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February 10, 2003

This weekend only! Send me to jail!
Newsday | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Prosecutors have filed criminal charges against a man who took out a full-page newspaper advertisement to confess his guilt in a deadly automobile accident... A grand jury indicted Salinas Thursday on two counts of criminally negligent homicide, which carry a maximum possible penalty of two years in prison and a $10,000 fine."

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Society has ingrained prejudice against FATTIES
Wire Services | Submitted by: No Room in the Hot-Tub!
"Dr. Bethany A. Teachman and her colleagues discovered that even when people say they do not have negative feelings toward the overweight, a word association exercise shows that they do... These negative stereotypes about the overweight appeared even when people were told before the word exercise that obesity mostly results from a person's genetic makeup, the authors report."

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Mum happy for kids to stay with Jackson
News Corporation | Submitted by: wingnut
"The mother of the 12-year-old cancer sufferer who shares Michael Jackson's bed has revealed how he thinks of the singer as his father and even calls him Daddy."Michael has brought something special into our lives," she said. Mrs Arvizo was once so poor that the family was forced to live in a stable. Thanks to Jackson, they now have a car and live in a comfortable flat. "All of my kids have stayed over with Michael. I am comfortable with that."

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Overprivileged fratboys beat a goose to death
Charlotte Observer | Submitted by: powderkegz
"Kearin said a town employee saw a group of men get out of two vehicles at Roosevelt Wilson Park about 3:30 Friday afternoon and lure the goose away from others with bread crumbs. Then one of the men repeatedly hit the goose with a golf club. Once it stopped moving, another man tossed it into the trunk and they drove away, the chief said."

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Animal rights activists arrested at crow slaughter
Cornell Daily Sun | Submitted by: Tina K.
"We did what we could to scare the crows away and prevent [the hunters] from shooting them"... The Auburn crow shoot has been an annual event for three years... This year, more than 35 teams participated and shot 348 crows over the course of the weekend... "You don't live in this town. You don't know the problem with the crows," said organizer and Auburn bar owner Lance Gummerson. "Our downtown is disgraced. The crows need to go."

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When you thought lawyers couldn't suck any worse
Seattle Post-Intelligencer | Submitted by: Squeak, the Human Chew Toy
"Consumer advocates and federal officials spoke out Friday in opposition to an American Bar Association proposal that asks state courts to stop people who aren't lawyers from helping others navigate the legal process... Charities would be barred from advising people of their legal rights and responsibilities, or filling out legal forms for poor people, the critics told a bar association task force in Seattle."

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Debka: Menacing megaterror
Debka | Submitted by: I.P. TeAitchse
"Those same sources report too that interrogation of the dozens of terrorist suspects in custody revealed that Iraq and Saudi intelligence agents continue to provide the terror cells with operational intelligence, while Saudi institutions and bodies are al Qaeda’s primary source of funds and manpower... The consensus of our experts is that the terror cells picked up in Europe before they went into action constituted the first wave of a multi-pronged offensive which Baghdad and al Qaeda planned to unfold in stages with the approach and onset of American military action against Iraq."

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Damages for burning pink elephant
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | Submitted by: Andy Day
"Let this be a lesson to anyone who would set fire to a pink pachyderm. You will face the wrath of Judge Joe Brown. The TV judge yesterday ruled in favor of local newlyweds Phat Man Dee and Tommy Amoeba in their case against the two couriers who sacrificed the couples' bridal elephant float on the pyre at the Burning Man festival in Nevada last August."

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Partying on the right
The Nation | Submitted by: A. P. Palled
"The POR is one of the parties within the Yale Political Union, a debating society modeled on its Oxford namesake. Most Political Union members are perceived by outsiders as earnest and even dorky, but the POR is the only party that achieves serious levels of weirdness. Not the kind of weirdness famously catalogued by Orwell, who lamented socialism's appeal to "every fruit-juice drinker, nudist, sandal wearer" and the rest. Members of the POR wear black tie, not sandals, and the surroundings are posher than Orwell had in mind. But a POR meeting is something truly extraplanetary."

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Beam me out of this death trap, Scottie
Washington Monthly | Submitted by: jo666py
Amazing article on why the shuttle can't work...from the year before the first Columbia launch: "Here's the plan. Suppose one of the solid-fueled boosters fails. The plan is, you die. Solid rockets can fail in two ways. They can explode; enough said. Or they can shut down spontaneously. If a booster shuts down, there will be 2.5 million pounds of thrust on one side battling zero pounds on the other. Even a split second of this imbalance will send the ship twisting into oblivion, overriding any application of pilot skill."

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One in six cop hands in gun in The Hague
nu.nl | Submitted by: sooty
"In the Dutch city of The Hague were the central administration of the Netherlands is seated and known for the International War Tribunal as well as the International Justice Court, five hundred out of 3200 cops have been ordered to hand in their guns after failing to comply with shooting test standards... A spokesman C. den Bakker stipulates that this will not affect street surveillance 'cause for the most part these are office cops anyway."

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Anti-Americanism, Prince Charles Style
News of the World | Submitted by: Crow
"A serious rift has opened up between Prince Charles and the government because he is seen to be AGAINST a war on Iraq and AGAINST America... There are also worries that he makes no secret of his anti-American views in conversations with members of Arab royal families and their leading officials." Basically, word from Downing Street to Charles is STFU.

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Foster dad shares drugs with his boy
Melbourne Herald Sun | Submitted by: Tracey
"A convicted criminal is being paid by welfare authorities to foster a child even though he admits sharing drugs with the youngster... The boy's father has been fighting for more than a year to get his son away from the man. He fears the man, who has admitted supplying drugs to the boy, is a bad influence on his troubled son."

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Top US, UK spies rebelling against propaganda
Independent | Submitted by: jo666py
CIA and MI6 vs. politicians in increasingly ugly battle, plus more on the UK's sloppy plagiarism: "Britain and America's spies believe that they are being politicised: that the intelligence they provide is being selectively applied to lead to the opposite conclusion from the one they have drawn, which is that Iraq is much less of a threat than their political masters claim. Worse, when the intelligence agencies fail to do the job, the politicians will not stop at plagiarism to make their case, even "tweaking" the plagiarised material to ensure a better fit... "You cannot just cherry-pick evidence that suits your case and ignore the rest. It is a cardinal rule of intelligence."

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Now that's what I call a dirty weekend
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"A water company is offering a chance for a romantic couple to spend Valentine's weekend at a sewage works. Yorkshire Water says it is running the competition through its website to promote greater public interest in what goes on once we pull the plug or flush the toilet. But there will be a sweeter-smelling side to the prize. The winners will be spending the weekend at the five star Oulton Hall Hotel in Leeds and will be driven to the Esholt sewage works near Bradford in a Rolls Royce."

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Groin area shaved
Salt Lake Tribune | Submitted by: Bryan Fagio
"Lee, 18, and another wrestler who is a juvenile, admit pinning a sophomore against a gym room locker on Jan. 22 and shaving a portion of his groin area with an electric razor. The incident, and the way school administrators handled it, has the victim's family contemplating a lawsuit, the county attorney considering criminal charges, and the nearby town of Mount Pleasant in a headlock. It has raised questions about the integrity of the wrestling program and its coach, the school and the entire town."

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He just got worse as the story went on
New York Post | Submitted by: Marla Jones
"When you are stationed in California, Hawaii and Florida for months on end, it's difficult to stay focused all the time so you go out and find some women. It's not far from the truth that I had a different girl in every place we stayed," he said."

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A bad trend in the making
Toronto Star | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"The handsome Teen Vogue is distinguished by two things: its bargain $1.50 price and its compact size, comparable to National Geographic but with way more depictions of the female of the species attracting the male... Inside, the fashion pages recommend $300 Chanel bags, $360 Miu Miu pumps, $198 DKNY skirts and $250 Motorola phones. Perfect for the Beverly Hills 90210 set ? but way out of the reach of even the most industrious burger flippers." But then, that's pretty much how it is for all fashion magazine readers, no?

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DUH: Epileptic rower can't get across ocean
BBC | Submitted by: Truxillo-X
"He left Peru 72 days ago but is still 13,000 kilometres (8,000 miles) from his destination - no closer than on the day he embarked on his journey. Mr Halsey, who suffers from epilepsy, is on his second attempt to row solo across the Pacific, and is caught in contrary winds and currents." The four epileptic seizures probably haven't helped either.

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Magic wands don't work?
ABC TV affiliates | Submitted by: Razor
"A woman who says she bought magic wands from a self-described psychic to erase negative thoughts says $5,400 of her money was all that disappeared... Joann Zansky, 57, said she paid a woman who claims to be a psychic $1,800 for each of three wands." Why did she need three?

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Octagenarian busts a cap
canada.com | Submitted by: Gorg
"Tempers boiled over in frigid temperatures Saturday as a 79 year old man fired a pellet gun at a 34-year-old man in a road rage incident on a busy Winnipeg street... Police arrested the 79-year-old and discovered the gun was a CO2 pellet gun."

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Suing stripper gets whiff of enhanced assets
Tiscali World Online | Submitted by: Sheila
"A stripper who is famous for streaking across the Melbourne Cricket Ground 14 years ago is suing her cosmetic surgeon, for an operation she says left her with smelly breasts... The mother-of-two claims her career came to a shuddering halt when her breasts began giving off a smelly and offensive discharge." Sexy.

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Vengeful grannies teach girl a lesson
News 24 South Africa | Submitted by: doovatis
"A lazy Zambian housewife had to be rescued from three vengeful grannies last week after they stripped her naked, pinched her thighs and then plucked out all her pubic hair... The gang of grannies, known as Alangizi, apparently resorted to torture when 18-year-old Sharon Mwanjila was disrespectful to her new mother-in-law and refused to clean up after her husband." Holy shit.

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Biometric ID cards to cross over from Canada?
Canadian Broadcasting | Submitted by: Indego
"Canadians may soon need new national identity cards if they want to cross the border into the U.S. The cards have been criticized by the privacy commissioner as an invasion of privacy... The minister of immigration has said he favours such a card for all Canadians because they would reduce identity fraud and enhance security."

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Birds far more badass than previously suspected
Wire Services | Submitted by: Magorn
A flock of hungry ravens killed 19 sheep grazing on snow-covered fields in southern Germany, raising the uneasy feeling that the killer birds of Alfred Hitchcock's famous thriller "The Birds" have come alive... "The worst thing is that I can't do anything about it. You're not allowed to shoot the ravens because they are protected animals" you may want to think twice about putting up that bird feeder. 60 Ravens kill 19! Sheep. Do the Math. And hide your dog.

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Dude you're getting a busted for marijuana possession
The Smoking Gun | Submitted by: Paul Klee
Although not possessed by marijuana at the time, the actor who plays that miserable shit who tries to sell you Dell computers (Benjamin Curtis) was arrested for possession of a small amount of marijuana (often called skunk, boom, gangster, kif, or ganja) on the Lower East Side last night (2/9). He is being held and will be arraigned later today.

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Psychiatrist: Man slashed wife while dreaming
WMAQ-TV 5 Chicago | Submitted by: jonsl
"Call it a "sleep disorder" defense... That's what a forensic psychiatrist said happened when Erin Cottrell began slashing and stabbing his wife one morning last May... According to the psychiatrist, Cottrell wasn't really awake. He was dreaming. The psychiatrist said Cottrell had been haunted by nightmares that his wife was leaving him."

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One in 200 humans alive today are Khan-bred
UPI | Submitted by: Aarkwilde
"The ideal evidence would be a direct analysis of DNA from his remains. Unfortunately, the location of his tomb is unknown." That's because Genghis Khan wanted it kept secret. According to the annals, 40 "moonlike" virgins and 40 horses were sacrificed at his funeral for his posthumous enjoyment. Then, each of the 2,000 people who attended his funeral was massacred by 800 soldiers, who in turn were killed to preserve the secret of his tomb's locale. Waste of good "moonlike" virgins if you ask me.

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Tequila tastes like shit?
Orlando Sentinel | Submitted by: Alistair
New filtration system being pioneereed? "The booze overflowed at the rate of 100 gallons per minute, Lynch said, resulting in 1,500 to 1,800 gallons entering the sewer system. The fire department and officials with the Metropolitan Sewer District were called because of the flammability of the 80 proof Tequila."

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