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January 14, 2003

The pigs shot pigs
Ottawa Citizen | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
"Testing new "less lethal" (C'mon--it kills you or it don't) methods of crowd control, the RCMP shot sock round ammo at both live and dead pigs to prepare for future antiglobalization rallies, according to files released by Canada's version of the FIOA. "The live pig, which was fired on twice, merely shook his leg after being shot in the thigh and 'didn't even squeal,' the study says."

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Public liposuction to show health-care sucks
Tiscali World Online | Submitted by: sucker
"A plastic surgeon has vowed to carry out liposuctions on the streets of Berlin as part of a rally demanding health care reforms in Germany... Patients will be treated on a first come, first served basis, said the chief physician at Martin Luther Hospital in Berlin."

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Don't mess with the Malaysians
BBC | Submitted by: laifer69
"Wildlife authorities in the northern Malaysian state of Kedah are searching for a man who is reported to have gone missing with his family and his pet tiger... However, a neighbour later said that Haji Zaitun had disappeared with his family and the tiger, after learning that the authorities wanted to speak to him."

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Muslim rappers rock the house
The Commercial Appeal | Submitted by: Poots Brownhole
"The group uses only percussion and voices, since some Muslims believe using wind and stringed instruments violates religious teaching. Given the self-imposed limitations, the trio's music is surprisingly rich, with layers of tonal beats driven by electronic rhythms and multitiered vocal tracks... [The group] charges $600 per show and won't perform with mixed dancing or alcohol since both are forbidden under Islam."

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Oregon city to outlaw defecating on buses
WCCO-TV 4 Minneapolis | Submitted by: TAZZY8JAZZY
"Proposed new city rules would ban spitting, defecating, smoking, skateboarding, and stinking on city buses... He noted that the city already has an ordinance prohibiting people from releasing "highly objectionable odors" from their property." Presumably including their pants.

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Albino 300 pounder raped 13 year old girl
New York Post | Submitted by: I.P. TeAitchsee
"A 300-pound albino man from The Bronx is being charged with statutory rape after allegedly seducing a 13 year old New Jersey girl with promises of stardom, according to police... The suspect, identified as Michael Caraballo, 20, of Tremont, apparently met the girl on a telephone "chat line" and gained her trust by telling her he would help her become an actress."

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Bondage couple charged with using banana
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: Bob
"The court was told that the assault charge originally referred to a leather strap as a weapon but was amended specifying the cake of soap and banana... The amendment prompted Justice of the Peace Barrie Evans to remark that a banana was not much of a weapon... Details of the case revealed the banana was squashed into the assault victim's face during a bondage session. The cake of soap was forced into his mouth."

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Minicows make good pets, also tasty
Los Angeles Daily News | Submitted by: hellbent
"They're smaller and don't intimidate as much, so you can spend more time with them, and they become more people-friendly," said Mark Audenino, manager of the Thousand Oaks ranch... And they're so cute, people just like to look out their window and see the cows." Despite their personalities, it's their edible attributes, their efficient feed-to- beef conversion and the resulting succulent, low-fat meat, that is fueling the growing minicow industry."

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Killing the messenger
Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: Bammer
"A Jordanian couple who kept up a secret relationship by using a dog to carry their love letters were revealed when the woman's brother discovered one of the notes, sparking an argument in which the pet was killed. The tale had a bittersweet ending, a friend of the couple reported today: The woman's father agreed to let the couple marry. The proposal came in the last letter delivered by the man's 3-year-old German shepherd, Big Joe."

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Doctor to build another suicide machine in US
CNN | Submitted by: Dookee
"Dr. Philip Nitschke said that Australian customs agents in Sydney seized his COGen machine Thursday. He had planned to unveil the device, which lets people kill themselves with carbon monoxide, before a national meeting of the Hemlock Society in San Diego."

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Teen burns bird, puts torture pictures on Internet
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"A Long Island teenager who set his family's parakeet on fire during a New Year's Eve bash and posted photographs of the torture on the Internet has been arrested, police said. Guider threw the party while his parents were away, Suffolk County police Sgt. Edward Aki said. After one of Guider's friends came up with the idea of torching the parakeet, Aki said, Guider coated the bird with hair spray and set it on fire, killing it. Photographs of the bird being burned and a laughing Guider holding its charred body were later posted on a Web site."

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Police: Woman assaulted self
The Province | Submitted by: f00f
"After an eight-month investigation, police informed Weber they had concluded her injuries, which included broken cheekbones under both eyes [article includes photos], came as the result of an act of auto-erotic asphyxiation gone wrong... "I didn't even know what auto-eroticism was. I had to have someone explain it to me," says Weber. "If they say I lied purposely to hide this and, according to them, they spent countless money and resources to solve it, then why aren't they showing me a bill? Why aren't they charging me with lying to them? It's ridiculous."

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Singles to blame for environmental meltdown
News Corporation | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Small households use much more energy per head than larger ones and create more waste, making their ecological footprint worse. A one-person flat and a four-person house, for example, will typically each have one refrigerator, at considerable cost to energy efficiency and greenhouse gas emissions." Big fat duh.

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Murdered web designer buried
St. Petersburg Times | Submitted by: Glusker
"Holding red carnations and brushing away tears, a mixed crowd of academics, Internet specialists and visitors to Vladimir Sukhomlin's military Web sites stood in silence Monday morning at Moscow State University's Department of Computing Mathematics and Cybernetics to pay tribute to its recent graduate and youngest teacher, who investigators say was beaten to death by two police officers hired for the job."

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Busybodies upset by art depicting baby in a toilet
Canadian Press | Submitted by: Gorg
"The art goes against everything I try to teach my child--not to hurt himself or others," said Maureen Finstad. Her four-year-old son Michael attends Muse Time, a preschool run by Red Deer College in a room at the Red Deer and District Museum. Just down the hall, the museum is exhibiting surreal works of art depicting a baby in a toilet and children spurting blood from their bodies."

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What the world needs now...
News Corporation | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
...is a AU$3M tennis racket: "Scientists from the Australian National University today unveiled a new method of producing microscopic carbon tubes, set to be used in a new generation of tennis racquets... The carbon nanotubes are 10 times stronger than carbon fibre but until now have been difficult to produce in bulk quantities; a carbon nanotube tennis racquet would cost about $3 million."

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Tard given the green light
BBC | Submitted by: Brian Webb
"Instead of a model, the firm installed the real thing in Benjamin's back garden - complete with a remote control box for him to use... The youngster, from Melksham, Wiltshire, now happily spends hours controlling his very own lights... She said: "I kept asking him what he wanted and all he said the whole time was 'traffic lights'"

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Remember what colour traffic light means stop?
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Deevo
"Carol Snellgrove, a clinical psychologist at Repatriation General Hospital and co-author of the survey, said research suggested there were at least 40,000 Australians with dementia who held driving licences."

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Blind man built bomb via braille
News Corporation | Submitted by: anonymous
"A blind man accused of lighting a device in his Sydney flat which contained enough hazardous material to blow up his entire block has appeared in court... At his last appearance, prosecutor Craig Murray told the court if products located in the Redfern unit in Sydney's inner-west had been mixed correctly, they could have blown up the entire nine-unit housing department complex."

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Nutcase pedophile author dies in jail
Monterey Herald | Submitted by: Trep
Mike Echols, author of "I know my first name is Steven", about the abduction Steven Stayner (brother Yosemite killer Cary Stayner), died in prison after being arrested for exposing himself on a city transit bus. He is survived by the other character in his book and fellow Rotten star Kenneth Parnell, who was recently arrested for trying to buy a boy. Echols was known to attend NAMBLA meetings, supposedly for "research purposes".

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High court strikes at sex law
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: jonsl
"Since 1833, it has been a crime in Georgia for unmarried people to engage in sex... [he] was 16 when he was found having sex with his girlfriend in September 2001 at her Fayette County home. The girl's mother caught them in the act at about 3 a.m... had placed a stool in front of her bedroom door. Her mother got in anyway, and McClure bolted out the window and ran... he was told he was being charged with a crime for having sex with his girlfriend."

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Rattlesnake pizza at Suwanee
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: jonsl
"PieWorks, which opened Nov. 22, offers alligator, buffalo sausage, ostrich, rattlesnake sausage and Spam among its 163 toppings. Not to mention jelly beans, blueberries, scrambled eggs and hot dogs... They have toppings that I never could imagine, like jelly beans... Spam is the least-requested topping, Gates said."

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