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November 19, 2002

Man's affair with goat a tragedy
Stuff NZ | Submitted by: da_badass_mofo
A man who lacked the skills to form relationships with people turned his attentions towards a goat, for which he had developed "relationship type feelings", Nelson District Court has heard. "Once disinhibited, animals attracted you in a way that was quite inappropriate."

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Gay guy falls in love with PowerMac
Wired | Submitted by: Milk Bone
"Bryan, my cyberboyfriend, was in a lot of ways, my PowerMac G3, webcam and telephone," Mark wrote on his website. "He literally lived inside of this machine... that I myself could control like a light switch. The perfect boyfriend." Mark diagnosed himself with a minor case of "objectum sexuality," a fetishistic attraction to inanimate objects, in this case, his Mac."

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Negroid child hurt by the label
The State | Submitted by: Breed
"A lawsuit alleges a white teacher singled out Nick, the son of a black woman and white man, during a class and said he is a "Negroid." The word is considered archaic and racially offensive, educators say. "They have stolen Nick's right to establish his own identity," said Dennis Hurshman, 53, an investigator and mediator of employee concerns at Westinghouse Savannah River Co."

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Rape the Tard
Baltimore Sun | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"The woman, who has an IQ in the low 60s, told a jury she was forced to have sex with three men in a row in a Northwest Baltimore apartment in October last year. One of those men was her mentally retarded boyfriend, who was ordered to have sex by two other assailants, she said."

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Canada spends $5M on shwag
medicalmarihuana.ca | Submitted by: Mark Godfrey
This has to be one of the funnier weed stories of late... $5 million and years of work for schwag. They coulda spent $100k and one weekend in Vancouver and saved the time and the trouble: "From the first harvest it was very clear, my people did the tests here; that there were all sorts of marijuana. Plants from different stocks with rates of THC, the active ingredient in cannabis, that varied from plant to plant. All of it had to be burned."

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To 1984 and beyond
Wire Services | Submitted by: Honkey Kong
"Applied Digital Solutions Inc. says its glass capsule the size of a grain of rice, injected into forearms and other fleshy body parts, could help authorities find missing persons and speed up medical diagnosis treatment. The VeriChip, a scannable device worn under the skin and encrypted with personal information like medical records and emergency contacts, was unveiled last year in Florida."

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The barmy butler did it
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"Burrell was a piece of furniture in the divorce proceedings. Diana wanted him along with the stereo and some bits and bobs. Charles was a bit ticked. Working solely for Diana, Burrell's job included sneaking chaps into her home for a quickie or an overnight. But nobody talks in these terms."

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Grievous bodily harm: lawnmower
Australian Broadcasting | Submitted by: phreacs
"A 59 year old man is expected to give evidence in the Northern Territory Supreme Court this morning to refute charges of causing grievous bodily harm with a lawnmower. Peter Raymond Mundy of the Darwin northern suburb of Leanyer has pleaded not guilty to assaulting a former tenant after striking him with the lawnmower."

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Britain considering implants for pedophiles
Guardian | Submitted by: Sweet P
"A letter from Hilary Benn, the Minister responsible for the supervision of sex offenders in the community, reveals the Home Office's electronic monitoring team is already developing technology to track paedophiles constantly. The team is now investigating the 'implant tag' after it was alerted to its capabilities by a campaign group for victims of paedophiles."

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Man smothered to death in manure lagoon
Dayton Daily News | Submitted by: anonymous
The worst way to go: "A Darke County farmer died today in a Dayton hospital after the tractor he was operating slipped into a manure lagoon, trapping the victim."

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NASA theft suspect leaps from 9,000ft
Houston Chronicle | Submitted by: meatload
"Filler was under suspicion in connection with the theft of a NASA owned laptop computer containing possibly sensitive space program data. [He] went aloft with instructor Benito Frank Munoz, 23, for a routine outing to get time at the controls and renew flying skills... the startled instructor heard a bump and glanced over to "see Filler's feet going out the door."

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Jock star of porn
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"They were making these Homo videos when I was there 10 years ago. The younger guys on the team have got to do whatever the older guys tell them to, which often means being forced to appear in the movies. They'll take them to the gay quarter in Shinjuku, get them roaring drunk and, before they know it, they've been forced to appear in a gay video. Once they've made one, that can always be used to blackmail them into appearing in more."

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Motor City Madman in 2006
Launch | Submitted by: Spookbabe
"I'm flattered that the Michigan citizenry grasps my sincerity. I have always celebrated my 'We The People' activism. Maybe it's time to take it to the next level. The status quo system of politics sucks. Maybe it's time for an upheaval. Call me Ted 'Upheaval' Nugent. We'll see what happens."

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Jimmy Carter's got it all figured out
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Spookbabe
"The former United States president Jimmy Carter says the US, which has taken the lead in urging such countries as Iraq and North Korea to destroy their weapons of mass destruction, should also disarm. "One of the things that the United States Government has not done is to try to comply with and enforce international efforts targeted to prohibit the arsenals of biological weapons that we ourselves have," Mr Carter told CNN."

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Harvard Law censorship plan causes stir
Boston Globe | Submitted by: William Dunn
"Harvard's Black Law Students Association and some faculty have been pressing since last spring for a speech code that would punish offending students and professors. The law school community was ruptured at that time by a series of racial incidents, most notably one student's use of the word 'nig' in an online course notebook, a professor's defense of that student, and another professor's comment that feminism, Marxism, and black studies have 'contributed nothing' to tort law."

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Flying cities aren't fantasy
Pravda | Submitted by: anonymous
Flying cities may not be fantasy, but Pravda is: "In 1988, the crew of a spy plane saw the lights of a city and they thought that it was the city of Antofagasta, the largest city in the north of Chile. However, suddenly the "city" took off and flew! The plane’s crew was scared to death and immediately made their way back to their base."

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Book about Harry Potter book has 666 ISBN
BBC | Submitted by: anonymous
"Harry Potter creator JK Rowling has forced the publisher of a book about the boy wizard to pulp the original cover because they claimed it looked too similar to her own books." Love the bit at the end of this where it says the US edition of the book had an isbn of 666 and they were destroyed in mysterious arson attack.

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Pimp, Pastor, molester: Deliverance
WDIV-TV 4 Detroit | Submitted by: PISTdetroit
"A local pastor who was convicted this weekend of molesting women in his congregation reportedly revealed that he was previously a pimp... He is accused of fondling female parishioners during a religious ritual called The Deliverance in 1995 and 2001. The victims are reportedly in their 30s and 40s." It is not stated if Deliverance participants were required to squeal like pigs.

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Kids subjected to home torture chamber
South County Journal | Submitted by: meatload
"A 26 year old Auburn father is accused of turning his home into a torture chamber for his 9 year old son and 8 year old daughter. The children told investigators their father pulled out their toe nails with pliers, placed their feet in a burning fireplace, burned them with an iron, hit them with sticks, belts, a hose and a coaxial cable, poked them with a plunger handle, and used a lighter and pliers on their genitals." Good times.

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Individual rights go belly-up
Wire Services | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
Just one more confirmation that the government doesn't give a flying shit about due process or jurisprudence. "In a 56 page ruling overturning a May opinion by the secret Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court, the three judge appeals court panel said the Patriot Act gave the government the right to expanded powers", which means the government can wiretap and search and seize for any reason they want. Yes, it's BAD.

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Rattlesnake returns reptophile's kiss
Oregon Live | Submitted by: meatload
"George was showing off to Roban the young rattlesnake he'd brought home three or four weeks ago from the Arizona desert when the kiss turned sour... two minutes later, George began to slip in and out of consciousness, Wilson said. His lip swelled to about five times its usual size, and within minutes the swelling engulfed his cheeks and ears and forced his eyes shut, he said." Good times.

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First, kill all the lawyers...
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: f00f
"Mark A. Twilegar, 38, is accused of shooting North Fort Myers attorney David Thomas execution-style, then burying him alive and leaving him to die, authorities said Monday... Wet sand and dirt was found in Thomas' airway, leading a county medical examiner to determine that he was buried alive."

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Wounded Iraqis buried alive during Gulf War I
Digital Journalist | Submitted by: Humboldt Honey
"It wasn’t until late in the afternoon of Feb. 25 that the press pool was permitted to see where the attack occurred. But there were no bodies, no stench of feces that hovers on a battlefield, no blood stains, no bits of human beings... Thousands of Iraqi soldiers, some of them alive and firing their weapons from World War I-style trenches, were buried by plows mounted on Abrams main battle tanks. The Abrams flanked the trench lines so that tons of sand from the plow spoil funneled into the trenches... "I came through right after the lead company," said Army Col. Anthony Moreno, who commanded the lead brigade during the 1st Mech’s assault. "What you saw was a bunch of buried trenches with people’s arms and legs sticking out of them. For all I know, we could have killed thousands."

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Bad luck sisters meet in the middle
Click 2 Houston | Submitted by: Dexter
"Two sisters driving separate vehicles on a rural highway collided head-on, killing both women as they went to see each other. Authorities said the women were driving Jeeps in opposite directions on Alabama 25 about 4 p.m. Sunday when one of the vehicles crossed the center line, colliding with the other vehicle." This family's had a lot of bad luck recently.

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Not your father's propaganda war
Slate | Submitted by: meatload
At the heart of Walters' sermon: "It is not your father's marijuana." Today's users, he claims, confront pot that's up to 30 times stronger than what aging baby boomers smoked. Pot is better, just not the 30 times better that Walters cites to scare today's voters. Walters is disingenuously comparing the best pot of today with the worst of yesterday, rather than comparing average marijuana of a generation ago with average marijuana now.

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Cake Bomb Terror!
Wire Services | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Police said on Tuesday a suspicious package found at Jakarta's high-rise Deutsche Bank building, which houses most of Indonesia's foreign media, contained cakes, not a bomb... "The result of the search was that the package was a box of cakes," said a police officer at the Menteng police precinct who declined to be identified."

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Nature Conservancy screws other nonprofits
Houston Chronicle | Submitted by: anonymous
"The Conservancy owned 100 percent of the royalty rights on the southern half of the property. On the northern half, it shared those rights with the Russell Sage Foundation of New York and several other smaller-interest holders. While the productive well on the property was well within the southern tract, it had been sunk on an incline and the bottom was just a few hundred feet from the northern tract." And, knowing they had a multi million dollar well, they tried to buy the other foundation's mineral rights for a few tens of thousands of dollars.

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Poetry and haggis: A winning combination
New York Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Swaddled tightly in the yellowed stomach lining of a sheep, a mixture of congealed fat, onions, pinhead oatmeal, stock and the cut-up heart, lungs and liver of the animal has a lumpen look that even the eulogizing poet, Robert Burns, compared to the sight of bare buttocks. People squeamish at the idea of eating haggis get little comfort from Burns's description of what happens when the knife slices its intestinal skin and sends the minced offal spilling out: 'Trenching your gushing entrails bright, Like onie ditch; And then, O what a glorious sight, Warm-reekin, rich!'"

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The Fischer Files
Philadelphia Inquirer | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
The mother of chess genius and half-Jewish anti-Semite Bobby Fischer was tailed by the FBI for supposed connections to the Soviet Union(not surprising, no connection was ever proven). Recently declassified documents show that "Regina Fischer spoke eight languages. She was brilliant but paranoid, a psychiatrist determined in 1943. Then again, she really WAS being followed." The FBI also believed that Bobby Fischer's real father was a friend of his mother. When last inteviewed on September 11, Bobby said America should be wiped out."

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The most pathetic pilgramage ever
Kitchener Waterloo Record | Submitted by: Neoengel
People have lined up days, weeks and longer for a movie to premiere... But waiting 30 hours for a donut shop to open is rather pathetic.

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Gnome liberation front strikes again
Chicago Tribune | Submitted by: Milk Bone
"There's no place like home for a garden gnome, so Bartlett police are looking for the owners of 57 troll statues recovered over the weekend... "When police went to the 16-year-old's home, they found 57 gnomes in the garage... All of the plastic and plaster figures have beards and little hats."

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Russia to build floating nuclear plants
Courier-Mail | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Russia is to launch the construction of the world's first floating nuclear power plants, a unique project which should supply much-needed energy to its remotest regions... The idea instead is to tow floating nuclear "micro-power plants" off their coasts where they will operate, providing power and heating via cables linking them to the mainland for a planned duration of 40 years."

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Naked Madonnas upset Church
CNN | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
No, not the slutty Madonna: "Images of the Madonna always get lots of exposure in Italy in the run-up to Christmas, but this year the mother of Jesus is completely naked. And then some. In a 2003 calendar on sale at news stands country-wide, a glamour photographer has shot 12 months of undressed women in provocative scenes inspired by the life of Christ."

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Some screaming over ice cream packaging
Seattle Times | Submitted by: maggie
"Pinched by rising costs of ingredients and afraid to raise prices already above $5, at least two ice cream makers have started quietly phasing out the half gallon with a 1.75 quart carton. Others are considering doing the same."

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Rum for traffic tickets
Edmonton Journal | Submitted by: Gorg
"When the pair spoke Dec. 5, Blevins offered to put him on the "planned or preferred program," adding he preferred to drink spiced rum. As Blevins, a 50 year old commissionaire, explained, "a $30 bottle of booze was a lot cheaper than a $150 ticket this close to Christmas," Cobban said."

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Michael Jackson dangles baby
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio, sfpolarbear
"Michael Jackson shocked fans in Berlin Tuesday after appearing to dangle a baby from a fifth floor hotel balcony. The singer appeared briefly at a floor length window of his hotel room, carrying a baby whose face was covered with a white cloth. Jackson, with an arm around the child's chest, then dangled it over the window railing for a few moments and then went back inside." Second link has video of the incident.

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Pajama party with daddy goes woefully wrong
Wire Services | Submitted by: anonymous
"A man pleaded guilty to drugging and raping his young daughter's friends during sleepovers... The judge said he would sentence Peter M. Gagnon, 49, to 25 to 30 years in prison on Tuesday. Gagnon's lawyer, John M. Goggins, said his client was "woefully sorry" for his crimes."

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Nuns gone wild!
Sky News | Submitted by: Milk Bone
Gentlemen, start your VCRs: "Notorious scenes of nuns in sex acts with a statue of Christ are finally to be shown to the public more than three decades after being axed by film censors... It was long thought to have been destroyed but was recently unearthed and will be screened in a Channel 4 documentary on November 25."

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