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January 15, 2003

Dry ice sitting competition
BBC | Submitted by: Reading
Who's the dipshit, the ones who thought the competition up or the dipshits who went through with it? "BRMB held a contest during which contestants sat on "dry ice", frozen carbon dioxide, a substance with a temperature of -78C. Four people were treated for severe frostbite, with three of them requiring prolonged stays in hospital, it is alleged as a direct result of the Coolest Seats in Town competition."

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Utah Porn Czar kaput
Wire Services | Submitted by: Spigot
"Budget troubles have forced Utah to eliminate its controversial "porn czar," whose job was to give legal help to local governments and community members worried about smut... She said she prosecuted three cases during her tenure, and has 15 others moving through the courts. She also helped draft legislation, including a measure that clarified a vague state law regulating public displays of indecency that could have included art works."

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Lottery terminals to flash anti-gambling messages
Canadian Broadcasting | Submitted by: kade
"The Alberta government is replacing its video lottery terminals with new models that flash messages aimed at helping problem gamblers... The pop-up messages will tell the gambler how long they've been on the machine and how much money they've spent... in its annual report for the year 2000-2001, the Nova Scotia Gaming Corp. states revenues from video lottery terminals went up by more than $15 million."

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Rooster kills handler during cockfight
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"Police say a rooster, about to be set loose for a bout in a crowded arena, attacked its handler with razor-sharp steel spikes strapped to its legs. The spikes hit the stunned man's thigh and groin, causing him to bleed profusely in front of the shocked crowd. The man died en route to a hospital."

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The poo sifters
Canton Repository | Submitted by: anonymous
"The belt's cargo is garbage. Actually, it's worse. It's items that were sifted out of raw sewage at Cantonís Water Pollution Control Center... Four steel grates effectively fish out the solids (no, not those kinds of solids), and dump them on the belt. The system is a first line of defense at the cityís treatment plant on Central Avenue SE."

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New frontiers in meat metal detection
Food Production Daily | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Several features of the Powerphase are said to enhance metal detection sensitivity, even for stainless steel metal contamination conductive products such as packs of poultry or meat... When this conveyorized detector senses metal contamination in a poultry or meat product, the product is ejected from the conveyor by a punch-reject mechanism powered by an air cylinder."

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Unluckiest Canadians ever
Canadian Television | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"For the Dolamore family, a home invasion that ended with their mother being set on fire by a masked intruder is only the latest in a list of tragedies... Just last fall the family moved to Wabamun, from the southern Alberta town of Magrath, where they had lost everything after a fire destroyed their two-storey home on July 15, 2000... Then on Dec. 2, a fire broke out at their new home after a candle was left unattended in a bathroom... In November 1998, the Dolamores made national headlines when their infant daughter Hannah was accidentally exposed to formalin, a diluted solution of formaldehyde."

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Malawian vampires now using sleeping gas
New York Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Malawi, despite the best efforts of its government, is in the grip of a form of hysteria. Vampires are attacking the villages, people say. Men are finally fighting back. At night, when darkness shrouds the green hills and women and children hide in their huts, the patrols creep slowly through the cornfields. Twelve brave men peer behind towering anthills and whispering trees with pickaxes, knives and clubs at the ready. Their prey, witnesses insist, are modern-day vampires: men carrying flashlights who disable their victims with sleeping gas."

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America, home of the Mega Church
BBC | Submitted by: shadt
Nothing says I love Jesus like mass hypnosis: "If you don't like being around a lot of people worshipping God, you're not going to like Heaven... I have a dear friend in San Antonio, Texas, who's pastor in a megachurch. He confessed to me one day, "Joe, I'm not the pastor of the church. I'm the mayor of the city."

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Bad refrigerator art as dumb social commentary
Pasadena Star-News | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"In Degree, an exhibit running through the end of January at Pasadena City College Art Gallery, a handful of art students and a biology professor transformed refrigerators into art... In Pham's Frozen Stiff, a mummy-like life-size plastic doll rests under a red, white and blue shroud inside a black coffin-like fridge resting on its back and lined with plastic grocery bags. In an accompanying essay she explains that the refrigerator, because it runs endlessly, 'represents our unbridled energy consumption.'"

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Robber flushes his file down the pooper
AZ Central | Submitted by: f00f
"Sheriff's deputies found him, minutes later, shoving documents down a holding cell toilet, officials said... Brown could be charged with destroying government property and with conduct disrupting the orderly running of a facility, according to his new arrest affidavit." Oh, it's also not the first time he's done this.

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North Korean cripple mystery
New York Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The only time I was allowed into North Korea, years ago, I couldn't find anyone in a wheelchair, on crutches or missing a hand. North Koreans kept insisting there were no disabled people in Pyongyang, the clean and lovely capital of which North Korea is justifiably proud. 'Any handicapped people have voluntarily moved to other parts of our country', one official said." Right.

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Making a clean breast of fashion
Australia Daily Telegraph | Submitted by: Taco Vender
"Want to keep abreast of the latest in male fashion? Well, the message from Milan is to say goodbye to Mr Macho and hello to Mr Androgyny. The provocative direction, featuring male models with fake breasts under figure-hugging knitwear, was sent down the catwalk by outrageous British designer Vivienne Westwood in the mens' autumn winter 2003 shows held this week." Nice tits, sir.

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Teacher gave sexy banana demonstration
Naples Daily News | Submitted by: Any Mouse
"Health teacher Colin Nicholas instructed students how to put a condom on a banana and may lose his job... He was told condoms have no place inside Collier County public schools. He was told he showed poor judgment. He was told he no longer could teach at Gulf Coast High School."

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Kevin Mitnick's censored memoir
The Register | Submitted by: anonymous
Mitnick's criticism of John Markoff and the Feds was cut from his book "The Art of Deception" but the Register has printed the whole text. [snip] "Mitnick had wished to include a brief biographical sketch debunking the legendary persona created by New York Times tech hack John Markoff and detailing his ordeal at the hands of federal prosecutors. Unfortunately, the publisher rejected what were to be the juiciest parts of Chapter One."

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Why Grandma Why?
WDIV-TV 4 Detroit | Submitted by: PISTdetroit
"A 72 year old grandmother pleaded guilty Monday to possessing a large amount of drugs, but police believe that she might be covering up for someone else, Local 4 reported Monday."

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Wanted: Decent webmaster for backward country
Slate | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The home page for the Democratic People's Republic of Korea is such a strikingly amateur piece of work that many who find it wonder if it isn't some sort of hoax. Meant to convey the DPRK's point of view to skeptical Westerners, the site's pages instead attest to the difficulties of English as a second language: "The traditional Korean clothing is composed by the inferior clothing." A huffy explanation for the country's withdrawal last Friday from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty claims "the USA is creating an energetic crisis."

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Vancouver family finds message of hate in toy
The Columbian | Submitted by: wingnut
"Blanche Skelton was feeding her baby when she heard something besides the soothing sound of ocean waves coming from a toy attached to the crib. It was saying, "I hate you." Made in China, the toy was sold by Wal-Mart and carries the Kid Connection brand, which is a store brand. But the Skeltons don't really want to take the toy back. "We'll keep it around for novelty, I guess," said Gary Skelton. "Just don't hang it over the crib is all."

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The cruisiest short bus in the Northeast
Boston Globe | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Police are investigating a report from a mother who said her 4 year old son was forced to perform oral sex on two boys, ages 6 and 12, as they rode home on a school bus last month, school officials said... "He told me the 12 year old pulled down his pants and told another 6 year old to pull down his pants. My son said if he didn't do it, he was going to get stabbed and beat,' said Ebony Wise. The Globe said she agreed to be quoted by name because of her anger over the case."

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Iraq may jam American. GPS system
Newsday | Submitted by: error
"Iraq has jamming equipment potentially capable of knocking some of America's smart weapons off course, according to a U.S. government official with access to intelligence reports... The official said this week the Iraqis have obtained at least a limited number of transmitters that can jam signals from the satellite-based global positioning system or GPS. The satellite signals are used to guide bombs called JDAMs (Joint Direct Attack Munitions) to their intended targets with precision."

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Teacher's Horror Story
Front Page Magazine | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
It starts off a bit dry, but this is great reading. "Yet even as the lawsuit dragged on and the legal cloud over me caused me to lose a job opportunity I really wanted, I refused to entertain Raynardís mother's offers to settle the case by my paying her $200,000, a demand that ultimately diminished to $40,000. The school system had no such scruples; it settled the motherís tort claim in October 2002 for $75,000 (plus $15,000 from the teachers' union's insurance company; chump change compared with the cost of defending the litigation). It wasnít $20 million, but it was still more money than I imagine this woman had seen in her life."

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God stays out of Columbine
Newsday | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Brian Rohrbough, whose son Danny was killed in the Columbine High School massacre, said school officials have no business telling him what he can say in two 4 inch tiles that are part of a victims' memorial. But the U.S. Supreme Court is allowing just such censorship, he argued."

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Foot in mouth leads to needle in arm
Newsday | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"A murder trial opened Monday for a man who was charged with killing a 16 year old girl after mistakenly thinking a court ruling gave him carte blanche to brag to prosecutors about the crime... "Since... the Va. Supreme Court said that I can't be charged with capital murder again, I figured I would tell you the rest of what happened on Jan. 29, 1999 to show you how stupid all of y'all... are," Powell wrote."

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Study: It helps to have a white name
Wire Services | Submitted by: kade
This is a surprise? "Resumes with white-sounding first names elicited 50 percent more responses than ones with black-sounding names, according to a study by professors at the University of Chicago Graduate School of Business and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology."

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Greatest converstaion pieces ever
News Corporation | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"A north Queensland man has preserved his father's memory by removing and framing the dead man's tattoos. Mackay miner Carl Whittaker, 31, acted on the wishes of his father Barry, who died of cancer in 1999 after ongoing health problems... The four tattoos, including a large image of an eagle from Barry's back, have been framed and hang in Mr Whittaker's dining room."

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Man drives car into train station while chasing skirt
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"Masafumi Saito is accused of willful destruction of property after his recreational vehicle slammed into a handrail, destroying it."When the woman ignored me, I thought I'd chase after her," he told the police, explaining his decision to drive his car into JR Yamagata Station."

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