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February 13, 2003

Civil war erupting over dead horsehead
ABC TV affiliates | Submitted by: Corehead
Only this time in Pennsylvania: "Two Philadelphia museums claiming they are the rightful owners of the head of Old Baldy, the horse upon which General George Meade rode during many of the Civil War's most infamous battles... "Every time there's an article about (the Civil War museum) and it mentions (Old Baldy) as their primary artifact, it just makes my blood boil," said Margaret Atkinson, secretary of the GAR Museum."

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Free Speech = Treason
New York Sun | Submitted by: Squiggy
"So long as the protesters are invoking the Constitution, they might have a look at Article III. That says, "Treason against the United States shall consist only in levying war against them, or in adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort." And there is no reason to doubt that the "anti-war" protesters-- we prefer to call them protesters against freeing Iraq-- are giving, at the very least, comfort to Saddam Hussein."

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Sick animals may have licked shuttle debris
CNN | Submitted by: Mr. Ramon
"Three cows and two deer with swollen tongues, swollen heads and stiff necks are being tested to see if they were somehow sickened by debris from the space shuttle Columbia... "But the deer are still alive and are recovering," [a Health Commission spokesman] said, adding that all the animals were under a quarantine order not to be moved from their properties."

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Bizarre love triangle ends with 3 splattered brains
iAfrica | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"A 29 year old man from Swartdam, Marico, shot dead his two girlfriends in separate incidents on Tuesday night and then turned the gun on himself, North West police said on Wednesday." Talk about fucking up a good thing.

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The eggs weren't the only things that were fried
Aftenposten | Submitted by: The Good Doctor
"A young Norwegian, hungry after a night on the town in Bergen, decided to fry himself a few eggs when he got home. The next thing he knew, his apartment was full of smoke and angry firefighters... The young man, apparently in an alcohol induced stupor, forgot a few elementary things while attempting to satisfy his hunger. Like taking the eggs out of the carton, for starters."

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Man slices off penis, drives self to psychiatric care facility
NTR | Submitted by: Rufferto
Is admission to special hospitals that difficult to obtain? A man in his fifties sliced off approximately two centimetres of his penis before getting into his car and driving himself to the institute. A very short article which fails to answer the most important question, whether doctors managed to sew the piece back on.

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Father, son team up to battle offensive game music
Danville Register-Bee | Submitted by: ADESN
"It's not unusual for some punk, rap and rock songs to refer to murder, suicide, anarchy or the devil. But one Danville man was surprised to find such songs featured on his son's video games, which showcase skateboarding and, on the surface, look unobjectionable." Do these crybabies work for Ashcroft or something?

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Your honor, I object!
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: Incubus
"Antonio Frank Martin, 21, was the first to stand trial among 125 people arrested during a drug sweep last fall. When the jury announced its verdict, Martin stood at the defense table proclaiming his innocence, and five people in the gallery began shouting that the verdict was not right. Judge Aubrey Duffey ordered the courtroom to be cleared. Martin broke free and began a fist fight with officers in front of the judge's bench before he was thrown to the floor."

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We're sorry: our city sucks
WXIA-TV 11 Atlanta | Submitted by: Incubus
"Atlanta Mayor Shirley Franklin said she was sorry for the nightmarish traffic downtown drivers slogged through during the NBA All-Star festivities last weekend. She said at a press conference Tuesday Atlanta received many more visitors than she and other city officials had anticipated. She said the city had relied too heavily on information from the NBA about how to plan for the All-Star game. Atlanta's notorious traffic reached chaotic proportions Friday and Saturday, causing police to close major surface streets and highway ramps."

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Got Goat?
WRAL-TV 5 Raleigh | Submitted by: Incubus
As North Carolina's population becomes more diverse, people from other nations are seeking foods that remind them of home. Goat meat is being found on more farms and supermarkets. Boar goats imported from South Africa are bred for their meat. Some Hispanic, African and middle Eastern cultures favor goat over beef, making it the most popular meat in the world... "It's been moving pretty good. We've ordered about three carcasses and they've been selling OK. We've been trying to get [the word out] to the public to let them know they can come here and get it fresh." Umm, goat (particularly curried) can be delicious. How is this news? Oh. North Carolina.

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Make Rice, Not War
WRAL-TV 5 Raleigh | Submitted by: Incubus
"Authorities say a Chapel Hill, North Carolina woman got plenty of attention when she mailed an envelope of rice to the White House to protest a possible war with Iraq. Authorities in Chapel Hill got a call from Raleigh police Monday saying that postal workers had found an envelope with excessive postage and a granular substance inside. Responding to concerns in a time of heightened terrorism threats, Chapel Hill police went to the woman's house that morning."

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Telemarketer fined $33,500
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | Submitted by: Incubus
Finally, those annoying shits who call you at dinner trying to sell you long distance phone plans or other items are getting what they deserve. "A Poconos based telemarketer has agreed to pay a $33,500 fine, and 67 consumers who complained that the firm was violating Pennsylvania's "do not call" law stand to get rewards of $50 apiece as a result of the first legal action taken under the program, state Attorney General Mike Fisher said yesterday."

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