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December 06, 2002

Drinking buddy killed for the last cold beer
Wire Services | Submitted by: KGinATL
"A jury on Thursday handed a life prison sentence to a man in Texas who shot and killed a longtime friend he accused of drinking the last beer in his refrigerator."

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Ninth Circuit tries to rewrite history
San Jose Mercury News | Submitted by: Soylent
In an apparent misunderstanding of both history and English grammar, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that the second amendment to the U.S. Constitution doesn't actually mean the right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed, as it states. The word "not" is merely an oversight, or a historical artifact that somehow managed to make it onto paper. Unfortunately for the Ninth Circuit, there is another of their peers, the Fifth Circuit, who disagrees. Sorry Judge Reinhardt, you will find that it is not this easy to amend the Constitution.

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Wal-Mart stealing from charity
KMGH-TV 7 Denver | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"Toys that had been placed in a drop-off box for charity at a Wal-Mart store were put back on the store's shelves after a mix-up that frustrated organizers. With 10 days left until the end of the annual Toys for Tots drive for the Logan County Chamber of Commerce, organizer Susan Kraich said she was back at square one. "I've been keeping an eye on that box every time I went to Wal-Mart, and was so excited as it slowly began to fill. Over the weekend I heard that it was nearly full, so I went to pick it up. I was devastated when I found it empty." Wal-Mart said they would replace items she could demonstrate were in the box. Wal-Mart replaced three of the toys.

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Bin Laden as action hero
CBS News | Submitted by: Scooter The Wonderduck
Looking for someone to fight your GI Joes? Look no further: "One of this year's 'must-haves' would probably be banned from sale in many parts of the West. It's a distinctive, bearded figurine, riding 'shotgun' in a military jeep. The Osama bin Laden action figure, complete with military jeep and bodyguards, is proving to be a big hit with mothers and fathers buying holiday presents for their youngsters."

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Will end remain tight in prison?
ESPN | Submitted by: SpecialK
Why is this not just another "athlete pulled over and arrested for drug possession" story? Because University of Arizona tight end Justin Levasseur had 87 pounds of the wacky weed. That's a LOT of disappointed stoners. He's looking at up to thirty years if convicted.

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New Berkeley mayor is a cheat
UCB Daily Cal | Submitted by: CUAdam
"Berkeley Mayor Tom Bates has admitted responsibility for stealing and trashing about 1,000 copies of The Daily Californian that carried the student newspaper's endorsement of his opponent, police said yesterday... "It's especially ironic he would have thrown these Daily Cals away just a few feet away from the birthplace of the Free Speech Movement." What does the mayor, the one who stole the papers, say about all this? "I think we all agree that campaigns must be about furthering the free exchange of ideas. Any effort to impede this free exchange is a great disservice to The Daily Californian and the people of Berkeley."

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I Want My Porn-TV
Agence France-Presse | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Many Helsinki residents expressed outrage Thursday after a local cable TV network monopoly said it was cancelling free porn shows carried by two low-budget cable channels. "Why, that's outrageous. It smacks of older times and political correctness, and it's certainly not what the people want," one viewer, who asked to remain anonymous, told AFP."

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Kaboom: The suicide bomber game
New York Times | Submitted by: Humboldt Honey
Points are given for the number of people killed or maimed: "Understandably, Kaboom has offended many. Representative Nita M. Lowey, Democrat of New York, called on [Newgrounds] to remove it. Lewis Roth, assistant executive director of Americans for Peace Now, a prominent pro-Israel organization, said the group was deeply troubled by the game's trivialization of recent events in Israel. "The violence and the tragedy of the intifada is bad enough without trying to replicate that kind of bloodshed in a computer game," Mr. Roth said."

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Mars past not so pleasant
Science Daily | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
Mars was far less wet and warm than scientists originally thought. Asteroids pelting the surface threw up dust clouds and kept out the sun. This theory is being pushed by a man named Toon. "According to Toon, previous theories that carbon dioxide gas and clouds warmed Mars during its early history 'just have not worked out quantitatively.' There is no evidence on Mars of large limestone deposits from the first billion years, which would be directly linked to large amounts of C02, a greenhouse gas, he said."

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Urban legend leads to drug bust
Vancouver Sun | Submitted by: jacintha
"A woman accidentally called police early Tuesday morning because her son told her dialing an extra one after 911 would connect her with a taped message explaining whether or not police officers were tapping her phones... Officers, concerned there might be an emergency at the house, quickly showed up at her door in the 15100 block of 60th Avenue... Inside, police discovered 'a reasonably sized' marijuana growing operation."

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Thief not so rehabilitated
Canadian Press | Submitted by: jacintha
"A man charged with theft didn't have the money to pay for a rehabilitation program that would clear his criminal record, so he stole a courthouse computer to pawn off, police said." He forgot to steal the power cable, so he went back for it, and was caught by a secretary.

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Jackass The Lawsuit
Missoulian | Submitted by: Camsmama
"Last week, Jack Ass the man sued Viacom, the parent corporation of the Jackass movie and TV properties, alleging plagiarism and infringement of trademark and copyright. Jack Ass claims his public-service enterprises promoting responsible drinking, heart-shaped public memorials for accident victims and anthropomorphic cartoons that humorously promote the use of designated drivers have been harmed by the Jackass movie and TV series." This is almost written like The Onion.

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Starvation and boredom as performance art
Village Voice | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Halfway up the wall were three open platforms where she intended to live: without eating, without speaking—for 12 days. She would have no privacy. Not only were the rooms open, but spectators would be invited to observe the artist through a high-powered telescope. And she would have no escape. The ladders leaning against bedroom, sitting room, and bathroom had rungs made of large butcher knives."

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Florida hosts Woodstock for Racists
Wire Services | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The Hammerskins, which uses Confederate flags and Nazi swastikas as its emblems, is an umbrella organization for the skinhead movement. It has sponsored an annual Hammerfest since 1997, according to the Anti-Defamation League, which tracks white supremacist groups. Bands with names like Attack, Definite Hate, White Wash and Intimidation One use lyrics that promote beating and killing nonwhites, especially blacks and Jews."

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Lick that toad
Wire Services | Submitted by: SFpolarbear
"Dutch police are investigating whether drug addicts raided a pet shop and stole three exotic toads whose warty skin can induce hallucinations when licked... The fist-sized brown cane toads, from the bufo marinus species, are originally from South America and secrete a toxin from glands on their necks and backs as a defense against predators."

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Rat Olympics
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"Several rats in Nebraska were winners of Olympic medals in an unique competition that features the animals lifting weights and even long-distance jumping against each other. The 28th annual Rat Olympics was held at Nebraska Wesleyan University in Lincoln. "First we have to train them to learn what they are going to be eating for food," student Erick Hjermstad said. "A lot of it is positive reinforcement, giving them a lot of food, training them when to eat and that really gets them going."

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If all else fails, drop yer pants!
Monterey Herald | Submitted by: The Good Doctor
"The strange case of Mike Echols took an even stranger twist Thursday when the crusader against pedophilia ignored his attorney's advice and gave an impassioned speech in court defending himself against charges of trespassing and indecent exposure. After being cited for trespassing and obstructing an officer, Echols dropped his pants and waved his genitalia at him. Echols denies it."

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Spammer can't take what he dishes out
Detroit Free Press | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
After we kill all the lawyers, lets start on the spammers: "West Bloomfield bulk e-mailer Alan Ralsky, who just may be the world's biggest sender of Internet spam, is getting a taste of his own medicine. Ever since I [Mike Wendland] wrote a story on him a couple of weeks ago, he says he's been inundated with ads, catalogs and brochures delivered by the U.S. Postal Service to his brand-new $740,000 home."

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Drugs are just bad, M'kay
Toronto Star | Submitted by: Meerkat
"A high school student got an F for effort from a Winnipeg judge this week when the essay he was ordered to write on the evils of drugs turned into a "how-to" guide filled with advice for young users. The teen suggested he was simply giving the "complete truth" about ecstasy." The judge was not amused.

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K-Mart raid pigs indicted
Houston Chronicle | Submitted by: f00f
A followup in the ridiculous K-Mart raid: "The Aug. 18 raid in the 8400 block of Westheimer was intended to crack down on drag racing, but the arrests were made for trespassing and curfew violations. Thirteen police supervisors were suspended in the incident, and the city faces one lawsuit and 89 claims for damages filed by people seeking millions of dollars." Two policemen have been indicted for their role in the crackdown.

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Thief of massive proportions
News Corporation | Submitted by: Honkey Kong
"Jim Dal stands 191cm, weighs 158kg and can't buy gloves big enough to cover his hands. Which is why, according to police, he wraps his fists with stolen tea towels or calico bank bags when operating as one of Australia's busiest and most brazen burglars. The giant appeared in the Melbourne Magistrates' Court yesterday charged with 354 offences, including 212 burglaries, 127 thefts and 12 attempted burglaries."

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Shrivel effect
Wire Services | Submitted by: Big Daddy G
Naked Cowboy sings in NYC's Times Square.

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