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January 20, 2003

Giant squid tries to eat yacht in Jules Verne race
Cape Times | Submitted by: seige_bong
Jules Verne would have been delighted. Not only is the trophy for the fastest round-the-world yacht trip named after him, but one of the competing boats was grappled this week by a giant squid... The giant squid (Architeuthis Dux), believed to have been 10 metres long, wrapped itself around the Geronimo's hull for an hour near the straits of Gibraltar before letting go and returning to the depths."

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Party (in filth) Chico
The Orion | Submitted by: Macki
"Vomiting in the showers is seemingly a common occurrence in residence halls, and that is another factor that contributes to the relatively high number of students who don't shower daily. It also forces students to wear shower sandals... "I wear sandals because I don't want athlete's foot or rabies or something... God knows what happens in those showers... We slosh through puke every day," says Dodd. "The shower curtains change colors randomly."

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What's that hole?
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: Uranus Rings
"What are piles? These are veins around the ring of the anus, which is the hole at the bottom end of your bowels. What sort of piles do people have? There are piles that stick out like soft lumps outside the anus and there are piles that sit inside the anus to form a sealing cushion to keep wind and watery bowel motions from escaping when it is embarrassing for them to do so."

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Jailed for sending daughter a birthday card
News and Observer | Submitted by: Low Blow
"A judge said a man who masturbated in the same room where his children slept may be "common and low-life" but he wasn't a criminal for the behavior... In a separate case, Griffith pleaded guilty to violating a domestic violence protective order by sending his daughter a birthday card from jail. He was sentenced to 75 days in jail."

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Fifth-grader poison plot
Rocky Mountain News | Submitted by: f00f
"Police Lt. Gary Lauricella said Thursday that two fifth-graders at Harrington Elementary School have emerged as the ringleaders in a conspiracy that began last week... "We certainly feel they knew right from wrong because they conspired as a group. Some had reservations and didn't participate. Others participated knowing what the consequences could be," Lauricella said."

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Heroin-soaked clothes
New Jersey Online | Submitted by: Mary Jane
Drugs winning the drug war: "According to investigators, increasingly large quantities of drugs have been slipping past inspectors, concealed in seemingly ordinary clothing, only these clothes have been specially prepared and impregnated with liquid heroin that can be extracted once the clothes arrive in the United States. "They're killing us," said one federal law enforcement official who expressed alarm over the situation."

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Bible college shuns 666 phone number
CNN | Submitted by: Rockpile
"A small Appalachian (perhaps that explains everything) Bible college is fighting to change its telephone number because the 666 prefix is disturbing to Christians who recognize it as the biblical mark of the beast... "In the secular world, 666 is not a problem. It is for us."

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Healthy breasts amputated due to lab mixup
CNN | Submitted by: Squeak, The Human Chew Toy
"A hospital apologized for a laboratory mistake that resulted in the amputation of a healthy woman's breasts after she was mistakenly told she had an aggressive form of cancer." "Oops, our bad... Sorry."

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Translating DNA into easy-listening music
Canoe | Submitted by: wingnut
This actually an idea people were pursuing ten to twenty years ago: "In general, the genome music is an easy-listening sound that is vaguely New Age. One of the prettiest songs is based on Connexin 26, a human gene that causes deafness when it mutates. The DNA skeleton is expressed with tinkling bells and a flute melody does the rest.Another song draws on a yeast gene known as SLT2. "This is a very sad part, but a beautiful one," Sanchez Sousa said."

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Keepin' It Ghetto on MLK day
Newsday | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Texas A&M University officials are trying to stop some students' plans to mark Monday's Martin Luther King Jr. holiday with an-off campus party at which guests are encouraged to mimic stereotypes about blacks... Fliers at the Walton Hall dormitory advertised the event and encouraged partygoers to mimic stereotypes and think ghetto."

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Pilfered Stars and Bars found on eBay
New Orleans Times-Picayune | Submitted by: UncleGum
"A Civil War regimental flag stolen decades ago from the Confederate Museum was returned Friday after it showed up on the Internet auction site eBay and was seized by the FBI... The Confederate Museum houses the nation's second-largest collection of Confederate relics, including flags, uniforms, weapons and other items."

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Shaquille O'Neal: Ching-chang-yan-wah-ah-so
Orlando Sentinel | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Shaq successfully shrugged off racially offensive comments he made recently about Yao Ming, the Houston Rockets' rookie center from China... Shaq, the wanna-be comedian, was asked about Yao and replied in a mock Chinese accent: "Tell Yao Ming, 'Ching-chang-yan-wah-ah-so.'"... "I said it jokingly," said Shaq, as if ridiculing Asian people is supposed to be funny."

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Soccer kills
News Corporation | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"The coroner heard evidence that Astle, noted for his ability to score with powerful or well-timed headers, suffered serious injury to his brain as a result of repeatedly coming into contact with heavy, rain sodden, leather soccer balls... Barely able to communicate because of his brain injuries, he died a year ago. The couple would have celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary this year."

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Gay in da hood
New York Times | Submitted by: Squanto
The sign that hangs outside the basement entrance of the Mount Morris Turkish Baths in Harlem reads, "Men Only"... A list of house rules is posted up front near the reception desk, where an attendant sits behind a metal grate collecting the hourly fees required to rent a locker, a dressing room or one of the numerous cramped, wooden chambers that contain no more than iron-framed beds. The first rule is printed in boldfaced capital letters: "No sex permitted." Farther down the list, however, is another rule: "Dispose of used condoms carefully."

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Italian politician to wIn lots of new friends
thestate.com | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
Boso and his colleague Sergio Divina demanded that the state railway carried out checks to make sure that all the immigrants had tickets and residency papers, and behaved "properly," while traveling on the service between Verona and Bolzano... "If this doesn't happen, then we believe... that the moment has come to provide different wagons for the immigrants and for the 'poor' Italians, who, respecting normal civil rules, sit on and use one seat only,"

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A formerly great prank ruined by morons
KRON-TV San Francisco | Submitted by: Vader
Placing a piece of metal with a small hole in it inside someone's tailpipe to make their car sound like pissed off bumble-bee used to be a great practical joke. Unfortunately some piece of human flotsam had to declare it cool and now people are doing it on purpose to their own cars. The joke is on the poor people in the neighborhoods with these automobiles. The video is priceless. WOOO WOOOOOO!

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Iranian clerical class out of favor
New York Times | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"While recent pro-democracy demonstrations on Iranian campuses have attracted widespread attention, a potentially more explosive movement has quietly been taking shape here in one of the leading religious centers of the Islamic world. The Shiite clergy who a generation ago called for the establishment of a fundamentalist, religious government are having second thoughts. Religion, many are now saying, belongs in the mosque."

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Those Wacky Iraqis: warheads a plant
Debka | Submitted by: I.P. TeAitchsee
"Last week’s 'discovery' by UN arms inspectors of a dozen empty chemical 122 mm missile warheads at an Iraqi ammunition dump in Ukhaider, 70 miles south of Baghdad, was not the outcome of intelligence but subtle Iraqi manipulation. The UN inspectors were led by the nose to their discovery."

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Newspaper hit for Muhammad sex story
ABC News | Submitted by: I.P. TeAitchsee
"The Jordanian government closed a weekly newspaper and detained three journalists for an article that discussed the sex life of the Prophet Muhammad, an editor at the paper said Friday. The newspaper Al-Hilal, or the Crescent, published an article Tuesday that focused on Muhammad's sex life with his favorite wife, Aisha, an extremely sensitive subject in the Muslim world."

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Humans on Mars by 2010?
Guardian | Submitted by: De La Burn
"The United States hopes to send an astronaut to Mars in a nuclear powered rocket, according to a senior Nasa official. Under the space agency's ambitious plan, humans would be sent on a two-month journey to Mars in a spaceship travelling at three times the current speed of space travel."

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