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November 27, 2002

Up Jewfish Creek without a yarmulka
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Monroe County commissioners voted unanimously last week against re-naming the creek, which has been known as Jewfish Creek for since the early 1900s, at least. In fact, postal records show that the town known now as Key Largo was called Jewfish until 1921."

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World War I table leg explodes
CNN | Submitted by: max
"A Montenegrin family thought a World War II artillery shell was the ideal replacement for a broken table leg, until it exploded, injuring eight people as they were about to eat a meal."

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Evil-looking, Soviet red star returns to Russia
Newsday | Submitted by: Honkey Kong
"President Vladimir Putin agreed Tuesday to reinstate the Soviet-era red star as the Russian military's official emblem, in the latest reincarnation of Communist symbols that has sparked fears of a return to the repressive past." "No one is left out: Communists get their anthem, the conservatives have a double-headed eagle and democrats their tricolor flag. It makes one wonder what kind of national ideology such a state has."

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January due date for cloned human baby
Canadian Broadcasting | Submitted by: slackers, kade
"The world's first cloned baby will be born at the beginning of January, a controversial Italian fertility expert announced Tuesday. Gynecologist Severino Antinori told reporters the pregnancy is in its 33rd week. The "absolutely healthy" fetus weighs 2.7 kilograms and has a "more than 90 per cent chance" of being born, he said."

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Half of Americans would kill Bin Laden
Fox News | Submitted by: sam thompson
"In a recent poll conducted for FOX News by the research firm Opinion Dynamics, respondents were asked if, in the unlikely event the opportunity presented itself, they would personally kill Usama. Less than half (45 percent) said "yes." Why is this poll being taken in the first place?

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Aussie latest email sex celebrity
News Corporation | Submitted by: danny z
"An unnamed Canberra woman has become Australia's latest email sex celebrity. [Are there others?] The woman, who lives in a flat in the Canberra suburb of Kingston, upset her neighbours by having noisy sex. One of them wrote a letter of complaint to neighbours, which has been forwarded, along with the woman's reply, around the world by email."

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Another outbreak aboard Disney ships
CNN | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
"Disney Cruise Lines said Tuesday at least 85 people are reporting flulike symptoms four days into a seven-day cruise to the western Caribbean aboard the cruise ship Magic. Disney spokesman Mark Jaronski said the former head of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention vessel sanitation program, Don Turner, has been hired and flown to the Cayman Islands to join the ship Tuesday. Disney also dispatched two Walt Disney World microbiologists to help oversee steps to sanitize the ship." Question, why exactly does Disney need its own microbiologists?

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Inmates stage fecoprotest
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
"About 100 inmates at Dublin's Mountjoy Jail were locked in their cells until further notice on Monday after dumping the contents of their toilet buckets onto guards in a protest over tightened security measures. The prisoners on an upper-floor wing emptied the buckets over a balcony after being freed for breakfast."

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No Christmas for Canada
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Things are sure rough in Canada: "Christmas is becoming an endangered word in parts of Canada in a rash of politically correct behaviour, such as renaming a Christmas tree a "holiday tree", that even non-Christians dismiss as silly. "To take a generic term, slap it on a symbol that really only has significance to one religion... [though oddly it is not in the Bible, nor is Christmas for that matter] and then say we're being multicultural does not really fit," said Anita Bromberg of the Jewish group B'nai Brith Canada. "Whatever you call it, it's still a Christmas tree."

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She should have whored herself instead
Dayton Daily News | Submitted by: Idle Hands
It's like an "I Love Lucy" episode on crack: "Rather than tell her husband she had lost the rent money, Pandora J. Zan decided to turn to armed robbery... 'She had the family’s rent [$900] in an envelope. She cleaned her purse out. The next thing you know, it’s gone. She panicked,' attorney Anthony Lehman said after the hearing Monday... Zan pleaded guilty to robbing Yesterday’s Clothes of $25 on Sept. 4. She was caught after returning twice to the scene to retrieve a cell phone and keys she had left behind while trying to escape."

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Spy Children of Death in WWI
Pravda | Submitted by: anonymous
Fascinating article, not the usual UFO filler from Pravda: "Crowds of homeless boys and girls gathered at railway stations, marketplaces, and especially around Russian military units back in 1914. There were a lot of those ragged little children everywhere. There was nothing surprising about the situation, since the war was just beginning. However, the sneaky abilities of these little creatures were really something special."

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Feral parrot heckles churchgoers
Sky News | Submitted by: anonymous
"A foul mouthed parrot left church-goers stunned, by bombarding them with wolf-whistles and insults. Parishioners complained that they are wolf-whistled at or insulted when they walk past their local church." The pastor denies all foul mouthedness.

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Fire ants beware: Brazilian decapitating flies
St. Petersburg Times | Submitted by: Alter Ego
"Being stung by fire ants is one of Florida's initiation rites. You come here, you get stung. And once you have experienced those itchy welts that turn into nasty pustules, you make sure you never again stand on a dry, sandy patch of earth for more than three seconds without checking your ankles." A story about using exotic flies to fight the fire ants.

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Demon Rum vs. Religion
Trinidad Express | Submitted by: Alter Ego
"He described the advertisement as a 'shameless act designed to send a subliminal message that the Hindu God Krishna endorses alcoholic products'. Maharaj called on the company to withdraw the advertisement and demanded an apology for what he described as an 'act of sacrilege.'"

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Town bar the only thing worth living for
The Sunday Mail | Submitted by: meatload
"Some staggering statistics about the level of drinking at the community of Nguiu were raised at the Northern Territory Liquor Commission yesterday, including the fact that 400 drinkers got through 90 kegs of beer each week. Constable Gary Smallridge... said there had been a steady four to seven attempted suicides every week. "A large number of the attempted suicides occurred immediately after the club's closure."

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Mad scientists to create a Mouseman!
New York Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Dr. Irving L. Weissman, an expert on stem cells at Stanford University, said that making mice with human cells could be "an enormously important experiment," but if conducted carelessly could lead to outcomes that are "too horrible to contemplate." He gave as an extreme example the possibility that a mouse making human sperm might accidentally be allowed to mate with a mouse that had made its eggs from human cells."

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Jedi finds droids he was looking for
Centre Daily | Submitted by: Rosie the Hut
"Daniel Opdenhoff, a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, allegedly told investigators when he was found in New York nearly a week later that he was attacked by "droids" and fought back. Police were able to track Opdenhoff's whereabouts after he allegedly used his parents' bank and credit cards in State College, Philadelphia and New York. "He denied hurting the droids, although he did see them dead," police wrote in a criminal complaint."

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Mother nails girl's foot to floor
Wire Services | Submitted by: Poots Brownhole
"Cambodian mother took drastic measures to stop her party-loving 13 year old daughter from going at out night: she nailed her foot to the floor, officials said on Wednesday... her mother drove a two-inch nail through the top of her right foot, pinning it to the floorboards."

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French cops torch refugee camp
Expatica | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"According to statements made by various humanitarian aid workers and refugees present when the fire started, police moved in to arrest a number of the asylum seekers before dousing the blockhouse with petrol and setting it alight. "Refugees told us that after detaining a dozen of their companions police poured petrol into the blockhouse and set it on fire," said Rene Biguet of the organisation C-sur."

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Tanya Harding jonesing for some kickass
ESPN | Submitted by: star28
"After giving Paula Jones a good pummeling on the Fox network show Celebrity Boxing last March, Harding said she's ready to get into the ring for real... "It is my goal to be a future, undisputed bantamweight champion. My proven athletic ability and competitive nature will help this dream become a reality."

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Lawsuit and Jesus turns porn store into Bible store
News Corporation | Submitted by: Jesus Jacks Joseph
Sure, the Bible has some naughty bits in it, but it just doesn't have the same impact as a good old double penetration scene. "Braithwaite, with tears pooling in his eyes, said God persuaded him to close the shop, burn $US10,000 worth of sex toys and open the bookstore in this mountain community made up largely of conservative Christians."

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Face transplants coming soon
BBC | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
"A leading plastic surgeon is calling for a debate about whether face transplants should take place. Peter Butler said surgical techniques would allow the procedure to take place within the next six to nine months. "While people would, in general, accept a face transplant if they required it, they would actually not be willing to donate."

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Woman tries to euthanize husband
The Commercial Appeal | Submitted by: Poots Brownhole
"A nurse assistant who told her former husband she was giving him a flu shot instead injected the man with a solution used to euthanize animals, a detective said Tuesday... A drug audit at a veterinarian's office where she worked previously showed some euthasol was missing." D'oh.

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Lick the Arabic World
Philadelphia Inquirer | Submitted by: Reverend Bustanut
"I just could not bring myself to use it," said John Dunn, a native New Yorker and publisher of the weekly Mekeel's and Stamps Magazine for collectors. "It just cut too close to the bone for me. If Israelis had knocked down the World Trade Center, I would not have been able to use the Hanukkah stamp."

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Loony ex-cop hijacks second airplane
ABC News | Submitted by: billcolector
If at first you don't succeed, hijack again. This lunatic hijacked a plane over Switzerland, after hijacking a French plane three years ago. They let him go because he was a lunatic. The best part is the quote from his mother: "Oh God, he's done it again. I've been anxious for hours because he didn't come home at lunchtime."

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