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February 01, 2003

Rape 101
Ft. Worth Star-Telegram | Submitted by: AnnePage
"According to the students, Stamp said, Franklin asked the boys whether they were trying to have sex with the girl, then told them that he would show them how it's done... The students who were in the classroom told police that Franklin told the girl to bend over, pulled down her pants and his own, and raped her." And then (almost) everyone managed to keep their mouths shut.

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Spiderman molests girl at Universal Studios
Orlando Sentinel | Submitted by: Razor
"Last April, Larson was working at the theme park when a family from New York asked him to find a bathroom for the 4 year old girl. He took the child to a men's employee bathroom. When the girl came out, she appeared upset and later told her family Larson had touched her inappropriately with his finger, according to the prosecution."

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Man fondled 82 year old in ambulance
Kansas City Star | Submitted by: Epicurious Crabcake
"Doctors placed her arm in a sling and she was being returned home by private ambulance when her breast was groped. She repeatedly said no, the woman testified... "He was very stubborn. He wouldn't stop," she said... Moore had faced a similar allegation before, but no criminal charges were filed, according to court documents filed by Assistant District Attorney Scott Toth."

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Cheese it, little dudes, it's the cops!
WRIC-TV 8 Richmond | Submitted by: Gargoyle93
Granville Toms may not have expected the local cops to show up after his wife ran off screaming to a neighbor's house. When they did show up, however, he sent six of his children tearing out of their two-story shotgun shack into the snowy woods. Preliminary investigation revealed that not only did the shack have no electricity or running water, but the children, who Toms claimed were homeschooled, couldn't even read or write [not mentioned in the article]. The barefooted kids were able to elude cops for over nine hours in the freezing woods. They raise 'em wild in Hanover.

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Man killed in bigger-penis contest
Tiscali World Online | Submitted by: Dick
"A drunken Orbeta immediately unzipped his pants and showed his sex organ," he said. "Cristomar laughed at Orbeta instead of showing his penis, infuriating the suspect".. Orbeta pulled out his gun and repeatedly shot the victim."

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Olympic Committee shuts down rat race
Boston Globe | Submitted by: Rev. Soror Lucy Cannon
Nebraska Wesleyan U. has been running a psychology class event, the Rat Olympics, with rodent subjects, for 28 years. Now the US Olympic Committee has decided that this constitutes trademark infringement and wants the name to be changed under threat of lawsuit.

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Big Brother stikes again
Washington Post | Submitted by: EKZ
"GEWIS is merely a tool that would be looking at the Internet from the government's perspective... The effort mentioned in the cyber plan asks what are the bigger things that government may not need to know about but that the private sector should do a better job coordinating on?" Mmm hmm.

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And the cradle will rock...
Fredericksburg Free Lance-Star | Submitted by: Col. Klink
A Caroline County woman is being accused of robbing the cradle with two teenage robbery suspects. Rhonda Hottle, 23, charged with six counts of statutory rape, is accused of having sex with two 14-year-old boys--at least once while the father of one boy sat and watched, police said.

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Play war? make war....
CNN | Submitted by: the-bastard
"One lawmaker passed the time by playing a war-game of his own on his handheld computer... What Conservative lawmaker Trond Helleland, chairman of the justice committee, didn't know was that national television was taping Wednesday's heated debate and zoomed in on him from behind as he played." They were debating Norwegian participation in the Afghan war.

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Cops give ass beating and golden shower
Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: Johnny Boy
"Two Minneapolis Police Officer have been suspended with pay amid allegations they beat an intoxicated American-Indian male unconscious and then urinated on his face. The male was then left exposed to below zero temperatures in a housing complex parking lot." Perhaps the officers were just trying to keep the drunk warm?

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Study reveals big fat DUH
Times | Submitted by: The Maelstrom
"An academic spent four years and thousands of pounds before concluding that Britons do not like queues. In pursuit of his studies, David Stewart-David spent 92 days standing in 2,000 queues."

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Defensive Driving
Seattle Times | Submitted by: Incubus
"Prosecutors argued Stewart, 22, was showing off for the camera as he sped up to 80 mph in a compact car with no rear window and six young passengers crammed inside, his blood-alcohol level nearly twice the legal limit. Stewart and the back-seat passengers were killed instantly when the car smashed into a concrete pillar near the Auburn SuperMall."

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Security guard accidentally shoots pedestrian
WTVF-TV 5 Nashville | Submitted by: Incubus
Mustard or ketchup? "The security officer, 49 year old Mark Call, was standing on this corner showing his 9-mm pistol to the hot dog vendor. The gun accidentally discharged and the bullet ricocheted 63 feet across the street and hit a man. The victim, Charles Harrison, is the assistant to the state comptroller. Harrison was on his way to work when he was hit in the leg."

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A gallon of unleaded and a semi automatic, please
WTVF-TV 5 Nashville | Submitted by: Incubus
"The Brentwood Police Department will soon have brand new automatic rifles at no expense to the city. The department will buy most of the equipment with a $15,000 donation made Thursday by three Brentwood Shell gas stations. The stations agreed in December to give two cents for each gallon of gas purchased that month to the department. "We just felt very good about the way the Brentwood Police Department handled themselves…give something back to the Brentwood Police," said Mark Marshall, the co owner of the stations."

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Maui faces chameleon invasion
Honolulu Advertiser | Submitted by: Incubus
"Eight more veiled chameleons were captured on Maui this week, bringing to 21 the number of the illegal lizards found or turned in on the Valley Isle since March 2002, state officials reported yesterday. The latest discoveries further elevate fears that a population of the chameleons is established on Maui. "A breeding population of veiled chameleons poses a serious threat to birds and other native wildlife in the area,'' said Sanda Lee Kunimoto of the state Department of Agriculture." How the hell do they even FIND them?

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Teaching a teen girl how to have sex
WDIV-TV 4 Detroit | Submitted by: stereocrumb
"The man thought he was chatting online with four different teenagers, but they were actually four different sheriff's deputies, according to Wayne County Internet Crimes Unit investigators... While chatting with one officer, the suspect would reportedly excuse himself for a few minutes while he switched to another chat room."

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Aretha Franklin subpoenaed in arson case
WXYZ-TV 7 Detroit | Submitted by: Incubus
"Aretha Franklin and three other people will be served subpoenas forcing them to answer questions about the fire that destroyed Franklin's home. Franklin is now a central figure in the arson investigation, but authorities want to make sure, though, that everybody knows she is not a suspect in this investigation." Can't the woman just get a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T?

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Blessings from St. Internet
CNN | Submitted by: Linda Goodwin
"But the site is following hundreds of years of tradition during which Catholics have chosen saintly protectors for their towns, churches and even themselves. Along the way, popes have taken over the process of naming saints and assigning them official patronages. But public opinion has always remained an important influence, which is why the Web poll is so appropriate, said Diani, an Internet expert for Italy's Conference of Bishops."

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Inquisition bans transsexuals
Las Vegas Sun | Submitted by: Ursus.Maritimes.Rex, Yet another retired Catholic"
"Transsexuals suffer from "mental pathologies," are ineligible for admission to Roman Catholic religious orders and should be expelled if they have already entered the priesthood or religious life, the Vatican says in new directives. The Vatican's orthodoxy watchdog, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, sent the directives to the superiors of religious orders worldwide." You may have known the Congregation by its former name Sacred Congregation of the Universal Inquisition.

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Schoolgirls just love Russian Sex Roulette!
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
Seriously, the hottest story we've run in a long time: "I've heard it's just amazing. Now high schoolkids everywhere are into it. It's basically just an orgy with the same number of girls and guys, but the object is for the girl to have unprotected sex with every guy there to see if she gets pregnant or not," a Tokyo schoolgirl tells Hanashi no Channel. "I'd like to have a go, but I'm a bit scared."

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Witchcraft or racism? You decide
St. Louis Today | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"A resident of that first house, Keith Allen Dagenais, 42, faces charges of disturbing the peace and destruction of property and is under a court order to leave his neighbors alone. He has filed a charge of disturbing the peace against his neighbor, Patricia McIntosh, 38... The incidents involve both racial and occult undertones. Dagenais is white and McIntosh is African American; he claims he has been practicing witchcraft, not racism."

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Humboldt county ups limit to 99 pot plants
Arcata Eye | Submitted by: Humboldt Honey
"Humboldt County's legal limit on the amount of marijuana allowed to residents that have prescriptions for it will soon jump from 10 plants to 99, District Attorney Paul Gallegos has announced, and he'll enact further prosecution guidelines geared toward ensuring patients' rights... Gallegos also indicated that he doesn’t want to prosecute cases that involve small, personal use amounts of non-prescribed marijuana. His preference is to target methamphetamine instead."

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Shuttle debris cloud on radar
Space Flight Now | Submitted by: Soylent
Radar tracks from the shuttle's breakup.

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