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October 26, 2002

Human cock fighting
Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: optional
Dark Basement. People laying down money. Cocks meeting death: "This was no ordinary fowl play. In fact, no real roosters were hurt during the fight because no real roosters were involved. The contestants were people dressed in rooster regalia rigged with sensors. Their flapping and pecking were turned into digital data via accelerometers, tiny chips used to sense movement, and mapped by a computer into a virtual cockfight between on-screen birds." No doubt someone will try to figure out how to ban it.

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Venison strike back at McDonalds
CNN | Submitted by: Slag
"A pair of deer interrupted the lunchtime rush Friday at a McDonald's restaurant in Washington when they smashed through a plate glass window and pranced around the store, a fire official said." Of course, deer would prance.

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Toasters unplugged for fire strikes
BBC | Submitted by: Julian Jowl Mullet Masta
"We cook thousands of slices every day in more than 250 toasters and the majority of incidents at our hospitals that require attendance by the Fire Service are because toasters have been left unattended and smoke from them triggers our very sensitive smoke alarms."

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Twelve year old gets third degree from principal
Zwire | Submitted by: wingnut
"After she had been detained for two hours, then they called me. The school did not inform me that she had been taken out of school (by police), either," said Minder, whose daughter allegedly wrote a bomb threat on a classroom desk. "They repeated to her, 'Just tell us you did it. And if you don't, we're fining your parents $2,000 to have to evacuate the school.' So, she admitted to doing it," Minder told The Daily Republic."

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Sheriff's name is porn site address
Cincinnati Post | Submitted by: Sweet P
"They (Dutes) had registered to them the Web site www.simonleis.com," Greenberg told jurors. "You might think that (you would) get a Web site about Simon Leis and the Sheriff's Department (but) their pornographic Web site popped up. It was clearly a slap in the face... There even was some baiting of Sheriff Leis on the Web site."

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Fun at the Winona Ryder jury trial
Reuters | Submitted by: Gorg
You'll never do jury duty in this town again: "I was the chairman of Sony Pictures when one of our companies made a film with Ms. Ryder," Guber said. Ryder's attorney, Mark Geragos, provoked laughter from spectators and potential jurors by asking Guber: "You're not afraid of working in this town again (if Ryder is convicted)?" Guber responded "Me? No."

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Amateurs take cunning out of upskirts
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"There's a big difference between the average old man taking snapshots and people who do the same thing for a profession. Professionals consider such factors as lighting when it comes to filming up a woman's skirt, but the average dirty old man thinks that merely having a digital camera is sufficient for him to film up a woman's dress. Because they don't regard the practice as seriously as professionals, growing numbers of women are being put on their guard, ruining the fun for all of us."

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Grand Theft Dumbshit
Courier Times | Submitted by: Voodoo
"Wallace was arrested in June, shortly after police recovered a van he had stolen in Warrington. Inside the van was a receipt from a Warminster Blockbuster video store bearing Wallace's name and address. The rental: Grand Theft Auto 3." Wallace has been sentenced to 3.5 years prison.

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Russians execute Chechen terrorists
Wire Services | Submitted by: ex-pfc wintergreen
Russian troops execute numerous hostage takers, not that anyone is complaining: "Government film of the aftermath showed dead female hostage-takers sitting in red plush theater seats, in black robes and veils, heads thrown back or bent over, indicating they may have been shot while unconscious. Precisely placed bullet holes could be seen in their heads. One had a gas mask on her face."

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Drug warriors crusade against reform
AlterNet | Submitted by: I.P. TeAitchsee
"In Ohio, the [medical marijuana] measure is becoming a victim of outrageous ballot language promulgated by a Republican-led elections board. Its popularity is sinking badly in the polls, currently losing by 20 points. The loaded ballot language is part of the orchestrated, improper and possibly illegal months-long anti-initiative campaign being orchestrated by Ohio Governor Bob Taft."

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We are the Robots
Asia Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Keiko Ogasawara spent more than $2,000 in January to buy her husband an Aibo, Sony's robot dog that has taken Japan by storm since it was first released in June 1999. 'I bought the robot to keep my husband company. He often complains he is lonely as I return late at night after work'... Mie Maruyama, a social counselor for the elderly, says Japanese culture encourages people not to show much emotions to one another. 'So the role of the robot becomes something special as people can easily express their emotions to a robot instead.'"

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They know about the Whizzinator
San Antonio Express-News | Submitted by: metajohn
Drug offenders invested $149 for the Whizinator not realizing officers in Bexar County were watching, so to speak, for the device. The best line in the story, "The thing with (Escamilla) was that he wasn't even using the right shade of color."

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Soylent Green is people, mate!
Independent | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Underground trains hot beyond bearing, working conditions constantly uncomfortable, air pollution in the streets steadily worsening and flooding that devastates housing and transport such may be life in London during the coming century... The urban heat island effect might mean poorer health and comfort in the capital, a greater demand for cooling, and poorer air quality, Dr Rob Wilby of King's College London said."

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Gladiator school opens in Rome
AZ Central | Submitted by: wingnut
"By day, he is a money printer for the Bank of Italy. By night he is Nero, ancient Roman gladiator and keeper of some pretty tough company. On a recent autumn evening he was crossing swords with Aureus the Barbarian and Pertinax, an Etruscan captain turned warrior for hire. The burly men dressed in white tunics and hand-hammered metal helmets grunted and howled as they lunged at each other with heavy iron swords, or gladii." What is jackass in Italian?

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Man bites off another's nose in bar fight
Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: meatload
Mouthy drunk gets punched by the bartender's boyfriend after the bartender refuses him another drink. Green Bay police said the man then bit off a chunk of the boyfriend's nose. 'It was a 2-inch by 2-inch chunk off the right side... right down to the divider [septum].' Officers packed a piece of nostril in ice for a plastic surgeon to try to reattach.

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FBI risks public safety in budget trickery
New York Post | Submitted by: Marla Jones
"An FBI language translator, hired after Sept. 11, claims she was told by her supervisor to let her work pile up so the bureau could show it needs more money, a CBS report says. "Let the documents pile up so we can show it and say we need more translators and expand the department," FBI translator Sibel Edmonds said a supervisor told her, according to a "60 Minutes" report that airs tomorrow."

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Delivered baby slides off table onto floor
Saskatoon Starphoenix | Submitted by: Gorg
"Chinalquay says she was left completely alone in the delivery room, with no one monitoring her or the baby as he emerged from the womb and fell to the floor... The hospital failed to have adequately trained staff and physicians available to attend to Chinalquay and her child at the time of his birth, failed to adequately monitor the progress of her labour, and failed to diagnose the spontaneous nature of the delivery, claims to the lawsuit."

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