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February 08, 2003

Patriot II legislation leaked
Public Integrity Institute | Submitted by: f00f
"The Bush Administration is preparing a bold, comprehensive sequel to the USA Patriot Act passed in the wake of September 11, 2001, which will give the government broad, sweeping new powers to increase domestic intelligence gathering, surveillance and law enforcement prerogatives, and simultaneously decrease judicial review and public access to information."

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Full text of the Patriot II Legislation
Daily Rotten | Submitted by: Soylent
Daily Rotten obtained a copy of the legislation draft last night, and has OCR'd it for you. A reading of this should alarm any American citizen. To start with, engaging in legal behavior can result in your losing your citizenship, even unknowingly. It's crazy that Ashcroft can even put shit like this on the table, much less expect us to eat it. In fact the mere existence of proposals such as this should bring us to Terror Alert red.

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Lesbians hit Top of Pops
St. Petersburg Times | Submitted by: Glusker
"The two most famous Russian teenagers in the world, the pseudo-lesbian duo in the pop group Tatu, came out Thursday... as completely unfazed about calls to ban them from British stage, radio and television... Anyone expecting a different kind of coming out from Lena Katina, 17, and Yulia Volkova, 18, was sorely disappointed. The group, whose career has skyrocketed with a combination of catchy pop songs and lesbian teen hype, remained determined not to clear up questions about their sexuality." Are they really lesbians, or pulling a fast one?

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Be a hero, lose your job
News and Observer | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Padgett said that employees received threatening phone calls and that one day, the police were alerted to escort Sherlin home. "We contacted police three times and asked for added surveillance," he said. "We also asked police what we can do to advise employees in assisting the police and at the same time not be at risk"... Sherlin's attorney, Michael Kornbluth of Durham, said he has been in contact with WilcoHess officials and is disappointed with their response."

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Rare toothfish found 6,000 miles from home
Wire Services | Submitted by: Boat6float
"Fishermen [from Greenland] were puzzled by the discovery of the 5 foot, 11 inch, 154-pound toothfish, the first ever seen in the northern hemisphere. . . . (A Patagonian toothfish... normally lives in the icy waters around Antarctica.)" They are trying to figure out some kind of 'cold water current' explanation for how the fish travelled northward.

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Big Brother unable to keep track of sex offenders
Wire Services | Submitted by: Boat6float
"[The survey] found that states on average were unable to account for 24 percent of sex offenders supposed to be in the databases... [also found were] more than 77,000 sex offenders are missing... And in the other 18 states and the District of Columbia... thousands of the ex-convicts may have disappeared... [while] many states admit they don't know whether the databases are accurate." This is just a Big Brother project that is to big for Big Brother to watch.

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Nude resort gets its own bridge
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
If you build it, they will come... without clothes: "A pedestrian bridge is being built in the United States that will connect two parts of a nudist spa that are divided by a busy public road. The construction of the "bridge of thighs" at the Californian Desert Shadows Inn resort in Palm Springs is due to be completed next month. 'I've heard it all before: bridge of thighs, naked bridge, nudist bridge, you name it. I'm sure I'm going to hear more of it before it's over,' the resort owner told the Associated Press news agency." Aren't nudists were supposed to be uninhibited?

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Live on al-Jazeera
Guardian | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"In the seven years since it was founded by a decree from the Emir of Qatar as the Arab world's first independent-minded news and current affairs channel, al-Jazeera has earned a reputation that inspires love and hate in almost equal measures. Its motto, emblazoned in Arabic on the station's publicity brochure, is "al-ra'i ... wal ra'i al-akhr" (opinion... and the other opinion)."

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Chalk one up for the good guys
Cincinnati Enquirer | Submitted by: buffaloBill
"County Prosecutor Don White said Wednesday that while he believes the movie, Lots of Filthy Sex, depicting multiple sex acts by various adults, is obscene, he has no plans to show it to another grand jury in the hope of getting an indictment... Mr. Burress said his group is not deterred by the lack of an indictment. CCV is continuing to compile an Internet list of hotels the group considers porn-free. Nearly 100 local hotels are on the list." Perhaps Mr. Burress does not realize that if 100 local hotels are willing to host that type of movie, that is the community standard...

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Refrigerator magnets vs Osama
BBC | Submitted by: MagicalMysteryRoy
Every Australian citizen is to receive a government-issued anti-terrorism pack delivered to their doorsteps in the next few days... It also contains a refrigerator magnet with a 24-hour hotline number, and a suggested list of items to stock in case of emergency - including a supply of food and drink, sunscreen, a battery-powered radio and even a pack of playing cards to while away the time."

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You missed!
Global BC | Submitted by: Gorg
"Three Delta teens could face criminal charges after videotaping themselves performing a Jackass stunt... Police allege the boys tossed a television off an overpass onto a busy highway in imitation of the dangerous and disturbing stunts performed on the American TV show Jackass."

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Wombat rampage ends in Australia
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Mike Cockizard
"A man who allegedly killed several wombats by running over them repeatedly has been charged with cruelty, NSW Police said today... Bathurst Police charged the 46-year-old man from Portland, near Lithgow, after the bodies of 12 wombats were discovered in the Wollemi National Park last week... Investigators believe the wombats were killed early last week, police said in a statement."

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Pounding the pavement rigor mortis style
BBC | Submitted by: Tim Howard
"A woman's body has been found lying in a busy street in Chatham, Kent, after it fell from a mortuary van... Motorists called the police after spotting the corpse, wrapped in a black body bag, in the middle of the road on Tuesday. It is thought the driver was unaware the corpse had slipped from the vehicle at the time but eventually returned to the scene." A lawsuit in the making?

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Wolf Blitzer is administration stooge
FAIR | Submitted by: videochas
"When Caldicott tried to tell Blitzer that the main issue with birth defects was not the sanctions but the fact that the U.S. left radioactive uranium 238 all over Iraqi battlefields, he cut her off and pointed out that the Iraqi government has used torture. "Do you feel comfortable, in effect, going out there and defending the Iraqi regime?," he asked--a line similar to CNN colleague Connie Chung's suggestion... that a congressmember who questioned George W. Bush was telling people to "believe Saddam Hussein"

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Get paid for looking a dickhead
Wire Services | Submitted by: Sparky
Is your forehead a fivehead? Great, now you can get paid for hiring out yourself as advertising space.

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Drop your badge and braw
New Orleans Times-Picayune | Submitted by: dogawful
"Bobby Lynch had so many brushes with the law Thursday that he was practically begging to be arrested, St. Tammany Parish sheriff's deputies said. It all started shortly after 8 a.m. when Lynch, 26, called 911 to report that his van had been stolen, Hartman said.....Fifteen minutes later, Lynch's wife called 911....Nine minutes later, Lynch called 911 again and challenged the shift supervisor to a fight....After the supervisor declined Lynch's invitation to "drop his badge and brawl."

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Feds: Tyson foods smuggling illegals
CNN | Submitted by: Hipokrit
The US government claims that it has proof that Tyson Foods is actually proactively smuggling illegal immigrants to work in processing plants for lower wages than US workers. Tyson actually admits that some of the plants hired illegal immigrants. On the Tyson website, you can read Tyson's diversity statement, admitting to hiring foriegn workers, but denying paying lower wages.

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Fatties claim discrimination on TV
Washington Times | Submitted by: The Good Doctor
Close to 10,000 ladies of a certain dimension are on the warpath: They want equal time from CBS. "We, the undersigned, demand that CBS provide equal time to plus-size women in America and air the Lane Bryant lingerie fashion show," reads a petition signed by 9,735 [fat] persons as of yesterday morning."

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I'll have salmon and red wine with my robbery
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: Aarkwilde
"Lee Harris walked into Le Central Bistro on Bush Street for lunch Wednesday wearing desert camouflage fatigues and carrying bulging duffel bags. That's odd, the wait staff thought. Then he ordered smoked salmon with a glass of red wine. The wait staff called 911." Salmon: red or white wine?

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Rent Lichtenstein for that little weekend Getaway
CNN | Submitted by: Editfish
"The new "Rent a State" program lets corporate clients symbolically take over the tiny country of just 33,000 residents tucked away among the Alps between Switzerland and Austria... "The basic idea is that an entire, small country plays host to a conference with all the various possibilities at its disposal."

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Young boy enema madness
Allentown Morning Call | Submitted by: Rock
"As he was led from the courtroom after pleading guilty, Hartwright, wearing a prison jumpsuit and holding onto a cane with his shackled hands, said the enemas were all medically necessary... When police arrested him, Hartwright said 'he found that over the years it was somewhat enjoyable' to give children enemas, but he did not find it sexually gratifying."

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Muslim cola war opens new anti-US front
Wire Services | Submitted by: jo666py
Striking out at Coke in the name of the prophet! "The cola wars are taking on a new dimension in Europe, where Muslims are being asked to pledge allegiance to one of two new brands... "The Qibla brand offers a real alternative for people concerned about the practices of some major Western multinationals who support causes that oppress Muslims," said company founder Zahida Parveen."

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Highway closes after flurries of money
Canoe | Submitted by: sticky paco
Of all the places God could choose to throw a load of cash over, he picks Canada. Yesssss! "He was dropping money as he went along... Malbeuf said the bandit was likely already inside the theatre when the employees arrived at work at around 7 a.m... "We don't know how he got in there," Malbeuf said."

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Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
nwi Times Online | Submitted by: hoosierdaddy
"A probable cause affidavit filed in Lowell Town Court on Jan. 15 stated that blood, bones and animal carcasses were also found, along with a dog locked in a van in the school's gym... A couple identifying themselves as Dan and Mary Sullivan, who had apparently been living in the building, were removed and later charged with animal cruelty. The animals were taken to an animal adoption shelter."

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Ambulance for fat fucks
Seattle Post-Intelligencer | Submitted by: Penfold
"A national ambulance company began using a supersized ambulance in its Portland market this week to improve comfort and safety for severely obese patients. Most ambulances are rated to carry a 500-pound patient, he said, but ambulances are being called upon more often to carry heavier patients." Heavier?!

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