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January 06, 2003

Boxers with boobs entertain horny soldiers
Newsday | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Dubbed smokers, the [Kuwait] fights, featuring both female and male [American] soldiers, are a nod to the old tobacco-fumed boxing clubs of yesteryear, with soldiers sometimes settling grudges in the ring and the spectators puffing on cigars if they can find them."

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Drug dealer busted for selling phony acid
Eureka Times-Standard | Submitted by: Timothy Leary Jr
"Two Humboldt State students alleged that late last September, Butler forced them to give him money and drive him to Pismo Beach in Southern California in one of the student's cars. Butler denied the allegations, maintaining that he offered the students 10 sheets of the LSD each for the ride. Butler was arrested in early October in Arcata, when one of the students told his father what happened. Initial field tests by the Arcata Police Department tested positive for LSD, but later tests by the California Department of Justice proved otherwise."

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National landmarks to be cloned
New York Daily News | Submitted by: whitetrashrepublic
"The Federal Government is using laser-scanning technology to record the precise dimensions and design of landmarks such as the Statue of Liberty, the Capitol Building and Mount Rushmore. Should any of these sites should be damaged in a terrorist attack, the Feds will seek to comfort us by rebuilding them immediately. 'If someone comes along with a suitcase bomb or a briefcase nuke and blows up a chunk of Thomas Jefferson, and his nose falls off, the 3-D representation would allow us to perform major reconstructive surgery on the mountain,' said Don Striker, superintendent of Mount Rushmore National Memorial in South Dakota."

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Candy Bandit
CNN | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
"An Arkansas man was arrested after police followed a trail of evidence from a bungled bank heist, discarded wrappers from candy he allegedly stole and ate as he made his getaway, police said on Saturday...The candy allegedly stolen from the bank was 'Dum Dums,' the police officer said." Looks like he got his JUST DESSERTS, ah-ha ha ha haaa.... that sucked.

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Dallas Police: 46% of seized cocaine actually chalk
Washington Times | Submitted by: Chalk Kingpin
"Known as the "Sheetrock scandal" because tests determined that the substances were shredded Sheetrock, pool chalk or gypsum instead of cocaine and methamphetamines, the situation has been a major embarrassment to both the Dallas Police Department and the Dallas County district attorney's office. "It's all going to boil down to whether the narcs knew the informants were setting innocent people up or whether they were snookered themselves," said a former federal prosecutor here."

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Cheerleader cracks skull when team fails to catch
Naples Daily News | Submitted by: Carrie
"A Gainesville High School freshman struck her head and suffered multiple skull fractures when her teammates failed to catch her during a toss maneuver at a basketball tournament last week, officials said. [Teamwork!]... Vinson's family said the girl's injuries originally did not appear serious, but her head began to swell and blood began coming out of her ears. She has undergone several surgeries since Friday, family members said."

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This boy loves dogs... too much
Jamaica Gleaner | Submitted by: Kujo
"According to the woman, when she took the child to the United States where she lives, he made sexual advances towards her on two occasions. She said she subsequently caught the child engaging in anal sex with the family dog on several occasions. The child's adoptive mother said that despite close monitoring and admonitions the child used opportunities when she was distracted to continue to have sex with the family dog. When the child was taken to child sex abuse specialists and evaluated, the seven-year-old revealed that he had engaged in oral sex with seven other dogs and also had anal and oral sex with a number of children during the three-month period which he spent in the United States."

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Man's fake funerals banned
News Corporation | Submitted by: Nicole
"A Hong Kong court has ordered a man to stop conducting mock funerals near a luxury housing development, after would-be buyers were spooked, a village official said... Many people in Hong Kong avoid property with funerals going on nearby because of superstitions."

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Drunk mom lets boy drive car
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Captain Prozac
It doesn't get any more White Trash than this: "A family of three was injured in a car crash after a five-year-old boy sitting on his mother's lap allegedly steered the vehicle because she was too drunk to drive. The boy's nine year old brother allegedly told staff at Nambour Hospital, on Queensland's Sunshine Coast, that his mother had been drinking and wanted her youngest son to steer the car while she operated the pedals, police said."

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Pamela Anderson teaches Sunday school
World Net Daily | Submitted by: UncleGum
"Pamela Anderson has retired from acting, but the former "Baywatch" star and pinup girl claims she is now teaching Sunday school at a church near her home in Malibu... Anderson was one of the first celebrities to pose nude for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, which uses the photos for publicity and fund-raising purposes."

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Students get pot decriminalization measure up
Columbia Tribune | Submitted by: Missouri NORML
"A group of University of Missouri-Columbia students seeking to decriminalize small amounts of marijuana gathered enough signatures on an initiative petition to ensure that their proposed measure will make the April ballot. The Columbia City Clerk’s office yesterday said the petitions, circulated by the Columbia Alliance for Patients and Education, contained 1,285 valid signatures. The group needed 1,191 valid signatures."

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