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October 23, 2002

Do the Sniper Shuffle
The Diamondback | Submitted by: bongrips
"But recently my workplace has become the center of attention. Every shift, I get to watch the latest dance craze, the Sniper Shuffle, and I get to carry on empty conversations with strangers, usually involving conspiracy theories... Concerned that the sniper might have them in his sights as they pump, some of the patrons move in erratic fashions while pumping, ducking and weaving as if they are demonstrating a new dance. The first time I saw the Sniper Shuffle, I thought someone was going into convulsions; turns out he was trying to elude the sniper's scope."

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Stripper moonlights as plastic surgeon
Reuters AlertNet | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Working mainly from patients' homes, Gaona allegedly offered three types of treatment: silicon injections, which she said was "bovine collagen" to enlarge buttocks, calves, breasts and even penises; citric juice injections to burn off spare tires; and weight-loss pills. Her former patients have complained of tumor-like lumps throughout their bodies and burning inflammations... Once, Huezo's breasts became swollen and she felt as if they were burning. 'With a syringe, Gaona took out a lot of black puss and blood from both breasts.'"

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Mob murders five over a dead cow
Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Dark Pa
"A Hindu religious leader has welcomed the murders of five men accused by a mob of killing a cow, India's most sacred animal, claiming that the life of the creature is more important than that of a human... Police claim a 4000-strong mob, incensed by the cow skins carried in the men's truck, attacked the Dalits and killed them. Other witnesses, however, insist the police killed them because they had refused to pay a bribe."

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Frosted cabbie leaves toasted woman on ice
Canadian Press | Submitted by: Dustin Mahatov
"A Regina [Saskatchewan] cab driver accused of leaving a drunk female passenger in freezing weather without her coat has been found not guilty of criminal negligence... He told police he figured the cold wind would wake her but a neighbour discovered the woman more than 11 hours later on some steps. She later died of hypothermia."

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Get that clown off the track!
The Age | Submitted by: Dark Pa
"The New Zealand arm of the McDonald's restaurant chain has sent a message of sympathy to its colleagues in Wales, over the disappearance of an eight-metre tall inflatable Ronald McDonald. The brightly coloured plastic mascot had been anchored to the roof of an outlet near the town of Newport, but when staff went to inflate it in the morning they found it had blown off."

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Rascal murdered by Tramp
Wire Services | Submitted by: sinckwholefan
"An 87 year old man found stabbed to death in the desert has been identified as a former child actor in the "Our Gang" film series... Police said a homeless man who had been staying in a shed next to Smith's home and doing odd jobs for him was being sought for questioning in the death. Detectives reported that money was withdrawn from Smith's bank account last week."

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Scissors left in stomach after operation
News Corporation | Submitted by: clove
"Within hours of the X-ray revealing the scissors, Mrs Skinner was back in surgery to have them removed, at the same hospital where the incident happened. St George Hospital said it did not count surgical equipment like scissors after surgery because they were considered too large to lose."

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Does this taste funny to you?
WXIA-TV 11 Atlanta | Submitted by: hobitch
Two, not one but two, Gwinnett County youngsters are recovering after drinking cleaning solution that had been poured into a Coca-Cola bottle, police said. Authorities said the youths thought it was soda." Who keeps Liquid Plumber in a Coke bottle?

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Man hacks off own arm, survives
BBC | Submitted by: vargrh
"He was still trapped in the winch, bleeding heavily, and with no way of getting free, his only option was to pick up a knife and cut through his right arm. He then managed to pilot his boat back into harbour to get medical help."

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Man dies after fish sauce rescue
Wire Services | Submitted by: hobitch
"A Vietnamese man died and three of his co-workers nearly suffered the same fate after trying to rescue a colleague who fell into vat of fish sauce. Four other workers, including the man's wife, who came to his aid also fell in, and all lost consciousness after inhaling the gas from the fish being fermented to make the sauce, the article said."

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Tight pants and loose women
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: hobitch
"Men who let women select their gear for them are taking a huge risk. "A man's sexual vigor is closely linked to the underwear he wears," the urologist claims. "If your penis and testicles are squeezed into a tight pair of pants your potency wanes." Impotence treatment specialist Takeshi Okamoto agrees and argues that underwear that doesn't let the balls roll around could be harmful for men. "Testicles are moving all the time to prevent them from getting too hot, tight underwear restricts that movement."

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Serial soy sauce squirter in court
News Corporation | Submitted by: hobitch
"A man has been fined and ordered to pay compensation for repeatedly squirting soy sauce at another man in a Brisbane shopping mall. The court was told Mr Gordon reported feeling slight pressure and wetness on the back of his legs before turning around to find Meyer aiming the sachet of sauce at him."

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Did law enforcement damage sniper's self worth?
Houston Chronicle | Submitted by: Spookbabe
The letter listed half a dozen calls that had been "ignored" by operators answering phones at the command center in Rockville, Md., the Montgomery County police station and the FBI. It even named some of the people who had answered the phones... "Five people had to die" because of it, the letter said, according to one law enforcement source who has seen a copy."

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The Mummy's Hand
Wire Services | Submitted by: AWD_ENVY
"Brier is a professor of Egyptology and a renowned mummy expert, and the hand [which was received in the mail] was a gift from a woman whose father had purchased it in 1926 in Egypt from locals touting it as an ancient mummified hand." Yes it was a real mummy's hand, and this story isn't really that important except as a way for the wire services to point out that it's nearly Halloween. Boo.

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Naked wife takes to streets for suspicious hubby
Tiscali World Online | Submitted by: Porro
"Antonio Correia de Almeida, 39, said he asked his wife to prove her love by walking naked in public because he "started to think weird things and doubt my wife... If she were to ask me to walk around naked, I would accept immediately," he added."

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The malodorous and delicious Bible
Independent Online | Submitted by: The Good Doctor
Flash! Jesus was short and unattractive. He was not born in a manger. And he lived into his 40's: "Based on their study of original sacred texts, Elisabetta Broli and Roberto Beretta's book carries a preface by Gianfranco Ravasi, a member of the Vatican's cultural committee, congratulating the writers "who, like hounds, have gone in search of these pseudo-biblical truffles, as malodorous as they are delicious."

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Perhaps it was an imaginary penis, Ma'am
The Royal Gazette | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The 41-year-old Devonshire woman, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was accused in Magistratesí Court of mistaking her husband's actions when they got into a fight in their bedroom in December last year... The woman said her husband had an erect penis and was trying to enter her as she struggled to escape his grasp. In a bid to make im stop, she said she grabbed his testicles as they fought."

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Hell's puppeteer
City Pages | Submitted by: meatload
Michael Sommers' Suitcase Narratives are like puppet shows on acid. One routine "begins with a simple cutout figure of a cloud hopping around onstage, brandishing a pencil-shaped dowel like an erection." Using an opaque projector, Sommers guides the audience through a traumwelt where "headless figures seem to vomit water into streams, from which fish leap, severed arms emerging from their mouths." In another, hundreds of matches engage in a chain reaction ending with an anvil crushing a puppet's head.

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Ultraviolent French film to be released in Britain
London Telegraph | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
A 9 minute long rape scene and the rapist's head being pummeled by a fire extinguisher in a gay S&M club. What's not to love? "At this year's Cannes film festival, 250 people walked out of a screening. When it was shown at the Edinburgh festival, Shane Danielson, the festival director, called it the most violent film he had ever seen."

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Song after sniper news offends fans
Charlotte Observer | Submitted by: Mr. Ramon
"Immediately after reporting the latest sniper attack Tuesday, the "John Boy & Billy" radio show played the song Another One Bites the Dust, spurring complaints to WRFX- FM's signature program." What about Hit Me With Your Best Shot?

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Teach your kids the Day of the Dead
World Net Daily | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
Angry Christian parents are making a stink about a California elementary school's celebration of the Mexican version of Halloween in which "the 9 year olds will be 'putting together an ofrenda with symbolic items' and will be 'bringing in a picture and write up fond memories about a deceased family member, friend or pet.'" They feel it's a violation of First Amendment rights by engaging kids in a religious ritual, and they have a valid point, but these are the same people who don't want "Under God" removed from the Pledge of Allegiance despite it being clearly un-Constitutional. (Halloween is a religious holiday to Wiccans. Didn't South Park address this in the Christmas pageant?)

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Smart bombs: A proven oxymoron
Christian Science Monitor | Submitted by: Chez Che
"Military experts say with the shift from trench warfare, the aversion of military losses, and the rise of long-distance high-tech weapons, the proportion of civilian casualties to military in war has grown from 10 percent a century ago, to about 90 percent on modern battlefields."

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Woman lives 32 days with 3400 scorpions
Wire Services | Submitted by: Rufferto
"Kanchana Ketkeaw made herself comfortable in the glass box where she lived for 32 days. She had a refrigerator, television, magazines, a small plant and 3,400 scorpions. Kanchana emerged from the room Wednesday, setting an unofficial world record for the longest stay in a room full of poisonous scorpions. She was stung nine times."

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Nazi industry still going strong
New York Times | Submitted by: Son of Benway
This movie raises a tidbit that we haven't seen before: "The Nazis' corporate partner in their atom program was Degussa, a multinational corporation that continues, the filmmakers say, to peddle atomic technology to governments like those of Iraq and Pakistan. Degussa's corporate history, the film says, includes a contract with the SS to process the gold and silver fillings taken from the death camp inmates, as well to manufacture Zyklon B, the gas used to murder many of them."

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Book, Chapter and Verse
Denver Westword | Submitted by: LucrezaBorgia
"Divided into dozens of small groups, the kids listened as Bible thumping tour guides in white lab coats detailed a defiantly alternative, fundamentalist Christian view of the museum's exhibits, one in which every word in the Bible is taken as the literal truth, not instructional myth. The children learned that humans and dinosaurs lived at the same time and that a Tyrannosaurus rex may have frolicked with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. They learned that radiometric- and carbon-dating methods are a fraud, that evolution is a lie and that when God says in the Bible that He made our world in six days, He means just that: six 24-hour days."

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Y2K bug bites 105-year-old
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Kinda scary that Norway hasn't fixed "Y2K" problems yet: "A 105 year old woman was offered a place in a Norwegian kindergarten after a millennium bug knocked a century off her age. "When our list showed she was born in '94' we just assumed it was 1994 rather than 1894," Olga Moerk, in charge of a project offering free day-care to five-year-olds in central Oslo, said on Friday." A social worker visited the old people's home where the woman lives after getting no reply to the free playschool offer.

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Irish couple convicted for fucking in front garden
Belfast Telegraph | Submitted by: Vomit
"Mrs Harrison's lawyer, told the court that his client could not have sex for medical reasons but Judge Brophy said there was no evidence of this and that her only medical problem was that her larynx had been removed because of throat cancer." Deep throat might have been out.

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