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October 31, 2002

NASA wants to prove we landed on the moon
Knight Ridder Newspapers | Submitted by: Soylent
I want to believe: "More than 33 years after the United States landed men on the moon, NASA is spending more than $15,000 to convince people that it really did happen and that the space agency didn't make it all up. Stubborn conspiracy theorists claim that NASA's six Apollo-program moon landings were faked. After decades of belittling and ignoring them, NASA has decided to fight back. It hired James Oberg, a Houston-based former aerospace engineer and award-winning author of 10 books on space, to confront skeptics point by point."

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British Navy bursting with gay seamen
Guardian | Submitted by: meatload, Able Seaman
"The Royal Navy ordered a secret crackdown on gay sailors and officers in the late 1960s after an internal inquiry concluded that there was ample evidence that homosexuality was so rife throughout the fleet that in no ship was the practice unknown. They concluded they "couldn't afford to throw them all out as the navy would not be adequately manned" and so added to Winston Churchill's claim that the only traditions of the Royal Navy were "rum, sodomy and the lash".

Read article... and This article...

Iranian moderates reconsider stoning
IranMania | Submitted by: meatload
"Iran's reformists are seeking to end the practice of stoning for adultery and other offences, a reformist leader said Wednesday, while not saying if another form of death penalty might be substituted. Men sentenced to stoning are buried up to their necks in a pit, and women up to their armpits, but according to Islamic tradition they are acquitted if they succeed in pulling themselves free before they are killed."

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Mom who drugged kids' ice cream sues clinic
Arizona Republic | Submitted by: meatload
"A Phoenix mother who admitted lacing her daughters' ice cream with prescription tranquilizers is suing a health care provider and others, saying they are responsible for her drug-induced delirium at the time. Henry told Phoenix police she thought the drugs would put them all to sleep and they would awaken in paradise."

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Police chief pulls over funeral escort
BayArea.com | Submitted by: Devastator
"The town's police chief, thinking that one of the two funeral escort cars was driving dangerously, chased the escort as it was passing the procession to get to the next intersection, and pulled him over. This resulted in 30 some vehicles swerving snake-like out into the middle of two lane Oliver Avenue to get around the officer and escort."

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Gorilla wankers spit the dummy
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Dark Pa
Kibabu the gorilla's inability to produce offspring has become an embarrassing industrial issue for Taronga Zoo. The zoo management's proposal for an artificial insemination program using manual stimulation of the sedated gorilla was vetoed by zookeepers. "It was too bloody dangerous," a zookeeper said last night. "What if he woke up?"

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With this abduction, I thee wed
Baltimore Sun | Submitted by: Streaker
According to the report, she said: "I now take the king as my husband and I'm going to make him the happiest man on Earth.'" The king will be violating his own ban on sexual relations with female subjects younger than 19 if he marries Mahlangu, but when Mswati married another 18 year old this year, he fined himself one cow for the violation."

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Trannies: Tonight on Islamic COPS
Agence France-Presse | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"Malaysian religious authorities had raided a transvestite beauty pageant and arrested 80 Muslim contestants and guests, officers said. State religious officer Abdul Rahim Mahmud told AFP today that his team of men, backed by police, stormed the "Queen of Paperdolls 2002" contest on Monday night in Muar, a small town in southern Johor state."

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Burglar leaves resume at crime scene
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
"Famous criminals have been known to leave calling cards, but one burglar in Switzerland went a step further, accidentally leaving his curriculum vitae behind after a break-in. "His name and address were written on it and so we paid him a little visit," a police spokesperson said."

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Army food sucks even more
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
And to think we used to joke that MRE (Meal, Ready To Eat), was three lies in one: "It tops a United States army most-wanted list, unleashes potent chemicals that drain the immediate vicinity of all moisture and goes wonderfully well with grape jam." "This bad boy will last a minimum of three years at 27C and six months at 38C. They will travel to the swampiest swamp, the highest mountain, the most arid desert."

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Controlling stray cats via drowning
New York Daily News | Submitted by: janitor@whitetrashrepublic.com
"[New York State] biologist Doug Little suggested holding the furry animals' heads under water for several minutes in a telephone call that was secretly taped by the radical group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. 'I would leave them in there for five minutes, just to be sure,' Little told the caller posing as a concerned New Yorker. 'I would hate to pull it out and then have to put it back in.'"

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UK lowers gay sex consent age
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Does anyone smell road trip? "The British government lowered the age for gay sex from 18 to to 16 on Thursday, saying it was bringing the law governing homosexuals into line with that for heterosexuals, but incurring the wrath of church leaders. Religious leaders opposed the legislation, which also lowers the age at which a man can commit sodomy with a girl from 18 to 16, on the basis that it made girls and boys more vulnerable to sexual exploitation."

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Johnny Walker wisdom
Kingston Whig-Standard | Submitted by: ZeroCharm
Unfortunately for MacDougall, Laarhuis said, the call of nature was soon upon the young cadet. When he went to the bathroom, MacDougall found it occupied. Finding himself resourceful after drinking, MacDougall decided to take matters into his own hands and headed for the darkened balcony where he found temporary relief." There, he peed on some dude's car.

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World War I still taking its toll
Guardian | Submitted by: Dirty Sammy
"A French teenager was killed and two children were injured Wednesday by a World War I mortar shell, firefighters said."

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The MAN vs. The Black MAN
Wire Services | Submitted by: Dorado D. Villa
The east coast sniper is a sign of the coming face off between the Black MAN and the MAN in a bid for world domination: "The group's philosophy rejects most accepted authority and history. It teaches that 85% of people are ignorant followers and another 10% try to lead those ignorant masses to enrich themselves. The enlightened Five Percent who remain have true knowledge and must wage war against the 10% for control." Math is hard.

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Did Jesus eat magic mushrooms?
ncbuy.com | Submitted by: USFxPunk
"An ethnobotanist from Santa Cruz, CA claims that Jesus may have eaten magic mushrooms at the Last Supper. He also proposes that Jesus' act of turning wine into water may have been done by Jesus urinating into a water jug." In other news, ethnobotanists invent shit to get publicity.

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Businessman jailed for fantasy robbery
Canoe | Submitted by: False Prophet
"A businessman has been sentenced to a year in jail for staging a sexual fantasy in which he hired someone to rob his store and tie him up naked with an unsuspecting woman. "To say that this is bizarre and unique is an understatement," said Justice Gerald Allbright in sentencing Rosaire Roy."

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Voodoo rash treatment leaves man dead
Wire Services | Submitted by: meatload
"A California man who sought help from a faith healer to cure a persistent rash is dead. The home where the man sought treatment had a waiting room, complete with a soda vending machine, as well as a treatment room featuring candles, religious figurines and what appeared to be a shrine made up of voodoo dolls. Police say a dog slept on the treatment table that was used to give injections."

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Good for corn, bad for balls
Science Daily | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Native male leopard frogs throughout the nation's Corn Belt are being feminized by an herbicide, atrazine, used extensively to kill weeds on the country's leading export crops, corn and soybeans, according to a survey conducted by University of California, Berkeley, biologists... "Some testes are so invaded by ovary cells it looks like they are converted, and technically, they could be considered ovaries."

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To hell with the poor. Let's buy a jet
The Scotsman | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"South African President Thabo Mbeki has taken delivery of his private jet, The Fish Eagle, which will cost almost a 10th of the country's health budget... Its arrival has re-ignited the bitter controversy over the purchase, which opposition leaders have described as "vulgar" at a time when the country is wracked by poverty and ravaged by Aids... "It is truly a case of the ego has landed."

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Baby foxes cutting brake lines
This Is Bristol | Submitted by: meatload
"Officers had become alarmed after 22 cars in the Epsom area of Surrey had their brake hoses cut in the past few weeks. It is thought fox cubs, who may have been recently evicted from their dens as they came of age, were probably seeking shelter underneath cars and chewing at anything they found."

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Dweeb buys every copy of town paper
Town Online | Submitted by: meatload
Every business selling copies of the Georgetown Record was sold out of the paper within a half-hour of opening last Thursday. "I can't explain myself. I love to read. The reporting's great," said Fredrick Habeeb, the man identified as having bought up the papers. He said the purchases were not related to his son's arrest on vandalism and drug dealing charges, which were listed in that day's police records."

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Connecticut protects ghost privacy
Stamford Advocate | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"But the paranormal was legislated in 1990, is nothing off-limits?, when the state General Assembly created the so-called "psychological impact" section of the real estate code, aka the "ghostbuster" law. As unusual as it sounds, depending, perhaps, on whether you believe in ghosts, the section says a fact that could have a "psychological impact on the purchaser or leasee is not a material fact that must be disclosed" in a transaction. In other words, if there are ghosts, the seller doesn't have to tell the buyer."

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Good vibrations at Cornell
Cornell Daily Sun | Submitted by: Soylent Red is still made of people!
Cornell University Health Services is currently debating whether to sell vibrators in their dispensary... Students agreed that access is important. "I think one of the most important things is for women to be able to get themselves off," Sara Jacobs '05 said. We couldn't agree more.

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Churches use pagan day to send message
Detroit News | Submitted by: Bob_McBob
"Skeletons cloaked in black capes emerge from a thick, dark fog. Creepy sounds and muffled voices echo in black halls as demons lead crowds into the darkness. But it's not long before visitors realize they are not in an ordinary haunted house. A rejected young lover bangs his head against the wall in a psychiatric ward, and a voice cries: "He doesn't know Jesus! You don't know Jesus!"

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Sri Lankan widower breastfeeds his babies
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Not the kind of thing you want your drinking buddies to know: "A 38 year old Sri Lankan man, whose wife had died three months ago, appears to have the ability to breastfeed his two infant daughters, doctors said on Wednesday. "My eldest daughter refused to be fed with powdered milk liquid in the feeding bottle. "I was so moved one evening and to stop her crying I offered my breast. I then realised that I was capable of breastfeeding her," the man admitted."

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Deranged idiots clogging up FOIA machinery
Federation of American Scientist | Submitted by: Iskra
The relevant article is first. "It is a source of frustration for other FOIA requesters to have to wait in line while Ms. Schwarz demands, for example, documents proving that L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology, is the unacknowledged son of President Dwight Eisenhower (Ms. Schwarz asserts that she herself is the unacknowledged daughter of Hubbard.); or CIA records "relating to a village in Utah named Chattanooga"; or any records referring to her "under code name Cindy."

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Forecast: Golden showers
BayArea.com | Submitted by: Devastator
"Mike Rucker, a former TV weatherman who is running for the Leon County Commission in District 5 as an independent, has apologized to a man who lives in Betton Hills for urinating in his yard. "What I did was wrong, of course," Rucker said in an interview with the Tallahassee Democrat. "I'm truly embarrassed about it, and I would truly never do this again."

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