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December 13, 2002

Mooning as a cultural icon
News Corporation | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Togo's counsel had also maintained mooning was part of accepted Australian larrikin behaviour and should even be considered a national icon. Snr Sgt Purcell countered by asking whether bare buttocks should replace the emu and kangaroo on the Coat of Arms." Actually, we'd like to see that.

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Eminem fans kick Moby's ass
Sun | Submitted by: fishcake
"Chart superstar Moby was rushed to hospital after being beaten up, by two thugs believed to be Eminem fans. A hooded man posing as an autograph hunter ambushed the dance idol from behind, punched him in the head and broke his glasses as he left a gig."

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Korea: which one is not like the others
Guardian | Submitted by: Tobermory
More on the forthcoming Pyongyang-Washington punch up: "Time and time again, tiny, impoverished North Korea has outraged, outwitted and outmanoeuvred more powerful opponents with an apparent willingness to accept self-annihilation rather than surrender... Mr Kim (no relation to 'The Dear Leader') said the outside world failed to understand the North Korean mentality, which places a priority on kicking the United States off the peninsular even if it means the collapse of the regime, economic misery and starvation for the population."

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Jailbait in hot live lesbian sex show
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: jonsl
"The 16-year-old was excited she was going to get a glimpse of Atlanta's underground sex industry, and she had a profitable career as a prostitute in her sights... "She was really nervous about it... because she said she had never done it in public before," said the poised teen, clad in conservative gray slacks, a black turtleneck and a shiny silver cross, her hair pulled back primly. "I told her there was nothing to be nervous about... She asked me if I would help her participate in it. I kind of knew what she meant."

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Man hides razor blades in McDonald's pies
Baton Rouge Advocate | Submitted by: joelvis
"Carr testified that Fontenot told him he was considering suicide while working at McDonald's, and he got a razor blade, used in box cutters, but then decided not to take his life. He stuck the razor blade in a pie, Carr told the court, and the next day decided to insert razor blades into two more pies to make it appear that the tampering had occurred in Oklahoma, where the pies were made."

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Man loses control of rats, eat baby
Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: MinnFats
A father in Granite Falls, MN told police he recently lost control of his collection of pet rats. He has been charged with child endangerment after his infant was bitten approximately 40 times. Flesh on the child's face was actually eaten.

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No time for sentiment in Bali
New York Observer | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Apart from the T-shirts in the Kuta market that say "Fuck Terrorist," it's hard to know that the bombing even happened here. The Indonesians staged a cleansing ceremony at the Sari Club a month after the bombing and slaughtered some turtles and cows, but with that, the mourning of 190 victims was over. The cover of the Garuda in-flight magazine says boldly, "Back to Bali." Five weeks after."

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Showtime series to profile Seymore Butts
CNN | Submitted by: SR
"The pay TV network has greenlit a half-hour latenight reality series chronicling the life of adult entertainment producer, director and occasional performer Adam Glasser, aka Seymore Butts... "It's about the ironies and the humor that are associated with a man who chooses to have an alter ego and do this work."

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French sink to new level of stupidity
silicon.com | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Controversy has erupted in France where the renaming of the '@' sign, as commonly used in email addresses, has sparked furious debate. The government has told French citizens to stop using the two words in common usage, some favour the English 'at', while others opt for a more continental 'arobase', derived from Spanish, and start using a newly coined French word, 'arrobe'."

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Scientists to exhume 1919 flu victim
Straits Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Scientists plan to dig up the body of a woman who died in the flu pandemic of 1918-19 in a bid to pinpoint the genetic causes of the 20th century's most lethal plague... Her grieving parents, who were wealthy, had her buried in a lead-lined coffin, which makes an airtight seal and provides conditions that can keep a corpse in an almost perfect state for 150 years."

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County prosecutor is a baaaad boy
St. Louis Today | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The state attorney general is seeking to oust Morgan County prosecutor Stephen Concannon for allegedly using his office telephone to solicit sexual favors in return for legal services... Concannon allegedly asked the undercover officer, posing as the woman, to call him at the prosecutor's office, then asked her for sex in exchange for providing legal help in her divorce, [Attorney General] Nixon said."

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Yobs turn idyllic Brit less idyllic
Shropshire Express and Star | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"On separate nights this week yobs went on the rampage and have attacked and vandalised cars, thrown missiles including slabs through front windows, and detonated petrol bombs near a doctor's surgery. The attacks have seen the windows of two telephone boxes smashed, and 22 cars damaged with graffiti being sprayed onto vehicles and tyres slashed at random."

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Post Office delivers first-class shit
Akron Beacon-Journal | Submitted by: Milk Bone
"Police and postal inspectors are trying to figure out who made an illegal deposit in a New Philadelphia mailbox that led 10 postal workers to get hepatitis vaccinations. Human excrement was found in a collection box that contained about 100 pieces of mail, according to New Philadelphia Postmaster Glenn Dobson. The locked mailbox was in an alley near a branch of the Tuscarawas County Public Library."

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Shop burns down after candle safety lecture
KMGH-TV 7 Denver | Submitted by: bdragon
Irony overload: "A fire that gutted four businesses in a historic block and caused an estimated $3 million damage was caused by an unattended candle inside a candle shop, investigators have determined... Two hours before the blaze was reported, a news crew from KRDO-TV was at the shop interviewing the Seabolts about candle safety. The Seabolts then locked the store and took the crew to breakfast."

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Smallpox vaccination is still cow pox
Wire Services | Submitted by: Rev. Soror Lucy Cannon
"What today we call "vaccination" was discovered in the 18th century when it was noticed that people who'd previously had cow pox didn't get smallpox. ("Vacca" is Latin for cow.) The first vaccine ever invented was that against smallpox, and consisted of deliberately infecting people with the less dangerous cow pox. Over 2 centuries later, as the US government gears up to vaccinate its military personnel against smallpox, there is some concern over the side effects of smallpox vaccination -- because the technology still consists of giving people vaccinia (cow pox)."

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Reindeer DNA on sale
Sky News | Submitted by: Melonite
"If you're stuck for ideas for Christmas presents, why not put your loved ones in the same league as some of the world's leaders with a blob of Finnish reindeer DNA sealed in a vial and topped with silver antlers... The firm also offers to preserve DNA from pets, dead or alive, and is looking into obtaining DNA from endangered pandas, and for a source of dinosaur DNA."

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A very special Hawaiian shirt Friday
Click 2 Houston | Submitted by: Milk Bone
"Police searched Friday for a man accused of flashing female students and forcing one of them to strip at gunpoint near a Houston high school, authorities said... His (method of operation) is to basically pull up alongside a young lady and make some sexual comment," HPD Officer M.T. Brady said. Police said that one of the girls looked inside the suspect's car and saw that he was only wearing a Hawaiian shirt."

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Kindergartners can't handle the truth
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: Bald in NJ
"Her favorite substitute teacher had told the class of kindergartners at the Coral Springs school that there was no Santa Claus. Shea overheard Hayley sadly sharing the news with her 7 year old sister, Olivia, in the back seat of the car on their way to karate class... Shea wanted the substitute reprimanded and not allowed back into the class."

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How to shaft the Prime Minister's wife
Spectator | Submitted by: Tobermory
The anatomy of a back-stabbing: "New Labour is really all about intrigue among an elite, added to brute populism... In order to understand the way power works in Britain today it is more fruitful to look back at the perfervid court politics of the 17th century than at the rude awakening of popular democracy in the 19th and 20th centuries. The decision to publicise the shaming of unhappy Cherie Blair was an emphatic statement of who rules the roost in Downing Street; and it is most emphatically not the democratically elected politician."

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Still More on the Evil Empire called Wal-Mart
Salina Journal | Submitted by: BaddASCII
"After word of his client's lawsuit against Wal-Mart spread from a story in Thursday's Salina Journal that was carried by the Associated Press, Hays attorney Tom Boone received a swift public reaction. "You can say that the phone fell off the wall in my office," Boone said. "The national media are all calling."

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Jailbait 14 y.o. girl gets married in Turkey
BBC | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
Could Alcohol be a factor? The Photo seems to say yes: "A teenage girl who ran away to Turkey to marry a barman is reported to have phoned her mother to say she has no intention of coming home. Rachel Lloyd, 14, had contacted her family to say she would not leave Mehmet Ocack, 24, to return to north Wales."

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Teen deters crime by hog-tying intruder
Cox Newspapers | Submitted by: SR
"A petite 17-year-old, irate after seeing three men running from her home in the wee morning hours Tuesday, sprinted outdoors barefoot, clad in pajamas, outran one of the trespassers, tackled and straddled him, then hog-tied him with a rope until police arrived minutes later."

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China: the first cloning superpower
Wired | Submitted by: SR
China is sure to be the forefront in cloning technology because of the great need for higher population: "This little swimming experiment in interspecies biology is taking place not in some high tech office park or Ivy League research lab, but on the top floor of an emergency ward at a shabby hospital complex in mainland China. Downstairs, the reception area is lined with battered folding chairs occupied by patients with makeshift bandages or open wounds. Splashed across the linoleum is what looks like dried blood. But here on the top floor, the elevator opens to a world of $100,000 microscopes, sperm-washing machines, and egg denucleating micropipettes." Wow, I have a boner now.

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Ron is a hard worker
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: lemmiwinks
"The biggest male porn star in the world" is, no question, a short man. He is 49 and fat, his once rather Byronic face now dissolving in folds over his neck. And he is so hairy that he is known as "the Hedgehog". This seems to work for him: if he can get laid, as he often says, anyone can. The thing that really works for him in this business, however, is his large (24 centimetres or nine-and-three-quarter inches) and legendary disciplined member. "I've always taken great pride in not having to rely on anything but my own imagination and a right hand."

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Australia a dunderheaded nation
Washington Post | Submitted by: Soylent
Australia's highest court ruled that a libel suit may proceed against Dow Jones, over matter published in the United States that was read over the Internet in Australia. Libel is easier to prove in Australia, so of course this is handy for the plaintiff. But it's stupid law and the Australian court should be ashamed. By this logic, a court in Iran can try Americans (or Australians) because ankles are showing on an American webpage.

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