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November 30, 2002

Van driver gets Fabio'd
The Union | Submitted by: meatload
"[The goose] crashed through the windshield of his van as he approached Bear River on Highway 49. Before he could blink, the bird... struck the right side of Hinze's face and slammed against the van's rear door, leaving blood spatter. Hinze figured the combined speeds at impact were about 100 mph... enough to fracture his right cheekbone, his upper jaw and his eye socket."

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Use a condom when having sex with children
Newsday | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"At least 35,000 Dominican youths under 19 have turned to prostitution for survival, and as many as 15 percent of them could be HIV positive, according to Mais, a Dominican non-governmental organization working to end child prostitution in the Spanish-speaking country... Unlike adult prostitutes who often work at nightclubs and are required to be tested for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases, child prostitutes are largely unregulated." Largely unregulated!

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Woman found dead with arrow in head
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: JON BLAST
"Santa Rosa police discovered a dead woman with an arrow through her head in an apartment Friday after relatives of the man who lived there reported him missing. Paul Finch, 25, of Santa Rosa, was being sought for questioning in connection with the woman's death, said Santa Rosa police Sgt. Ed Hemphill. The woman's identity had not been determined late Friday."

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Man arrested for impersonating nurse
News Corporation | Submitted by: The Good Doctor
"The suspect, who is slightly built, looked just like a woman but his voice made the bank teller suspicious," a spokesman for Hyogo police said. He was wearing a beige sweater and pale green skirt he stole from the nurse as well as a wig with hair reaching below the waist and women's underwear. "The wig and underwear were his own," the police official added."

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Whale meat back on Osaka school lunch menu
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"Children at public elementary schools in Ikeda will be fed whale meat with their school lunches for the first time in 23 years. Thumbing its nose at criticism from much of the rest of the world, Japan catches several whales yearly, claiming it does so for research purposes. Ikeda's school lunch center applied to the Japan Cetacean Research Center for permission to use meat taken from whales ostensibly caught for research on its menus."

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Bees: All of them got dead
CNN | Submitted by: joe u
"Marauding bees held shoppers hostage inside a Los Angeles liquor store for two hours on Thanksgiving while engaging firefighters in a tense standoff, officials said Friday... "All of them got dead but they were still coming from somewhere," Singh said, adding that as one swarm of bees was killed, another wave would appear."

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Seattle's Hendrix memorial an embarrasment
Cleveland Plain Dealer | Submitted by: meatload
"The only thing the city has done to recognize the man many consider the world's greatest guitar player is to give him a rock: in the African Savanna exhibit at the Woodland Park Zoo. For years after his death, city officials refused to name anything after him because of his drug use. Visitors can stand on the Hendrix rock to get a better view of giraffes grazing in the nearby grassland."

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Springer-loving mom kicks teacher's ass
Halifax Daily News | Submitted by: Ragin' Hardon
"Cindy Ann Andrews was watching Jerry Springer and Judge Judy when her son came home and said his teacher grabbed him. So she marched him back to school and threw the teacher into a row of lockers, she told Dartmouth provincial court Thursday."

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Nicknames foster Southern comfort for politicians
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: optional
"There are 70 men listed as Bubba Smith or Bubba Jones in a nationwide computer phone directory. Just eight can be found outside the South. Metro Atlanta's phone book has a busload of Sonnys and Bubbas doing business: Sonny's Home Cooking in Mableton, Bubba's Biscuits & BBQ on Lawrenceville Highway, Sonny's Auto Service in Decatur and a Bubba and Son Diesel Repair in Conyers. Sonny Cox, the diesel repair guy, knows that if someone calls his home asking for Walter, that person wants to sell him something."

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Dominatrix's victim dies during crucifixion
Wire Services | Submitted by: Hail OTIS!
The moral here: Make sure your dominatrix is straight with the IRS before you take your clothes off. "A dominatrix whose client died after she put a hood on his head and strapped him to a rack in a crucifix position pleaded innocent to charges of involuntary manslaughter and cutting up his body to dispose of it."

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Harvard secret tribunal ran gays out of town
Wire Services | Submitted by: Hail OTIS!
John Ashcroft was born too late: "What began in 1920 as an inquiry into a student's suicide ended in Harvard University convening a secret tribunal that labeled 14 men "guilty" of being homosexual, and forcing the students among them to leave not only the school, but the city of Cambridge... The Court was so secretive that even the college's Administrative Board, which oversees student disciplinary matters, wasn't immediately aware of its existence."

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Canadian WWII vet tortured by Allies
Ottawa Sun | Submitted by: the gazzzman
"His back is striped from violent lashes and his fingers are disfigured from hand clamps and piercing bamboo rods. Sixty years later, Ivan Drake still winces in memory of the dehumanizing torture that left these scars on his body and mind. Hunched over and reliant on a cane for mobility, the elderly Ottawa war veteran remains steadfastly determined to prove the unthinkable source of his permanent emotional and physical pain." The British.

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Potter Head
Sun | Submitted by: Concerned
Crazy woman shaved Harry Potter's face into the back of her head.

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Yahoo ad features naked man, gayness
Wire Services | Submitted by: Sketch
"The TV spot promoting Yahoo UK's personal finance site featured a naked man tethered to a tree after a stag night prank. In the ad's closing scene, a second man approached the naked man wearing a suggestive expression on his face... The ad, developed by Euro RSCG Wnek Gosper in London, must remain off the air until the ITC finishes its investigation, a routine procedure that could result in the ad being permanently banned from the UK air waves."

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Scientology wants to be taught in Camden schools
Hampstead & Highgate Express | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Scientologists want children in Camden schools to be taught their beliefs as part of the new curriculum. And the controversial group, which counts Hollywood stars Tom Cruise and John Travolta among its supporters, also wants pupils to learn about the teachings of the Moonies and Pagans during religious education (RE) lessons when the new school curriculum is introduced in 2003."

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