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November 23, 2002

Aussie spring break kicks ass
Perth Sunday Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"A group of at least six rowdy youths, school-leavers from 2000, have trashed a house on the island, leaving it smeared with vomit, faeces and dirt. The men were evicted yesterday afternoon about 3pm. One left with "Eviction" proudly scrawled down his arm. The men, aged 18 to 19 year olds, were seen shaving their genitals in public. One group of tenants pelted a police vehicle with beer cans."

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Documentary claims Roswell smoking gun
Santa Fe New Mexican | Submitted by: Meerkat
Army General said to be holding document in press photo that reveals proof of cover-up: "Using a digital photo scanner to enlarge and enhance words printed on the folded piece of paper Ramey held, and using another computer program to select the most likely words, researcher David Rudiak, who has a Ph.D. in physics from UC Berkeley, found two key phrases: "the victims of the wreck" and "in the 'disc' they will ship."

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Captain Porn, the sex monster
Independent Online | Submitted by: hobitch
"For two decades, Donald Bridge was the genial port captain of Port Nolloth, respected and even revered in the West Coast town where many residents derive their incomes from the sea. But, secretly, he was a sex monster preying on children. This week justice caught up at last with the Jekyll and Hyde-type sex predator who satisfied his lust for boys in secret while maintaining a facade of respectability as the most important man in town." That is the best super-hero name ever.

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Blunkett under the blanket
Spiked | Submitted by: hobitch
Why is the UK government proposing a law against sexual interference with human remains? The UK government's new White Paper on sexual offences, Protecting the Public, aims to bring sexual offences legislation up to date with modern mores, and to close loopholes in the law. The government seems keen to have every sexual scenario covered by specific legislation.

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Mass grave at temple thought to be WWII slaves
Japan Times | Submitted by: meatload
"The human remains buried in a mass grave at the Sapporo Honganji temple are believed to be those of Koreans brought to Japan as slave labor during World War II, the temple said Friday. It is rare for mass graves containing the remains of Korean slave laborers to be found. According to government documents, between 1939 and 1945, a total of 667,680 Koreans were taken from their homeland and shipped to Japan to work as slave labor."

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German police accidentally beat undercover officers
BBC | Submitted by: Schadenfreude
Cops say they never beat protestors. But then this happens: Two undercover detectives who infiltrated a homeless protest in Hamburg, Germany were beaten around the head with batons even after giving their colleagues a "password."

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Santa gets oral in Oslo
Aftenposten | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"A clothing store in downtown Oslo decided on an avant-garde window dressing display to welcome in the Christmas season. Borrowing a few inflatable dolls from the condom specialists next door, the shop staged an unorthodox display. One doll is dressed as Santa from the waist up. The other is on its knees in front of Father Christmas, with its face buried under Santa's red velvet gown. A sign proclaims: 'Santa Klauz is coming soon!'"

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Democrats twice as likely to die in plane crashes
NZ Scoop | Submitted by: Meerkat
From earlier in the month, an analysis of Paul Wellstone's death and the history of other politically convenient plane crashes: "From a historical standpoint Democrats are twice as likely to die in air crashes as Republicans. Frequently, those who have died were known to have been either involved in the investigation of covert operations or to have taken highly controversial positions in opposition to vested government interests."

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New Hamptons sport: Hit 'em with your SUV
New York Post | Submitted by: wingnut
"Police said Jennemann, 44, slammed into [migrant potato-picker Henry Anthony] Yarrell as she neared Wainscott Harbor Road, throwing the 38 year old North Carolina native over the hood of her car. She took off after stopping briefly. Her son, Chephrin Jennemann, 21, defended his mother, saying: "If she thought she had hit a person, she wouldn't have left the scene." But it was only a potato picker.

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Sensation: Kindergarten Cock
Penn Live | Submitted by: Pete
"Harrisburg School District and county authorities are investigating allegations that a 5 year old kindergarten girl performed oral sex on a male classmate in school last week... "We're trying not to sensationalize 5 year olds having sex. We don't want to alarm people who have 5 year olds in classes all over the city."

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Bizarre time warp Down Under
The Age | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"No one in Geelong has quite emulated Dr Strangelove's hilarious Air Force General Jack D. Ripper's description of fluoridation of water as "a monstrous communist plot" to threaten our "precious bodily fluids". Not yet. But, given the distinctly 1964 feel to the state election in Geelong, can this pitch be far away? That old issue of fluoridation is a sensitive topic in Geelong, one on which Richard Nixon, a former Greens candidate and Barwon Association for Freedom from Fluoridation (BAFF) committee member, is standing as an independent."

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Dotcom amnesia at the Washington Post
Slate | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"If the crimes of greed were so apparent, why did the Post, like much of the rest of the media, accord the boom such credulous coverage while it was happening?... Newspapers rarely engage in Maoist self-criticism sessions, so it's too much to expect the Post to confess that it helped stoke the boom as it delivers late hits on John Doerr, the Nasdaq, investment bankers, and other bubble wizards. It's probably also asking too much for the Post to report about the wild exuberance its parent company exhibited during the boom."

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Know Nguyen to say Nguyen
Newsday | Submitted by: Mr. Ramon
An NYPD patrolman named Hung Nguyen (pronounced "when") was beaten and paralyzed at the Miss Saigon Bar in Jersey City after asking some men to leave at closing time. His attackers: 2 brothers named Mai T. Nguyen and Binh Nguyen, as well as an unrelated man named Teo Nguyen. None of the attacking Nguyens were related to the victim Nguyen.

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Stoned on Wall Street
Sarasota Herald-Tribune | Submitted by: motrinwoman
"A stock broker, Rosenfeld deals with millions of dollars while smoking up to 12 joints daily, marijuana he gets from the federal government to treat a rare bone ailment. "It has made my life much easier to live and kept my condition in check," Rosenfeld said Wednesday, 20 years to the day he received his first marijuana shipment from the government under a program which today has only six other members."

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Stripper Chronicles Part II
Guardian | Submitted by: anonymous
Another helping of working girl turned "Working Girl": "Every night I'm bombarded with endless pathetic entreaties from men so caught up in their deluded fantasies that they forget for a moment that they are paying me to pretend to like them. They are oblivious to the irony that the only person who could possibly handle their fetid breath, boring chat and lack of charm are the women they are married to."

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Quark matter skewering the earth
BBC | Submitted by: Soylent
"In two cases, the arrival times and forms of seismic waves at nine far flung stations pointed to linear bursts of energy. The ruptures ripped through the planet at hundreds of kilometres per second rather than fracturing only near the surface, as typical earthquakes do... One event occurred on 22 October, 1993, when, according to the researchers, something entered the Earth off Antarctica and left it south of India 0.73 of a second later."

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