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February 02, 2003

Careful who you let destroy the evidence
Boston Herald | Submitted by: bgoode
"He said to her, "Watch this. I want you to see this", Stoughton police Sgt. Robert Welch said. "She turned around and he had the weapon [a fine Sig-Sauer .40 handgun] in his mouth. He then turned the weapon on her, saying "I'll do you instead..." He grabbed her by the face and inserted the weapon into her mouth... There will be a full investigation into trooper White's actions... Part of White's job was destroying drugs after cases have been concluded." With his nose.

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Killer bees go on vacation
Wire Services | Submitted by: Incubus
"Experts said the Tampa swarms were apparently crossbred with your basic European honeybees, while previous swarms have been purebred Africanized bees. Just the same, one expert says the crossbreeds might be a bit more "defensive" than an average bee." Except, of course, that these bees will be more interested in shuffleboard or surfing.

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And don't you do it again
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: Incubus
"The Georgia Ethics Commission ruled today that former state Senate Majority Leader Charles Walker violated disclosure laws. But it just told him not to repeat the violation, a moot point since his re-election defeat in November. The ruling on the disclosure complaint closed a year-long investigation into whether Walker violated the law by failing to disclose his positions in nonprofit groups that received state grants. The then-senator should have disclosed his roles in six groups in his native Augusta, some of which used their state money to hire for-profit companies that Walker owned. "We have pretty much raked Sen. Walker over the coals enough over this," commission member Billy N. Jones said. Walker had little to say after the commission's vote. "Let me go home," he said to a reporter."

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Bank edits 5th grader's prizewinning art
Wire Services | Submitted by: shock266
"Gregory Paladino's drawing of a white dove hovering over a snow-covered village won $1,000 for his Roman Catholic school in suburban Rochester. But before printing the card, the bank removed the steeple and cross from the church, making it look like just another house."

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Spazzes upset over Kangaroo Jack
WISN-TV 12 Milwaukee | Submitted by: shock266
"The Epilepsy Foundation has a beef with the new family comedy "Kangaroo Jack"... The group is upset because epileptics are the butt of two jokes in the comedy... In one joke, a man tries to describe a woman and he gestures wildly and makes a variety of sounds. The friend guesses the woman is an epileptic."

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Toddler fined for speeding
The Scotsman | Submitted by: kaoseris
"On Friday, she went to the hearing and, when the case was called, officials looked on as the infant toddled in, followed by his mother holding his reins. Mrs Mack said: "When we went to the dock, a clerk said that my child couldn’t go in there... "I told him he was the defendant. The case was immediately struck off... "All the solicitors were laughing, but the sheriff did not look very happy about what had happened."

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Iraq-War is over alien technology
Pravda | Submitted by: Mirai
"It is allegedly said that the craft crashed during the [first] Gulf War, or more recently (probably in December 1998). This became some kind of Iraq's Rosewell. The USA is currently reverse-engineering the Rosewell craft and fears that Saddam’s scientists may become even more successful than Americans in this or that sphere. It was said that these researches may give Iraq a considerable advance and even make it a leading super power." The Australian article is a bit more readable.

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Touching our private parts
East Bay Express | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"An attractive young brunette wearing only Tevas beats her pubic region with drumsticks. An older woman dressed in a provocatively tattered red dress escorts the drummer girl over to the guy in the wheelchair and sits her down atop him. She begins rocking slowly back and forth in his lap, while the other woman gently embraces her. The pace of the rocking steadily speeds up, until it is almost frantic. The woman in red meows like a cat. Meanwhile, the man getting all the attention lets loose his Wookiee-howl. It's a peculiar scene to say the least, and it's not really, you know, entertaining. But there's something seductive about it -- mysterious even. The man in the wheelchair: what's his deal? Can he actually feel the chick writhing on top of him? Can he get a boner? Is he being exploited? Does he even know what's going on?"

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I forgot about the kidnapping. My bad.
Newsday | Submitted by: JaeComan
Last December, when a woman told a convience store wroker that she's been kidnapped and to call the police, what does the clerk do? Tell the guy the woman says that he kidnapped her after the guy suspiciously asks what they talked about. When they leave, she looks for a phone book to find the phone number for the cops, because she obviously can't obviously doesn't remember which 1 comes first in 911, then becomes "distracted" and then "forgets" about the incident until CNN makes the kidnapping their biggest story, looping it every 15-minutes since Christmas.

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Groundhogs whores actually cause of legend
Wire Services | Submitted by: JaeComan
"Groundhogs that emerge from their dens in winter, as part of a ritual whimsically marked each Feb. 2 as Groundhog Day, are probably looking for sweethearts, not shadows, a researcher says. What’s more, the girl groundhogs invite the boys in for a visit." Go Associated Press.

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