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October 18, 2002

Denied sex, wife bites husband to death
Modesto Bee | Submitted by: Moonman
"Modesto police said Kelli Pratt wanted her feeble 65 year old husband to have sex with her the night of Oct. 7. When Arthur Pratt refused, police said, his 45-year-old wife held him down and bit him repeatedly during a savage attack that ultimately killed him." Check out her mugshot, she is quite a hottie.

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Bathtub suicide cult chief released
Wire Services | Submitted by: ClubTheBabySeal
The head of a fringe Buddhist cult is accused of encouraging three Cambodian monks to burn themselves... He also told officers he had not followed through with the ritual suicide himself since he was already holy enough."

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Brave Civil War colonel attacks villainous hound
Philadelphia Inquirer | Submitted by: gecko
"The 3-year-old golden retriever had the misfortune to wet the rug. What the pet's owner did next stunned suburban police, who say the Schwenksville man stabbed his dog four times with a 28-inch replica Civil War sword." He is now on $25,000 bail. Then "He tried to staple the wounds with a stapler."

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Man accused of having wife duct-taped to himself
Independent Record | Submitted by: Sk0t
"Duct tape can repair a lot of broken items, but it probably shouldn't be used to try to mend a broken heart. The difficulties of duct tape patching became apparent this weekend, when 27 year old Chad Calvin Porter was moving out of his estranged wife’s house in the 1400 block of Phoenix." At least one of the perpetrators were related to and likely hired by Porter.

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New condom holds your load
CNN Europe | Submitted by: Rabid Koala
Tired of blowing your wad in 30 seconds? New condom promises to numb your dick so you can experience pleasure like its supposed to be! Numb dick equals better sex! Or so they say. We have our doubts.

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Broke dealer cut up woman, fed her to lions
Independent Online | Submitted by: hornet
"Financial problems led Hong Zhu, accused of murdering and cutting up a woman before feeding her to lions, into the life of a drug dealer... Wen was chopped to pieces, then boiled, before her body parts were fed to animals at the Lion Park near Fourways. Only her vertebrae and a rib were recovered."

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Suicide mistaken for halloween decoration
Indianapolis Star | Submitted by: Letterman Expressway
"A neighbor walking by the yard discovered Tharp with a television cable wrapped around his neck, Cpl. Edie Kesee said. Passing motorists apparently did not realize he was hanging from the tree, Kesee said. "Hanging in a tree like that, people thought it was a Halloween prank and didn't think anything about it," she said."

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Bill Clinton, our first Black President
The Commercial Appeal | Submitted by: Poots Brownhole
"Bill Clinton, once famously described by author Toni Morrison as "our first black president," is being inducted into the Arkansas Black Hall of Fame as an honorary member. Clinton will be the first non black person recognized in the hall's 10-year history. He is being honored Saturday for his work on behalf of the black community throughout his lifetime."

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Don't kick the Turkish insult balloon
CNN Europe | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Prosecutors have demanded up to six months in prison for Hulya Avsar, a popular singer and actress, after she kicked several red balloons that were in her way as she walked to meet guests on her TV show earlier this year, the Anatolia news agency reported. The balloons, depicting the crescent and star of the Turkish flag, were used as decoration by the private Show TV station."

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Japanese slackers: one million and counting
BBC | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Her son is 17 years old. Three years ago he was unhappy in school and began to play truant. Then one day, he walked into the family's kitchen, shut the door and refused to leave. Since then, he hasn't left the room or allowed anyone in. The family have since built a new kitchen... One psychologist has described the condition as an "epidemic", which now claims more than a million sufferers in their late teens and twenties."

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Jihad against night clubs
The Age | Submitted by: Mr. Ramon
The Indonesian Muslim radical suspected of masterminding the bombing of a night club in Bali on Saturday night, Abu Bakar Bashir, has four suggestions. 1.)To those who lost loved ones in the blast: "My message to the families is please convert to Islam as soon as possible." 2.)To the country who lost the most citizens in the attack: "The second message is for Australia because you suffered the most: please advise your government not to follow the US policy because it will bring tragedy for your country." 3.)On the destroyed club: "Such places will be banned if we have Islamic government. Although it doesn't have to be destroyed, it must be prohibited because it corrupts the morals of society... The building can still be used for a mosque." 4.)Americans did it: "It's possible Americans hired Indonesians. My understanding is Americans hired Indonesians."

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Two headed snake
Sun | Submitted by: chompson
It's a slow news day in Majorca, and by extension, London.

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Homework humiliation treatment
WHDH-TV 7 Boston | Submitted by: anonymous
"Athol police say they're going to report a woman to the Department of Social Services for making her son stand on a street corner with a sign around his neck reading: "I didn't do my homework." Humiliation apparently is not a crime.

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Dismembering Daddy
New York Times | Submitted by: Fecal Mayhem
A warehouse full of cocaine and enough body parts to build your own friends: "The mutilated bodies of two teenagers were found rotting in a storage unit, hours before an elderly man's headless body turned up 200 miles away, and police suspected the man's stepson in both cases... More remains were found Thursday boxed up in the Johnson City storage unit, along with a hatchet, a pair of large scissors, a hammer and large containers of gasoline and diesel fuel."

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Flames on a cold streak
ESPN | Submitted by: Macki
"A streaker scaled the glass near the penalty box during a stoppage in [hockey] play with just over five minutes to play and went onto the ice. Wearing only a pair of red socks, he slipped when his feet touched down and he landed hard on his back. He was apparently knocked unconscious when he banged his head on the ice and was motionless on his back beside the boards." Second link is photo of the dude.

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Hacker may corner Microsoft
Wired | Submitted by: Soylent
"Eager to allay fears about the scope of Palladium, [Microsoft's] Biddle insisted that the impetus behind Palladium was solely to secure digital entertainment content and that he knew of no way that it could be used for the enforcement of software licensing. This assurance was made while he spoke on a panel at the USENIX Symposium. Skeptical that this was actually the case, fellow panelist Lucky Green quickly filed two patents soon after the conference. The patents described methods for using the Palladium infrastructure to assist in the enforcement of software licensing. Green has a third patent application on the way." Green will not permit Microsoft to use the patents, if granted.

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