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February 14, 2003

High school biology thermostat massacre
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | Submitted by: Incubus
"More than two dozen animals died at Keystone Oaks High School over the weekend when a computer malfunction caused the heating system in the school's biology labs to spike as high as 116 degrees. School officials suspect "a glitch in the software" that controls the school's thermostat, said district spokeswoman Ruth Hawk... The deceased included two rabbits, a ball python, three corn snakes (including one albino corn snake), one guinea pig, three rats, eight mice, six hamsters, two aquatic frogs and a beta fish."

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Murder charged after elderly turnip dispute
Buffalo News | Submitted by: Col. Klink
"An ailing 74-year-old man strangled a woman after a dispute about peeling a turnip, Buffalo police said Monday. Henry Ward of Kingsley Street was charged with second-degree murder in the death of Gina Smith, 46, of East Utica Street. Ward, who has a deformed left arm and suffers from arthritis, appeared Monday in City Court in a wheelchair. He also was in a wheelchair at the time the crime occurred Sunday night, police said."

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Pittsburgh's $250,000 public toilet
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | Submitted by: Incubus
"It is surrounded by the same brick pillars, ornamental iron fence and landscaping as that of the parking lot and the rest of the South Side. A closed-circuit TV camera and security lighting are mounted on a pole. The city's $250,000 automatic public toilet, APT for those in the business, is one of only 19 in the world. It only costs a quarter to use, but there is one catch: a 20 minute time limit. A digital clock with bright red numbers, resembling those used at basketball games, counts down the time remaining. After 20 minutes the door opens to passersby on East Carson, although recorded messages give ample warning that time is running out."

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Jism is fogging up the screens, basking in the afterglow
Screen India | Submitted by: Hair Sphincter
Innovative way to promote Indian cinema... and Jism. ...Her eyes are glued to the monitor and she’s closely monitoring Rahul Dev’s movements... Shot over, we move to her van for more questions and answers: You must be delighted with the response to Jism? So you’re not not embarrassed by what you have done in Jism? ...and more! I'm hard already.

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Head trauma patient causes terror scare
Oklahoman | Submitted by: Mr. Ramon
"A disoriented man caused a stir Tuesday when he entered FBI headquarters in Oklahoma City and spilled a soft drink on the floor of the lobby. By the time the situation was sorted out, the FBI office was awash in reporters, camera crews, firefighters and even a hazardous materials crew."

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Fake check not spell checked
Charlotte Observer | Submitted by: Mr. Ramon
"A little more attention to detail might have helped two men get away with nearly $500 and kept two Ohio women out of the hands of police. Police say two men tried to pass a $498 counterfeit payroll check bearing the name, "Boryhill Furmiture" on Monday afternoon, but they were turned away by a grocery store office assistant who noticed the misspellings. The company's correct name is Broyhill Furniture."

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Humans taste good to ALL lions
New Scientist | Submitted by: Paul Park
"A popular theory has it that only sick or injured lions attack humans and our livestock because they are unable to snag fleet-footed prey such as zebras and gazelles. But it turns out that most man-eating lions are young males in good physical health... After examining the teeth and jaws of 23 "problem lions" killed by rangers outside the borders of Tsavo East National Park, they found that less than a quarter had damaged teeth."

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Plan: Two year American occupation of Iraq
Wire Services | Submitted by: The Lone Gunman
"U.S. officials on Tuesday laid out plans for a two-year military occupation of Iraq in the event of an invasion and told wary senators that "enormous uncertainties" made it impossible to say whether troops might stay even longer or how much it would all cost... The two officials, at a hearing called to discuss the future of Iraq, said they did not know how the United States would manage the Iraqi oil industry." Hongry vultures.

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Hendrix Family rock 'n roll reburial
CNN | Submitted by: StinkBaby
"The remains of his father, Al Hendrix, who died in April, and Al's wife, Ayako "June" Hendrix, also now rest in vaults at the center of the memorial at Greenwood Memorial Park and Cemetery, and the cremated remains of his grandmother, Nora Hendrix, will be placed there as well, said Janie L. Hendrix, the music legend's half-sister."

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And we're a stable democracy?
IndyMedia Madrid | Submitted by: HawaiianAtheist
This is a series of pictures from Spain where a young man, shouting "SAY NO TO WAR!" at a meeting by Spanish President Aznar in the Arganda del Rey, province of Madrid area, is soundly beaten by the Senior Citizens in the crowd. Ignore the possible bias of the site.

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Let's just paint over these fire alarms
Miami Herald | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"For years, old fire alarms at Miami Beach High were missing levers to pull in an emergency. Instead of installing new ones, the school district covered the boxes and painted them to match the walls... For years, school district life safety inspectors have cited hazards at the school, ranging from blocked exits and missing fire extinguishers to combustible wall coverings and drapes."

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Portrait of Hitler as a young artiste
The Age | Submitted by: Hair Sphincter
There is controversy in Berlin over a film that portrays Hitler's days as a young, struggling artist: "John Cusack plays Max Rothman, a Jewish art-dealer who once wanted to be a painter but lost an arm in the war and now runs an avant-garde gallery. He takes an interest in the work of Corporal Hitler, encouraging him to express his doubts and fears on canvas. While those around Rothman, an urbane bohemian with a complicated love life, want nothing to do with the poisonous young corporal with his half-baked theories of racial purity, Rothman takes pity on him. "He had a bad war," he says."

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Diet idea: become a mascot
ESPN | Submitted by: Nero J, Judus
"If you're looking to shed a few pounds for bikini season -- or just make weight for your upcoming title bout: mascotting offers the fastest results. According to McFarland, the average mascot loses 8.6 pounds per performance... Of course, there are some things even he won't do. "You never put on another guy's (costume) head... It smells terrible. You do 300 appearances a year, and you can never wash it."

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Annual dog killing party for UCSD medical
Sign on San Diego | Submitted by: Lowen
"In the physiology class, 10 to 20 students per table watch as a UCSD surgeon cuts open the dogs' chest cavities. The students observe such functions as the beating of the heart and flow of blood, they said. The students clamp a main artery to watch the process of cardiac failure, which sometimes kills the dogs. Dogs that survive it are euthanized."

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Census in: 390,000 Jedis, lots of sickies
BBC | Submitted by: looper
"With 0.7% of the population inspired by the Star Wars movie, Jedhi was a bigger religious group in the 2001 Census than Sikhism, Judaism and Buddism... The survey also revealed health statistics. A total of 18.2% [of everyone in the census, not just Jedi Knights] regarded themselves as having a limiting long term illness."

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Another net suicide
Wired | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
"He wrote about his fear of being in large groups of people, of his eight years spent in therapy, of not finding an end to his mental turmoil. He also wrote about learning that being institutionalized didn't prevent him from owning a gun. It was then that he bought a .410-gauge shotgun at Wal-Mart and posted online that he was looking forward to death." That's how I feel when I watch "American Idol".

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American Idol finalist axed for porn pics
CNN | Submitted by: Opshun Al
"A finalist [Frenchie Davis] on the hit Fox TV reality show "American Idol" has been kicked off the program following the discovery that she posed topless on a porn Web site that purports to feature underage girls... [Frenchie does not in the least look like an underage girl.] In January, Sarah Kozer, a finalist on the Fox reality show "Joe Millionaire," conceded that she had starred in dozens of soft core bondage and fetish films while she was attending law school."

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Usable atomic bombs eyed
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: anonymous
"The low-yield weapons, meaning weapons of less than 5 kilotons, or about a third the power of the atomic bomb that killed 140,000 people when it was dropped over Hiroshima, have been conceived of largely as "bunker busters." They would penetrate the earth and, if they work as planned, would destroy buried caches of powerful arms, like chemical and biological weapons, without causing indiscriminate annihilation." Of course, actually using atomics makes other countries to want them even more, to the point of making the anti-proliferation treaties irrelevant.

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New York principal potty caper
New York Daily News | Submitted by: anonymous
"The principal of a troubled city school was arraigned yesterday after cops caught her driving drunk - and urinating in a Bronx street - when she was supposed to be at work, police said... Cops said they spotted Peralta-Tessitore squatting and urinating beside the open door of her 2003 Mercedes-Benz about 2:40 p.m. Tuesday. Her car was stopped ata red light at 254th St. and Broadway."

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Toilet baby: how can this happen?
AZ Central | Submitted by: Justin in Arizona
"A 34 year old woman unaware she was pregnant delivered a boy Tuesday in a toilet at her mother's home... No one knew the child existed until halfway through the emergency call, when a relative discovered the boy in the toilet." Best quote: "Delivery's hard enough for a baby. Being born in a toilet has got to be pretty traumatic."

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Hazing with ravioli, syrup and butter... delicious!
Arizona Daily Wildcat | Submitted by: Hayduke
"Members of the fraternity made new pledges do push-ups and other calisthenics, perform cleaning duties and eat ravioli topped with syrup and butter, said Associate Dean of Students Veda Kowalski." Forced to perform cleaning duties? What the fuck.

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FOIA video not available under FOIA
Bradenton Herald | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
The DoD produced a training video for how to deal with Freedom of Information Act requests, but because it has excerpts of Casablanca on it for some reason, it can't be released supposedly due to copyright laws. No matter that the people who made the tape received permission from copyright holders. This is asshat manuevering to say the least, and it says a lot about a government agency when they refuse to even talk about what they do when asked to do their JOBS.

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Woman dead from grisly dogbite
New Zealand Herald | Submitted by: Kiwi Girl
"Alaskan malamute breeder Yvonne Harris, aged 73, was found dead in her Ruakaka home on Wednesday by a neighbour... The scene of her death was so grisly that police and doctors thought she had been murdered."

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Dow shuts down ethics line because of Bhopal
Greenpeace | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
Dow shut down its 'ethics' line because it could not handle the high volume of calls. It replaced human operators with a pre-recorded message directing people to a website. The site offered for answers on Bhopal was, of course, the industry version of the events it likes to describe as an 'incident'. Bhopal.com can only be described as a smarmy public relations site full of misinformation. If Dow thinks the world's worst industrial disaster is only an incident then it obviously is not living in the real world. Maybe it thinks expensive lawyers and public relations can hide the truth from the public?

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Sixth floor; housewares, accessories, gay hookers
WCAU-TV 10 Philadelphia | Submitted by: StinkBaby
"In 1998, an undercover NBC 10 photographer recorded men looking under partitions, allegedly trying to solicit the photographer for sex and then pleasuring themselves in public. Now, four years later, Philadelphia police said that they have arrested 11 men in four weeks in that same bathroom and charged four of them with prostitution and seven of them with public lewdness." Just another busy news day in Philadelphia.

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It wasn't me, it was my tumor!
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: The Good Doctor
"A brain tumour turned a 40 year old schoolteacher into an uncontrollable sex addict and pedophile, a meeting of experts has been told. When the tumour was removed, the man's obsession disappeared. But by then the teacher had been evicted from his house and found guilty of child molestation."

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