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December 01, 2002

Night in jail costs man his testicle
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Ow ow ow: "A man who was put in a police cell for the night for being drunk in public had one of his testicles bitten off in an attack at a police station in George in the Western Cape last week. "I can still see him with my flesh and blood hanging from his mouth," he said, weeping. 'He tore my testicle from my body while I lay there screaming. I went totally limp and could not fight back.' He said the crazed man then spat the testicle out against the wall." The man did not realize until much later it was his testicle.

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The worst stutter to have in 1950's Mississippi
Washington Post | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Till's face is a monstrous mass of beaten flesh: an eye gouged out, the nose chopped up, the jaw sunken where teeth once had been, the head cleaved nearly in half and shot through with a bullet... It was a mother's nightmare, but also a nation's. And Mamie Till wanted the world to share it. She ordered the coffin be kept open."

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Harrison left Hare Krishna's out of will
Times of India | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Back to begging I guess: "The waiting game within the Hare Krishna society has ended after the revelation that former Beatle George Harrison had not left it a penny. It was widely reported after his death that he would leave $30 million to the Hare Krishna trust. But the will, publicised on Friday, showed that he left the entire estate of $150 million to his wife Olivia and then their son Dhani, 25."

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Semen: The man, the myth, the legend
Tufts Daily | Submitted by: MissyR
"I don't believe that there is a woman, homosexual male, or flexible boy out there who would claim that semen tastes great. However, regardless of the taste, many end up with this salty snack in their mouth. Some spit, some swallow, some even use it as hair gel, but what really is the best thing to do with the tapioca pudding?"

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Captian Kirk's toilet on display
ITV | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Get a life department: "Yes, there will be a future. Mankind will survive and we will eventually take care of the environment. Think of when Star Trek opened in the sixties at the height of the Cold War. Stop thinking of destroying yourself, think more of enjoying life. I always use the example of Captain Kirk's toilet. We have to build so it is so accurate and so real as the Trekkies know it. If the lid is not the way they know it, they'll say it is not real."

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Everybody must get stoned
Washington Post | Submitted by: uscfiend
The best part of waking up: "The water pipe stood eight feet tall, encircled by people puffing on its 64 mouthpieces. Elsewhere in the room, a new machine rolled out 300 marijuana joints in minutes. Free hashish was passed around. It was the start of the Hash and Weed Festival, which runs through Sunday. The aging pioneers of the Dutch marijuana culture, watched by hundreds of young aficionados, gathered in a gymnasium to mark the 30th anniversary of the first "coffee shop" that openly sold reefers like cups of coffee."

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Meat: It's what's for dinner
The Pitch | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"Viacom officials in Kansas City told PETA that the billboard company wouldn't accept its newest ad, which reads "Eating meat can make you impotent" and includes photos of a pig, a hot dog and a big-bellied male gazing into his pants at a presumably unporky penis. Men who are worried about their wieners might take the warning with a shaker of salt, though. Haptas has been a vegan for the last six years but says he hasn't noticed any improvement in his love life. "I never had any problems in that arena."

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Where's Keanu when you need him?
CNN | Submitted by: joe u
"'Do you know what you're doing up there? Do you know where you're going?' He clearly was annoyed," she said. Weisbrot said the driver then shot back: "'I'm taking you to the Taliban." She said the driver was only joking because he was upset, but some people panicked and called 911 on their cell phones. Within minutes, 18 police cars surrounded the bus and pulled it over, she said." I love the smell of body cavity search in the morning.

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Atomic lab whistleblowers fired
Wired | Submitted by: SR
Senior investigators hired to root out fraud and corruption at Los Alamos National Laboratory have been fired, just days after revealing what they knew to officials with the Department of Energy's inspector general... "Instead of being praised for what we did, we were constantly reminded that we were working for UC (University of California, which operates the lab for the Department of Energy) and that our goal should be protecting UC's (management) contract." If you have the audacity to actually do your job, you get fired.

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Satirical shirt forced off shelves
Courier Mail | Submitted by: meatload
"A T-shirt depicting Osama bin Laden and US President George W. Bush in a sex act created police attention and a flurry of lively debate at the Brisbane Markets yesterday. It was doing a roaring trade at $22 a shirt at a stall next to the Brisbane River, until forced off the shelves after an altercation between former army intelligence officer Troy Raymond Ellis and the vendor."

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Elderlies drove around forever
Akron Beacon-Journal | Submitted by: mmdwhig
"An elderly Stark County couple wandered in Northeast Ohio in their car for 28 hours before police found them driving aimlessly around a snow shrouded Cleveland neighborhood. Glen and Eleanor Milligan, both 78, set out from their Tuscarawas Township home around noon Friday for a relative's home in Alliance. The 32-mile trip across Stark County should have taken just under an hour."

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Widespread drink-spiking in Perth
Perth Sunday Times | Submitted by: mealtoad
"Drink-spiking in Perth bars and nightclubs has reached alarming levels, according to a top Perth doctor... as many as 15 spiking incidents each week; five or six times the number reported to police. Sergeant Steve Guest... had heard of a recent case in Victoria in which young men unwittingly starred in pornographic videos and photographs after having their drinks spiked."

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Grafted brain survives on rat leg
Hindustan Times | Submitted by: Ragin' Hardon
"A group of Japanese scientists has transplanted the brain of a baby rat into the thigh of a grown-up rat as an experiment to see if brain tissue can survive if its blood supply is cut off for a while, local media reported on Sunday. It took the Japanese scientists 90 minutes to graft the rat’s brain into the thigh, but the organ survived and its neurological functions developed after the transplant."

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Catholics and Episcopals share boys!
St. Petersburg Times | Submitted by: Honkey Kong
Unprecedented inter-denominational cooperation! "The older brother said he realized he was being passed from priest to priest the day Pollard, whom he knew as a friend of the family, called the house, discovered he was alone and came over. He showed up in priestly garb, black shirt, white collar, took the boy to his bedroom and committed fellatio."

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The Anchorman who robbed a bank
ABC News | Submitted by: orpyak
"He was a primetime anchorman, delivering the news to one million TV viewers in the Texas Rio Grande Valley. But a drug addiction made it all fall apart, and Trevino went from reading the headlines to making them... He relied on his knowledge from reporting to plan his crime. He said he recalled how police would release grainy, out of focus surveillance video after robberies, and he felt confident he could rob a bank without being recognized." And he did.

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Dumbass Oh Seven
Sun | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"Defence worker Ian Parr was facing jail last night for trying to sell secrets to a Russian spy, unaware he was really an MI5 agent. After being handed UKP 25,000 in a pub, Parr bought a celebratory pint but was arrested before he could take his first sip. His half-baked plot had been easily rumbled. And it was the latest in a line of blunders dating back to his Army days when he was nicknamed Hazard."

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Lamers choosing virginity
MSNBC | Submitted by: mr.p00pz
"There's a sexual revolution going on in America, and believe it or not, it has nothing to do with Christina Aguilera’s bare-it-all video "Dirrty." The uprising is taking place in the real world, not on The Real World. Visit any American high school and you'll likely find a growing number of students who watch scabrous TV shows like Shipmates, listen to Eminem, and have decided to remain chaste until marriage."

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