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December 10, 2002

Man saved by delicious condiments
CNN | Submitted by: Zuzu
"He also burned paper, including pages from his EMT manual, and melted snow to drink. His only food was what he could get out of an old peanut butter jar and sauce packets from Taco Bell. 'It's a bachelor vehicle. It catches a little bit of everything,' Likens said."

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Man with no hands, legs charged in beating death
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"Two men, including one with no hands and legs, have been charged with in the death of a 44 year old man whose body was found Saturday in a northern Indiana ditch. The Starke County prosecutor's office said Friday that 43 year old Ralph Herron, who uses a wheelchair, and 40 year old Ronald Trent, were charged Thursday in the beating death of Clyde Lovely. Trent was charged with voluntary manslaughter. Herron was charged with aiding, inducing or causing voluntary manslaughter. Trent and Herron were both being held Friday in the Starke County jail with bail set at $200,000."

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Religion student denied scholarship
FindLaw | Submitted by: boat6float
"A college junior who lost a Kentucky merit scholarship when he decided to major in religion is suing the state, claiming it discriminates against students wanting to obtain degrees in religious studies by denying them funding."

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Cigarettes better than sex
CNN | Submitted by: SR
"Nearly 80 percent of British smokers, almost 70 percent in the Netherlands, France and Germany and more than 55 percent in Belgium and Spain would forgo sex rather than live without cigarettes for a month."

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Prison escapee became a rock star
News Corporation | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"It was understood Lasse escaped when he was allowed out of jail to play at a church concert. The acclaimed guitarist soon formed a band called K-Dumen, which went on to produce six albums. But last year, nine years since the breakout, prison officers spotted Lasse on stage at a large outdoor concert and arrested him."

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Woman falls asleep, ends up in England
Canadian Press | Submitted by: togusa
"A Newfoundland woman is demanding answers from Air Canada after her 90-minute flight home became a 15-hour odyssey to England and back. Catherine Coyle, 39, who moved to Halifax about 10 years ago, was flying home to the Newfoundland capital late Thursday to be with her ailing mother."

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Mates render Polo justice
News Corporation | Submitted by: ZED
"[Prosecutor] Paul Rofe said today he would allege that, on the morning of April 18, 2001, the 15-year-old was grabbed by several team-mates and held down. One player then pulled down his underpants and held his bare buttocks to the teenager's face..." Later, "He was stripped and assaulted by forceful hits, causing red welts to appear, and had his ankles and wrists bound together by electrical tape... He was then dragged out of the room and (left) naked in the public corridor, where he was seen by several members of the public, including two elderly women and another woman."

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Woman's own chili becomes her demise
KSTP-TV 5 Minneapolis | Submitted by: Soyoudabigfish
"According to the criminal complaint, Bruestle told a police officer he and his aunt began arguing over her chili and she told him to get out of the house late Saturday night. He said he became really angry when he thought she was trying to call 911 and stopped her. She then ran to a neighbor's house for help. Bruestle told police he followed her with a butcher's knife and stabbed her in the back, chest and stomach, the complaint said."

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More broomstick attackers appeal
New Zealand TV One | Submitted by: Ogle
"Two more Taradale High School students convicted of sexually assaulting a classmate with a broomstick have applied to have their sentences quashed... The victim has permanent name suppression but the 18-year-old told ONE News that he will never forgive his attackers, who throughout the trial referred to him as their mate."

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Passenger faked 'glass in drink' damages
online.ie | Submitted by: KC
"A British man has lost a retrial over his claims that an in-flight drink on Singapore Airlines contained glass, the airline said today. Mr Olding won 53,000 Hong Kong dollars (6,700) as compensation in June. But District Court Judge Ian Carlson later overturned his ruling in favour of Singapore Airlines after the carrier proved that Mr Olding had tampered with a medical note he had presented as evidence... Mr Olding had introduced a radiologist's note that identified an object on an X-ray as "likely to be a glass particle." But the airline proved that the note had actually said the object was "unlikely to be a glass particle."

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Dangerous tshirt seized
Dayton Daily News | Submitted by: slimstvr
"Secret Service Agents question a Bellbrook High School student for wearing a controversial t-shirt... The shirt has a picture of President Bush on it and the words, not my president." Rest assured, the dangerous shirt has been confiscated.

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Cows on the lam, headed towards Atlanta
Boston Globe | Submitted by: Barroo42
"Four cows remain on the run after escaping Sunday from a stalled tractor trailer on Interstate 20. Bradford said the animals broke free when the floor board of a trailer carrying 59 cows snapped... The cows were last seen headed for Atlanta."

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Dirty dishes lead to slashing
PSU Collegian | Submitted by: DarthWoo
"He returned carrying a meat cleaver in one hand and a large chef knife in the other, police said. Gayle then told the victim that he could not leave the residence until the dishes were cleaned, police said... when the victim attempted to leave, Gayle allegedly began swinging the knives and cut the victim on the right palm area."

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But how can they tell the difference?
South African Broadcasting | Submitted by: The Good Doctor
"Female passengers of the metro train in Manila can now ride without being harassed by men. After receiving multiple complaints, authorities in the Philippine capital have inaugurated a special rail coach specifically designed to combat harassment of women in the capital. Teodoro Cruz, Manila's Light Rail Transit Authority Administrator, said even transvestites, no matter how convincing, would not be allowed to board a special coach, designed for women only."

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Handling Paki bank notes might kill you
Express India | Submitted by: Rollo Tomasi
"Karachi University's microbiology department determined that five- and 10- rupee banknotes, worth about nine and 18 US cents, carry pathogens of E-coli, the blood and kidney infection which can lead to death, and other bacteria which cause diarrhoea, skin infections and septicemia."

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Black holes guilty of all problems on Earth
Pravda | Submitted by: anonymous
Academician Alexander Trofimenko wrote in one of his research works: "Fifty years of the nuclear century forced humanity to learn how to balance on the edge of a nuclear abyss. Yet, there is immense power on the Earth. It is called the black hole. A hole the size of an atom nucleus (an otone) can be more powerful than any nuclear power plant. An otone bomb would be explosion with the strength of millions of A-bombs, something like giga-death, resulting in the the death of a billion people."

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New tools for domestic spying, and qualms
New York Times | Submitted by: Dbag
"From New York City to Seattle, police officials are looking to do away with rules that block them from spying on people and groups without evidence that a crime has been committed. They say these rules, forced on them in the 1970's and 80's to halt abuses, now prevent them from infiltrating mosques and other settings where terrorists might plot."

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Nobel Prize for Chemistry given to wrong man
Times | Submitted by: Dbag
"When Koichi Tanaka said that he did not deserve the Nobel Prize for Chemistry, it was assumed in Japan that this was a case of false modesty. A lowly research scientist for a commercial company, without a doctoral degree and unknown to many in his field, his unfeigned amazement and pleasure at winning the prize made him an overnight national hero. But it seemed yesterday that Mr Tanaka may have been right after all."

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Tornado in a can
Seattle Times | Submitted by: MC Cameron E
In the "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore" category, someone's invented a giant tornado-in-a-can to dehydrate and pulverize just about anything you can add to it. The poultry industry seems to be very interested. I think I'm staying away from McNuggets from now on.

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Porn hypocrisy at the British Library
Guardian | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Nine members of staff at the British Library have been suspended after allegedly looking at pornography on the internet. The library said it was a private disciplinary matter and no crimes had been committed... The library actually holds an enormous collection of printed pornography, believed to be the biggest in the world. Every book and magazine published is deposited there."

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White man to native tribes: fuck off
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Several museums in Europe and the United States have issued a landmark declaration opposing the wholesale repatriation of cultural artefacts seized during imperial rule or by means now considered unethical. The museums say the universal value of collections of archaeological, artistic and ethnic objects in promoting culture outweighs the desire by individual countries or racial groups for their return... "We should recognise that objects acquired in earlier times must be viewed in the light of different sensitivities and values, reflective of that era."

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Canada set to become vacation paradise
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The Liberal government is preparing to move ahead in the new year with legislation to decriminalize marijuana, Justice Minister Martin Cauchon said yesterday. 'If we're talking about that question of decriminalizing marijuana, we may move ahead quickly as a government,' he said. Changes will likely be introduced 'some time in the new year.'"

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Mini-pigs are Japan's best friend
Wire Services | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The latest boom on the Japanese pet scene, the tiny porkers are adored for their sweet nature and portly shapes. 'They are nice and fat, also very lovable,' said Emi Ito, who works at Saiboku Livestock Farm Corp in Saitama... Ito said that pigs play a unique role not filled by more typical pets such as dogs or cats. 'Dogs tend to believe humans are their masters, cats don't really become intimate. But a pig is right in between, like a real friend.'"

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Man who never saw snow calls the cops
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: anonymous
"A Gambian man unused to Germany's winter weather woke up to find his car had gone completely white overnight and called police to complain vandals had painted it."

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Man buys unicorn skeleton
News Corporation | Submitted by: Ryan Duggan
A New Zealand furniture importer finds out the brutal truth about unicorns the hard way. Next time he will be sure to buy his unicorn bones from a licensed dealer.

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Sexy robbers squeeze Filipino for cash
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Sure, that's his story: "A Filipino mechanic lost his Christmas bonus of about 17 000 pesos (about R3 000) to four sexy robbers who "squeezed" the money out of him, police said on Tuesday. "One of the suspects squeezed the victim's testicles, causing him to wince in pain," he said. "Another suspect picked his wallet from his back pocket." In unrelated news, hookers ripped off a desperately horny guy. Oh wait.

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Wife beater finally getting deserved recognition
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | Submitted by: Milk Bone
"The phrase no longer would strictly refer to a man who beats his wife; its definition would be expanded to mean a white ribbed-cotton sleeveless undershirt that is a wardrobe basic these days for movie costumers, rap stars and models." Of course someone complains about everything: "Kim Gandy, president of the National Organization for Women, says that calling a shirt a "wife beater" trivializes domestic violence."

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Breatharian link denied in woman's death
BBC | Submitted by: Concerned
"Media speculation suggested that she may have been involved in the Breatharian cult, which encourages members to live on oxygen and light and a tiny intake of food. Followers believe that the energy they save on metabolising food and fluid can be redirected into physical, emotional and spiritual energy."

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Baby bonk delivery ends in lawsuit
Mansfield News Journal | Submitted by: Major Bludd
"Reed Avenue couple holds Marion General Hospital and an emergency room physician responsible for their baby falling to the floor and striking her head during delivery... They say MGH and Kelner failed to diagnose her as being in labor, failed to prepare for delivery of Alaina C. Oliver and failed to provide medical care and a sterile environment for delivery."

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Change of venue, anyone?
CNN | Submitted by: scarshapedstar
Irony overload department: "Two former Jefferson County, Mississippi, jurors have filed a $6 billion lawsuit against CBS' '60 Minutes' and a newspaper owner over comments about the size of jury awards in the county." Wait, aren't lawyers supposed to be the money-grubbers?

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Drug War making states bankrupt
AlterNet | Submitted by: Mark Godfrey
Lots of gems in this one: $90M prisons too expensive to staff or operate, Virgina's $2B prison spending spree and now $2B bugdet deficit, it just goes on and on. Why haven't state officials realized that incarcerating nonviolent drug offenders doesn't really help anybody except prison guards (prison guard unions are the strongest proponent of the drug war!)

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Somebody poops in the pool
kctv.com | Submitted by: anonymous
A pool is closed because of a high level of fecal matter in the water. We suspect the elderlies in the picture.

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How did Iraq get its weapons? From the US and Britain
Glasgow Sunday Herald | Submitted by: Meerkat
The Bush administraion claims to 'know' that Saddam has 'weapons of mass destruction', but will not offer proof. If they are telling the truth, it could only be because they are the ones who sold them to Iraq. "Reports by the US Senate's committee on banking, housing and urban affairs -- which oversees American exports policy -- reveal that the US, under the successive administrations of Ronald Reagan and George Bush Snr, sold materials including anthrax, VX nerve gas, West Nile fever germs and botulism to Iraq right up until March 1992, as well as germs similar to tuberculosis and pneumonia. Other bacteria sold included brucella melitensis, which damages major organs, and clostridium perfringens, which causes gas gangrene."

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Half white half black White Supremicist in deep
Newsday | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Prosecutors will seek a 27-year prison sentence for a mixed-race white supremacist convicted of plotting to blow up Jewish and black landmarks. Felton, son of a black father and white mother, has said he blames his parents for contaminating him with black blood." But who contaminated his head with dumb ideas?

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Cute baby seals killed in stampede
News Corporation | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"A stampede appears to have caused the deaths of 65 seal pups in northern Tasmania. Scientists investigating the devastating blow to the Australian fur seal colony on Tenth Island agreed today that a stampede was the most likely cause of the mass deaths after discovering that many of the pups had crushed skulls."

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One house at a time
South Bend Tribune | Submitted by: motrinwoman
"Assistant SWAT team leader Cpl. Steve Smith alerts the team to "break and rake," which means to break the front picture window and quickly rake the drapes and glass out of the way so officers can get into the house that way if the door doesn't give soon. "The longer you're out there, the more vulnerable you are," Smith will later say of waiting to enter."

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Drug dealer in a pickle
Cleveland Plain Dealer | Submitted by: motrinwoman
"The North Royalton man helped smuggle nearly 1,300 pounds of hashish from India to the United States in a shipment of pickles, federal drug agents say... The drug was valued at $2 million, and it came from a ring that spread hashish and heroin "throughout Europe and the United States," federal agents say."

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