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December 27, 2002

Top NYC official fired for stupid
New York Post | Submitted by: Marla Jones
"Mayor Bloomberg last night abruptly fired the head of the city's customer service office, after The Post alerted City Hall that the official had called New Yorkers and city workers "dumb," "whining" and "stupid"... "I take painkillers, sleep a lot and think about killing every citizen and employee of New York City every minute I'm awake," he fumed in the bizarre tirade."

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Hooters takes flight
CNN Money | Submitted by: Rockpile
"The chairman of Hooters America, Inc. said Thursday he bought an airline that will operate a charter service under the name Hooters Air... Hooters did not say it expects to have flight attendants in the restaurant's signature tight tank-tops and orange shorts."

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Elderly drives golf cart onto interstate
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: Bald in NJ
"An 85 year old man became lost while driving his golf cart home from a doctor's appointment inside a retirement community and wound up on a busy interstate... The man drove along Interstate 75 near Tampa for about five miles, his golf cart never topping 20 mph."

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Iran stops stonings of women adulterers
BBC | Submitted by: Phatlor
"Iran has abolished stoning as a form of capital punishment for women, a senior judiciary official in Iran has been quoted as saying. Last year's stonings were practically the only news about Iran carried by some Western newspapers." The article does not say whether they will continue to topple walls on homosexuals.

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What to do with the leftovers...
Press of Atlantic City | Submitted by: Dr. Atomic
"A man foraging through alley trash cans Friday found a foot and a hand that had been hacked off a dead body. Authorities wouldn't say if the limbs belonged to an adult or a child, but said the severed limbs were from a person who died in the last week."

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A new form of counseling
Hartford Courant | Submitted by: Jamie
"A visiting Polish priest told police the sex he had last week with a teenage rape victim in her family's apartment was a form of "counseling," intended to show the high school girl that sex with men doesn't have to be bad."

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Children uncover porn in Barney book
CNN | Submitted by: zuzu
"Two youngsters who wanted to sing along with Barney the Dinosaur opened a music book and discovered a photograph of a man and woman in a naked embrace. The photo, which ran under the words "Wilder Sex," was in a "Sing-Along Songs Barney" book a couple bought for their 4- and 7-year-old children."

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Rael: It's a girl (clone)
The Hindu | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Boisselier said the girl was born Thursday at 11:55 a.m., but did not disclose where the cloning had taken place. She said results of genetic testing of the child by an independent expert would be available in eight to nine days." The Raelian swastika-cult is also building an embassy for space visitors, but that's another story.

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Harpo Marx spied for FBI
Melbourne Herald Sun | Submitted by: Brocktoon
Soon to released government records will show how "the most anarchic of the Marx Brothers" was recruited by the FBI in 1933 to spy on Stalin. Apparently, Stalin was a big fan. Bomp Bomp!

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Judge lets pervert balloon artist be
Newsday | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
Funny, it doesn't look like a long-nosed mouse: "A judge, taking away a tool Westchester County had used to keep a convicted sex offender from giving balloon sculptures to children, said the county cannot ban performances aimed at soliciting donations in public parks... It resulted from a lawsuit Hobbs brought in August 2000, saying the county had refused to let him perform a clown act, give away balloon sculptures, engage in humorous social commentary and accept donations from passers-by in 1999 and 2000."

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Republican family values
WBRZ-TV 2 Baton Rouge | Submitted by: wingnut
"State Sen. Jerry Thomas has pleaded no contest to lewd conduct in connection with his Dec. 10 arrest in an eastern New Orleans adult video store. A doctor and former Washington Parish coroner, Thomas was arrested after police said they saw him engaged in a lewd act during a raid at A&N Kola Video. Courcelle said Thomas decided to plead no contest after talking with his wife and four children."

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Mistletoe Not as romantic as you think
ABC News | Submitted by: Rue LeJour
"It's one of the most ferocious weeds in nature, known for the way it worms into tree branches and then sucks their nutrients from within. Secondly, it spreads through the feces of bird droppings, which is how it got its name. Mistol is the Anglo-Saxon word for "dung." And tan means "twig." So its common name means "dung on a twig." The scientific name of the common American species, Phoradendron, is not much better. It means "thief of the tree" in Greek."

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Honesty is a better policy
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: wingnut
"A man was locked up on someone else's charges after he used the name of a relative wanted by police.And now he's been charged over using the false name. Christchurch man Ricky Humphries spent a week behind bars before prison officials realised they had the wrong person. Even after he was released, Humphries tried to keep his real identity a secret. "Every time we talked to him he gave us a different name."

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FBI works to make homeland, uhh, secure
Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: wingnut
"The Star Tribune's Greg Gordon reported last week that at a quiet little ceremony earlier this month, Marion (Spike) Bowman was one of nine people in the bureau to receive an award for "exceptional performance." The award carries with it a cash bonus of 20 to 35 percent of the recipient's salary and a framed certificate signed by the president... Bowman heads the FBI's National Security Law Unit. That's the unit that blocked Minneapolis agents from pursuing their suspicions about Moussaoui."

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Woman jailed in cookie rage incident
WDIV-TV 4 Detroit | Submitted by: mellowmik@yahoo.com
"A Belleville woman who couldn't have the cookie she craved is behind bars for attacking an employee at a shopping mall cookie stand, police said Thursday. "She became enraged that they didn't have the cookie she wanted to consume," said Ann Arbor police Sgt. Andrew Zazula."

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