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November 11, 2002

A radioactive egg hunt in Georgia
Washington Post | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"In the 1970s, scientists in the former Soviet Union developed scores of powerful radioactive devices and dispatched them to the countryside for a project known cryptically as Gamma Kolos, or "Gamma Ears." Its purpose: to deliberately expose plants to radiation and measure the effects... The experiments stopped long ago, but last year's terrorist attacks on New York and the Pentagon have kindled an intense interest in Gamma Kolos that revolves around a single question: Where's the cesium now?"

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Cat skinner operating with surgical precision
Denver Post | Submitted by: meatload
"About 8 a.m., a neighbor found Byron's remains near Newport Street and South Niagara Way, a short distance from her house. "It was like he had a zipper on his tummy and they just unzipped him," she said of the cat... Someone had made three quick incisions that, because of their precision, were likely done after his death, Miller said investigators told her."

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O.J. Simpson a fugitive again
ABS-CBN | Submitted by: meatload
"A judge ordered O.J. Simpson arrested Wednesday after both he and his attorney missed a court appearance on a charge the former football star sped through a manatee zone in a power boat. Simpson chose to plead innocent instead of paying a $65 fine for the charge stemming from a July 4 incident near downtown Miami. He was ticketed for creating a wake in a manatee zone."

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Man snipes cows
Indianapolis Star | Submitted by: The Geez
"A gunman threw a scare into Far-Southside residents this week when he sprayed bullets into a herd of cattle, killing two cows and injuring a third. No one saw the shooter, but local residents heard gunfire about 2 AM Tuesday. The next day, farmer Amos Gadient discovered his dead and wounded cattle and some shell casings."

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Tramp's corpse may go on display
Anchorage Daily News | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
"The embalmed body of a tramp that was found hidden in a portrait painter's studio should be returned to the artist's estate and could be placed on public display, a coroner ruled on Monday. The body of Edwin MacKenzie was found in a chest of drawers in Robert Lenkiewicz's studio in Plymouth, southern England, 10 days after the artist died of a heart attack in August."

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Two winemakers drown in giant vats
The Province | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Occupational hazards: "Oliver, a small Okanagan town that prides itself as the wine capital of Canada, is in mourning today after two prominent local winemakers fell into a massive wine fermentation tank, were overcome by fumes and then drowned. Members of the winemaking industry banded together and vowed to help Manola's widow, Anna, get the wine to store shelves." How exactly does fermented human affect the bouquet of the vintage?

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Manufacturer fined for selling lethal weed trimmer
Orange County Register | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
The US government announced they have fined the makers of a dangerous lawncare tool $885,000. The feds say that the Weed Wizard Corporation continued to sell their eponymous product for another two years after it had killed a 3-year-old Alabama girl in 1997. The child was killed when a metal chain link in the Weed Wizard came undone, flew through the air, ripped through her skull, and lodged in her brain. (The resulting lawsuit was settled for $7.35 million.) Over the years, there were at least 40 other reported injuries, wherein users and bystanders were struck by the same flying metal chain link, resulting in penetration wounds and lacerations to the head, neck, legs, ankles and feet. All this after the Australian government had already banned the thing in 1992.

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The Worst Life Ever
New York Times | Submitted by: Mr. Black
"About once a year, the ragged punks along Hollywood Boulevard steal his crutches while his attention is focused down on the brass monuments of stars long forgotten. The punks apparently do this for kicks, and Mr. Peterson is left to drag himself along on his knuckles and stump, a bag of Brasso and rags and Windex in tow."

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Man gets ass kicked by CFL football team
ESPN | Submitted by: Autour
"With seven seconds to play and the Bombers leading 30-3, the man ran past an official at midfield and jumped on Lions cornerback Eric Carter. Carter shook the man off and landed several punches to his body before about a dozen players from both teams restrained the fan. Lions linebacker Carl Kidd kicked the man a few times while he was pinned to the ground."

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Woman breastfeeds eleven orphaned puppies
Aftonbladet | Submitted by: Korp
Unfortunately in Swedish, but amusing nonetheless. A bitch of the breed Dogo Canario died while giving birth, and since the owner of the dog has a three month old son, she thought she'd do her best to keep the motherless puppies alive. With photo.

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Man-eating dolphins
The Scotsman | Submitted by: futwick
"Bottlenose dolphins in Scotland are sinking their teeth into humans, because of a shortage of fish. Scientists studying the behaviour of the mammals in the North Sea have been bitten by the hungry animals desperate to find food. The dolphins also are attacking harbour porpoises in the battle for food."

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Fire ants: Survival of the Fittest
Pravda | Submitted by: anonymous
"Fire ants, Solenopsis Invicta (invincible), are ready to destroy any and all enemies, regardless of size. They attack chickens, young deer, and even the occasional curious biologist. Fire ants are tiny insects, only three millimeters long, yet they pack a punch, are unpredictable, and very aggressive."

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Firefighters destroy man's Honda
Boston Herald | Submitted by: Michael C
"Framingham firefighters usually have their choice of junk cars on which to practice using their metal-crunching rescue tools, and Friday's selection of a 14 year old Honda seemed no different. But when the owner returned to the vehicle he had parked earlier that day, it was a decision the firefighters came to regret. Antonio Rocha, 32, of Framingham, found the windows of his car gone and the doors and roof ripped off."

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Jeb's Lawyer Army
St. Petersburg Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"With lessons learned from the bitterly fought 2000 presidential election, Republicans crafted a legal battle plan that they were prepared to carry out with military precision. Initially caught off guard two years ago, the GOP was determined to be ready for anything this time... While Democrats talked a lot about the need to remember what happened two years ago, it was the Republicans who formed a "legal response team" of 350 lawyers, stationed in every county in Florida."

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Moving to the country, eat a lot of peaches
Wire Services | Submitted by: Mr. Black
"Men who live in rural parts of the United States have poorer sperm quality than men in urban areas, a new study contends, and farm pesticides may be to blame... Males in Columbia, Mo., had lower sperm quality than men in New York City, Los Angeles or Minneapolis, says lead researcher Shanna Swan, an epidemiologist and research professor of family and community medicine at the University of Missouri, Columbia."

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British humor triggers narcoleptic attacks
Mirror | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"David, 53, suffers from narcolepsy and suddenly dozes off up to 24 times a day. He is also struck by the related condition cataplexy, a muscular limpness, which causes him to collapse fully conscious without warning... 'It's almost like being permanently on LSD. You are away with the fairies. Anything can bring on an attack. Humour is a terrible trigger. It's lethal for me to watch The Good Life. I've only got to see Penelope Keith and I feel myself start to go.'"

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Bratwurst kaput at Brandenburg Gate
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
More stupid government tricks: "Not even German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder's famed fondness for grilled sausages could stop officials from banishing bratwurst at the Brandenburg gate. The licence for the only bratwurst stand at the gate, which marks the old border between East and West Germany, has expired and will not be renewed despite widespread protests."

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Drunk woman's pickup truck not cleared for takeoff
Beaver County Times | Submitted by: Milk Bone
"A Patterson Township woman faces charges of drunken driving after driving her pickup down the runway of the Beaver County Airport on Tuesday afternoon. Adams said Thursday that she had been celebrating a successful job interview with drinks at Sal's Ristorante and Bar on Darlington Road around 3 PM Tuesday. When she left the bar, Adams said, she should have turned right to get to Route 51, but instead turned left, and into the county airport."

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Covering your home in shit
Los Angeles Daily News | Submitted by: freakymeatballs
"Knowaste, a private company, will use a state of the art recycling machine to separate the nastier parts of the diaper from its shell, which can be made into shingles and plastic "wood." In addition, the absorbent lining of the diaper can be recycled to make wallpaper and oil filters, company officials said."

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