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November 12, 2002

Anal impalement cures kids of witchcraft
News 24 South Africa | Submitted by: meatload
"Thomas Masese, a party official in the township, said the four admitted to have "cleansed the children of witchcraft" after claiming their aunt had been resurrected from the grave and sent by ancestral spirits to cleanse the family. Witnesses... said the four had sharpened a long rod which they shoved into each child's anus to rid him of witchcraft."

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Database to list 600+ accused priests
MSNBC | Submitted by: meatload
"A group of Boston-area Catholics plans Tuesday to release a database of more than 600 priests accused of sexual abuse in the U.S. since 1996. Unlike government sex offender laws, which require public registration of convicted molesters, a priest need only be accused in news accounts or court records to have his name publicized as a potential sex predator."

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Thieves steal Newton's apple
CNN | Submitted by: boat6float
"Posing as readers, the thieves stole a rare first edition of Isaac Newton's "Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica" from the Russian National Library in St. Petersburg." The article makes it appear that something unique has been taken, but actually there are a number of copies of this book on the market every year. It sells on the order of $100-200K.

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Power Nap Club
CNN | Submitted by: SR
"Once considered a joke, the Power Nap Club has grown to about 20 members who meet on Mondays after school. The club even has T-shirts, a logo of a cardinal (the school mascot) wearing a nightcap, and a Latin motto: "Veni vidi dormivi: I came, I saw, I slept."

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Iranian suitor's porn revenge
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Lucy Waters
"Because I don't have a computer, I went to a friend's house, and was absolutely shocked to see my head on the naked bodies of other women," the girl, identified only as a 21-year-old medical student, told the paper. The web page also featured her telephone number."

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Students had hot 3-way in class closet
WBAL-TV 11 Baltimore | Submitted by: meatload
"Wicomico County schools assistant superintendent Allen Brown says two male students at Parkside High School, ages 17 and 19, were found having sex with a 14-year-old girl on Oct. 21. Brown says the activity occurred when a teacher was out of the classroom."

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More anti-cannabis hype
Wire Services | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
Despite the fact that no link has ever been established between smoking marijuana and lung cancer (some evidence suggests it slightly lowers the risks for people who also smoke tobacco), that didn't stop the British Lung Foundation (BLF) from saying that "tar from cannabis cigarettes contained 50% more carcinogens (the agents that produce cancer) than tobacco. 'Three cannabis joints a day cause the same damage to the lining of the airways as 20 cigarettes,' [BLF] said in a statement." First of all, most people would never smoke 3 whole joints a day. Second of all, by their own math, that would be like smoking 4 1/2 cigarettes a day, not 20. Watch this sink into the dustbin of phony propaganda next to "Pot gives you heart attacks" and "Jacking off makes your palms hairy."

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Jesus Party to crucify Harry Potter
Lewiston Sun-Journal | Submitted by: Milk Bone
"The ministry of The Jesus Party will host an Anti-Harry Potter Conference in the theatre room at the Ramada Inn at 7 p.m. Thursday, Nov. 14. The Rev. Douglas Taylor, the ministry’s director, extended an open invitation to concerned parents, school board members, teachers, librarians, bookstore owners, clergy and anyone who may have opposing views concerning the Harry Potter phenomenon."

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Cops totally unkind to pot advocate and his kid
Toronto Star | Submitted by: Milk Bone
The son of an advocate for medical marijuana has been booted from a police hockey team: "He told me that if I agreed not to help my son get ready for hockey that Nicolas would still play for the team. If I did not agree, because of my beliefs, he will not permit my son to play with his friends."

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Giant lava lamp to save town from extinction
Seattle Times | Submitted by: MC Cameron E
What do you get when you cross a small town on the verge of extinction with ex-hippies still feeling drug flashbacks from the 1960's? Why, a giant lava lamp, of course: "The region is one of the last areas of the Earth to have had a massive flow of lava. The development of The Lava Lamp theme structure returns 'Lava' to the region in a rather unusual and incredibly interesting way."

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Hootie to Bitches: Beat it
MSNBC | Submitted by: Milk Bone
As controversy over the all-male membership at the home of the Masters swirled well beyond its green gates, the 71-year-old Johnson was as defiant as ever. "The Masters will be played the second week in April, no matter what, he said, and there is no chance a woman will be a club member by then."

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And the dead shall heat them
Environmental Data IE | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"A crematorium in Stockholm has opted to become more environmentally friendly by pumping the excess heat from its furnace into the city's central heating system, reports the Swedish national newspaper Dagens Nyheter... The idea stemmed from the crematorium’s need to cool down the furnace to clear it of smoke. Because the operation would require a large volume of water, a link to Stockholm’s heating system was proposed."

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A Soviet legend dies hard
Los Angeles Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Just as American schoolchildren learn the parable of George Washington and the cherry tree, Soviet students for decades were taught the morality tale of Pavlik Morozov. For them, the story drove home the lesson that loyalty to the state should supersede loyalty to one's family. The cult of Pavlik Morozov fed a culture of informants, the lifeblood of a police state."

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Theory and logic collide in Pohenegamook
Globe and Mail | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The district director of the U.S. Customs Service even put an exception for gas station customers in writing in 1990. But on Oct. 11, a Border Patrol officer was waiting in his jeep in the woods behind the station, an hour after the U.S. customs post had closed."

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Something went wrong: Jackasses didn't die
Seattle Post-Intelligencer | Submitted by: Harley
"On Friday night, after a high school football game, Kelvin Wu and four of his friends tried to re-create a stunt that they'd seen on the MTV show "Jackass." Kelvin, 15, soaked his shirt in alcohol, and, as his friends videotaped the prank, the Bellevue teenager set himself on fire. Something went wrong."

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Vladimir Putin urges foreskin removal
Australian Broadcasting | Submitted by: Crampon
"Russia's media expressed has shock over a remark by Russian President Vladimir Putin at the Russia-EU summit in which he urged a Western reporter asking about the war in Chechnya to come to Moscow and get circumcised. "We have specialists that deal with this problem. I suggest that you do such an operation that nothing grows out of you again."

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South African kids party harder
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Drunk teens and pre-teens in Durban checking into rehab: "It is very scary. Children as young as nine are coming into our centres. Most of them have been referred to us, which means we have not seen the true magnitude of the situation."

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Smoking cellphone explodes in classroom
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Kids, Don't smoke your phone during class: "Nokia, the world's largest maker of cellphones, warned on Tuesday about the dangers of using pirated phone parts after a Nokia phone with a copycat battery exploded in a Norwegian classroom. Fifteen-year-old Niklas Eivik of Norway saw his cellphone, recently fitted with a pirated battery, explode in a classroom filled with students last week."

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Restauranteur outbids pooch for giant mushroom
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
What would the dog have done with it: "An American restaurant owner spent $35K for a rare, one-kilogram white truffle from Italy, setting a new record for the price of a single truffle. The one-kilogram mushroom caused a spirited bidding war between Pytka, Tony May, the owner of San Domenico restaurant in New York, and a dog named Gunther IV [previously in Daily Rotten], heir to a large German fortune."

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A man, a beagle and a jar of vaseline
News 12 New Jersey | Submitted by: Milk Bone
"South Brunswick police arrested an uncooperative Cocho and confiscated a jar of Vaseline and a dagger. Cocho is charged with animal cruelty and possession of a weapon." With great video. Oh, and the dog's name is "Daisy".

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A sure sign of the apocalypse
Japan Today | Submitted by: dianalily
McDonald's will leave the Middle East market due to sagging revenue. In an earlier attempt to invigorate the franchise, "McDonald's decided to change its brand name in Egypt to Manfoods this past March, in an attempt to dodge a consumers' boycott launched against corporations identified as conducting business in the Jewish state." Unfortunately, this Manfoods brand was not more appealing to Middle Easterners, perhaps due in part to concerns about ingredients in the "special sauce".

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Golden retrievers used as bait
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"Golden retrievers in Central Florida are reportedly being stolen and used as bait or training for more aggressive fighting dogs, according to a Local 6 News report. "Their personality is very easy going they think everyone is their friend," Sandy Sumner of Golden Retriever Rescue said. "They are a large dog so it's a good size to train with but not a dog that would hurt a training dog."

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Mom finds retarded son in handcuffs at school
WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio
"A Houston-area mother who went to pick up her 8-year-old son at school said that she found him handcuffed and lying face down in his classroom in northwest Harris County. "It felt like some kind of freak show," Lisa Calvin said. "I could hear him begging. He was saying, 'please take these off' and he was crying. When I saw him on the floor, he was soaked in sweat."

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Chicken run fails
New Zealand Herald | Submitted by: Llewellyn
Dozens of chickens dead on the motorway. Was it a coordinated escape attempt that went wrong? "Most of the chickens which got loose sat calmly on the road and there was no need for foul language from police to bring them under control. They were very well-behaved chickens."

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