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October 22, 2002

Murdered roommate had sex with man's cat
Charleston Gazette | Submitted by: Skip in Waverly
"After learning his roommate was having sex with his pets, police say a Dunbar teen told them he used a pillow to muffle the gun he shot the man with... Bellamy said when the men returned to their Dunbar apartment, Stanley cleaned the walls and furniture. The men then drank beer and smoked marijuana, Bellamy said."

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Got Humboldt? Part II
Eureka Times-Standard | Submitted by: Humboldt Honey
"The number I'm going say is going to sound asinine. Minimum estimate, 10,000 people grow in this county. Each person has a minimum of 10 plants but could have up to 10,000 plants. An outdoor plant done right can harvest anywhere between a pound and three pounds. So if they have 100 plants they can have 300 pounds per garden, that's $900,000. There are people with 55 gallon drums filled with money buried in the woods. Before CAMP came around, individual people would make multimillions of dollars a year."

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Indiana teen saved after online suicide bid
Wire Services | Submitted by: Lame Fucker
"I have said all my goodbyes...the only thing I am sorry for is the person that has to walk in and see me... cold... and dead. 16 pills down the drain....... miss ya guys," he wrote. The posting sparked a flurry of replies, similar to a crowd gathering underneath a suicidal jumper, with responses ranging from sympathy to encouragement to the Internet cries of "Jump." "There really is no point man, no point at all," wrote one online participant., "Whatever problems you have, like all others, are only temporary." Another wrote: "Kill yourself in the forest so you decompose. Really the way to go."

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No sex please, we're Christian Romance Writers
Independent | Submitted by: Tobermory
"In the works of these writers, bodices remain resolutely un-ripped and couples politely shake hands on the ladies' doorsteps after a night out on the town... At a time when even Mills and Boon are spicing up their scenarios, Christian romance writers feel it is their duty to offer readers a less titillating, more wholesome alternative." No references to the Whore of Babylon then?

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Too many fucking 9-11 books
New York Times | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"Everybody was inundated with proposals and material," he said. "It was a huge, cataclysmic event and everybody felt inclined to write and to package and to publish. And so we did... To look at it collectively is strange, that there was even a thought [that scores of books] would have a shot at being even somewhat successful."

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Robots find strange Earth-orbit object
BBC | Submitted by: JJ
"Astronomers have discovered the first object ever that is in a companion orbit to the Earth." and "Detailed observations of its trajectory through space show that 2002 AA29 will reach its minimum close approach to the Earth at 1900 GMT on 8 January 2003." This thing was in Earth orbit for fifty years around 550 CE, so it could account for any number of religious prophesy.

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Go to court naked, go to jail naked
Independent Online | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
Probably he just wanted to get in jail naked: "A man charged with disorderly conduct for walking naked through his hometown was arrested when he arrived for his court appearance in the nude. Steve Gough, 43, arrived at Southampton magistrate's court naked and holding a sign that said "Being naked is not a crime." Police disagreed, and Gough was charged with indecent exposure."

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Pigs created with human genes
MSNBC | Submitted by: Alaska Freegold
"Researchers at the University of Milan mixed swine sperm with the DNA of a human gene called decay accelerating factor, or DAF, and then used the modified sperm to fertilize pig eggs. The eggs were implanted into sows to produce litters of pigs that carried the human gene."

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Pedophile throws semen in mouth and fakes epilepsy
Independent Online | Submitted by: Wabbleflap
"An alleged paedophile has burst into tears in the Pretoria High Court and jumped up from the dock, saying that a policeman told lies and that he would "get him, no matter what". Michiel Meintjies has pleaded guilty to six charges relating to sexual deeds with children and child pornography, but objected to descriptions of how he masturbated in custody, 'He threw the semen in his mouth and acted as if he was having an epileptic fit.'"

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Another MTV Jackass lawsuit
Wire Services | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga
MTV Jackass is being sued again, conveniently as their movie is set to debut [Does a movie like Jackass really deserve a fancy French word like debut?] "In the suit filed Thursday in Los Angeles Superior Court, Wendy Linden of Riverside, California alleges she suffered spine and knee injuries after cast member David England ran across a stage and 'using his body as a missile' crashed into a lectern near Linden."

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The sex toy situation in Alabama
Columbus Ledger-Enquirer | Submitted by: Penfold
The Alabama legislature refused to strike down a law banning sex toys, saying they are obscene. A judge ruled that people do have a right of privacy to use sex toys. Isn't that gas-powered vibrating plug is part of my pursuit of happiness? We like this quote, "Should an Alabama woman be able to enjoy sex without having to sleep with her dirtbag politician husband?"

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Newborn found outside, tied in a sack
Calgary Sun | Submitted by: The Beaver
"The mother's brother in law made the discovery after hearing what sounded like a puppy dog in distress behind his Eden Valley reserve home, 95 km southwest of Calgary. He searched outside his family's home and instead of finding a dog, uncovered the tiny frame of a newborn boy wrapped inside a plastic grain sack left under a tree. The bag was drawn closed."

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We all have to die sometime
London Telegraph | Submitted by: freakymeatballs
"Hospital surgeon Dr Mohannad Al-Fallouji, who told a patient "you have cancer, I have asthma, we all have to die sometime", was struck off the medical register. The General Medical Council's professional conduct committee found the Iraq-born 51-year-old guilty of serious professional misconduct."

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A pattern of Presidential lying
Washington Post | Submitted by: Brodie
"All three assertions were powerful arguments for the actions Bush sought. And all three statements were dubious, if not wrong. Further information revealed that the aircraft lack the range to reach the United States; there was no such report by the IAEA; and the customs dispute over the detectors was resolved long ago."

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Woman shot when gun falls in commode
Lake City Reporter | Submitted by: tiger
"A deputy was called to the Moore Road address shortly after 3 p.m., about a shooting and saw a woman bleeding severely from her left buttock. Emergency medical technicians were on the scene and had the woman airlifted to Jacksonville, reports say."

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Son of Sam asks DC sniper to stop
Wire Services | Submitted by: Soylent
"I felt this person has a tremendous rage against the FBI, or anyone of the various law enforcement organizations that are in this area, and maybe towards the U.S. government in general." The letter, dated Oct. 16, represents Berkowitz’s first public comments about the shooter who has killed nine people and wounded three others in Virginia, Maryland and Washington since Oct. 2."

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Elvis' hair for sale
AZ Central | Submitted by: Milk Bone
"Elvis has left the building, but his hair is still around. Next Monday, bidding begins on what's being called the largest collection of the King's hair clippings. The Elvis locks were gathered by Homer "Gill" Gilleland, who was Presley's personal hair-stylist for more than 20 years." Starts at $10,000.

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Drugs traded for votes in sheriff election
KWTV-TV 9 Oklahoma City | Submitted by: meatload
"An investigation into a county sheriff runoff election has led to arrests in Oklahoma's first drugs-for-votes scandal. Residents claimed they were offered either money or drugs for their absentee ballot packets. One arrestee, a reputed drug dealer, claims the incumbent sherriff offered to leave him alone if re-elected. Officials later became suspicious about the high number of absentee ballots returned, District Attorney Jim Bob [Jim Bob?!] Miller said."

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Marietta drug tester traded sex for pass
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: Jonsl
"Pattillo, who performed home drug tests under a contract with the Department of Family and Children Services, allegedly agreed to have sex with a 15 year old testing subject's [13 year old] girlfriend in exchange for faking results of the test, police Sgt. Chris Lagerbloom said."

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Courtney's big cash in
Observer | Submitted by: JeanettyCakes
Kurt Cobain's journals are posted on The Observer exclusively since Courtney Love sold her late husband's soul for $4 million.

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The RAVE Act
Wiretap Magazine | Submitted by: I.P. TeAitchsee
"Biden put together the bill called the RAVE Act. It cleared the Senate Judiciary Committee last June with "congressional findings" that, according to the Washington Post, declare bottled water, chill rooms and glowsticks to be drug paraphernalia. It also retains the crackhouse law sentencing guidelines: Party organizers whose patrons get busted with drugs can face fines in the millions and up to 20 years in federal prison." Let's keep nodding those rights away; we're on a roll as it is.

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Patents behaving badly
Information Week | Submitted by: Soylent
Misbehaving patent holders are targeting companies too small to defend themselves against obviously invalid patents. "The list of defendants in these lawsuits reads like a directory of American small business: Able Supply, Can-Do National Tape, Kreg Tool, Rock Valley Tractor Parts, Snow Country Ski Shop. Many of them are small enough that their Web sites represent vital contacts with the commercial world at large, but not big enough to have the ready financial and legal resources to fight a potential patent-infringement lawsuit in court."

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