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October 19, 2002

Torture and alternacrap
The Advertiser | Submitted by: Reston
"She said Mr Brooks received electric shocks to the penis and testicles, was burnt up the nostril and in the ear with a cigarette, had his toe crushed with a pair of pliers, was injected with water and had burning sparklers placed in his penis... The court also heard that one of the men charged over the murders, John Justin Bunting, 36, played the hit album Throwing Copper, by the US band Live, during some of the attacks."

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Marbles instead of peanuts
Hood County News | Submitted by: Rob Chaos
"A marble instead of a peanut in your M&M's? It's not only untasty, it's downright dangerous. That was what Glenda Cooper of Granbury decided when she found that her three pound bag of M&M's candy contained a chocolate covered cobalt blue glass marble instead of a peanut."

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Nazis first with antigravity machine?
Slate | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"A couple of weeks after his Jane's piece appeared, Cook's book on antigravity research, The Hunt for Zero Point, came out. In it, he claims that the Nazis built an antigravity device during World War II. Its absence from present day science, Cook says, implies a vast "black" world of secret antigravity aircraft that might explain the UFOs people see over Area 51."

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Who committed the Bali massacre?
Straight Goods | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"No one from Bali would ever do this," says a local travel agency employee named Wayang. "It is people from other parts of Indonesia, maybe Java, who are jealous of Bali and they have a sick mind." Many Indonesians say privately that the Indonesian army obviously resents Australia for removing it from East Timor in 1999. Indonesian army leaders and the Indonesian courts have repeatedly blocked international efforts to convict Indonesians for ransacking East Timor after it voted for independence in September 1999. Most of the 180 dead and 300 injured in Bali were Australian tourists. Australian leaders, however, have not yet publicly blamed Indonesia, and the two countries enjoy a trade relationship and mutual attractions similar to Canada and the US."

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AOL Unwanted
CNN | Submitted by: David
"Jim McKenna and John Lieberman say they have the answer [to all those damn AOL cd's]: Send them back. In an effort to get AOL to stop sending the CDs, the two men started a Web site asking people to send the discs to them. Once the two have collected a million discs, they say they'll drive them to AOL's headquarters in Virginia and dump them at the Internet giant's door." What's really funny is that the article appeared on an AOL puppet company's site: CNN.

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The stupidest religion ever
Salt Lake Tribune | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Last year Costco Wholesale Corp. fired Kimberly Cloutier of West Springfield for refusing to remove the ring. She has now filed a $2 million suit against the corporation. Cloutier, 27, belongs to the Church of Body Modification and maintains that her piercings, which include several earrings in each ear and a recently acquired lip ring, are worn as a sign of faith and help to unite her mind, body and soul."

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The Silence of the Ants
NBC2 | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"A local man was attacked by a swarm of ants while he laid in a hospital bed at Bon Secours-St. Josephs hospital. The family of 83-year-old Charles Gogo said he was recovering from hip surgery and several previous strokes when the ants swarmed him. Unable to talk, no one noticed until he was covered with sores." Most of the injuries were in his groin area; the ants apparently arriving on his body atop the catheter.

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Who gets to wear the sock today?
News 24 South Africa | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The 2 000 families living in the forest, however, lack even this little bit of clothing, remaining naked. A solution found by some of those who have returned to the village is to share the little clothing that remains. 'If a man leaves the village to run errands with his bit of clothing, others have to await his return so they can go out in public with that same little piece of clothing... It is an indescribable situation.'"

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The Micropenis Defense
Daily Record | Submitted by: Col. Klink
"A male nurse has been cleared of a sex attack after admitting his penis is just one inch long. John Webb, 49, said he had not had sex for years because he was embarrassed by his "micro-penis"... Webb, of Pontypridd, south Wales, was cleared of the two charges after a jury at Cardiff Crown Court was shown pictures of him naked."

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Hollywood's secret bombs
Guardian | Submitted by: Iron Waffle
"Many films starring big-budget names are sitting on the shelf unable to obtain a release because they are so bad or unmarketable. And now studios are also having to hold back films which may be seen as offensive in a newly patriotic and sensitive United States."

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Don't fuck with Texas hunters' cars
Houston Chronicle | Submitted by: gbing
"A would-be car thief died Friday after he was shot by the car's owner, a camouflage-clad hunter toting a bow and arrow, police said... The hunter drew his bow and shot at the man, hitting him in the hip and buttocks area. The man jumped from the vehicle and ran across the 9500 block of East Mount Houston Road in northeast Harris County. Passing motorists saw him run into a field and collapse."

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