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December 04, 2002

Want to fuck Jesus?
Boston Globe | Submitted by: Oh Jesus!
"The documents are among the most remarkable in the 2,200 pages of once secret church files released yesterday: allegations that a priest had initiated sexual acts with teenagers preparing to become nuns by encouraging them to believe they were making love to Jesus Christ himself... One woman said Meffan 'used to suggest to her that she imagine Christ touching, kissing, having intercourse with her.'" Go priests!

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Mobster's sperm escapes from prison
New York Post | Submitted by: Honkey Kong
"The parents of a 3 year old Staten Island girl conceived while her mobster father was incarcerated have been indicted for their part in smuggling his sperm out of a federal prison... When The Post broke the "Mafia sperm baby" story, Regina said she did nothing wrong and that she just wanted to be a mother."

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Dead or not dead: you make the call
Wichita Eagle | Submitted by: Oinker
"In interviews over the past few days, Bob Lamkey, Sedgwick County director of public safety, said EMS officials eventually decided to treat and transport the victim, who suffered a clearly fatal head wound, because the body continued to take shallow, intermittent breaths. It was the type of breathing that experts say is a reflex of a dead body, not a sign of life."

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Beer blamed for attempted debater BBQ
CNN | Submitted by: MasterDebater
"University of Pennyslvania students beat up a Princeton debate team member and try to light him on fire after dousing him in motor oil. Fortunately, a Philly detective has an explanation: "Kids do things, and they get out of hand. They all have beer." (By the way, these hoodlums aren't the smartest ivy in the league: motor oil is hard to ignite.)

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Proof of UFOs exist in renaissance paintings
News Corporation | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Roberto Volterri argues that artists dating back to 1406 included evidence of "strange objects in the sky" for later generations to see. He says that far from being the product of the paranoid Cold War years, UFOs were documented but overlooked because they were often extraneous to the subject of the painting and could only be explained as "testimonials of something seen or heard about".

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Grandma gets face full of ants
WPBF-TV 25 West Palm Beach | Submitted by: effect
"Prosecutor Elizabeth Bobbitt says Gerald told police he attacked the 62 year old grandmother because he hated her and owed money to a drug dealer. In a bizarre twist, he sprayed the woman with a cup of fire ants he dug up from a neighbor's yard. He also beat her with a 4-foot wooden stick and kicked her repeatedly in the face, Bobbitt said. Because of the severity of the wounds, it was not clear if the woman was bitten by the ants."

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Celebrate abortion this Christmas
CNN | Submitted by: kade
"The card, offered by the Planned Parenthood Federation of America, features the words "Choice on Earth" against a blue backdrop with white snowflakes. Inside it reads, "Warmest wishes for a peaceful holiday season." It's the phrase on the card's cover, a twist on the biblical "Peace on Earth", that has angered some groups that oppose abortion."

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Handicapper sex video
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"Kumashino's video is certainly an eye-opener. He stars as one of the performers, along with another two disabled men who've never performed for the cameras before. Surprisingly, while the two complete amateurs put on virtuoso shows, the activist slumps after initially rising to the occasion and needs a hand to help complete what he started. Mind you, Kumashino was expected to perform with two women, one of them deaf, and needed to communicate his wishes to her by writing messages on a whiteboard."

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A modest proposal for old Diamond mines
New Scientist | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Disused mineshafts in Johannesburg could be turned into catacomb style cemeteries, in a bid by the City Parks agency to accommodate the increasing number of people dying from AIDS... Johannesburg is the largest city in South Africa and about 750,000 of its three million citizens are currently infected with HIV."

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Now OK for CIA to kill Americans
ABC News | Submitted by: Face In The Sea
"The authority to kill U.S. citizens is granted under a secret finding signed by the president after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks that directs the CIA to covertly attack al Qaeda anywhere in the world. The authority makes no exception for Americans, so permission to strike them is understood rather than specifically described, officials said."

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Lesson learned: Don't fuck with the judge
The Commercial Appeal | Submitted by: Poots Brownhole
Judges aren't above the law, are they? "Chris Reed paid quite a price for trying to repossess a judge's Mercedes. His surgical scar starts at the top of his head and ends halfway down his left ear. The surgery was necessary after a Greenwood, Miss., police officer tossed him, handcuffed, into a concrete road curb after charging him with disturbing the peace, according to a federal lawsuit filed last week against the City of Greenwood."

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Woman stuck in window freezes to death
Indianapolis Star | Submitted by: Cow Tipper
"A woman froze to death when she tried to climb in through her basement window and got stuck after she apparently locked herself outside... She was still stuck in the basement window when officers found her. There were cuts, scrapes and bruises on her body and police believed she had struggled to free herself." None of her neighbors really knew her.

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The $80,000 teddy bear
Toronto Star | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"This teddy bear moved me as a poignant creature, in good part because I perceived it to be an eviscerated bear. Its guts were gone to accommodate a hot water bottle," said Hendeles. "This gave the teddy bear a conflicted appearance. It is both life-giving and comforting, but also aggressive, suggesting something hostile or even insidious."

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Police dog adds insult to injury
Morganton News Herald | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Family members of Kathy Parlier, 42, said it was not the bullet wounds Parlier suffered from most after her husband shot her but dog bite wounds she received from a police K-9. Parlier told family members Monday that a Morganton Department of Public Safety K-9 bit her on the neck and leg while she lying on her living room floor after being shot in the stomach by her husband."

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Advice to teens: Avoid rabid bats
Lakeland Ledger | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"After a day of fishing, Jeremy Watkins was walking back home this summer when he came across a sick bat. The 13-year-old Tennessee boy brought the bat home until his stepfather discovered it and made him return it to the woods... Two months later, Jeremy got a bad headache. His neck hurt. His right arm went numb. And he had a 100-degree fever. Over the next 10 days, Jeremy's family watched in horror as he lost the ability to speak coherently and swallow food. He drooled uncontrollably and became combative. Then he stopped breathing."

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Last call starts bloody bar melee
All Africa | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"'The patrons stabbed each other with an assortment of weapons from broken bottles to knives and pangas,' said Bushveld police spokesman Captain Malesela Ledwaba. When police and paramedics arrived, the scene was like something out of a slaughterhouse as they negotiated their way across a floor slick with blood. 'One could smell fresh human blood and spilt liquor that covered the floor and walls,' said Ledwaba. 'It was no different from a primitive battlefield.'"

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Pin-striped foreskins are NOT erotic
Guardian | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The annual Literary Review Bad Sex prize is awarded to the worst description of sex in a contemporary novel. This year's winner includes the lines 'Weirdly, he was clad in pin-stripes at the same time as being naked. Pin-stripes were erotic, the uniform of fathers, two-dimensional fathers. Even Mr Hughes's penis had a seductive pin-striped foreskin.'"

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Oldest American skull may rewrite history
CNN | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
May have been of Japanese decent, having come over on a boat: "'If this proves right, it's going to be quite contentious', said Gonzalez, who teaches at John Moores University in England and received a grant last week from the British government to conduct her research. 'We're going to say to Native Americans, Maybe there were some people in the Americas before you, who are not related to you.'"

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Twins strapped in seats bitten repeatedly by rats
Springfield News-Leader | Submitted by: MrHoneyDu
"A 22 year old mother was charged Tuesday with child abuse and endangerment after rodents bit and chewed on her three small children, two of whom were strapped in car seats, while she and friends drank alcohol downstairs.. Heitz was arrested early Tuesday after officials at Aurora Community Hospital reported treating her twin sons for multiple rodent bite wounds."

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Naked Aussie women prance about for rain
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Can we get some pics or video? "Hundreds of women in a drought ravaged corner of Australia's Victoria state are ready to try almost anything to make it rain, including a mass jaunt naked through the outback, newspapers reported on Wednesday. The women said they plan to perform the nude rain dance next March at Ouyen, in northwestern Victoria, after being inspired by a group of people from Nepal who reportedly carried out a similar feat earlier this year, with great success."

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New ULTRALOUD refrigerator
BBC | Submitted by: Crampon
"At the lab, two US researchers are working on ways to use sound to chill food. They have produced a sonic fridge that converts very loud sounds to directly cool a fridge containing ice cream... The sounds pumped through the Penn State fridge reach 173 dB, tens of thousands of times more intense than any rock concert. Sounds of 165 dB would cause a person's hair to catch fire from the frictional heating caused by air undergoing such intense compression and expansion."

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Corpse found in wall 44 years later
Yahoo! Singapore | Submitted by: Milk Bone
"An Italian man who packed his bags 44 years ago and told friends he was leaving for America was found dead inside one of the walls of his home on Tuesday... Inside a thick wall in the cellar the woman found human remains, two packed suitcases, a trowel and other equipment to make a wall, a rusted rifle and a bottle with a suicide note."

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Fire destroys Ted Bundy's home
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"Arsonists or transients probably started the fire that heavily damaged the former home of serial killer Ted Bundy, authorities said Wednesday. The fire began around 4 a.m. Tuesday in a basement bedroom, Tallahassee fire investigator Kevin Hays said. The home, located along Florida State University's Fraternity Row, suffered extensive damage from fire, smoke and water. The home was known as The Oaks in January 1978."

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Killer has but one regret
Sacramento Bee | Submitted by: Reverend Bustanut
"Frederick O'Neal Clark, the convicted murderer of the Rev. Ed Sherriff, told the daughter of the 68-year-old minister Monday he wasn't sorry for stabbing her father to death. "The only thing I regret is that I didn't kill him in front of the UC Med Center where he could have been revived so that I could have killed him again," Clark told the woman as she wept."

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