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January 29, 2003

Hidden gun wounds robber's naughty bits
Baton Rouge Advocate | Submitted by: joelvis
"A man accused of robbing two people in an apartment wounded himself in the genitals when the gun stuffed in his pants went off during the getaway, police said... Officers responding to the robbery found 19-year-old Jasen Gins lying on the ground screaming in the parking lot at 11588 N. Harrell's Ferry Road about 10:30 p.m. Friday, police spokesman Cpl. Don Kelly said." Sometimes justice serves itself.

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With friends like these...
Belfast Telegraph | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"An Ulsterman has been fined and forced to do 240 hours of community service for setting a fellow student on fire... David Cameron, from Co Londonderry, inflicted horrific burns on his friend by setting fire to his paper Halloween costume... Mr Lloyd was quickly engulfed in flames as the paper and his clothes underneath caught light, and ran into the corridor in a desperate attempt to put out the fire."

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Extreme corporal punishment
China People Daily | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"In China's southern Guangdong province, a teacher has been arrested after he went on a rampage at Yang Gan Middle School in Suixi county, slashing four students to death with a vegetable knife and wounding three others... Yangcheng Evening News says Chen Peixin and all the victims lived in the teacher's dormitory. Sunday afternoon, he began knocking on doors and cut whoever answered with the knife."

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Yes, you CAN be too fucking rich
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"While there is as yet no mathematic formula to explain the phenomena, it seems clear that the more money the super rich throw at a purchase: the sillier, the kitschier and the more laughable the result... Aaron Spelling, the legendary creator of TV's Charlie's Angels and Dynasty, wasn't stumped by which facility to add to a mansion already housing a doll museum and a dedicated present wrapping room. He reportedly splashed out on a second present wrapping room."

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WTC ruins gunking up the Hudson
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"The terrorist attack on September 11, 2001, launched thousands of tonnes of ash and dust into the atmosphere... Much of this settled on the neighbouring estuary of the Hudson, where scientists from the University of Massachusetts have discovered it has formed a distinct marker."

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Madonna to London: you suck
Melbourne Herald Sun | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Following a tirade about the shortcomings of London life, the singer has turned her back on Britain and returned to the US... Looking out over the Los Angeles skyline recently, Madonna was heard to say: "Why the fuck are we still living in a shithole like London when we could be living here?"

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Microsoft worm chews Microsoft
New York Times | Submitted by: upintheclouds
"The paradox was not lost on computer security experts. "Microsoft has been blaming the users, saying they have to keep their patches up to date," said Bruce Schneier, founder and chief technical officer of Counterpane Internet Security Inc., a company that manages security for customers. "On the other hand, their own actions demonstrate how unrealistic that position is."

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Remeber Skynet? Say hello to genetic programming
Scientific American | Submitted by: Bill O.
"In the field of electronics, genetic programming has duplicated 15 previously patented inventions, including several that were hailed as seminal in their respective fields when they were first announced. Six of these 15 existing inventions were patented after January 2000 by major research institutions, which indicates that they represent current frontiers of research in domains of scientific and practical importance."

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Girl brings crack for show and tell
ABC TV affiliates | Submitted by: RFunkadelic
"Another case of a kid getting a parent in trouble, for bringing something in to school that wasn't exactly intended for show and tell... In Iowa, a man is facing charges, after his ten-year-old daughter brought a rock of crack cocaine to school."

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NYC 911 system allows teens to drown
New York Daily News | Submitted by: motrinwoman
"But a Coast Guard official disagreed, saying the boys could have held on at least 30 minutes and perhaps as long as two hours... Because of the 911 operator's bungling, the search did not get underway until nearly 14 hours after their call for help... Under pressure to explain what went wrong, Kelly released new details of the emergency call yesterday, but he refused to provide a transcript, citing the wishes of the missing boys' families."

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Marijuana science fair exhibit kaput
BayArea.com | Submitted by: Any Mouse
Controversy over medicinal marijuana has reached the eighth grade in Belmont, where a middle school principal has refused to let a student display her project on the possible medical benefits of pot.

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Cripple cries for cannabis
Evening Star | Submitted by: motrinwoman
"A disabled man convicted of cultivating cannabis at home has made an impassioned plea for the drug to be made available on prescription.. Reay Wales, who suffers from crippling arthritis and pancreatitis, was found guilty by a jury at Ipswich Crown Court and sentenced to a UKP 200 fine... Speaking at his home in Vincent Close, Ipswich, Mr Wales said he endures agonising sleepless nights and grew marijuana for pain relief."

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Illegal-drug tax buds into profit
Wichita Eagle | Submitted by: motrinwoman
"No one seriously suggests that drug pushers, who by definition are breaking the law, are buying tax stamps... "Just about the only people who buy those are stamp collectors," said Sen. Stan Clark, R-Oakley, a member of the Assessment and Taxation Committee... "My son and I collect stamps, but we didn't want that kind of public exposure," he laughed."

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Ellsberg: Lies the government tells you
Editor and Publisher | Submitted by: Straight Peaceful
Ellsberg interview, the guy who released the Pentagon Papers: "The first lie is: Saddam represents the No. 1 danger to U.S. security in the world. To allow the president and Rumsfeld to make that statement over and over is akin to them saying without challenge from the press that they accept the flat-earth theory. To say Saddam is the No. 1 danger is being made without real challenge from the press, with few exceptions. More dangerous than al-Qaida? North Korea? Russian nukes loose in the world? An India-Pakistan nuclear war? This government, like in Vietnam, is lying us into a war. Like Vietnam, it's a reckless, unnecessary war, where the risks greatly outweigh any possible benefits. I'd make this argument to insiders: Don't do what I did. Don't keep your mouth shut when you know people are being lied to. Tell the truth before the bombs are falling, while there's still a chance to do something about it."

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The most painful form of murder
BBC | Submitted by: BINGO BANGO!!!
"The Indian Supreme Court has ruled that anyone who inflicts fatal injuries to the testicles should face first-degree murder charges... The ruling was handed down in a case in which a man had kneed another in the testicles, killing him instantly."

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Cop, impersonator in hot water over coffee
Low Country Now | Submitted by: The Good Doctor
"A man hoping to get free Starbucks coffee got the chance to taste jail brew instead after he was charged with impersonating a police officer Tuesday... Chester Lee Ginn, 30, was arrested at a Bluffton Starbucks after allegedly flashing a badge to get a free $4 "Caramel Macchiato" coffee. The badge had been given to him by his brother -- a patrolman for the Bluffton Police Department."

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The electrocuting water cannon
Village Voice | Submitted by: Guns, Country, Jesus
"The innovative savvy of American electrical engineers always astounds. If something terrible can be built in the name of security, they never shirk. Who else would be brilliant enough to come up with a water gun that carries molar rattling electrical shocks?"

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Khomeini's teachings on marriage
HOMA | Submitted by: Vomit
"A man can marry a girl younger than nine years of age, even if the girl is still a baby being breastfed. A man, however is prohibited from having intercourse with a girl younger than nine, other sexual act such as forplay, rubbing, kissing and sodomy is allowed. A man having intercourse with a girl younger than nine years of age has not comitted a crime, but only an infraction, if the girl is not permanently damaged. If the girl, however, is permanently damaged, the man must provide for her all her life. But this girl will not count as one of the man's four permanent wives. He also is not permitted to marry the girl's sister."

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Japan loses 206kg of plutonium
Financial Times | Submitted by: GM Boink
Think! Where did you see it last? "Japan on Tuesday admitted that 206kg of its plutonium, enough to make about 25 nuclear bombs, is unaccounted for. Government scientists said that 6,890kg of plutonium had been extracted since 1977 from spent nuclear fuel at a processing plant about 120km north east of Tokyo. But that is 3 per cent short of the amount the plant was estimated to have produced."

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Tales of rebels' cannibo-chowdown
Newsday | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
Followup to prior reported story: "Hiding in bushes, Amuzati Nzoli watched as rebel soldiers turned from killers into cannibals: his 6 year old nephew was their victim... Accounts like the one told by the middle-aged Pygmy are sweeping through northeastern Congo."

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Jail for woman failing to self-immolate
Modesto Bee | Submitted by: f00f
"Federal agents subdued and arrested her 13 months ago after she tried to light herself aflame before Vietnamese Deputy Prime Minister Nguyen Tan Dzung as he addressed business leaders at the Marriot Hotel in San Francisco."

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College student breaks tooth on cream puff
Canadian Press | Submitted by: Gorg
"A Winnipeg man is suing Red River College after allegedly damaging his tooth on a cream puff purchased on campus... Morteza Nedjardrasul filed the civil suit last week, citing an incident that allegedly took place in January 2002."

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Nude hi-jinx at the post office
Akron Beacon-Journal | Submitted by: mumia's stinky-ass dreadlocks
"Employees at the United States Postal Service's Remote Encoding Center, 1481 Exeter Road, told police that Wilson first approached the female co-worker about 8:40 a.m. Monday in a remote part of the center. He then ordered the woman to walk out into an area where other workers were located... "He ordered her to take her clothes off and paraded her around in front of other employees. He had been making threats. Apparently, the employees didn't know if he had a weapon and were very afraid of him."

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Revolving door at the mummified lady's house
Baton Rouge Advocate | Submitted by: joelvis
"For weeks after an 86-year-old woman died, at least two of her family members came and went from her home as the woman's body lay in her bed, authorities said Monday... A granddaughter told police that she had spoken to Mable Spurlock on Friday, according to police, even though the Coroner's Office reported Monday that Spurlock had been dead for three weeks to six weeks. The granddaughter told investigators that Spurlock, who was in her bed, nodded and mumbled something indicating that she was all right."

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Picture of innocence reveals if you are lying
The Scotsman | Submitted by: UncleGum
"A hi-tech camera which reads people’s body language could be the most accurate lie detector yet, its developers claimed yesterday... As it is also much simpler to use - needing just a camera, a laptop and no expert to operate it, they hope it could soon be seen in airports, police stations and even job interviews."

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Passenger arrested after setting fire to seat
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: jonsl
"Federal aviation officials say a passenger on a United Airlines flight has been arrested after setting fire to his seat... Transportation Security Administration spokesman Robert Johnson identifies the passenger as a 64 year old man who appears to be Russian."

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Frankenstein breast surgery clinic uncovered
Boston Herald | Submitted by: Angus Beef
"A Cambodian couple turned their Lowell apartment into a makeshift clinic, performing backroom breast enhancements and other illicit surgeries until investigators probing the claims of infected victims stumbled upon the bloody operating room, officials said... "There was definitely something wrong going on there."

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Humans breed pussies
Boston Globe | Submitted by: Gary MiddleMan
"Charles Darwin wrote: Not a single domestic animal can be named which has not in some country drooping ears. Not just dog breeds, but goat, llama, rabbit and even cat breeds sport flopped-over ears. Ears are just the start. The large black-and-white patches typical of dairy cows and pinto horses, not to mention dogs, cats, and rabbits, do not exist in their wild counterparts. And domestic animals characteristically have smaller heads, teeth, and horns, and go into heat more frequently. What is remarkable about these differences is that they are so universal. The same traits are common to species as different as cats from cows, rabbits from dogs."

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Doctor defends uterus branding
CNN | Submitted by: Sophieeeeee
Second followup, really, is the title not enough? "A surgeon being sued for branding a patient's uterus with the initials of his alma mater, the University of Kentucky, defended his actions Tuesday as a routine part of a hysterectomy. Dr. Michael Guiler said in a statement that marking the uterus gives doctors a point of reference before it is removed."

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Businessman forced to drink salt acid
RP Online Journal | Submitted by: OP
Two armed men found a nasty way to kill a businessman in Sydney, Australia. They forced him to drink salt acid, resulting in a painful death three weeks later. According to officials investigating the case, neither the attackers nor their reasons are known yet. Article in German.

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Women expects lobster, receives dead dad's leg
Reuters | Submitted by: Editfish
"An Alaska woman, shocked to receive part of her dead father's leg in the mail instead of the gourmet LobsterGram [woowoo!] she was hoping for has filed suit against the Houston firm that sent it, alleging mental anguish, people involved in the case said on Tuesday." But the people who sent the alleged lobstergram? "We have a court order that says send it to this place and this woman. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone." Crazy woman.

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Sex offenders living in encampments
Seattle Post-Intelligencer | Submitted by: anonymous
"A team of Department of Transportation workers stopped work recently when they came upon an encampment of transient sex offenders near a rural intersection here... Yesterday in Shelton, two tents, a tarp and wood covered by plastic remain on a busy intersection along state Route 3. A large flat basin existed amid large evergreens to allow at least six to eight more tents. On the ground, a mirror lay face up and a television tray was planted, waiting for its owner to come back. Litter and debris cluttered the ground."

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