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January 27, 2003

Anarchists and the fine art of torture
Guardian | Submitted by: Taco Vender
"A Spanish art historian has uncovered what was alleged to be the first use of modern art as a deliberate form of torture, with the discovery that mind-bending prison cells were built by anarchist artists 65 years ago during the country's bloody civil war... Most were the work of an enthusiastic French anarchist, Alphonse Laurencic, who invented a form of "psychotechnic" torture, according to the research of the historian Jose Milicua."

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Pope assails family inauthenticity
Newsday | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Pope John Paul II warned Sunday against "inauthentic" versions of the family, stressing that a union between a man and woman was the only true one in God's eyes... "It's certainly not that inauthentic one based on individual egoism. Experience has shown that such a 'caricature' has no future and cannot give future to any society." Yes, let's take life advice from a guy who's not allowed to get married or laid.

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Mr. Ritter, meet Mr. Oswald
Wire Services | Submitted by: Mr. B
Can you just imagine the conversations Ritter's been a party to over the last few weeks? What next: bamboo slivers? "Federal authorities have obtained the sealed records in the alleged Internet sex sting of former U.N. chief weapons inspector Scott Ritter to review for possible federal charges."

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Chewed up cherries blossom again
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"Physicians say a hymen restoration operation is a fairly simple matter. No matter how many men a woman has, parts of the shattered membrane remain. Surgeons simply collect these pieces of membrane and sew them together with dissolvable stitches. The entire process takes less than 20 minutes. The cost of the operation is, at 150,000 yen, a little pricey, though the biweekly suggests that by returning the woman to a state of Virgo intacta, it could be a small price to pay if it means she finds a suitor whose pockets are as deep as his sense of morality."

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Ireland’s dirty yet nubile laundry
ABC News | Submitted by: Kevin the Red
"A sudden spate of TV exposés, docudramas and a major motion picture have brought to light one of the most shocking episodes in the history of the Catholic Church in Ireland: the existence of the now-notorious Magdalene laundries, a sanctified form of slavery." And what qualifies a young woman to be in such a laundry? "Girls who had become pregnant, even from rape, girls who were illegitimate, or orphaned, or just plain simple-minded, girls who were too pretty and therefore in moral danger."

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Zimbabwe president censors the weather
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Private. Scobie
"Robert Mugabe has clamped down on the opposition, driven white farmers off their land, bullied the media and banned foreign journalists. Now the Zimbabwean leader has turned his paranoiac attention to the weather... The President's office took control of the forecasting service last week after learning that the drought affected country is facing two more years of low rainfall."

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Red ink is not politically correct
BBC | Submitted by: Bob the Builder
"Teachers at a primary school have been told not to mark children's work in red ink because it encourages a "negative approach"... In future, pupils at Uplands Manor Primary School in Smethwick, West Midlands, will see their mistakes struck through with a green pen."

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Dead man walking
This Is London | Submitted by: Thames Swimmer
It seems to be very hard for a person to convince the social security office that he's alive if anyone with a similar name has ever died. Take Mr. Jago, for example. "I told her, 'Look, I'm alive, I'm talking to you. How on earth can I be dead?" Mr. Jago will be sorely missed.

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Saddam is Hitler and then not-Hitler
Independent Argument | Submitted by: anonymous
"For last week Donald Rumsfeld offered the Hitler of Baghdad a way out: exile, with a suitcase full of cash and an armful of family members if that is what he wished. Funny, but I don't recall Churchill or Roosevelt ever suggesting that the Nazi führer should be allowed to escape. Saddam is Hitler – but then suddenly, he's not Hitler after all."

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Surgeon shortens penis during enlargement
The Scotsman | Submitted by: anonymous
"A Harley Street cosmetic surgeon carried out a penis enlargement on a patient which left it shorter and disfigured, the GMC heard today... Dr Ravi Kant Agarwal, of Stockport, Greater Manchester, was advertised as the UK’s leading expert in the field of penis enlargement, described as having unrivalled experience of carrying out the unique and exclusive operation."

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Grim Reaper scares himself into killing girl
Tiscali World Online | Submitted by: Sister_grimm
"A young German who had dressed up as the grim reaper for a carnival has told a court how he crept into a 12 year old girl's bedroom and stabbed her to death when she woke up screaming... He denied that he had intended to kill the child. She had been at home with her younger brother, who had been sleeping in the next bedroom."

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Kentucky Surgeon tags removed parts
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: emmay
This is a follow-up for a story we reported several days ago, not really with any new news... except a photograph of the uterus in question!

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US doubles imports of Iraqi oil
Observer | Submitted by: KYBandit
"Facing its most chronic shortage in oil stocks for 27 years, the US has this month turned to an unlikely source of help - Iraq. Weeks before a prospective invasion of Iraq, the oil-rich state has doubled its exports of oil to America... For opponents of war, it shows the unspoken aim of military action in Iraq, which has the world's second largest proven reserves: some 112 billion barrels, and at least another 100bn of unproven reserves." Yep, we loves that oil, don't give a shit where it comes from! Mmm delicious light sweet crude.

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Fun with food additives
BBC | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"The European Union has limited permitted levels of a food additive given to salmon and poultry, which may damage the eye. The chemical, canthaxanthin, is added to feed. It makes salmon appear more reddish, and chicken skin and egg yolks appear more yellow. But research has suggested that a build up of pigments can damage the retina." Eat this and go blind: Mmm, delicious yellow.

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Coroner: Dead fat people too fucking fat
Suburban Chicago News | Submitted by: Opshun Al
"Toftoy couldn't lift the man himself. Whenever that happens, he asks the police or paramedics to stick around for a few minutes to help get the body into the truck... It becomes a problem, however, when Toftoy or any of his deputies drive back to the morgue alone and have to wait around until someone can help lift the body into the cooler. The problem worsens when the cooler drawers lowest to the ground are occupied."

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Counterstrike loser a suspect in killing
The Province | Submitted by: JON BLAST
"He lost a violent cyberwar game known as Counterstrike and then shot the victor... Police now think that losing the game and being ridiculed about it triggered the Coquitlam Internet cafe shooting Jan. 18 that cost 17-year-old Christian Kwee his life... The suspect apparently was not only a bad loser but also a violent person illegally packing a gun, Coquitlam RCMP said yesterday."

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Why can't Dude have a nice birthday without hassle?
New York Daily News | Submitted by: Milk Bone
"Lee Friedman, who turned 17 yesterday, decided to celebrate his big day by sharing marijuana-laced brownies with some fellow students at his Manhattan high school, police said... Friedman was arrested yesterday afternoon and charged with selling marijuana to a minor, a felony. He was also slapped with one count of endangering the welfare of a child."

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No flight for fluffy if you want her back
Wire Services | Submitted by: Taco
"Many big airlines may stop carrying pets over the United States if the government makes them report figures on how many animals they lose and how many die or are injured on their planes, an industry group says." Some say as many as 5,000 pets a year die while in their custody. Next time go with ground shipping, it's cheaper.

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Mayonaise with that Madam?
Wakefield Today | Submitted by: Crazytrainer
It's just a tiny blurb, but it's priceless. Man beats the meat in front of burger eating woman. Instead of enjoying the show for what it is, she runs.

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Little wiseguys pull a Cifaretto on Mom
UPI | Submitted by: Barret Rollins fan
"A subplot of the popular television series' most recent season came to a violent end in an episode in which Tony Soprano kills fellow mobster Ralphie Cifaretto in a kitchen brawl and then cuts off the dead man's hands and head before pitching the remainder of the corpse into a river, presumably to make it more difficult for authorities to trace the crime back to its origins." Two wacky kids, one 14 and one 20, did exactly this to their mother.

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Court orders Mattel to chill
Wire Services | Submitted by: Tank's Grrl
"The high court did not comment in turning down Mattel's request to reopen a trademark fight over the 1997 dance hit "Barbie Girl." Mattel claims the preteen girls who buy Barbie dolls were duped into thinking the song was an advertisement for the doll or part of Mattel's official line of Barbie products... The song, by a Danish group called Aqua, includes the lyrics, "I'm a blonde bimbo in a fantasy world/Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly."

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Miami INS officials toilet-torture travel caper
Venezuela Headline | Submitted by: JC_DC
Venezuelan traveler says USA narco-thugs at Miami airport tortured him, after he spent four days and nights under observation at the Jackson Memorial Hospital and was forced to swallow 1.5 gallons of laxative before the agents were satisfied he wasn’t carrying drugs in his stomach.

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Choose Death license plates
Newsday | Submitted by: Humboldt Honey
"A state representative in South Carolina has proposed "Choose Death" licence plates, as a reaction to Planned Parenthood's opposition to "Choose Life" plates." (We rather like the idea of a plate that said "Choose Death." Especially if it had a skull and crossbones. Perhaps for the hearse.)

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Man lands on power lines after car crash
KMBC-TV 9 Kansas City | Submitted by: biglamprey
Not only did this guy land on power lines twenty feet in the air after his jeep rolled over several times, he even answered a call on his celphone while waiting for rescue crews to get him down. Grainy picture but you get the idea.

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Because she didn't get enough TV time before
Fresno Bee | Submitted by: Queen Latina
"Nicole Brown Simpson's older sister Denise Brown said Monday she was considering running for U.S. Senate from California the next time there's an open seat... Brown said she's a registered Republican but admires California's current senators, Democrats Barbara Boxer and Dianne Feinstein, and does not want to run against either of them." While nearly anyone would be an improvement over Feinstein and Boxer, the wisdom of a Senator Simpson is highly suspect.

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Lonely man pioneers ice diving
St. Petersburg Times | Submitted by: Glusker
"Because he loves what can be found only under ice: the clear water and the fantastic, infinitely varied shapes of the ice itself; the violent mating of the giant snow crabs, the delicate combfish that float by; and, in lakes, teasing crawfish and catching sleepy fish by hand."

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