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November 04, 2002

Unflattering hot sauce has Tonya Harding all fired up
Canadian Press | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
"Tonya Hot Sauce features an unflattering caricature of disgraced figure skater Tonya Harding outside a dumpy trailer, cigarette in mouth, ice skates in one hand and a hubcap in the other. "Not for the weak-kneed. Guaranteed to assault your taste buds. It's a lead-pipe cinch you'll love it." "Harding's San Diego attorney William Markham said the spoof defames Harding and unfairly conjures up memories of what he says are disturbing and misunderstood events that foiled her dreams of an Olympic championship."

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Teens raped at Children's Day celebration
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Two teenagers were raped and another stabbed when about 6,000 children converged on Zoo Lake, north of Johannesburg, on Saturday, Gauteng police said. The children were playing music very loud and were under the influence of alcohol."

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Vomit watch kept on quarterback
News Observer | Submitted by: meatload
"Thank you, ABC, for reminding the world that T.A. McLendon vomits before every game. If that wasn't enough, sideline reporter Samantha Ryan expounded on McLendon's ritual and the network displayed a "Vomit Watch" graphic. It showed that McLendon averages about 100 more yards and two more touchdowns a game when he throws up. The broadcast booth guys then reported that T.A. hadn't emptied his stomach."

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Doctor to teens: Get your fuck on early
nineMSN | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Fertility experts want schoolgirls to be taught that their chances of having a family may be jeopardised if they delay motherhood beyond the age of 35... "Age 16 or 17 is ideal," he is quoted as saying."

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Saving all of Iraq's oil spoils for the USA
Observer | Submitted by: DroelNoel
"Disclosure of the meetings in October in Washington, confirmed by an INC spokesman, comes as Lord Browne, the head of BP, has warned that British oil companies have been squeezed out of post-war Iraq even before the first shot has been fired in any US-led land invasion."

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Security cameras uncovers avian arsonist
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: wingnut
"Angry claims by some Kyoto residents about the presence of an evil arsonist trying to torch one of their favorite landmarks have been silenced following the discovery that a series of fires had actually been caused by crows...Sometimes, the candles the crows stole were lit and when they dropped them on piles of leaves started the fires that had Fushimi-ku residents on edge with fears that somebody was trying to burn down the old shrine." Cool picture of the bird control officer.

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Still feeling subversive?
Guardian | Submitted by: It is-a me-a
Is Levi's using masturbation for marketing? "They're designed to look amateurish, to leave recipients with the impression that the advert has a cult following," says Matthew Smith, director of viral marketing agency the Viral Factory, which masterminds subviral campaigns for clients ranging from large drinks brands to government departments... One attachment currently arousing suspicion is a lewd spoof of the "Rub Yourself" campaign by Levi's. The clip shows a teenager masturbating onto his jeans and bears a subversive amateur aura. "I'm suspicious. It's not a spoof that denigrates the brand or takes the piss, it's more of a homage to it. It could conceivably be real, but I doubt it."

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Prison life in Mexico not just for adults
Washington Post | Submitted by: meatload
"The walls are 15 feet high and topped with jagged glass and barbed wire, ugly keepers of ugly secrets. For years they stood sentry over abuses of scores of children in state care, who were forced to eat pig food, beaten, even tied to trees for days at a time. Parents are often barred from entering, though they are encouraged to slip money to guards to prevent harsher treatment of their children."

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Aussie teens learn how to be thugs
News Corporation | Submitted by: kade
"Authorities have expressed alarm about the club and its techniques, which include teaching primary school pupils to fight with their fists. Police Minister Andre Haermeyer told the Herald Sun he found the concept terrifying... [The operator of the club] said officials had no business questioning his classes but would not explain how teaching young men to fight with knives could be considered sensible self-defence."

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Iran revalues price of non-Muslim lives
BBC | Submitted by: bud`
"In Iran, a killer can pay "blood money" to his victim's family to avoid execution. Under Islamic law, the compensation for a non-Muslim man is one twelfth that paid for a Muslim. The rate for Muslim women is half that of men."

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Mystery of Area 51
Pravda | Submitted by: anonymous
More craziness from Pravda: "Let's get something straight from the very beginning: I don't insist at all that the below mentioned facts are the absolute truth. Many of them cannot be verified. At the same time, I won't argue with those who say that a civilization of dormant stones exists on Earth parallel to our civilization; also, I discuss the question of the existence of life on Mars. Agreed? If so, letís proceed."

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Long Pig In Britain
Observer | Submitted by: f00f
"Clive Lawrence, Heathrow airport's meat transport director, who was on the raid, is convinced that human flesh is finding its way into the UK as part of the bushmeat. He believes that the trade is also linked to criminal gangs involved in people trafficking and drug smuggling."

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Big boom in crime-scene cleanup companies
US News and World Report | Submitted by: GnoName
Profile of a crime-scene cleanup company, started by two guys who offered to clean up after a neighbor's shot-gun suicide after they got back from golfing, They screen potential applicants by telling them about the hot weather, two week old suicide victim that had liquified all over the car and garage floor. Billboards in Chicago feature a chalk outline of a corpse, and the words, "There are some messes no one should have to clean up."

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Gay sheep may explain homosexuality
Wire Services | Submitted by: mayhem
It is common knowledge among biologists that animals often engage in homosexual behavior, something not generally suspected by the public. In this case scientists are investigating the brain structures of barnyard animals known to engage in buggery, confirming differences they observed in humans.

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Outhouse was site of historic sighting
Anchorage Daily News | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Bring your own corncobs: "The site of Dexter Stegemeyer's old outhouse now sports a plaque designating it as a historic place. It all goes back to the morning of Oct. 6, 1957, when Stegemeyer was in his outhouse and all was well with the world. The door was open. As he looked up in the sky, he witnessed the dawn of a new age."

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Drinking 101
Edmonton Journal | Submitted by: Gorg
"He tells the story of one female student who was so drunk that when she stumbled into a photocopy room at Corbett Hall she mistook it for a change room. She removed all her clothes, then eventually stumbled naked out onto the street, where a concerned passerby drove her home. Campus Five-Oh was called the next day when the woman's clothes were discovered. Officers arriving on scene suspected foul play."

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