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December 25, 2002

Falling seal dick prices linked to Viagra
The Australian | Submitted by: meatload
"On the docks of Newfoundland, fishermen are finding it harder to peddle the private parts of seals. And on the plains of western Alaska, the trade in reindeer antlers has plummeted. A possible reason... researchers claim, is Viagra. As for the seals, the von Hippels claimed Canadian sealers sold 30,000 to 50,000 seal penises in 1996. In 1998, the figure dropped to 20,000 and the price dropped as well."

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Saudi police cracking down on Christmas
Associated Press | Submitted by: Anti-Otter
"At another card shop, an Indian employee reaches beneath the counter to pull out a half-dozen religious and secular Christmas cards, his eyes darting around his empty shop and out the window. There would be trouble if caught: "They ask where you got them," he says. The ever-vigilant religious police have confiscated cards in the past, he said, and have even been known to haul shopkeepers away to be questioned about where they got such materials."

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Children: ultimate fashion accessory for rich bitches
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"The women's fashion spread in the FT's gift supplement provided a clue, aimed as it was at the Grubmans of the world and their wealthy clients. Headlined "Swathe New World," it featured a luscious, spooky-looking female model, each shot featuring the same heavy blue eye makeup, but different (and outrageously revealing) haute couture. More revealing than the garments, though, was the declaration by the FT advertorial staff in the accompanying text that "A babe in arms has become the ultimate fashion accessory, and what better time to carry one than at Christmas?"

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Moon rocks jacked by NASA employees
Wire Services | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Three student employees at the Johnson Space Center in Houston have pleaded guilty to charges of conspiring to steal moon rocks collected by Apollo astronauts... Investigators say the group placed an ad in May on the Web site of the Mineralogy Club of Antwerp, Belgium, offering to sell "priceless moon rocks" collected by Apollo astronauts in 1969 and the early 1970s for $1,000 to $5,000 a gram."

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Homeless present police officer with $3K gift
Fox News | Submitted by: Bald in NJ
"Officer Eduardo Delacruz was suspended for 30 days without pay last month after he refused a sergeant's order to arrest a homeless man found sleeping in a parking garage. In gratitude, organizations for the homeless put together the fund for the 37-year-old officer, his wife and their five children. Homeless people also contributed change scrounged from passers-by, money earned from recycling cans and bottles, even a portion of their welfare checks."

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Man sings his way out of parking ticket
Court TV | Submitted by: Bald in NJ
"City Judge Tom DuBois followed a three-year tradition on the last court date before Christmas. Violators who sang a carol and donated five canned goods to the Harvest Food Share had their tickets dismissed with no points put on their driving record."

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CIA: Not all torture is bad
Washington Post | Submitted by: Abu Zubayda's Interrogator
"If you don't violate someone's human rights some of the time, you probably aren't doing your job," said one official who has supervised the capture and transfer of accused terrorists. "I don't think we want to be promoting a view of zero tolerance on this. That was the whole problem for a long time with the CIA.." According to one official who has been directly involved in rendering captives into foreign hands, the understanding is, "We don't kick the [expletive] out of them. We send them to other countries so they can kick the [expletive] out of them."

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Lousy Christmas
Seattle Post-Intelligencer | Submitted by: Soylent
"Our family of two small girls plus mom and dad received a family gift from my mother in law. The package was carefully wrapped and addressed to the Orton Family. Who should get to open the gift for all of us? Finally, one of the girls began the ripping and tearing process with all of us cheering and expectant. Boy, surprise, the letdown, how odd and inappropriate, a home electrolysis kit."

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