him go. "I am an important person... My fellow Somalis will miss me if I go." Somalis are supposed to be badasses, but all this smacks of whimpering.

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Thai Elephants to be fitted with microchips
e-insite | Submitted by: anonymous
"The Thai Agriculture Ministry will spend 2.5 million baht putting microchips in another 700 domesticated elephants to monitor and control their movement. Deputy Agriculture Minister Newin Chidchob said yesterday it was part of a systematic plan to solve the elephant problem, especially those that roam the streets with their handlers in large cities."

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UK facists get makeover
Searchlight | Submitted by: Tobermory
"But as the BNP reinvents itself, its danger will also grow. Right-wing extremism is not what it once was. Where it was once a tribal subculture, now it is slick and understated. While there is nothing subtle about Griffin's thesis that Jews control the media, there is something almost bland about his bluster. Griffin sees his appeal as being rooted in intelligence and charisma. But he is also decidedly banal. As Adorno... succinctly put it, 'Hitler posed as a composite of King Kong and the suburban barber'. A far-right leader needs charisma, but he must also appear to be like an ordinary follower. It is in this ordinariness that danger lies."

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Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Puker
News Corporation | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Ben Boyton started growing pumpkins about a year ago "as a bit of a hobby", but it soon turned into an obsession that has taken over the back yard of his western Sydney home... The Bligh Park landscaper has spent $5000 on manure and gardening equipment over the past four months growing his latest, and biggest, pumpkin."

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Iraqi Phallic
Wire Services | Submitted by: SmackMaster
Iraq commemorates the male member, apparently.

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Marine wins Darwin Award
Savannah Morning News | Submitted by: Egg
"A Beaufort Marine died early Monday after deciding to lay down in the middle of a highway to snooze after leaving a party. "They had a really long walk ahead of them," said Beaufort County Coroner Curt Copeland. "He, for whatever reason, just lay down in the middle of the road. She yelled at him to get up and about that time a car came along and hit him." All those government dollars gone to waste, shame.

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Students bring pot brownies to class
Wire Services | Submitted by: anonymous
"Five students at an El Dorado County High School are in trouble after school officials say they brought pot-laced brownies to school to share with their classmates. The students' homework assignment in health class at Oak Ridge High School last Friday was to bring in a healthy snack. Instead, they allegedly brought in a dessert made with marijuana."

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She told us it was a lovely day... then SPLAT
ic North Wales | Submitted by: Taco Vender
"I thanked her for moving and she replied, 'It's a lovely day, isn't it?'. Then she moved for us again when we came back at about 11.30am... "She seemed fine, like she was waiting for someone, enjoying her day and the view. But a few minutes later the train came out of Deganwy and hit her." Suicide.

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No dibs on cleared parking spaces
ABC TV affiliates | Submitted by: Razor
A cracked barstool. An armless armchair. A beat-up storage trunk emblazoned with a sticker that read "Deathwish"... Those were the items seen occupying city parking spots recently as residents tried to hold on to the spots they'd shoveled out, a reservation, of sorts, that can raise tempers." One man was killed over such a parking space.

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Cologne quarantine
ABC TV affiliates | Submitted by: Razor
"A Saudi Arabian traveler sparked a scare at Philadelphia International Airport on Wednesday when he innocently sprayed three guards with cologne while trying to demonstrate that the liquid wasn't dangerous... Hospital officials, unsure whether they had a biological attack on their hands, ordered a full quarantine."

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Teacher chased by fake alien sues
CNN | Submitted by: Rockpile
Kara Blanc thought she was being chased by a space alien on her way to a posh Hollywood party and was terrified. But the alien turned out to be an actor in a monster suit and the party was phony as well... So now the Los Angeles grade school teacher and aspiring actress is fighting back, suing the new reality TV series Scare Tactics, claiming she suffered severe emotional damage." Umm, she's a teacher, shouldn't she have known there are no aliens? If the suit is succesful, perhaps a revokation of credentials is in order.

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Foot fondler nabbed
Baton Rouge Advocate | Submitted by: joelvis
"New Iberia police believe they've caught the serial foot-feeler who's been haunting women in the aisles of area retail stores. Monday, one victim fingered 27 year old Christopher Briley in a lineup as the man who approached her, asked about her shoes, then started massaging her feet, Sgt. Chad Hazelwood said."

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Bird puts up heroic fight, then used as evidence
Wire Services | Submitted by: Poots Brownhole
"According to evidence presented in court, Torres and another suspect, who has yet to stand trial, broke into Butler's home. During a struggle in Butler's living room, the white-crested cockatoo named Bird after basketball great Larry Bird, swooped down on the attackers, clawed at their skin and pecked at their heads, said prosecutor George West."

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Fat and Stupid not just an expression
BBC | Submitted by: Rev. Soror Lucy Cannon
A recent study (of rats, so make of it what you will) show a correlation between consuming more calories than needed and accelerated brain cell death. Researchers are hoping this could lead to dietary recommendations for humans that would not only reduce cardiovascular disease, but Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. With obesity on the rise in the general US population as well as other countries, one has to wonder whether the percentage of idiots will rise with it.

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Hare-brained solution to global warming?
CNN | Submitted by: Mikya
"Researchers at a government funded science organization are investigating the possibility of burying up to 1 million metric tons of carbon dioxide to help solve the problem of greenhouse gas emissions." Never mind that CO2 is a gas nor the logistical problems of transportation and securing the gas to bury.

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Lesbian monkeys vs. Darwin
London Telegraph | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
"In some populations, female Japanese macaques sometimes prefer same-sex partners," he told the American Association for the Advancement of Science in Denver. "That occurs even when they are presented with sexually motivated, opposite-sex alternatives." You go (monkey) girls!

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